serenstar
Jan 1, 2010, 4:52 PM
Hi everyone, I'm new to this site so thought that I would just say hello. I found this site and have become a member for some personal reasons that have become apparent over the last month and I don't really know who to talk to or turn to for fear that what I am trying to say and figure out might be misunderstood.
When I was in my teens, my best friend and I became more than just best friends, we loved each other and experimented so to speak. She is openly gay now and has been in a relationship for the past four years. I have to admit upon hearing about her and her new girlfriend I was absolutely heartbroken, thinking that she only wanted to be with me as I only wanted to be with her. This was seemingly the beginning of something that would go a little further.
Whilst at university I developed a crush on a girl in the year above me who is gay. I spoke to her a few times, generally believing that she would not find me attractive or want to spend her time with me when she had openly gay and bisexual friends of her own who were very confident when it came to their sexuality. I also had a boyfriend who I am still with although it is coming to an end (long distance and petty arguments). Anyway, about a month or so ago we were chatting over the internet as we both live back at home now and are about 20 mins away by car. As most of my uni friends are away and don't come back that often I asked her if she wanted to start hanging out, purely as friends as she had the same problem - not getting out much and wanting a friend. I put my crush to the back of my mind and began to think that she could be a genuinely wonderful friend to spend time with. She had a gf at the time but that has somewhat fizzled out and she and I spend nearly all our time together now.
I'm completely in love with this woman despite having a boyfriend (I know that is a bad thing but cannot seem to help how I feel) and she feels the same way.
I suppose my real issue here is that I'm so confused. If you are gay or straight then you are in a category...I hate all this labelling people and apologise for it but it seems it's a way to identify the way I'm feeling. I suppose if I was to label myself I would be bisexual, being attracted to both men and women. I am just me at the end of the day, no labels necessary...however, I'm finding it hard to come to terms with my love for her. She is just amazing, she makes me feel as if I could do anything, which is good after a distressing year. She is accepting and understanding and knows who she is.
I would find it difficult to explain to family and friends about her though - if it would go that far...I mean how do you even start to explain that you love a woman? I'm just not attracted to women as a whole, it would seem I just fall in love with the person regardless of whether they are male or female? Sexuality is like that I guess?
What does this all mean? I'm sorry in advance for those who think that it's wrong to still be in a relationship when having feelings like this for another person...believe me I already feel awful.
Any light shed would be great...thank youxxx
When I was in my teens, my best friend and I became more than just best friends, we loved each other and experimented so to speak. She is openly gay now and has been in a relationship for the past four years. I have to admit upon hearing about her and her new girlfriend I was absolutely heartbroken, thinking that she only wanted to be with me as I only wanted to be with her. This was seemingly the beginning of something that would go a little further.
Whilst at university I developed a crush on a girl in the year above me who is gay. I spoke to her a few times, generally believing that she would not find me attractive or want to spend her time with me when she had openly gay and bisexual friends of her own who were very confident when it came to their sexuality. I also had a boyfriend who I am still with although it is coming to an end (long distance and petty arguments). Anyway, about a month or so ago we were chatting over the internet as we both live back at home now and are about 20 mins away by car. As most of my uni friends are away and don't come back that often I asked her if she wanted to start hanging out, purely as friends as she had the same problem - not getting out much and wanting a friend. I put my crush to the back of my mind and began to think that she could be a genuinely wonderful friend to spend time with. She had a gf at the time but that has somewhat fizzled out and she and I spend nearly all our time together now.
I'm completely in love with this woman despite having a boyfriend (I know that is a bad thing but cannot seem to help how I feel) and she feels the same way.
I suppose my real issue here is that I'm so confused. If you are gay or straight then you are in a category...I hate all this labelling people and apologise for it but it seems it's a way to identify the way I'm feeling. I suppose if I was to label myself I would be bisexual, being attracted to both men and women. I am just me at the end of the day, no labels necessary...however, I'm finding it hard to come to terms with my love for her. She is just amazing, she makes me feel as if I could do anything, which is good after a distressing year. She is accepting and understanding and knows who she is.
I would find it difficult to explain to family and friends about her though - if it would go that far...I mean how do you even start to explain that you love a woman? I'm just not attracted to women as a whole, it would seem I just fall in love with the person regardless of whether they are male or female? Sexuality is like that I guess?
What does this all mean? I'm sorry in advance for those who think that it's wrong to still be in a relationship when having feelings like this for another person...believe me I already feel awful.
Any light shed would be great...thank youxxx