Menopause.....Is there any hope to cope?

[onewhocares]

Kind of an off topic here....but I know that I can not be the only one dealing with this.

I am 48 years old and for the last year or so I have been going through the early parts of menopause. Particularly brutal to me have been the cycles of hot and cold. I feel like a freak walking outside on my porch in chilly temperature in a shirt while family inside walk around in wool sweaters and scarves because I will not turn the heat on. (NOT just for the hot flashes but mostly for the cost savings on gas). At my office I go in hours early so I can get my work done with the windows open so I be comfortable until the others arrive and crank up the heat.

I have noticed that I tend to be really testy to those around me at times. My husbands says I can flip on the turn of a dime from the Belle he is used to to some bitch from beyond. I feel bad for those around me.

Granted there are a couple of things which have not helped in the last few months....my mom living with us since May, hubby loosing his job, cars breaking and needing lots of work, the economy here is SO bad and money is SO tight. I can not blame all my stress on those but they contribute for sure.

My question is two fold......

1. To the women who have experienced this...how do you cope? Is there anything that has helped you deal with the hot flashes or the mood swings? I have thought about HRT and my doctor thinks since I am so young I would be a good candidate but the side effects may not be worth it.

2. To the husbands....how do you cope? Do you stay away from your wife and run the other way...my hubby is liking THAT idea. Is there anything you have found to make her less temperamental?


THANK YOU in advance for your two cents......

Belle

[Canticle]

Kind of an off topic here....but I know that I can not be the only one dealing with this.

I am 48 years old and for the last year or so I have been going through the early parts of menopause. Particularly brutal to me have been the cycles of hot and cold. I feel like a freak walking outside on my porch in chilly temperature in a shirt while family inside walk around in wool sweaters and scarves because I will not turn the heat on. (NOT just for the hot flashes but mostly for the cost savings on gas). At my office I go in hours early so I can get my work done with the windows open so I be comfortable until the others arrive and crank up the heat.

I have noticed that I tend to be really testy to those around me at times. My husbands says I can flip on the turn of a dime from the Belle he is used to to some bitch from beyond. I feel bad for those around me.

Granted there are a couple of things which have not helped in the last few months....my mom living with us since May, hubby loosing his job, cars breaking and needing lots of work, the economy here is SO bad and money is SO tight. I can not blame all my stress on those but they contribute for sure.

My question is two fold......

1. To the women who have experienced this...how do you cope? Is there anything that has helped you deal with the hot flashes or the mood swings? I have thought about HRT and my doctor thinks since I am so young I would be a good candidate but the side effects may not be worth it.

2. To the husbands....how do you cope? Do you stay away from your wife and run the other way...my hubby is liking THAT idea. Is there anything you have found to make her less temperamental?


THANK YOU in advance for your two cents......

Belle

Unfortunately, Belle...I can be of absolutely no help at all...as I have not even had to experience knowing what the menopause was like. Friends in my village (parents of school chums of my children), give me the ''as if looks could kill,'' frown, when I have told them that I have had none of the symptoms of the menopause that many women get. Guess I was just lucky. My own mother did get many of the things people talk about...such a hot sweats...so I know it does happen.....but not for me.

Think I'd better shut up....before I feel those frowns.......

[Canticle]

I forgot to say....You will get through it....my Mum did!

[MarieDelta]

The ex used sage to combat the hot flashes, yes the herb from the kitchen.

She would just take some of it a chew it. She couldnt do HRT as she had a history of blood clots.

If you do HRT, I recommend using bio identical (estrodiol and such) as opposed to Premarin (premarin comes from PREgnant MARes urINe) which has been shown to cause some depression.

[sprite]

Belle, you will survive! I am only 46 and have been in perimenopause for almost 2 years. I have no family history to go by as all my female relatives (sisters etc) had hysterectomies - sometimes I think that would have been a smart move! lol. Guys are shocked when they find out I 'am so old' and could still possibly get pregnant. The good parts - no period; the bad parts - no regular period; I am surprised when it happens if it happens. I can go for months and then - surprise! I have hot flashes, but not as bad as what you are describing. My symptoms are pretty mild comparatively. The difficulty I see for you is you are having a huge amount of real difficulties which exacerbate your moods - I went through the same thing as when I started perimenopause was when the hubby came out and we worked out an open relationship, and job changes, and the kids leaving home, and his working away from home; so I clearly empathize. Do not discount your feelings. What you are feeling is real, but the coping is more difficult. It's like pms only less predictable, if that makes any sense. Sage is good. Do not use soy.
I have avoided the entire hormone therapy thing for now; I will explore it when I am in 'true' menopause - technically one year from your last period; because once the hormones stop flowing completely, the body starts to degrade, and I am not ready for that!
Read the book, "The Wisdom of Menopause" by Christine Northrup. It was given to me by a dear friend who went through all of this. Very helpful
The mood swings are difficult. The only thing I can tell you is try to realize what is a 'valid' emotion (not to discount feelings) and what may be worsened by hormones. I do find that I get angrier than I normally would over certain things. Breathe. inhale-exhale. Hope this helps. All the best!
:)

[sprite]

Man, you are a dick. And not the good kind.

[Canticle]

Belle,
I'd be very angry and a total bitch too if I were a 48 year old fat woman who has knowingly been in a marriage of convenience for decades that's based on lies with a gay man who is afraid to come out of the closet to himself, to your child, and everyone else even though it is clear that he's a gay man and not bisexual at all.

I'd also be angry if my entire social life revolved around people who I claimed were my friends on an internet site since you do not have any friends in real life who you can go to for friendship and advice.

This is your plight, I mean life and it's your choice to harbour a closet case like your husband and keep him in the safety of the closet like you both are doing and I doubt that he'll ever come out and accept what he really is.

It's clear to everyone here on this site that your husband is really a gay man and that he's not bisexual at all and you just claim that he's bisexual to save face even though he's really a gay man.

You drive a Mercedes and you've written about how you're rich so you can't be hurting that bad just because your closet case of a husband lost his job and you're both addicted to living a wealthy lifestyle and having double the income in your marriage of convenience. :rolleyes:


Sheesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

[B]Hey Let Me? Fuck off you nasty narrow minded little scut!!!!

All you know how to do is shed your skin like the little reptile that you are and come back as something just as senseless and loathesome. You think you are hot shit, but let me tell you something, Little Man. (Probably why you're such a bitch in the first place) You Arent hot shit at all, all you are is a pathetic little ignoramus seeking to make yourself look more important than you really are, and I know for sure that I am Not the only one here with this wholehearted opinion. And that goes for you, and the Rest of your putulant little personas as well. (Voltie, make a list, please)

You have actually outted yourself again, you moronic slug. Everytime that you pull the "Fat/ugly/closeted/card" you mark yourself for who you really are, and What you are...An idiot-child in the making. Every time that you think you're big by running someone down and trying to make them feel bad about themselves, all you are doing is showing how pathetic and small brained you actually are. You arent even worth getting angry or upset over, for no one can best a fool, and honeychild, that's all you are and all you'll ever continue to be...an imputant fool.

Miss Belle is always going to be something You will never be; Loved, liked and respected in here, and in her world too. She is one of the kindest, lovingest women a decent person would ever want to meet, and you have no right to even Speak to her, let alone cut her down like that.

Too bad a limp-membered loser like you never shall be. And if you dont like what I just said, you know where I am privately, so be a man, if you really are one, and come talk to me Personally.:mad::compuser::offtopic::disgust:

There, how's That for Menopause, you ignorant little ballsack!
In the throes of Menopause,
Cat/B]

[MarieDelta]

[B]Hey Let Me? Fuck off you nasty narrow minded little scut!!!!

All you know how to do is shed your skin like the little reptile that you are and come back as something just as senseless and loathesome. You think you are hot shit, but let me tell you something, Little Man. (Probably why you're such a bitch in the first place) You Arent hot shit at all, all you are is a pathetic little ignoramus seeking to make yourself look more important than you really are, and I know for sure that I am Not the only one here with this wholehearted opinion. And that goes for you, and the Rest of your putulant little personas as well. (Voltie, make a list, please)

You have actually outted yourself again, you moronic slug. Everytime that you pull the "Fat/ugly/closeted/card" you mark yourself for who you really are, and What you are...An idiot-child in the making. Every time that you think you're big by running someone down and trying to make them feel bad about themselves, all you are doing is showing how pathetic and small brained you actually are. You arent even worth getting angry or upset over, for no one can best a fool, and honeychild, that's all you are and all you'll ever continue to be...an imputant fool.

Miss Belle is always going to be something You will never be; Loved, liked and respected in here, and in her world too. She is one of the kindest, lovingest women a decent person would ever want to meet, and you have no right to even Speak to her, let alone cut her down like that.

Too bad a limp-membered loser like you never shall be. And if you dont like what I just said, you know where I am privately, so be a man, if you really are one, and come talk to me Personally.:mad::compuser::offtopic::disgust:

There, how's That for Menopause, you ignorant little ballsack!
In the throes of Menopause,
Cat/B]

Amen , Cat!

[12voltman59]

Well-if we had any question about it--I would say that LetMeHitIt--is one of our "trolls"----

Looks like Drew needs to do another delete!!!!

I know that I had already put him on my ignore list---I would not have seen his vile comments had someone not quoted them-----to what he said---what a fracking moron!!!

[Adora]

Hi Belle, huggs. i know what you're going through hun..been there, done that. my advice to you is MEDS, lol. run, dont walk to your doctor. There is enough stress in your life as is, you dont need this and meds do help. trust me, if it werent for meds through menopause, i'd be a widow in jail and not divorced, lmao.
if you need to talk, you know how to reach me, huggs

[Realist]

I agree with Adora.

My ex suffered miserably with menopause and, because her mother ruled her life and convinced her that any drugs are poison and all doctors are crooks, she would not take a doctor's advice to get on a hormone program. She had at least two years of hot and cold flashes, violent mood swings, nightmares, paranoia, crying for no reason...............and that's just a few symptoms.

For her and me, it was a terrible time. Afterwards, the trauma she dealt with during menopause left her a changed person. She became an aloof, lost all interest in sex, and was a totally different person than the lovely, vivacious, and sensual person I'd married. Finally, no longer able to accept the "new" person I was married to, we divorced.

Her sister, however, began seeing a doctor immediately, upon the onset of menopausal symptoms. She got on the appropriate drug program and sailed through menopause effortlessly. The contrast was remarkable. she is still happily married and never had to deal with any of the issues my wife did. Now that she's through it, she is left unchanged mentally, emotionally, and sexually. If anything, her life is now better than it was.

That's the most contrasting argument I can provide for a doctor's help getting through this awful time in a lady's life!

Good luck, Belle!

In addition: My ex's sister never did succumb to their mother's fanaticism and chose her own paths in life. The results were remarkably more successful and happy. My wife allowed her mother to dominate her, where her sister refused to do so. The results are evident.

[rissababynta]

FUCK...LetMe has been on my list since before GayAZ was booted...that one was kind of a give in. No one else recognized the signs til now? Really? It took that long?

I for one think that the fat menapoasal women of the world could have ended the war a long time ago. Send some of those women over there and see how quick everyone flees :tong:

On a serious note though Belle, I can't give you any advice since I am 23 years old and have yet to experience what that hell must be like. However, I've been around many women who have, and as miserable as they are they do get through it one way or another. I think that your best bet would be to speak to your doctor about any options that are available to you. I know that they have come out with many different way to try to help women cope with this somewhat inevitable part of life. Also, the internet is our friend. Maybe you could look up some forums and read about what other women have gone through and maybe that will help you make a list of things that you find interesting to speak about with your doctor.

Luff you lots Belle. Hope everything works out well for you. Please keep us posted on if you are feeling better.

[berryhard]

Funny running into this topic here. If i may chime in. My wife is going through this big time ! about 7 years ago, she is 46, we started fighting te weirdest most frustrating fights monthly. is was like the move ground hog day, same fight or same process every time. Being a man, scottish and thick headed it tokk me a long time to figure out the pattern. I started tracking her cycle and researching it on the web. When i figured out it was hormonal i was able to take it less personally. a nice girl would sudden'y become very very angery and very very mean to me.
i started to do the forbidden, talking to other guys ! lol. I heard similar stories some shockinly the same. many ended in diviorce. i developed a theory. in the past men never talked about this stuff, and when thier middle aged wife "went crazy adn bitchy" started to show her age and was not longer the fun sex kitten he had he went looking for a new toy, a young girl who didnt have these "issues" as it was easier then fixing the issues at hand. hence the high rate of divorce.
having said they my hand has been on the door for years out of frustration but i am persistant and have taken step to try to save things. There has been a lot of damage done and i am not sure we can come back but i am giving it one last try. remember i have been in this from more then 7 years.
men need to remember that thier wife has a medical condition, not a mental condition (although this does obviously affect the chemical patterns of the brain along with many other systems) She is not actually "crazy" even if it aprears that way. She need treatment jsut like any other condition, heart diseaes, cancer, the flue, what ever else u can think of. Not that i compaire the hormaone thing to any diesase im jsut saying, when something is broke it gets fixed medically right ?
here is where the porblem lies, the women doesnt know wht is going on as no one told them this would happen, no one talked about it really. and wen in the "bad" state nothing makes sence confusion is abundent.
The man has no idea what is going on, nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooo one told him anything except chicks get old nad bitchy and interupt thier hockey game with crazy bull shit that make them mad and go watch the game at the bar with his buddies where he meets a young tart and domps his wife for her. if a guy happend to be slighlty enlightend and WAS aware of what was really at play, god forbide you talk to your wife about it, there is visrtually no way to bring up the topic with out he plunging a knife in his heart (2 times i swear she was close to stabbing me, it is that bad)
but you can talk about it, you have to know how to say things, when to sa thme is key. Not when she is raging, wait till things are good. you actually need proof of what is going on. record conversations and fights. write notes. my wife always turned words adn situations around saying i said the things she said, mixed everything up and distorted things. you can see hos that would piss a guy off. One time i played back a conversation when she was calm and claiming i was being mean not here and she realised there was a problem and she may be wrong or better yet mistaken.
bottom line, there is a fix, talking patience and hormonal treatments. when we hit the bottom my wife relutantly agreed to try stuff. Chemicals are harsh adn change who you are.
it all starts with a herbologist, doctor or some knowldgable, (hard to find) person. a blood test is the first thing. Find out what your body is lacking. The adrenal gland seems to be KEY, vitiman D is the most common thing. there are many possible aras that are deficient but that is most common from what i see in my un=profession research.
keep in mind you are not to feel ashamed by any of this, is is totally natural. part ofbeing human. your body is doing this to stop u from making babies too late i life so you only make healthy babies. harsh i know but true..

[Waltzing_Matilda]

Kind of an off topic here....but I know that I can not be the only one dealing with this.

I am 48 years old and for the last year or so I have been going through the early parts of menopause. Particularly brutal to me have been the cycles of hot and cold. I feel like a freak walking outside on my porch in chilly temperature in a shirt while family inside walk around in wool sweaters and scarves because I will not turn the heat on. (NOT just for the hot flashes but mostly for the cost savings on gas). At my office I go in hours early so I can get my work done with the windows open so I be comfortable until the others arrive and crank up the heat.

I have noticed that I tend to be really testy to those around me at times. My husbands says I can flip on the turn of a dime from the Belle he is used to to some bitch from beyond. I feel bad for those around me.

Granted there are a couple of things which have not helped in the last few months....my mom living with us since May, hubby loosing his job, cars breaking and needing lots of work, the economy here is SO bad and money is SO tight. I can not blame all my stress on those but they contribute for sure.

My question is two fold......

1. To the women who have experienced this...how do you cope? Is there anything that has helped you deal with the hot flashes or the mood swings? I have thought about HRT and my doctor thinks since I am so young I would be a good candidate but the side effects may not be worth it.

2. To the husbands....how do you cope? Do you stay away from your wife and run the other way...my hubby is liking THAT idea. Is there anything you have found to make her less temperamental?


THANK YOU in advance for your two cents......

Belle



Awww Belle, I can sure relate to your situation. I had a hysterectomy...well two..actually when i was 25 and 26....one year apart...my right ovary blew up and nearly killed me when i was 25...then a year later the second nearly did...they did a partial the first time...and the complete the second time.
I am also 48, and I think we are twins..:) (and I wouldn't mind at all being compared to you darling!!! You're knock out gorgeous!!! And I agree with Cat, yu are the lovingest person I know!!!), anyway...
I didnt do any replacement therapies...I smoked and I was concerned about breast cancer..(smoking was SO much more important!!!)...duh...lol.
Finally, I saw the short series that Oprah put on about hrt. She had some woman on there that talked about a series of tests that pinpoints the areas lacking hormonally and maybe even in the thyroid. I don't know how MA is for finding clinics but there is one in VT that goes by income and will test your whole "hormonal" being for what your body is lacking. Maybe there is some way you can look that up on the internet... It may not be just estrogen you need...so I suggest you get this complete testing...most doctors disagree that its necessary but I know women that have done it and feel transformed.
Btw...I started hormones this past year, *(I quit smoking 10 years ago), and it has "wakened" me to a new world. I am kinder and gentler....(bold when i need to be...without being over the top). It made the entire difference. But that is me...so get tested! Every body is different.
Always remember....I Love you...Just the way you are!!! and you need to surround yourself with that right now. Take some time outs during your day and be with you ... breathing....and being positive!!! You're worth every penny it takes and every minute!!!
Let me add this too....My husband had prostate cancer...he had his prostate removed. The most important thing in his life up to that point was the fact that his sexual acts proved him to be a man...when he lost his ability to be sexual, he learned that sex was not the basis for a good relationship. He also learned that hormonal changes are Not something you turn on and shut off...whenever it pleases you. Men beware...my husband Lost his ability to have sex...and when the cancer returned 3 years ago...he had to go on female hormones to keep it "sleeping". He became so cruel and mean to me as a result of it...I thought I was living with ME! What I had to realize that it was the hormones, not my husband, talking and acting like a "Bitch", for lack of a better description. What I had to do....was surround myself with more loving and intimate individuals that Could be there for me...and steered clear of him when he was in his "swing". He had the hot flashes and the whole mood change...and secretly deep down inside, I was glad that he could experience something that drove me crazy for years. Although I do not wish this on him nor do I mean that I was glad he had cancer, but I was glad he could finally relate to something I had gone through for so long.
Point is...we are all loving, healing children of the Universe and we all deserve to be treated with respect and love as well as give it. Experience makes us harder or gentler...I prefer the latter. No one is going to know exactly what you are going through, but I can relate on both sides of the fence, so to speak. I have never felt more alive since I started the hormone replacement. I may not have been divorced four times in my life at this point if I had been tested properly to find where my "imbalance" lay.
Find a Dr. or natural healing center and get those hormones tested. Give your husband the information they give you and try to work together on it. Most of all...Give yourself a HUGE hug from me. I am coming to the NE for a visit soon....I hope we get a chance to have lunch again...then I can give you a proper hug! I'll try to find some information for you in the meantime.

Love and Blessings Girlfriend...(sorry for the long post...)
"Mati"

[Waltzing_Matilda]

To Berryhard!!! My hat's off to you my friend!!!!
You're a good husband and I so appreciate that you took the time to do what you did for your wife.
Cheers....and..if I ever get to where you are...I buy the first round!
Blessings to you and your wife.
:) Mati

[Giggles100]

Belle,
I'd be very angry and a total bitch too if I were a 48 year old fat woman who has knowingly been in a marriage of convenience for decades that's based on lies with a gay man who is afraid to come out of the closet to himself, to your child, and everyone else even though it is clear that he's a gay man and not bisexual at all.

Oh my god :eek:

You really need to keep your thoughts to yourself :).

[berryhard]

Thanks for the kind words, i will hold u to that round of drinks !




To Berryhard!!! My hat's off to you my friend!!!!
You're a good husband and I so appreciate that you took the time to do what you did for your wife.
Cheers....and..if I ever get to where you are...I buy the first round!
Blessings to you and your wife.
:) Mati

[**Peg**]

*oops I forgot to quote volty*

so volty, IMO, no question about it......the abusive/rude postings have been reported.

[**Peg**]

ah Belle... ya poor thing. I regret I'm not much help...I didn't suffer a lot (first baby 15 minutes labour) and menopause consisted of 10 years of being a nuclear power plant and that was it: no fluctuation, just HOT all the time; not moody, just tired....but then it went away.

be VERY careful of HRT, do your research...my advice would be if you can grit your teeth and get thru it withOUT the HRT then do so.

prescribed HRT in addition to the other estrogen mimics out there (food, plants, FERTILIZERS) raises estrogen to (IMO) dangerous levels. If you decide to go with HRT, be sure to have a mammogram every year.

I tried HRT, it gave me HORRIFIC headaches.....I lasted 3 days then said to hell with this (I never have headaches) and went off them.

best of luck to you Belle

Peg

[darkeyes]

ah Belle... ya poor thing. I regret I'm not much help...I didn't suffer a lot (first baby 15 minutes labour) and menopause consisted of 10 years of being a nuclear power plant and that was it: no fluctuation, just HOT all the time; not moody, just tired....but then it went away.

be VERY careful of HRT, do your research...my advice would be if you can grit your teeth and get thru it withOUT the HRT then do so.

prescribed HRT in addition to the other estrogen mimics out there (food, plants, FERTILIZERS) raises estrogen to (IMO) dangerous levels. If you decide to go with HRT, be sure to have a mammogram every year.

I tried HRT, it gave me HORRIFIC headaches.....I lasted 3 days then said to hell with this (I never have headaches) and went off them.

best of luck to you Belle

Peg

Me mum came offa HRT.. gave 'er all sortsa trubble..she calls it HuRT.. so yas rite Granmumsie.. its summat evry1 shud find out bout down 2 las detail fore they hav it prescribed...:)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well Voltie, it looks like we have two more moronic Trolls to add. I didnt even see the one post, but it looks like the Hydra troll sprouted another head.

Hugs to Miss Belle from the menopausal Cat. :}

[open2life49]

Hi, Belle,

Having just gone through this myself I can offer my experience. I went off the pill in April after my h came out as bi and started seeing his bf and we all went to condoms. Unbeknownst to me the pill was masking my menopausal status, and I went into full-on hot-flash bitchy teary anxious overwhelmed craziness. I thought it was just adjusting to our new marital status, but it was much more. In consultation with my gyn we started trying different low-level HRT regimens, as my other risk factors are low and my quality of life SUCKED. I'm happy to report that I'm doing great, wear a patch on my tummy that I change twice per week. I feel like I have my sanity back. Not everyone goes through this kind of menopause, not everyone is a good candidate for HRT, you need to do your research, but it's your own decision and your own body. I work out regularly, get regular mammograms, don't smoke, etc. You need to figure out the balance between fear of hormones and whatever your symptoms are and how much they are screwing up your life.
Good luck,
Beth

[onewhocares]

THANK YOU ALL

I know that I am not the only woman who is going through this at the moment. The comments have been very interesting and giving lots of options. As much as I am concerned about me...heck I can just go and sit outside here in Boston at the moment and cool down, but I particularly want to thank berryhand for the comments from a mans viewpoint.

But I must admit the best medicine of this post...jovial in nature was the mere fact that our troll gets so much enjoyment from me. Here I was thinking that I was just an average woman...but no...I am now fodder for the troll. I must have worked really hard to rise above my humble place in life. Funny thing...I laughed my ass off....that is my big ole fat ass as he likes to call it.


Belle

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hey Belle? After I saw the Doc yesterday, she recommended for me to try this again. I know it helped before(even if it Is kinda spendy) Give it a shot and see if it helps. I think I'm going back to it. I'm tired of being in bitch mode and being so good at it..thats not normally me...
Good luck, Love. :}
Yer Cat

http://www.enzymatictherapy.com/Remifemin/