When things are tough

[naughty-slave-gurl]

and u feel like absolute shit what do you do????? ive got some friends that are telling me i dont look very happy ;)

[csrakate]

and u feel like absolute shit what do you do????? ive got some friends that are telling me i dont look very happy ;)
NSG,
Hun, we have discussed this before and I think you know what I am going to say. First of all, you quit pretending that everything IS ok. Once you realize that something is wrong, you take the necessary steps to go about fixing it. If that means putting forth a little effort in finding a doctor that may be able to help you, so be it. I urge you to seek the help you need, NSG...not in a judgemental way, but as a friend who sees you struggling. I've tried to address this with you privately, but since you have decided to post a thread to the forum, I might as well jump in and give it one last shot.

Don't do it for me...don't do it to make your friends be quiet...do it for YOU!

Hugs,
Kate

[rupertbare]

(((((((((((((((NSG)))))))))))))))

I don't really know what I can say.

I just wanted you to know that we are here for you.

lots of love to you((((((((()))))))))

Rupe :)

[PeterH]

Hi NSG

I'm sorry to hear you feel bad. I've gone through a few depressions and picked up some coping techniques along the way.

There are several techniques i use when feeling bad:
1) I sulk
2) I write in my diary (any piece of paper, or a file on my laptop, will do)
3) I write bad into good

1) Sulking is great, for when something bad happens and you need to process that. It's great if it doesn't last too long. Great when done with something to enjoy, whatever it is (bar of chocolate).

2) writing helps me get things out of my system, or just to organise my mind, so I stop having all these random thoughts. It also helps to look at things from a different perspective, see them in a differnt light.

3) writing bad into good is a first step to solving a real problem, something that won't go away by itself, something you have to do something about. It's useful when you feel bad about the same things for a long time. That could be anything like: I feel poor, lonely, stupid, etc

The idea behind it is that your mind only understand things that are put in a positive way. You can keep saying to yourself: I don't want to feel bad, but that doesn't stop you from feeling bad. I you put it positively, e.g. 'I want to feel great', your mind can do something with it. You start thinking how can I feel great, what can I do that makes me feel great

What I do is:

First I write down the bad, e.g.
I feel depressed, lonely and poor

Of course I don't want to be depressed, lonely and poor at all.
But thinking that doesn't help either. To change this, I turn it around, into what I do want, make it positive:

So next I think: I want to be happy, have friends and be rich.
So what makes me happy, have friends and be rich?

happy: I need to go do stuff that I enjoy, or remove stuff that makes me unhappy (if the mess in my house depresses me, I need to do some cleaning)

friends: I need to go out somewhere with people: join a club or sth like that

rich: I need to get a job that pays my bills and a bit more as well, so I can do extra stuff and feel wealthy, or perhaps I should look at my expenses, see where I can make savings, and use those for things I enjoy more, or...

The next step, of course is to actually do something that will lead to the results I want (e.g. look for jobs, )

I hope this helps, Peter

[Newmexicanman]

First it depends on WHY you feel like crap... Why DO you feel like crap? What caused you to feel that way?

For me, when someone says something that makes me feel lousy, I merely remind myself that all people are entitled to their opinions, and then do a personal inventory to help put things in perspective.

When I am struggling with this bisexual identity thing, I remind myself that it was not something I simply signed up for. It is just a part of me, and I cannot be anything other than who and what I am.

But you? You feel like shit, and friends say you look unhappy. How about some clues as to what it is making you feel that way?

Get the process started... so to speak...

[bijingles]

and u feel like absolute shit what do you do????? ive got some friends that are telling me i dont look very happy ;)

I am new to this site but certainly not new to this question. My bottom line to depression, when it rears its ugly head is to accept it, in the moment and only for a moment. I do not allow myself to stay in that state of mind for long because it is not as productive as other states of mind. However, it is real and can even be used to change my course, if I understand why it has manifested. Simply broken down the formula I use is…
When all is said and done, when you and all of my friends have left to room, the state, or the country...when the money is spent or earned and the dishes are washed or not, when the sunsets or rises there is one truth I will be unable to avoid... I will be alone with my self once again! My Bi sexuality has been a life long struggle and has taken me to some real pits of depression. I encourage you to become your best friend. I have had to learn to love me, to hold me, scold me, pamper me, teach me, understand me, by spending time getting to know who I am I have found that I am a pretty neat little spirit person. Not perfect, by any means, but progressing on this path, I have chosen. I have and continue to accept myself just the way I am. Some aspects of myself I can change, some I cannot and those I just have to accept as apart of me.
and u feel like absolute shit… Well, some days are just better than others are …if I wait, patiently or not, my feeling will change even if my circumstances do not change as quickly. I have one friend that says that happiness is a Bi – product of good living. My suggestion: Be good to yourself.

I hope this passes quickly for you,

Bijingles

[usedbear1950]

NSG,
Hun, we have discussed this before and I think you know what I am going to say. First of all, you quit pretending that everything IS ok. Once you realize that something is wrong, you take the necessary steps to go about fixing it. If that means putting forth a little effort in finding a doctor that may be able to help you, so be it. I urge you to seek the help you need, NSG...not in a judgemental way, but as a friend who sees you struggling. I've tried to address this with you privately, but since you have decided to post a thread to the forum, I might as well jump in and give it one last shot.

Hugs,
Kate

Hi daughter,
I quoted Kate because she is a person of strong convictions and a heart as big as all outdoors.
Think of all we know about her and you can understand that her advise is right on the money.
She speaks not just as a mother, though we all call her mummy. She speaks not as a wife, she speaks with her heart out of great concern for you and for everyone on this site. So as your adopted web dad, please seek the help of someone who can determine what the problem is and set you on a path to solutions. You're too young to be lost forever. We all lose our way. You know that you can contact me or Kate by email and we will talk with you. Neither of us are professionals, although I wonder about Kate-she's on the money so often she could do better than Dr. Phil, but we are friends.
Imagine being on a bi website and neither Kate nor I are interested with having sex with you. Imagine being on a website populated with people that care for each other...Nah, that could never happen in today's world...or could it.
ur ever luvin
usedbear
:2cents: from me
:2cents: :2cents: from Kate(cause she's smarter than I am)
Don't do it for me...don't do it to make your friends be quiet...do it for YOU!

[naughty-slave-gurl]

thank you all......

((((((((((((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))) )))))))

tonight i havent been my usual nsg self, i have alot goin on in my head and i need to get it sorted............ :( i have some friends that are helping me.............. and i have all of bi chat helping too and yes i thank you all very much...... it makes me cry happy knowen so many love care and worry about me, i admit it helps me heaps.......

well im off to sleep now

love you all....

thank you all soooooooooooo much...

mwah

[PeterH]

Hi NSG,

It is nice to read your reply. We all want to know how you're doing, so do keep us posted. My bit of advice: have a talk with Newmexicanman, he is very nice, and I think he is very experienced in this sort of things, he is a professional in helping people and may help you find the right direction.
Hugs and all the very, very, best

Peter

[mike9753]

Hi NSG:

You may be interested to hear that when people are asked, and these are people who report that they are very happy in their lives, they seem to have a number of characteristics in common. I have found that when I am down, if I try to incorporate some if not all of these in my life, my "down" mood changes and I feel better. These do NOT take the place of seeing a professional if your depression is clinical in nature, but they should be something you do in addition to seeking out professional help.

The characteristics of happy are:

1. They have a belief system that helps them come to grips with ambiguous difficulties (value choices that are not easy to resolve). This belief system can be a religion or a philosophy of living that guides a person in difficut times.
2. A significant other - someone who is trustworthy, someone to have fun with, someone to be with - but without any expectations. Just a very good friend.
3. Task oriented life - you don't have to be employed, but you should have tasks to accomplish on a regular basis - things that you can feel good about accomplishing - I am out of work, so my tasks are to network with others, look at jobs leads, etc. My job is finding a job. FOr a housewife it maybe the chores she accomplishes daily. For a retired man or woman, it needs to be something(s) that they can do, regularly, which produces a sense of satidfaction in the accomplishment of the task. Many think something like golf 5 days a week will be satisfying - but a recreation is not satisfying in that way. Recreation certainly has it's place, but a task orientation is important because it is something you do and as a result of doing it, you feel you have accomplished something. However in retirement it can and should be enjoyable and it should take up a significant portion of your time - maybe 40%.
4. They have other acquaintenances, not necessairily close friends, but people with who they can spend time.
5. This is perhaps the most important one - they give back to others in need. It usually involves donating your time to help others. But some people gain satisfaction in donating money to charitable causes. The key here is that they follow up an dknow exactly who they are helping and what the help has done to improve the existance of others.

Each person should determine how much they are doing in all of this. They should not neglect their daily responsibilities in accomplishing these things.

I hope these have been helpful. Human beings are social creatures. When we get out there and mingle we often feel better. Mingle, feel better, you are worth it and you deserve it.

Mike

[peabue]

This little snippit of info is actually for everybody reading this.

When you are feeling a little down please go and drink a couple of litres of water or at least one. That's two to four pints of water for those who still use imperial.
Why you ask?

Well depression, feeling depressed / flat is actually the first sign of dehydration.
While this information may not help our original poster please keep this in mind next time your feeling a bit flat.

It's a bit left field I know but useful information all the same.

NSG, I know I can't do bugger all for you from down here but keep the sunny side up and never be affraid to ask for a hug.

:flag2:

[JilLxX]

NSG, I hope you are able to get things sorted out. I myself suffer from Major Depression and a few other things, so I know how awful it is to feel down and out like that. I just want to encourage you to see a professional if you think you could be going through depression or anything like that. Don't try to deal with it on your own. When it comes to depression, not even your friends can help. Well, they can't do what a professional can. I hope you're not going through anything like that, though.

Hang in there, dear! (((NSG)))

[PeterH]

Dear verybody,

when I was going through a depression, some years back, the following story was one of the things that helped me:

Footprints in the Sand

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

I was just thinking about this story, since I was feeling rather stressed, and felt ashamed of not doing what I felt I had to do, trying to push myself into doing things and not doing them. I remembered this story and decided to let myself be carried and it really helped.
Then today, I was thinking of an extra bit that I'd like to share:

The man followed the path that he'd walked and saw that after a few miles, the footsteps suddenly ended.
And he said: my life is so short, I have gone only such a short distance, just a few miles.
And the Lord said: look closer
And the man looked and saw that the path continued, but the distance between the steps had become so large, that he hadn't seen the next step.
And he followed the path and looked in amazement at the journey he had made, and he said:
'I've travelled so far, and the steps are so big!'
And the Lord pointed to where the steps had seemingly ended and said
'That is where you decided to let me carry you for the rest of the way.'

And the man looked at the path and saw how beautiful it was and he followed it until the end, where the last footstep was, and it was next to his grave.
And he became sad, and said:
'So that's where my journey ends.'

And he looked at the Lord and the Lord looked at him and smiled and said:
'No, that is where you learned how to fly.'

Love, Peter

[ladydelanie]

Thank you Peter!!!

That is one of my all time favorites!

NSG........read it, read it and reread it!!


Hugs......


Ladyd :)

[onewhocares]

NSG,

At this point in the posts, I could never imagine that my words would be as thoughtful, compassionate, caring and reflect the genuine concern as those of the fine people who have given of themselves before me. What I can share with you is how much you can learn from these words if you choose to open your mind and heart. You must do it for you, and you alone. The words of Kate, Bear, bijingles and Peter echo true to me. Recently , I too have come upon a cross road in my life. All that glitters was not gold. It was the kind caring people here who have made me see where I knew I wanted to be. I had the vision, I knew the path, but just could not see, but for one man who opened my eyes. Never under estimate where a friend or a beacon may come from. Sometimes we never know why they come into our lives, how long their stay nor if one can ever repay them for the gift they have given. I believe that one must be able to give back when one has been blessed with so much. The gift of friendship is true. This site, I believe is a place for sharing, both the joy and the sorrow, the hurt and the fear that our journey in life presents to us. For we all have been down this path, it is our direction- ones inner compass which shall lead you, perhaps with a guiding hand to a place of comfort. I have taken the road less traveled and it has made all the difference in the world. Just know you are not alone on that journey.


Belle

[csrakate]

NSG,
I am posting to this thread again to push it back up to the top to remind you that you asked for help just a few days ago...Have you forgotten?? Since posting this you have posted yet another asking for hugs...then followed it up asking for financial support to travel the world meeting people you know nothing about. Have you received some sort of "miracle cure"? I think not...I think that perhaps your thought processes are rather muddled right now and I implore you to seek help!!

Sweetie...even if you weren't struggling right now, a nineteen year old girl traveling alone and as Driver said, "relying on the kindness of strangers" is a bad idea to begin with. But what frightens me more than anything is that you even considered the prospect while so obviously trying to deal with something you seem to have no control over right now.

I will leave you alone now...I have beat my head against the wall long enough over this and right now, I am at a loss at what else I can possibly offer you at this time. Just know that I am here if you need me...as are countless others...all you have to do is ask. But the first step MUST be yours...YOU must recognize that you need help. YOU must love YOU enough to see that you are in need...and YOU must follow through with whatever course of action is necessary to get you on the road to happiness.

Hugs,
Kate

[rupertbare]

Peter - I just love "Footprints" - I only bcame aware of it in about 1988 - but ALWAYS always enjoy reading it when I come across it!!

Thank you!!!

Rupe :)

[BI BOYTOY]

i agree with kate dont go abroud.you can find alot of freaks out their and not good ones eather i should know.im lucky to be alive, i went abrode once i did not make it very far.and i thought i was depressed before.hun heres a hug and more smiles from the ather side of the world.again i agree with kate. :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin:

[BI BOYTOY]

well freinds are their for a reson have you tryed talking to them?if they realy freinds theyll listen more hugs and smiles :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: