Straight Polyamory...

[TaylorMade]

I'm seeing a straight, poly guy. Anyone had any experience with this?

From what I can tell, I'm the "starter" on the roster. I have the keys to the house, visits me at work and spends a good amount of money there, and I know who the rest of the team is.

I want to like the next girl down (she's bisexual too), but almost every time she talks about me it's prefaced by , that stripper, that slut... :( Since she works with my dude, I figure since he invited me to visit where they work (I'm a stripper, they're firefighters), I'm gonna bring her some chocolate or something as a peace offering. Plus it's Christmas.

Any other suggestions?

*Taylor*

[Realist]

Taylor, I've been involved in two poly relationships. One was with a married couple, and one was with two girls.....the first one lasted for about 13 months, until my lovers were transferred and the other one lasted for over 2 years and I got married. I tried with two guys one time...didn't work. My GF and I attempted one, too, but jealousy raised it's ugly head and that ended that.

I can tell you that when they work, they are fantastic! It is a remarkable feat when three, or more, people can agree on anything, much less be lovers. In the successful ones, we had an intellectual, emotional, and sexual connections that was some of the best of my life.

I admit to attempting it at other times, but they did not work out. Personalities, prejudice, jealousy, interests, etc, all played into it, and some just did not match.

In your case, don't like the sound of the girl's language, but maybe you can change her mind. It's difficult to be disrespectful and mean to someone who's nice to you! (Unless, you are obviously sucking up to her, that is) Somehow, I don't see you as the sucking-up type!

I hope it works out for you and that you have a positive experience out of this. Merry Christmas!

[tenni]

I was just thinking about this situation today and wondered about hearing more about it. I've been approached a few times and as recently as this week. I'm not clear on the most recent possibility but the cards are being laid on the table even before meeting. I think that there is an existing triad of a male/female couple and a second woman. I'm not sure if she is living with them. I prefer to keep my own place in a lot of respects. I'm being approached about exploring a second guy scenario. It all seems somewhat confusing but I find myself growing more and more open to the possibility for me.

Thanks Realist for your experience. I look forward to reading other perspectives.

Taylormade
If one person is calling you a slut, I don't know how you can even consider meeting her. On the other hand, you are learning about this from this guy I assume. Doesn't he see the problems that might arise?

[TaylorMade]

Because I'm alot nicer than I care to admit, lawl. :D

Yeah, he's even surprised by her behavior. Part of him thinks it's due to her age and past abuse as a child. He is 44. She is 43... they dated years ago, but were still getting together on occasion. Because he is seeing and getting to know me, he has missed some time with her and has even turned her down flat on occasion. His reasoning: She's not the center of attention anymore, so she's lashing out. I've met her and I'm willing to cut her slack for a little bit. I figure after this peace offering, she should understand.

*Taylor*

[Realist]

You wrote:

"..............that a lot of women play with other women where they pretend to really like another woman............."

I promise you the ladies are NOT the only one who may do this!

[Realist]

Maybe..............Or maybe my experiences are different than yours, too.

[TaylorMade]

If she does not like you there is not much that you can do.

At least you know this now instead of having her play the typical passive aggressive game that a lot of women play with other women where they pretend to really like another woman as a friend yet they really despise them and talk shit about them behind their back all while pretending to be their friend.

Open relationships like this one do get very sticky and jealousy is a common and ever present factor.

Do not be surprised if you get dumped, if she takes your place, or if he dumps her for you.

What was she like when you met her face to face?

She was cordial. Hugs were exchanged, but she had a look in her eye... He didn't say too much to her. I am prepared for any outcome, to be honest. I'd like for us to remain cordial and share him if it's possible. I won't be permamently broken if I lose him either. He is like many guys with hidden asshole traits I may not be seeing now.

But..guys, no more fighting in my thread, pretty please?

*Taylor*

[TaylorMade]

Update (not that it matters entirely). . . I kinda put an end to it, and not for the reasons in this thread.

The guy has a cruel streak. Not toward me, but he tends to direct it towards the other women in his circle, even towards women that he supposedly cares alot about - yes, the woman in this thread included/especially - I've managed not to draw fire simply by not being around him much, and not actively seeking his companionship.

And well - - there is the matter that there is something else under there, like a black box under ice. I see hints of it here and there: his eccentric idea of marrying his roommate for the insurance (A real life I now pronounce you Chuck And Larry) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Now_Pronounce_You_Chuck_and_Larry), the dressing in drag, checking out the guys in the gym along with me ("For aesthetic value" he says), even the crush on a transgirl friend of mine.

Hell, even his attitude toward women makes me wonder. . .another story for another day, I guess.

*Taylor*

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well its a good thing you found out now, Babygirl. Sounds like he has some probs that he alone neds to work out.
Hugs Sweetie
Cat

[darkeyes]

Update (not that it matters entirely). . . I kinda put an end to it, and not for the reasons in this thread.

The guy has a cruel streak. Not toward me, but he tends to direct it towards the other women in his circle, even towards women that he supposedly cares alot about - yes, the woman in this thread included/especially - I've managed not to draw fire simply by not being around him much, and not actively seeking his companionship.

And well - - there is the matter that there is something else under there, like a black box under ice. I see hints of it here and there: his eccentric idea of marrying his roommate for the insurance (A real life I now pronounce you Chuck And Larry) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Now_Pronounce_You_Chuck_and_Larry), the dressing in drag, checking out the guys in the gym along with me ("For aesthetic value" he says), even the crush on a transgirl friend of mine.

Hell, even his attitude toward women makes me wonder. . .another story for another day, I guess.

*Taylor*

Am really sorry things havent panned out Taylor.. chalk it down 2 anotha 1 of life's lil lessons. Best I can c is that u r better out of it.. if he has a cruel streak.. it may b that he hasdnt aimed it at u.. so far.. but it was probably only a matter of time considering where he had been aiming it.. the other things? Well peeps do have eccentricities an in themselves r usually nothing 2 concern us.. but when u add them altogether an taken with everything else.. I think it was time to end it and walk away.. u and I may have lotsa differences, but hun.. would rather u wer happy an have peace of mind..not 2say feelin safe.. as things bein quite the contrary..:)

[onewhocares]

Hi Taylor,

It sounds like you have made the right descision to move out of the relationship. Anyone with a cruel streak in not someone to become invested in. A poly lifestyle can be wonderful with the right people, he did not seem to be one of them by all accounts.

Belle

[jamiehue]

Taylor your experience drew you the right conclusion trust it. Beginners puppys,ect. are for the most part a royal headache best avoided.Cruel people well dont change the only thing that does change is the facade they implement to decieve shame on those whos own self worth is so low that they fall into their traps.Having read many of your posts that is not you so let the good times roll!!

[AdamKadmon43]

I practiced a lot of "polyamory" in my younger days.

But, back then, we called it "Screwing Around".

[onewhocares]

I practiced a lot of "polyamory" in my younger days.

But, back then, we called it "Screwing Around".

I think you are incorrect in your assumption that "Polyamory" is like "Screwing Around"...you are SO far off the mark.

Belle

[TaylorMade]

Well its a good thing you found out now, Babygirl. Sounds like he has some probs that he alone neds to work out.
Hugs Sweetie
Cat

He's not gonna work 'em out, Cat. He's 44 and stubborn as hell. . .he hides his issues with drugs or sex or whatever else he's got goin' on. . . it's easy to cover doubts/fears with dropping X, self-love or drinking or fucking...we'll continue to be friends, but sex isn't going to be part of the equation.

Man, I wish one particular West Coast member was local to me... <sigh>

*Taylor*

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Obviously you dont know many Poly folk.:rolleyes: Being Poly has a vastly larger meaning than "Just screwing around" Poly, meaning many loves, is an almost married (and sometimes actually married) type of relationship in which a couple has an additional wife or husband. Sometimes the extra spouse is shared between the couples, sometimes not. I have a friend that has two husbands, and it works out beautifully. They have all lived in the same house for about 8 years now and all three work, and have a hand in raising the kids, and taking responsibility for the bills, chores, ect.

Her 2nd husband isnt bi, so he doesnt play with her 1st husband, but he has sex with Her. And both men tend to her sexually, and she in turn takes care of both of them. Its a beautiful relationship, and it works for them..And 100's of folks all over the world.
Dont knock something unless you know more about it, or know those who live in that situation.
Cat

[AdamKadmon43]

..... Its a beautiful relationship, and it works for them..And 100's of folks all over the world.
Cat


100's ???? You mean that there are actually ENTIRE HUNDREDS of them ???

Gosh !!!! I never realized there were so many.:tongue:

[TaylorMade]

Are you two done shitting on my thread now?

I swear to heaven , if Drew allowed me to be a mod, I'd make you wear a Jerry Fallwell avatar for a week for being such asshats.

*Taylor*

[rissababynta]

Are you two done shitting on my thread now?

I swear to heaven , if Drew allowed me to be a mod, I'd make you wear a Jerry Fallwell avatar for a week for being such asshats.

*Taylor*

LMFAO! Oh my Lord, I luff you so much haha.

[TaylorMade]

Yet another update. . .Christ, as if!

On Valentines Day, he got into a severe boating accident. He totaled his speedboat and nearly drowned, and separated his shoulder.

It seems this brush with mortality and reversal into dependence for his daily needs changed his perspective. All at once he went from 30 feet tall and bulletproof, telling the world it could fuck itself, to bawling in my arms, telling me how lonely it all was.

Right now, it seems he's taking all the right steps. . . getting off the drugs and getting the recovery/therapy he needs.

Will it be enough? Dunno. It's a start, though. What can I say? I love him and see that now he's giving life a second chance to experience it clearly, I wanna be there.

And tell him that it's okay to wear women's perfume and deodorant while doing it.

*Taylor*

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sorry to hear of the accident Hon, but sometimes a person needs a "Wake up call" now and again.
Hope all works out for ya'll. :}
Cat

[TaylorMade]

NOW it's over. Sometimes unrelated shit ends stuff. But - - it was a calm and almost happy breakup. . . In a way, we both left better people than when we began, which is what a good relationship is supposed to do, right?

It does have me thinking about what I Will and Will Not Settle For. And The Risks I Will Take to Get What I Desire.

There is someone I want, but I have to find out if they want me to that degree first before I can walk into an other situation.

*Taylor*

[Lady_Passion]

I'm seeing a straight, poly guy. Anyone had any experience with this?

From what I can tell, I'm the "starter" on the roster. I have the keys to the house, visits me at work and spends a good amount of money there, and I know who the rest of the team is.

I want to like the next girl down (she's bisexual too), but almost every time she talks about me it's prefaced by , that stripper, that slut... :( Since she works with my dude, I figure since he invited me to visit where they work (I'm a stripper, they're firefighters), I'm gonna bring her some chocolate or something as a peace offering. Plus it's Christmas.

Any other suggestions?

*Taylor*

Just my opinion as a former stripper/dancer, but it's not up to you to make all the compromises. Not being in your shoes and without knowing anything else, I can only suggest giving her space and time to work out her insecurities. The best you can probably do is "we" this and "we" that to lead her along, if she will follow at all. Maybe she liked things the way they were and he didn't exactly smooth things over well before he made a unilateral decision?

Edit: Whoops... late to this party! *lol*