Confusedxx

[serenstar]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site so thought that I would just say hello. I found this site and have become a member for some personal reasons that have become apparent over the last month and I don't really know who to talk to or turn to for fear that what I am trying to say and figure out might be misunderstood.
When I was in my teens, my best friend and I became more than just best friends, we loved each other and experimented so to speak. She is openly gay now and has been in a relationship for the past four years. I have to admit upon hearing about her and her new girlfriend I was absolutely heartbroken, thinking that she only wanted to be with me as I only wanted to be with her. This was seemingly the beginning of something that would go a little further.
Whilst at university I developed a crush on a girl in the year above me who is gay. I spoke to her a few times, generally believing that she would not find me attractive or want to spend her time with me when she had openly gay and bisexual friends of her own who were very confident when it came to their sexuality. I also had a boyfriend who I am still with although it is coming to an end (long distance and petty arguments). Anyway, about a month or so ago we were chatting over the internet as we both live back at home now and are about 20 mins away by car. As most of my uni friends are away and don't come back that often I asked her if she wanted to start hanging out, purely as friends as she had the same problem - not getting out much and wanting a friend. I put my crush to the back of my mind and began to think that she could be a genuinely wonderful friend to spend time with. She had a gf at the time but that has somewhat fizzled out and she and I spend nearly all our time together now.
I'm completely in love with this woman despite having a boyfriend (I know that is a bad thing but cannot seem to help how I feel) and she feels the same way.
I suppose my real issue here is that I'm so confused. If you are gay or straight then you are in a category...I hate all this labelling people and apologise for it but it seems it's a way to identify the way I'm feeling. I suppose if I was to label myself I would be bisexual, being attracted to both men and women. I am just me at the end of the day, no labels necessary...however, I'm finding it hard to come to terms with my love for her. She is just amazing, she makes me feel as if I could do anything, which is good after a distressing year. She is accepting and understanding and knows who she is.
I would find it difficult to explain to family and friends about her though - if it would go that far...I mean how do you even start to explain that you love a woman? I'm just not attracted to women as a whole, it would seem I just fall in love with the person regardless of whether they are male or female? Sexuality is like that I guess?
What does this all mean? I'm sorry in advance for those who think that it's wrong to still be in a relationship when having feelings like this for another person...believe me I already feel awful.

Any light shed would be great...thank youxxx

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Welcome to the group, Sweetie. I am Cat the resdient feline, and everybody's Cat in general..lol
My foremost question is: Does your friend know that you are in love with her?Its not wrong to love who you do..the heart loves whom it loves and that's the way of it. Putting a lable on things does not make it any better, but why lable yourself at all? Just be who you Are, and go from there. You, my dear, are more'n likely Bi-Sexual, meaning that you can and are attracted to both sexes, but more importantly, its the People that you are attracted to, not just their sex. :}

My suggestion is tell Her your feelings and see if she reciprocates. All you can do is try, Sweetie, and see where it leads from there. I know it wont be easy divulging anything to family..that never is. But if they love you, then they will accept that you just happen to love a woman at the moment. It may not last long, or it may be for the rest of your lives, either way, just be you, and let your heart and mind lead you.
Good Luck Hon. Pop into chat and get to know some of the wonderful folks in there too. :}
Cat

[serenstar]

Thank you Cat :) Yes, she does know and feels the same way. I really appreciate your reply, your words make me feel so much better, I will sleep easier tonight. Thank you x x x

[Realist]

I agree with Cat. I have loved both genders, since before I understood what sex was. I've vacillated back and forth between guys and girls for most of my life. I too, will first love the person, personality, characteristics, and then the gender. As for telling your parents, I personally would never go there.....they just would not, could not accept it. I've only told those who had a need to know, like lovers and maybe some very close friends.

However, if asked my opinion, I always say, "You do what is right for you!"

Love is where you find it and it seems that you've found a treasure!

Good luck!

[serenstar]

Thank you to both of you.
It is a confusing time and yet somehow everything is clear when she is around me. I think I need to end my relationship with my boyfriend and just be on my own for a while, I don't want to go from one relationship straight into another. Somehow it's easier as I think most people perceive her as just being my friend...although I often think it wouldn't be fair on her to hide away. She isn't over the top about it though, she is just who she is and will not pressure me into telling anyone or anything like that.
I guess it is just a new chapter of my life that I should embrace and enjoy and perhaps not analyse so much.
Thanks againxx

[citystyleguy]

whew, a lot to take in! i read, re-read, then re-re-read, etc, so i think i have some general suggestions; don't worry about labels, to damn confusing, go with your feelings, and let them be your justifications; dont worry about coming out, just be honest with yourself, with those around you who matter, and let those know, who have a reason to know. as to who you are with, focus, focus, focus on that person, dont worry about the fantasy(ies) that float through the mind. good luck, maintaing a relationship can reap incredible rewards, but require some work.