Where's the courage?

[jmhjmh]

Why do so many keep the feelings hidden? Living a lie or engaging in deception about your sexuallity is not freedom. Why not express the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If one accepts who one is, then have the courage to defend who you are.:bipride:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Good point and I applaud your views, but on the other hand, what is this all consuming need that some have to flaunt their sexuality to all who cares to hear and know? What business is it of the American public to 'Be all up in yer business"? Some of us are just a bit more descreet than others I suppose, and dont really feel the need to go pointing out our sexual preferences. I'm as proud as the next person, but I just dont feel the urge to go teling everybody I see about my sex life.
But hey, that's just me. :}
You do what feels best for you, Sugar. ;)
Cat

[rissababynta]

Well, everyone is different, everyone's living situations are different. What is good for some is not always good for others. There are many places where if people just stand up and defend who they are with pride, they get shot...no matter how proud and out I've been to people in my life, I've gotta tell you that if it came down to me possibly being hurt but at least I was open and honest or I keep it to myself and keep a few years of my life...I'm gonna just keep my trap shut about liking the puss.

Of course, this is only one of many reasons why people may choose to keep things to themselves, but it is still a very real reason that happens out there in the world.

[fredtyg]

Good point and I applaud your views, but on the other hand, what is this all consuming need that some have to flaunt their sexuality to all who cares to hear and know? What business is it of the American public to 'Be all up in yer business"?
Cat

Agreed. I actually have mixed feelings about this. I consider myself a bit of a gay (hate that word- call me queer or homo) activist, of sorts, if only because I've been openly outspoken in defense of same- sex marriage. Yet, I'm not out to most people myself.

In a way I think it's important that more and more people come out of the closet if only because only then society's attitudes might change. Then again, I think a lot of people are frightened about queers being upfront and public about their sexual behavior and that results in a backlash against homo and bi efforts.

I remember seeing a guy at a local PRIDE parade a few years ago. He had a t- shirt that said "I don't do girls" in big, bold letters. Seemed to me he was pretty much saying at the same time: I suck cock and like having anal sex.

I love seeing such sentiments expressed, myself, and kind of wish I had the guts to wear a shirt like that. But I also realize many people consider wearing a shirt like that and publicly stating one's sexual preferences to be pornography and, in a way, I think it is. Not that there's anything wrong with porno for those that enjoy it.

I think sexual preferences should mostly be kept to one's self and those with a need or desire to know, not shoved into everybody else's face. Then again, if we were all as closeted as some of us were 40 years ago, we wouldn't even have gotten to the point of discussing two guys or two girls getting married.

[tenni]

I haven't completely figured this question out in my own head however
I think that the issue of being openly publicly announcing your bisexuality seems to be a different issue than it is for someone who is gay.

Many of us do not seem to feel the need to be public about our sexual preference because we prefer both. Depending upon where you might fall on the continuum, it may not matter to you. If you are a married person in a heterosexual marriage who is monogomus, there wouldn't be a great feeling of needing to speak out. You have what you want. As others have stated, straight people tend not to go around chatting about their sexual activity to strangers. The need to identify with a community bisexual or gay is not quite as strong as it seems to be for gay people. That's not saying that there isn't a comfort level for bisexuals to chat about our experiences as is evidence by this website. Are bisexuals as oppressed as gay people? It all depends upon the lifestyle that you live. It does seem that bisexuals can get rejection from both sides though...lol

[Annika L]

Why do so many keep the feelings hidden? Living a lie or engaging in deception about your sexuallity is not freedom. Why not express the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If one accepts who one is, then have the courage to defend who you are.:bipride:

I agree that "living a lie" and "deception about sexuality" are not freedom. I agree that "if one accepts who one is", then it is *healthy and positive* for them to "have the courage to defend" who they are. In the past few years, my partner and I have become much more open about our relationship than previously, and this has been very gratifying and energizing for both of us.

But to address your question and other statements, I have chatted with many people on this site, and I have observed:

(1) Many people on this site have not yet accepted who they are, and are just now experimenting to discover and define who they are. It is ridiculous to expect someone to let the public know every little whim and fancy that goes through one's head. So they keep their feelings hidden until they better understand them...and I don't blame them at all.

(2) For some people more than others, where the chips may fall may be intolerable to many. By "living a lie" they may be able to keep a relationship with their spouse, or parents, or children, or to keep a job that they would risk losing (and in this economy, who can afford to lose a job?). Some people live in areas where they have very real reasons to fear anonymous (or not so anonymous) violence...or worse...if they are honest and open about their sexuality. For all of these people it is a choice to trade in one kind of freedom for another...and I don't blame them at all.

Not everyone in the world is just like you, jmh...they don't live where you live, or have your life circumstances, or your priorities. Therefore, they make different choices than you've made, and that's ok. Seriously. Don't blame them, or direct them to be more like you...accept who they are, and try to understand their situation (as you've begun to do by posting your question).

I'm happy for you that you have pride and security and a solid self-understanding. Those are gifts that many would like to have. But not everyone does. Go easy on those people.

[goldenfinger]

Why do so many keep the feelings hidden? Living a lie or engaging in deception about your sexuallity is not freedom. Why not express the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If one accepts who one is, then have the courage to defend who you are.:bipride:

Here we go again. New comer with nothing else to say, can't be bothered to read past post on the subject.
Please feel free to ask questions about YOURSELF,talk about YOURSELF, But leave OTHER PEOPLE ALONE.

[FalconAngel]

Why do so many keep the feelings hidden? Living a lie or engaging in deception about your sexuallity is not freedom. Why not express the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If one accepts who one is, then have the courage to defend who you are.:bipride:

We agree with the sentiment, but sadly, there are still places in the world where it is not safe to do so, both professionally and personally, it is not always an option.

In 37 states, people who are not straight can lose their job, their children (in cases of divorce and custody) as well as other rights, just for being "out" about their sexuality. I am only out to those that I trust, like close personal friends, my craft family and the folks here.

Things would be so much better if things were different, but that will happen when we can change the laws to something closer to real equality, then attitudes will change and we will be safe for all of us to be out to the world, safely.

[AdamKadmon43]

Why do so many keep the feelings hidden? Living a lie or engaging in deception about your sexuallity is not freedom. Why not express the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If one accepts who one is, then have the courage to defend who you are.:bipride:

What the hell planet are YOU living on???

In the little conservative, Republican, family values town where I live , having the "courage to defend who I am" would most likely get me fired from my job, ran out of my neighborhood, and/or getting the crap beat out of me.

I suppose you would have advised bisexuals in Nazi Germany to be honest about their sexuality too.

You are either incredibly naive or incredibly fucking stupid.

Respectfully.

Adam

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Excellent topic.
Then you have some men here who are actually gay and repressed and closeted like fredtyg yet they call themselves bisexual and have a wife who they are in a celibate marriage of convenience with and they are not bisexual at all but are really afraid to come out as being a gay man.

Rolling eyes...some people's children. Have you never heard the odd concept called Personal Preference??? Good grief..
Cat

[darkeyes]

Sure it's a personal preference but one that's sad, pathetic, and founded on lies and deceit about who you are as a person directed towards the people who are your friends and family, boss/co-workers, and society in general.

Don't come crying and bitching to me or others on this site when you and other people here claim that people do not understand bisexuality when you are closeted and not out at all and do not even try to explain bisexuality or your own sexuality to them, or if you happen to get discriminated against because of your sexuality or don't say anything when someone says something against bisexual or gay people or makes a joke and then go on here to complain about it.

No, being out is not telling other people about your sex life at all.

Heterosexuals tell everyone about their sexuality ubiquitously and nobody seems to care and they can even talk about their sex lives if they want to and nobody gets offended and it is the same if you are gay or bisexual.

Bisexuals like myself and the very few others here who are out are to be applauded.

I feel bad for the rest who are repressed, closeted, and discreet but you all bring it onto yourselves.

What's the point of staying so repressed, closeted, and discreet it's 2010 people! We're not living in the 1950s like some here want to think :rolleyes:

You hun want to stop and think too.. no we are not living in the 1950's. But the world isnt perfect and still we have millions of gay and bisexual people in relationshps and situations which mean it is difficult to come out of the closet. In an ideal world where sexuality was irrelevant then we would all be smiling. Sadly we are not. Many of us realise our sexuality late in life. Many when young are in communities where it simply is not acceptable to be gay or bi, and only in later life do they realise just how much their sexuality has been stifled and repressed, and suffer great anguish accordingly. Some stay closeted because they have family and other responsibilities which they fear, rightly or wrongly, will be seriously damaged by coming out. There are many reasons why people feel unable to come out of the closet and all are valid in the minds of those individuals.

I am so glad that you are out, open and free about it. Millions, for reasons which are important to them feel unable to declare their sexuality to the world. Have some understanding, sweetheart, of their difficulties. We have made great strides in the last half century. With luck effort and a determined will we shall make even greater strides in the next. It will take more than your lack of understanding and compassion for those who feel unable to declare themselves who and what they are to make these strides. We live in an imperfect world of imperfect beings. So compassion for those less fortunate than yourself hun, and we will encourage more to declare themselves in the face of great adversity and prejudice and we shall continue to move toward that world where sexuality is unimportant in a societal, cultural and moral context.:)

[Giggles100]

Different people have different needs. It's easy to be out as a single young person. Far harder if your married or live in a conservative town or region of the world.

[darkeyes]

Different people have different needs. It's easy to be out as a single young person. Far harder if your married or live in a conservative town or region of the world.

I'm fortunate to live in a country where the law and society protect anyone regardless of what and who they are. Fortunate is the operative word though :(

Wy did ya ruin the first part by talkin cobblers in the second para?? Do ya reely believe that loada nonsense?? Can we skip that part?:):tong:

[_Joe_]

Whenever you open your heart you expose getting stabbed...easiest way to put it.

[Giggles100]

Wy did ya ruin the first part by talkin cobblers in the second para?? Do ya reely believe that loada nonsense?? Can we skip that part?:):tong:

My bad :bowdown:

Never argue with a Scottish lass! I even deleted it..... Don't spank me I'v been a good boy :oh:

[darkeyes]

My bad :bowdown:

Never argue with a Scottish lass! I even deleted it..... Don't spank me I'v been a good boy :oh:

Awwwww..wud nev dream a spankin ya...hav lil kissie for bein gud boy... Muuuuuuuaaahhh!!! Now that ya life has been made complete by a Fran snog... c how much betta ya feel??:bigrin:

[Giggles100]

Awwwww..wud nev dream a spankin ya...hav lil kissie for bein gud boy... Muuuuuuuaaahhh!!! Now that ya life has been made complete by a Fran snog... c how much betta ya feel??:bigrin:

Ahhhhhhhhhh my life is complete now :three:

[rissababynta]

I love Fran snogging.

[Giggles100]

Well if nowt else I feel welcomed :bigrin:

[darkeyes]

I love Fran snogging.*Lays bak on bed...pulls Riss gently toward 'er an smiles..:)

Strokes 'er face an wispas sweet nuthins in 'er earole.. pulls 'er closa an lips meet.. mouths lil open..tongues tango..an breathless pash begins...:tong:*

Fran luffs Fran snoggin an all Riss me darlin.. tee hee... spesh wiv luffly peeps:bigrin:

[darkeyes]

Ahhhhhhhhhh my life is complete now :three:

Me knos....:bigrin:

..an moren ya think..cant memba las time me snogged a lesser mortal...tee hee:tong:

[Giggles100]

*Lays bak on bed...pulls Riss gently toward 'er an smiles..:)

Strokes 'er face an wispas sweet nuthins in 'er earole.. pulls 'er closa an lips meet.. mouths lil open..tongues tango..an breathless pash begins...:tong:*

Fran luffs Fran snoggin an all Riss me darlin.. tee hee... spesh wiv luffly peeps:bigrin:

Giggles walks in on darkeye/riss and thinks "god damit Torchwood is on in 5 minutes :rolleyes: and the telly downstairs is broke. Wow.... Darkeyes looks kinda good in a shirt and jeans :love:....... femme is way overrated (shakes head). Is it wrong that I have visions of lesbians holding hands in the snow? Its not sexual or anything It's a kinda sweet vision I have. God I'm wierd! I wish I wasn't Bi why can't I just think of lesbians like every other guy? Did I leave the oven on? Wow I'v a semi. Well it is two girls doing stuff. Do you think they are both Bi? Ah no you don't wanna go there remember the last time when you couldn't get it up! Yikes! Awkward!"

Darkeyes and Riss are sat bolt upright in bed and Giggles realises he's been day dreaming of two girls walking romantically through the snow and other random thoughts for 3 minutes and 27 seconds exactly.

Giggles bids a very clumsy Chandler Bing style retreat from the room and wonders when he'll be walking through the snow hand in hand with someone special..........

[note: I live with another Bi house-mate and a lesbian so seen it all (and heard it) by now. I thought I'd add comedy to the mix :flag3:]

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Whew, damn, Frannie! Cold shower time here for your Cat!
Who misses Frannie's snoggings too, BTW. lol:bigrin:
Cat

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sure it's a personal preference but one that's sad, pathetic, and founded on lies and deceit about who you are as a person directed towards the people who are your friends and family, boss/co-workers, and society in general.

Don't come crying and bitching to me or others on this site when you and other people here claim that people do not understand bisexuality when you are closeted and not out at all and do not even try to explain bisexuality or your own sexuality to them, or if you happen to get discriminated against because of your sexuality or don't say anything when someone says something against bisexual or gay people or makes a joke and then go on here to complain about it.

Dayum, somebody needs a cookie...and a nap. lol:rolleyes:
Cat

[darkeyes]

Whew, damn, Frannie! Cold shower time here for your Cat!
Who misses Frannie's snoggings too, BTW. lol:bigrin:
Cat

Walks inta shower...smiles at Cat...takes 'er by the hand an draws 'er close... rests 'er head on Cats chest... feels Cat draw 'er in closer an cosier an so she raises 'er head an gazes longinly inta Cats eyes. Movin 'er head closa, she kissies Cat gently on lips an sighs....:)

Hearin a noise behind 'er she turns an wivout lookin chucks shower gel at a dark shape letchin at bathroom door... Giggles hits floor afta shower gel clatters 'im square tween the eyes..:bigrin:

Turns bak 2 Cat... smiles.... an.....;)

[Giggles100]

Walks inta shower...smiles at Cat...takes 'er by the hand an draws 'er close... rests 'er head on Cats chest... feels Cat draw 'er in closer an cosier an so she raises 'er head an gazes longinly inta Cats eyes. Movin 'er head closa, she kissies Cat gently on lips an sighs....:)

Hearin a noise behind 'er she turns an wivout lookin chucks shower gel at a dark shape letchin at bathroom door... Giggles hits floor afta shower gel clatters 'im square tween the eyes..:bigrin:

Turns bak 2 Cat... smiles.... an.....;)

Giggles head hurts! "I only wanted to watch Torchwood and have a pee!". In a huff Giggles decides to go to his boyfriends house for a much needed cuddle (-;

Leaving it all to you Darkeyes..... sex it up to the max! Maybe I'l get to watch Torchwood after all?

Seriously though this is starting to sound like a typical night at my house!