When is it okay to slap someone for being fresh?

[JohnnyV]

It seems that sometimes when guys know that you're bi, they assume you're fair game for any kind of groping, leering, or gossip. This weekend the husband of someone very close to me grabbed my ass repeatedly and started licking my earlobe in front of people. He thinks it's funny.

I know I could kick his ass because I weigh about 60 pounds more than him and he's a flimsy little runt. When is violent retaliation appropriate?

And is this the way it's always going to be with men who equate open bisexuals with clowns?

Love,
J :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[PeterH]

well... I can see how unpleasant that would be, and that you'd want to strike out. Still, I'd say it's not a good idea to start fighting. Perhaps you could jocularly (or not so jocularly) say that he is harassing you.
I believe that that is the term for this kind of unwanted attention.
BTW, I have not experienced this kind of attention result from my coming out as bi. I must admit that I have made some mock advances on friends who knew, but they were all verbal.

Just my :2cents: , Peter

[Driver 8]

If you think he's not serious, you could treat him as though he's deadly serious. Tell him that you're flattered, but you're simply not available, and that you'll put him in touch with some bi groups where he can get some support in exploring his feelings. (The important thing, I think, is not to treat your response as humorous kidding that invites him to continue the game.)

If you do think he's serious, I'd recommend the opposite: treat it as a joke that's not funny, with a tight smile, and, if he keeps it up, tell him mildly that the joke has gotten old and he needs to find a new one.

:2cents:

[searchingbrian]

I would agree with PeterH. Violence only begets violence so that is not the answer. HOWEVER, ANY unwanted advances (from whomever and no matter what sex) is considered sexual harrasment and you can call him out for that. If you were female and he wanted to make those kinds of advances, you could definitely legally have recourse. It might be most "political" to let him know that you do not appreciate such remarks and that you consider them harassment which should not be tolerated by anyone. If this doesn't work, you can always push it a little farther and let him know (probably in private) that you will not tolerate this anymore and will pursue legal actions if he persists. Of course, this might make him pissed at you and if you want to avoid such confrontation, that is up to you (and depending on how much you want his "friendship"). just my :2cents:

[ambi53mm]

I would agree with Peter and Brian that a physical confrontation would be beneath you even tho in another time and place it would be appropiate. You mentioned that it was the husband of a close friend and he'd hardly be worth loosing a friendship over. I think I'd probably excuse myself letting him know that I had to use the restroom and offer to buy him a drink. I'd purchase his drink of choice then urinate in it when visiting the facilities. After returning I'd explain I had a busy day tomorrow and excuse myself for the night. Creative paybacks are my speciality...Dirty deeds done dirt cheap my theme song..
Would I stoop that low...No...Karmic paybacks are worse than anything I coud devise..Rest assure what comes around goes around..and that the negative energy one puts out ..will come back to you in the end.

Ambi :bigrin:

[JohnnyV]

Dear everyone,

Thanks for giving me your advice and calming me down. Part of me still wants to challenge him to a fight just for the thrill of it: a straight man getting his ass kicked by a bi guy! The poetic justice in it all!

But I will probably succumb to my more rational side... or who knows, I haven't had a good fight in a long time and it may be fun. Depends how he acts when I see him next!

You guys are the greatest.

Love,
J

[innaminka]

A good whack back. It sometimes is so satisfying. I wish I had done it a few times myself, but not in the circumstances you proffered.
There are far more subtle ways to get back at BS artists like you described.
Be subtle.
Order a load of high quality cow manure to be delivered and dumped on his driveway. COD of course.
Get some weedkiller and write a rude word on the middle of his lawn one night.
Or just simply ask him loudly enough for evryone to hear, has his wife agreed at last to his new lifestyle?

Be creative, enjoy the moment. ;)

[Driver 8]

If you were female and he wanted to make those kinds of advances, you could definitely legally have recourse.
I think men greatly overestimate the protection the law provides women in such cases. In my experience, even if this happened at a workplace, it'd be an uphill battle to get anythinig done about it, and the most you could hope for is a manager telling the guy to cut it out; the only times I know of guys being fired for harassment, it occurred over a long period of time and the guys had received several warnings.

In a social setting like JohnyV describes, for a single incident ... I seriously doubt you'd have any kind of legal recourse. :2cents:

[rupertbare]

JohnnyV you've had great advice in the replies, especially Driver 8's first and Peter H's.

But I wanted to add my :2cents:

You say the guy is a "little runt" and that being 60lbs heavier you could easily whip his butt, and I do so understand how seeing this complete twit whipped by a bi guy would be delicious irony, but it makes you sound like a bully!!

I'm not being rude or judgemental here, just saying how it comes across to me.

Now that you have calmed down maybe you will use some of the other suggestions - I especially like Innaminka's idea of asking loudly and publicly if his wife approved of his new lifestyle!!

But at the end of the day it's your choice.

The last "physical" fight that I had was with my brother and we were on a threeday "Peace" march!!! lol!!! Rolling around in the mud in a field somewhere in Southern England surrounded by peace loving "hippy" types!! lol! And this happened over 30 years ago!!

Love and PEACE

Rupe :)

[PeterH]

I love Innaminka's suggestion to ask him if his wife accepts his new lifestyle.
Way to go, Inna!

PS: :rolleyes: perhaps he's in the closet????

[APMountianMan]

It seems that sometimes when guys know that you're bi, they assume you're fair game for any kind of groping, leering, or gossip. This weekend the husband of someone very close to me grabbed my ass repeatedly and started licking my earlobe in front of people. He thinks it's funny.

I know I could kick his ass because I weigh about 60 pounds more than him and he's a flimsy little runt. When is violent retaliation appropriate?

And is this the way it's always going to be with men who equate open bisexuals with clowns?

Love,
J :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:


I don't think violence is appropriate, but I think tick for tack is. Since he grabbed your ass, why not do the same to him... let him see how it feels to be groped in public. Nibble on his ear and give him a squeeze... what do you know.. hey Mikey, he likes it!

:cool:

[JohnnyV]

Since he grabbed your ass, why not do the same to him... let him see how it feels to be groped in public. Nibble on his ear and give him a squeeze :cool:


It's hard for me to think of these things on the spur of the moment :(. My fear is that if I start doing these things back, it will encourage him and I'll get into a melee with his wife, who is paranoid about people hitting on her husband anyway (apparently she thinks his baby blue eyes are enough to overcome his underwhelming physique and lackluster personality). Along with what Peter says, I do think he's closeted and he would like nothing more than to get up in it!

I promise everyone I won't smack him, I'll just keep a clear distance from him the next time we go to dinner together, and I'll spend lots of time at the bar away from everyone. Sort of, relegated to the lonely bi corner, where my sexuality won't cause people any problems.

Love,
J :smoke: :smilies15

[rupertbare]

Sort of, relegated to the lonely bi corner, where my sexuality won't cause people any problems.


rofl!! I like that Johnny, I really do!!!

with love

Rupe :)

[rumple4skin]

JohnnyV,

I have had a "friend" or too grab my ass and stuff like that in a public setting. They do not know I am bi and I do not think they are. They seem to just like to make people uncomfortable. I am not sure why that is. If it were a friend that I was interested in continuing to be friends with I would probably quietly tell them that I did not care for it. It had been a casual acquaintance that had done it to me and I found ways to turn it around on them without having to kick their ass. He may be hoping to get a reaction from you one way or the other. He may just be envious of you and your ability to be “out”. Maybe he has doubts about himself and does not know how to express it. Hard to guess his intentions but they do not really matter. If it bothers you tell him to knock it off. I can certainly understand the temptation to just knock him around a bit but if you do your friend (his wife) may be upset with you and that could strain your friendship with her. I think in that setting I would maybe say in a voice that those that could see his actions would hear - "I may be bi but that does not mean I am easy so go hit on someone else." Or say in a serious and concerned tone “You really should find a more appropriate outlet for your desire to fondle another man”
Good Luck,
Rumple

[JohnnyV]

JohnnyV,

He may be hoping to get a reaction from you one way or the other. He may just be envious of you and your ability to be “out”.

Rumple,
You may be on to something. Perhaps people envy the courage that others show in coming out as bi. Maybe even if he isn't bi, he just feels the need to make me look less courageous by testing my limits, knowing I won't retaliate. Sort of like putting me back in my place.

J :cool: