Bisexuality and lack of desire

[still_shy]

I'm experiencing something that I don't think has been addressed in the forums before. Either that, or I've missed it. Regardless, I'm curious to see who else has had a similar experience. Since I came out to my husband and we have started incorporating my bisexuality into our marriage, I've noticed a lack of desire whenever I'm not actively dating another woman. Whenever I'm having sex with both male and female (and not necessarily at the same time :P ) my libido goes crazy and I want to have sex all of the time. If I have no female prospects and am not doing other things to recognize that part of my sexuality ie. porn, daydreaming...I feel completely closed off sexually and have little interest in sex with my husband. We have a fantastic sex life, so that's not it... I just find it interesting that during those times when I ignore my attraction to women or am not actively recognizing it, my attraction to both sexes goes out the window. Anyone else experienced this?

[Giggles100]

Perhaps you forge relationships with men but hanker after the down and dirtier side of things with the girlies?

My experience is that I prefer a relationship with a girl and do enjoy sex too but sometimes I'l meet a cute guy and I'l be a jibbering wreck of sexual tension in a way that I'm not with women.

Course there is the "you want what you can't have" side of things. Your husband is always there for a nice bit of passion but girls obviously come and go. When they go all you can think about is long flowing hair. curves. boobies and wrapping your tongue around something nice ;). I think we all suffer from that just the same as straight/gay people do but of course we have double the needs to satisfy :eek:

Hey! Who ever said being Bi was easy obviously hasn't been in our shoes :bigrin:

[Realist]

My 1st wife was bi and we had a pretty regular and good sex life. However, I did see an increase in her libido, when she had a handy female lover.

We lived across the street from one of her lovers, for several years, and she would often be voraciously arduous during that time. She told me one time that being with the neighbor, aroused and excited her, but she felt the need for us both, before she was sated. She claimed the orgasms were definitely different and unique...both electrifying in their own right.

I can understand that; I've noticed differences in orgasms with both genders, too, but never could put the specifics into words.

[darkeyes]

Shy me darlin'.. I can't claim to know the answer to your wee problem but I dont think its that unusual. Whether or not people are gay bi or straight, having a lover often increases the desire for and spices up the sex life with ones partner. It did for me when I was married, for when after sad boring years when I increasingly had no interest with my husband I took a lover who just happened to be another woman. After that first date I gave my husband the night of his life and he just didnt know what hit him.

However it didnt last and as I fell more and more for the other girl, this new found want for my husband slowly but inexorably disappeared and my need for my lover became ever greater. This is because I think I have always preferred my own gender for both sex and romantic entanglements because my physiology is more attuned to such relationships than with men. As time has passed I finally realised that I am not a bisexual with a preference for women but in fact a lesbian. The split with my husband increasingly proved this to me as I made up for lost time with a string of girl friends, lovers and one night stands till I got to where I am today. With the woman I adore and whose place in my heart and life no one can ever take.

No Shy me luffly, I am not saying deep down that you are a lesbian. I would never presume such. It may be that you are a bisexual, who like me at one time prefers women sexually, but am not saying that either; or it may be that the excitement of a relationship with one who is not your husband.. be it male or female.. is what turns you on and that at this stage in your life that is what you need. It may be that, as some couples find that the initial want for each other has deepened into something else.. something greater than just wanton lust.. and that you may or may not need that occasional or even frequent outside excitement to know just what you mean to each other.. but that when it happens, you rediscover that spark for each other which is still there, but at times simply sleeping for a while.

What I am saying is that we all react to things differently and that there is no mould for human beings and their responses to any situation. Especially when love and sex is concerned. Why you are like you are is something ultimately you will have to work out, just as I have throughout my own life. Believe me, that process is on-going and will only end when I take my last breath. I never fail to be amazed by what I learn about other people.. but I am even more gobsmacked as I travel through life and learn about myself.

Luff n kissies me darlin.. dont fret.. trust in your kismet, for what will be will be, but believe in yourself, your hubbie and what you have. :)

[still_shy]

As usual, Frances darlin....you hit the nail on the head!

[darkeyes]

As usual, Frances darlin....you hit the nail on the head!

Rather snog the pretty lil head me luffly..tee hee...:tong:

[Cubanamerican43]

[its nice i to be there having sex horny sex with and your husdban together i think that you have a good and nice experience so do not be shy just enjoy it

[Apleasureseeker]

you reminded me of a lesbian I used to fool around with. She was pretty hard-core dyke and happy that way, but every once in a while she just needed to be fucked by a man, her body demanded it, and nothing, not jack rabbits, nor strap-ons, nor even fresh cucumbers would satisfy the itch. She just needed a live, human cock inside her, and her lesbian friends didn't understand and found it offensive.

[ghytifrdnr]

I'd like to suggest that the simple answer might be that having your sexual desires unfulfilled/suppressed might be what causes your desire FOR sex to go down.

:2cents:

[indigohippiechic]

YES! I DO experience this--you are NOT alone in this. It seems, if I am 'non-practicing' as I like to refer to it--i seem to have little want of sex period. But If I am, like you said--actively out-letting or 'having a peek at the menu" Then I am like--omg--someone turn the hose n me...I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, all the time he says, go find a girlfriend..go find a girlfriend..but sometimes--i'm just all "eh" about it, whereas other times I am all- YES PLEASE...

unfortunately--I haven't found anything to make this not happen yet, but if I do--I'll share.. ^_^

:bipride::female:

[darkeyes]

you reminded me of a lesbian I used to fool around with. She was pretty hard-core dyke and happy that way, but every once in a while she just needed to be fucked by a man, her body demanded it, and nothing, not jack rabbits, nor strap-ons, nor even fresh cucumbers would satisfy the itch. She just needed a live, human cock inside her, and her lesbian friends didn't understand and found it offensive.

..then hun lezzie she is not....

[Giggles100]

I think darkeyes is right. That girls is probably a little bit Bi even if she is a 4/5 on the Kinsey she is till a little bit :)

[still_shy]

Rather snog the pretty lil head me luffly..tee hee...:tong:

For you...anytime dear!!

[still_shy]

YES! I DO experience this--you are NOT alone in this. It seems, if I am 'non-practicing' as I like to refer to it--i seem to have little want of sex period. But If I am, like you said--actively out-letting or 'having a peek at the menu" Then I am like--omg--someone turn the hose n me...I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, all the time he says, go find a girlfriend..go find a girlfriend..but sometimes--i'm just all "eh" about it, whereas other times I am all- YES PLEASE...

unfortunately--I haven't found anything to make this not happen yet, but if I do--I'll share.. ^_^

:bipride::female:

That's pretty much exactly how I am. Drives me nuts AND makes my husband crazy. He's not sure what to think when sometimes I want sex a few times a day then other days have zero interest in it at all. I don't want to be "hot" and "cold" but can't quite figure it out. I guess the moral to the story is remembering my attraction to females and making it a part of my daily life... not just a once in a while thing. Although if I found a steady g/f it wouldn't be :P