How do you be Bi and married at the same time?

[Curious7714]

I am bisexual and happily married. I enjoy being with my wife sexually but i want to have that male sexual experience on the side. I know there are a lot of people out there doing this, but how many are open to there wives about it? How do you make it work?

[rissababynta]

My husband and I always had an understanding that as long as he was the only man in my life and I was the only woman in his, then we were good to go. We also let each other know if we are interested in someone and want to go out with them. We just pretty much keep our line of communication open.

[mikey3000]

The best advice is to talk, talk, talk, then talk some more. I'm a happily married bi guy who is out to his wife. And she is very cool about it for the most part, but still has the occasional setback. And I totally understand (for the most part too). Just keep the lines of communication open and let her know that she is the most important person in your life. Be patient and hope she can come to understand more.

[eddy10]

I agree with both Rissa and Mickey, In addition, I would add that you resist going out for M2M meetings without the discussions with your wife first. In my opinion that is cheating and it eat away at you inside and will eventually destroy your marriage.

[Lisa (va)]

Being bi doesn't rule out remaining faithful to one.

It also doesn't have to imply all marriiages have the same ground rules.

But regardless of the marriage arrangment, the same is ( or should be ) true of all of them, and that is the ability to communicate with your partner on all levels, sex or otherwise.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[FalconAngel]

There are as many different ways of making things happen, to satisfy your Bisexuality, as there are mixed orientation couples out there.

Look at the various combinations and possibilities that you can think of and talk them over with your partner. See which one works out the best for you and your partner.

There are more possible honest solutions than there are that require cheating.

Look at and discuss all of them before you make a choice.

[onewhocares]

Talk, Listen and Learn

You have been given some excellent advice from some really intuitive folks here. I can concur with their suggestion of communication being the key to understanding...be it yourself or your spouse. Each relationship is different and will require a personal plan to move forward. Do not rush into things with haste. All good things come to those who wait and communicate.

Belle

[graniteman1953]

Ditto to Rissa and Mikey. My wife and I keep the lines open and trust each other completely. I haven't been with a man in over 5 years and I don't regret that. Family first, (and we have a big combined family!) lol
I've been communicating with a man for a couple of months, who is also married and works, and has obligations to meet, like most of us. Just a matter of time. Work the fun:three::male::female::male: in when you get the chance, just don't make it a priority.

[mamachrista]

The only time I have been with a woman in the last 5 years, has been when we've had a sexual encounter with another couple. While **I** would love to go out with a girl, my husband isn't comfortable with that, so I repsect his wishes because I love him. I wouldn't go behind his back and I definitely wouldnt' recommend it. Like everyone else has said, communication is absolutely key. If she (or he) is fine with it, great! If not, and you want your marriage to not end eventually, cheating is really not the best idea.

[AchingBlossom]

I am married to a straight man, and he knows I like women, too. It's great because we can scope out women together! Maybe one day, we'll actually meet one we could invite into the bedroom for both of us.

[handlebar]

I'm a married man and even though i have never had an M2M relationship or experience, I do think about it all the time and have since age 12. So I really am bisexual in all ways except deed.
But I love my wife more than anything and we have an agreement that no external forces change that UNLESS she meets the person and agrees. I don't NEED an experience to tell me what it will be like same as I don't need to drink and drive to know what the results might be.
I'm an intelligent and well educated 43 yr old that happens to be bisexual.

So many people have marriages that are delightful with either or both partners being bisexual.

Communication is the key!!! Talk,talk,talk.

Jim

[biguy3113]

I am a 27y/o married bi male, I have know I was bi since age 12, came out to my wife of 5 years this year in the spring. I haven't been with another man in a long time and never behind her back. She open and willing if there is a connection for all of us and is completely okay with me as me, She even takes care of my needs in the bedroom as much as possible. We enjoy being able to admire hot men together and hope one day to share one together. All I can say is that honesty is the only answer, I was scared to tell her but I am happy I did. She is a very reserved prudish person until you get her in bed and in the act....

[handlebar]

I am a 27y/o married bi male, I have know I was bi since age 12, came out to my wife of 5 years this year in the spring. I haven't been with another man in a long time and never behind her back. She open and willing if there is a connection for all of us and is completely okay with me as me, She even takes care of my needs in the bedroom as much as possible. We enjoy being able to admire hot men together and hope one day to share one together. All I can say is that honesty is the only answer, I was scared to tell her but I am happy I did. She is a very reserved prudish person until you get her in bed and in the act....

That's great!! I have had very similar reactions and results except that I have been married 15 years. I was nervous about telling my wife but all worked out well and I have gone on to tell my brother and mother both. Amazing how liberating this is!

I hope all works out for you two!!

[Curious7714]

Thanks to everyone that has replied. Great advice from everyone and it sounds like communication and being open and honest is the key. I think My wife and I are headed down the right road. Took me a while to open up and I have never gone behind her back and never will. Thanks again to everyone.

[sparkster86]

i told my wife about my bisexuality shortly after getting engaged, after toying with the idea and hinting for a while. at first she was a little freaked i guess you could say, (only because of a bad experience with an ex boyfriend who was bi, but he was also a total asshole.) she came to understand that i am not him and by being bi i wasn't going to be like him but be myself. after reaching this enlightenment, she not only accepted it, but after a while she came to like it, she likes to see me with other men, and i can't wait to see her with another woman.:male::male::female::female:
basicly, i wasn't ok with keeping part of myself from her and i hate lying to the ones i love. honesty is the way to get through a relationship, but sometimes you have to do so carefully though.

[ez4u2rmbr]

I agree with Curious -
I love my wife, but there is something about a hand/mouth full of hard cock that just calls me (call me!)

[BareNBi]

I was a married bi guy and in the closet for many years. I tried to talk around the subject to get a feel for her reaction. Eventually my frustration and inabillity to be myself led to our divorce. I have since met a beautiful woman who is also bi and not only accepts me being bi but encourages it. We have a very open relationship and discuss everthing about our sexuality freely. I felt like the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was finally free. Having someone that understands and accepts your sexuallity does wonders for your confidence and makes life enjoyable. I know that I could never again be with anyone that couldn't accept my being bi.

[sprite]

We have developed an open relationship after hubby accepting his being bi.
The only thing that is difficult about it as the wife, is his sometimes manic needs for a man that overshadow his desire for me. He has not yet been able to find a consistent partner, so the search for that becomes obtrusive at times. That is when the reassurance to the other partner is so necessary. Despite your need for cock, you must let her know that you still desire her. He is learning to accept and know when I need reassurance that I am still desirable to him. The last thing a partner needs is to feel unsexy and undesired. This is a time when she/he really needs to know you still desire them. There are a multitude of 'what ifs' that run through the mind. Reassurance is the key.
Ironically, his coming out has made him act more 'like a guy', in that his dick rules his mind more than it ever did before. Make sure your big head leads over your little head,;) and if you really want her in your life, make sure you let her know that. :) As often as necessary. It is a hard road, but he is a whole person now. That is important.

[biblissful]

My Husband Knew I was Bi when he married me.I have lover she is sweet, every so often we all get together and have a fun time. But we keep things mostly separate for our sanity. We created boundaries, all of us, so no one steps on each others toes.

[void()]

For the 1 millionth time, communication and honesty. To borrow from Nike commercials, "Just do it!"

Sorry, a little miffed at seeing this same 'conversation' being recycled every time you turn around. Really, is it that difficult to search the forum? There is a link in the upper right hand corner of the main forum's page. It reads "Search this forum". One mouse click, or a few shift tabs and an enter key press.

But of course, we need a script don't we? "Um, yeah sure fine ..."

I don't have anything better, sadly. Sorry. It just irks me seeing the 'same ol, same ol'.
Guess that's part of it, too. *sigh*

[switchit]

It's amusing to read through these appeals to honesty and communication. Obviously, it were easy to admit to unusual desires one would simply admit to them or, as it seems in the case of some couples here, share them. But most marriages are monogamous, and most people adhere to pretty basic ideas and values around exclusive love. It's silly to suggest that one can say 'I want to fuck other men (or women, as the bi case may be)' and that the response will be 'thanks for sharing.' The response, as you know, is 'I want a divorce.'

[void()]

"The response, as you know, is 'I want a divorce.'"

Not always. And hopefully prior to the stage of being married you have spoken about your natural desires. Both partners should feel comfortable enough to do that with one another. Let me see, called love, trust I think. If you can't talk openly prior to being married, um what you doing considering getting married? I mean come on, please don't tell me that people actually need picture books.

"You also throw the baby out with the bath water."

*facepalm*

[tenni]

void_dweller
Actually, it is not all that easy to locate a similar topic when you search. If you enter the two key words of this thread (bi , married) this thread is the top one that shows. The next four are not really dealing with the concept. The fifth deals with the concept of being bisexual rather than bi and married at the same time. One thread deals with how to tell a partner that you are bi which is close to this thread but not quite the same.

Clearly, you have resolved this question for yourself sufficiently that someone asking the question irritates you? This is not the first time either that someone has stated that "we've discussed this before" etc. The answer to that was given before as well. Sometimes, it needs to be brought forward again for a variety of reasons. It never hurts to re examine a question. If it keeps coming up again then it is clearly worth discussing again.

[Wolf_Sr]

void_dweller
Sometimes, it needs to be brought forward again for a variety of reasons. It never hurts to re examine a question. If it keeps coming up again then it is clearly worth discussing again.

I do agree - this issue is far more complex than the black and white statements that read here. If if keep coming back it is also because it was not fully, sincerelly answered. I wonder if everyone when decided to marry was sexually matured at that early age to say to you potential spouse "look, I feel I am / or I may become bisexual... can you handle that?". And I do agree that most often than not that request for divorce will come.
Hugs
Wolf

[tenni]

One of the questions that comes to mind is the request for a divorce as a first reaction more likely to come from the woman partner or the man partner? Perhaps, it is an equal reaction?

[Mmonty]

I'm happily married but do occasionally have a bi encounter. My wife does not know and that's just the way it will be. We explored swing in earlier years...and she explored some of her bisexual side...but (and there is a very long story here) things are at a point where it has to be this way. I'm very safe and discrete about it and it is not something that happens often (because I'm safe and discrete and keep it that way). My wife is never ignored for someone else and is very well taken care of and loved. I'm not expecting anyone to tell me it's right, but it's been working well for many years. There is a chance that she is aware on some level......she did give me permission to play with other women alone many years ago. Gave me gift wrapped condoms. Just an extension of that.

[Curious7714]

I absolutely do not want to head down the path towards a divorce. That was not my intention at any time when i told her I am bisexual. That's my reason for not going behind her back and doing something. I want to be open and honest with her about it and try to work things out. It's hard to explain to her that I feel there is something missing, like I'm not complete because i haven't explored that side of my sexuality. Is it selfish to want that after we are married and been with each other for a long time? But why do relationships have to be so black and white, where is there all these rules that everyone has to live by? Why can't we be who we feel we are and still be married? So many questions and not a lot of answers. I agree with everyone and that honesty and communication are the key. But in the end it comes down to what I feel I need. But how do i do that with out putting my marriage in jeopardy?

[Curious7714]

I'm happily married but do occasionally have a bi encounter. My wife does not know and that's just the way it will be. We explored swing in earlier years...and she explored some of her bisexual side...but (and there is a very long story here) things are at a point where it has to be this way. I'm very safe and discrete about it and it is not something that happens often (because I'm safe and discrete and keep it that way). My wife is never ignored for someone else and is very well taken care of and loved. I'm not expecting anyone to tell me it's right, but it's been working well for many years. There is a chance that she is aware on some level......she did give me permission to play with other women alone many years ago. Gave me gift wrapped condoms. Just an extension of that.

I understand you are very discreet and safe. But what if something happens? What if you pick up something from someone? Or what if your wife finds out, is it worth what your getting to possibly ruin your marriage? I'm not hear to tell you what is right or what is wrong, that is for you to decide. Just wondering what you feel about what I asked.

[biblissful]

I understand you are very discreet and safe. But what if something happens? What if you pick up something from someone? Or what if your wife finds out, is it worth what your getting to possibly ruin your marriage? I'm not hear to tell you what is right or what is wrong, that is for you to decide. Just wondering what you feel about what I asked.

My Husband and I have been very open from the beginning, we have boundaries.I feel that people have choices and that it is important for them to make their own choices. I would not like my husband to make that choice for me.

[Curious7714]

My Husband and I have been very open from the beginning, we have boundaries.I feel that people have choices and that it is important for them to make their own choices. I would not like my husband to make that choice for me.

I think that was my mistake, I hid my feelings and desires for another man and didn't open up to her about it for a long time. I guess i can't expect her to be ok with it or understand now. She it's my decision to make and i understand that. But what she can't tell me is how she would take it or handle it if i did explore. How do i forget about my feelings and desires? or do i take the chance and see how she reacts?

[switchit]

Someone mentioned not being mature enough, necessarily, at the start of a marriage to declare a bi inclination. Yes, good point. And, probably more common, one might not really have a fully formed sexual identity early on in life. For that matter, sexual identity and preference can shift over time. A lot of middle aged men start to feel curious... Maybe women too... No one is setting down rules and such. People should just be realistic. The truth can really, really hurt, and it can ruin things. One might have to hedge on honesty, or give up certain desires... if one has not begun married life in an open or swinging or bi way, as is the case for all but a few of people.

[biblissful]

I knew I was bi around 7 or 8. I believe you have to be honest with your feelings, to yourself and people you love. True and honesty hurts, that is life. You can't have true happiness without so pain and hurt. You need to do what is best for your relationship. I have been married over 21 years, and I found the best coarse is to hit problems head on and if it is too hot leave it to cool down.
You have the choices, no one can make them but you. Take as much information as you can and decide. How would you like your other to make choices for you?

[Mmonty]

I understand you are very discreet and safe. But what if something happens? What if you pick up something from someone? Or what if your wife finds out, is it worth what your getting to possibly ruin your marriage? I'm not hear to tell you what is right or what is wrong, that is for you to decide. Just wondering what you feel about what I asked.

The answer is an obvious yes. I know the risks and keep things very selective to minimize them. I love my wife and take all the precautions needed. As the current situation is, should she find out and kick me out...she would be the worse for it and I the better. It is not always easy to take care of her. We have been married 35 years....and I came close to walking out on her a good 20 years ago because of her emotional problems......they were sending me into an emotional state I wouldn't want to repeat. At that point things opened up a lot for us and compromises (plus some good therapy) was had by all. I'm sure better men than I can do the stiff upper lip and be all stoic about their lot in life. I can masturbate a lot or have an occasional safe encounter with someone else. This is working. If it ceases to work....we both move on.

[switchit]

So reality enters the room. Your wife has emotional problems. You feel burdened and neglected. You long for some no-hassle release and pleasure, and men offer this. Telling your wife you do this would send her into a tailspin.
Too often on sex sites, 'honesty' and 'being open' are offered as utopian solutions to sexual conflict. Best to confront the difficult nature of your choices-- being honest, in other words blowing your wife's mind by telling her you like to suck cock, might get you out of a bad marriage, but it's more likely that doing so would damage her, make you feel miserable and guilty, and bring more loneliness and misery. I don't know what you should do. But know that anything you do will be difficult.

[void()]

For #24

"Clearly, you have resolved this question for yourself sufficiently that someone asking the question irritates you?"

In a way it does irritate. You see a lot of it on this site. And few people actually bother listening to the answer/s. Yes, I've 'resolved' this issue. My wife knew upfront, prior to marrying. She wanted us to wait a bit until she felt it was alright to have an open marriage. I honored that out of love for her, and still would be honoring it if she chose for us not to be open. We took five years of being married before deciding it was okay to be open. Mind you, we don't run out and shout it from rooftops. We aren't all together what anyone would define as promiscuous.

We've been married ten years come April 22nd, know one another for over twelve years. I have a boyfriend. She has one or two herself, although recently hasn't been going out so much. She goes by spells, same as me. We play separately as a matter of preference, always coming home to one another. And yes, we are highly cautious.

For #35

"So reality enters the room."

Apologies if you construed my 'be honest' advice as ignoring reality, or denying its existence. I ought to have been more articulate but often err on fewer words as words can be used as blades. And I concur, it isn't always peaches and cream. Adversities do exist but oft we don't burn bridges until we cross them.

That sums my two pennies, someone else go get an apple crate now. :)

[DareMe]

Very Carefully !

;)

[Mmonty]

Very Carefully !

;)
Exactly!

[Curious7714]

So what everyone is saying is it's going to be difficult? Yeah, i think i got that the second i told my wife and we started talking. It took me years to tell her and I never thought it would be easy. If I did I would have told her a long time ago. Can anyone share there story with me? How did it go when you told your significant other? Was there times where it was mentioned because you thought they needed a break from your Bi thoughts and feelings?

[itsallforfun]

Wow, nice discussion over the original question. I have been married 25 years, I found my "Bi" side a long time after I used to be homo-phobic. Some people change, some don't. My honesty about this now would hurt my wife too much, I will go to a video store occasionally to vent my lust. Each must make their own decisions based on their relationship. Best of luck

[Solar]

I told my wife from day one that if we wanted to try 3ways, that would probably involve me having anal with another guy and she was open to it. After she saw me go down on a male friend, she was aghast! The clerk at the local porn shop also told me that many women are curious about guy sex films but usually turn it off as soon as the anal starts. So, our situation turned into "it's ok but I don't want to watch or be involved".

[fortiesbifun]

my issues is that my wife of 20 yrs is no longer sexual. i dont want other women. i have had a few trists with men and now i am looking for more. am i cheating? i dont think i am. very confused!!

[Cinticursub]

Communicate, communicate, communicate, then communicate some more. I would think most of us have a fairly good idea what kind of response we will recieve from our spouses. If not, then we haven't communicated enough with them.

[bicowboy]

Well I'm a married man also. One day I shared with my wife my past about having a sexual expereance with another man. She got turned on by the thought of me being with another man sexually. Now thats not the case with every woman, I'm lucky to have the woman that I'm married to. Even though it's been awhile since then I still have the desire to have sex with another man. To be honest with everyone I really do enjoy oral sex. Just the thought of sucking on a hard dick & playing with it gets me hard and sexually excited. I'm bisexual, what can I say. It's not as easy as it seems to find a same sex partner. I believe it to be wrong for a person not to persue his or her true sexual feelings. It's only sex! and besides it feels so good.

[Falling Leaves]

I absolutely do not want to head down the path towards a divorce. That was not my intention at any time when i told her I am bisexual. That's my reason for not going behind her back and doing something. I want to be open and honest with her about it and try to work things out. It's hard to explain to her that I feel there is something missing, like I'm not complete because i haven't explored that side of my sexuality. Is it selfish to want that after we are married and been with each other for a long time? But why do relationships have to be so black and white, where is there all these rules that everyone has to live by? Why can't we be who we feel we are and still be married? So many questions and not a lot of answers. I agree with everyone and that honesty and communication are the key. But in the end it comes down to what I feel I need. But how do i do that with out putting my marriage in jeopardy?

I completely understand. My husband came out to me last year...I accepted him for who he is, as I always have in our marriage, and gave him the freedom (I like to call it a "blessing" from me to him), to explore the whole person he was, and he has...and because of that....the love between the 2 of us has intensified more than ever before in our 25+ years together. Because of my acceptance, his freedom to explore and then be, who he is, I also, have become free..I can't say it's been easy, lots of talks, sharing, tears, fears, and we are still learning, but honesty is the best policy, and the bottom line is unconditional love for the one you are with...if I expected to be accepted for who I am, how can I ask any less of him....he wouldn't be the man I know and love without me letting him be all that he is.....

[wildwestgoob]

So reality enters the room. Your wife has emotional problems. You feel burdened and neglected. You long for some no-hassle release and pleasure, and men offer this. Telling your wife you do this would send her into a tailspin.
Too often on sex sites, 'honesty' and 'being open' are offered as utopian solutions to sexual conflict. Best to confront the difficult nature of your choices-- being honest, in other words blowing your wife's mind by telling her you like to suck cock, might get you out of a bad marriage, but it's more likely that doing so would damage her, make you feel miserable and guilty, and bring more loneliness and misery. I don't know what you should do. But know that anything you do will be difficult.

Careful, I got an ear-full for that kinda thinking.

:yikes2:

Yeah, the "communicate-tell-the-truth-never-cheat" crowd will bang on their drums and circle the wagons on us...

Thing is, you can make yourself crazy (literally) over what she will or will not say/do when/if you tell her.

I am not going to condone either decision here today (in public).

It *IS* very hard for those of us who find our bi-self late in life, post-knot.
It's not like discovering you really *do* like asparagus.

YOU know your wife better than anyone (or should) and you probably have an idea of how she is gonna react.
I have been with my wife almost 15 years, and yes, she is a prude, and I *know* it would not only break her heart (my sexual preferences) but she would be mentally disrupted forevermore.
I wont do that to her.

Your situation, I am sure, is different, as is everyone else's here.
We are all in very UNIQUE situations, and one persons "silver bullet" is not gonna work for everyone, or ANYONE else necessarily.

My two bits: take each word here with a grain of salt.
Consider that their situation is NOT *your* situation, perhaps similar, but NOT the same.

Reality is a b*tch... handle it with care.

You have many choices ahead of you, and so does your wife. Choose wisely.

:2cents:
(and if you would like to P.M. me, feel free)

[Falling Leaves]

Good points wildwest, thank you.

[bicurcple]

Communication, understanding and just a good relationship. When my wife found out I was bi-curious we sat down and talked about it, my wife admitted after a nice long talk that the thought of me and another man turned her on, and she too had thoughts of being with another woman. We made a commitment and agreement then and there we would only do something about it if we were together and we would be honest with each other. Since then our sex life and our relationship is as strong as it has ever been. She is my best friend and I think friendship is an essential part of a commited relationship. If you do not have that in your relationship then I do not know what to tell you, it is up to you to decide if it something that is worth the possibility of ruining the relationship and maybe the marriage.

[fortiesbifun]

thanks for the replies. sorry for my not replying but i was out of country. how do i bring this up? if i tell her my thoughts, she'll not ract well. i would love her to know about my feelings but think we would not be in sync. this is my dilema. if she knew i was on this site, she would probably be scratching her head and wondering about me. on another note, if i was with a guy - oral or masturbation stuff, would that be cheating? moral issue.

[Herbwoman39]

I'd like to suggest that you find a copy of "The Bisexual's Guide To The Universe" by Nicole Kristal and Mike Szymanski. In it are guidelines for having a relationship outside of your primary. My husband and I used that book for helpful rules when I started looking for a girlfriend.It's got a whole range of ideas for you and your wife to discuss. It's worked really well for us. We just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary :)

[JP1986UM]

I came out all wrong, so don't do it the way I did it. I was having massive mental issues with my realization, after all those years of playing with men and women I might add, that I was heavily bisexual and more interested in sexual relationships with men than women.

However, in confiding this truth, we went from good, to down and struggling, to great. Our marriage is stronger than ever because now my wife really understands and knows me. (Hell, she's practically pushing me out the door to find a male partner). Its unusual, but honesty and truth do that, each spouse works to make the other one better and more happy.

Its take work, counseling, and more work. Long talks at Panera in the morning over coffee. Frank discussions about myself that helped me see who I was without a filter being turned on. Its not easy and I did not ask for a male lover to begin with, I was willing to turn that aside for her sake. I was also very much into telling her I wasn't going to leave her for another man. That, I think helped a lot. Most women or men, worry about being left alone among other issues. Some not. Depends I guess.

Now to find that one special guy........

[hot29bim]

yeah too am married and bi. My wife doesn't know at all and it really sucks. We have been together for 7 years married for 2 and I wish I had told in the very beginning. I have the added issue in that I love to dress. She knows about a little (panties and nylons). The hardest part for me is she told me that if I ever cheated on her or if I was gay that she would be devastated. I know bi and gay are different but not to her.

So I feel your pain

[alexcou]

My husband and I had known from a long time that we like sex with other people. Then, from even before we married we had and open sex life, that eventually turned into sharing together with other. As time went by, we play with other couples at first. As we enjoy the pleasure of seen each other with other people. It was a matter of time before we start the unavoidable contact with our partners of same sex, adding that as a new joy. One particular couple was our first gg bb contact, after many indirect but conscious contacts, specially when having a DP, my husband and him really have intimate contact, by feeling each other pennis inside of me, or her. My husband told me after my first DP with him, that he was exited both way, for my joy and for the rubbing of someone penis inside of me. They embrace to embrace me, they felt their gasp and just blow holding each other pressing me.
After, we talked a lot about and fancy many situations of each other with the same sex. One evening, of a lot of sex talk with our friends, we acknowledge we had like the touch of each other same sex during our lovemaking, and that we had thought a lot about, and we got very exited to just imagining if we try it during one of our get together. As she, Laura, heard me saing so she said that both of then have being taking a lot about it too, and were very exited to see Paul, her husband with Ed, and herself with me. We were at the jacussy then, and I went towards her and kissed her so vivid, just for what she just said. We came out of the tub and waked/runed to the bedroom, and the men follow us. As we reached first, we jumped into the bed kissing each other still wet. Eventually as I turned, just saw Ed and Paul holding each other pennis, just next to us. To make it short. We now enjoy a super relations with very personal likes. As we enjoy pleasing and been pleased by both sexes, that, if you put it on a cliche, you may say we are bi? but only comes with the right persons. I love to see Ed being pleased, by a Laura or Paul, and I love being pleased the same and being love for it the by Ed. As you see marriage has nothing to do, it is a personal like that the other loves and respects of you. Marriage is love as you are.

[bityme]

I am bisexual and happily married. I enjoy being with my wife sexually but i want to have that male sexual experience on the side. I know there are a lot of people out there doing this, but how many are open to there wives about it? How do you make it work?

There is no problem being bi and married. The problem is the "one the side" activity.

I was fortunate to have two wonderful wives, both of who were also bi. I never had the desire to do anything "on the side." Like many of the others who responded, we kept the lines of communication open and established any boundaries we thought were needed. In my case, well both cases, we always did things together. We never went solo. Unfortunately, cancer took two of the most lovely women in the world from me.

Now, I guess I'm getting some of that solo time, but I would still rather be with a couple, helping to make their expereinces more delightful.

I would always advocate in favor of being open with your spouse. If you cannot be open and honest, then the marriage is in jeopardy and you either need to get out or to get counseling to get your desire to stray under control.

Just my :2cents:

[bi4asplay]

There is noway that I would ever think of playing without my partner. It is a do unto others thing with me. I would not want for them to go behind my back, and could not do it to them. One lady that I was with for a number of years told me that it was Ok with her if I played on the side. I had tons of chances to do so, but never thought of doing so.The turn on for me is the sharing, though a really nice cock or pussy does help. If it is understood that you can play alone is ok for some people, just not for me.

[Jobelorocks]

The answer is an obvious yes. I know the risks and keep things very selective to minimize them. I love my wife and take all the precautions needed. As the current situation is, should she find out and kick me out...she would be the worse for it and I the better. It is not always easy to take care of her. We have been married 35 years....and I came close to walking out on her a good 20 years ago because of her emotional problems......they were sending me into an emotional state I wouldn't want to repeat. At that point things opened up a lot for us and compromises (plus some good therapy) was had by all. I'm sure better men than I can do the stiff upper lip and be all stoic about their lot in life. I can masturbate a lot or have an occasional safe encounter with someone else. This is working. If it ceases to work....we both move on.
It is really easy to say that when you haven't been given an std from a partner who you didn't know was cheating. I had an ex who was "careful" about cheating (using condoms and being selective) but still brought me a std. I was very angry because he had taken away my informed consent and also took a risk (no matter how small) that could have seriously harmed my health, without even informing or consulting me before hand. It may be "working", but you are still putting someone you love at risk without informing her or getting her consent. So that in my mind is betrayal and wrong. My ex could have told me he wanted to sleep with other people and I probably would have allowed it and slept with other people myself. Instead he decided to take away my informed consent and gave me an std that could of caused serious harm to my health (could have led to cervical cancer), but luckily since I was young my body was able to eradicate it.

My husband and I are swingers, but the difference here is that we are open and honest with each other so both of us know going in to it what risks are being taken and we both have agreed to the risks involved. That is the right way to do it. You go into a relationship willingly (and by entering it you agree to being faithful to that person, and whatever boundaries are set forth or implied) and you need to work out the boundaries together or if you are not okay with the boundaries, get out. Take it from someone who had to pay the consequence for the risk someone else took. Don't put your wife at risk without her knowledge if you truly love her.

That is all I have to say. on the matter.

[CurEUs_Male]

I've been spending a good deal of time lately in a discussion group (elsewhere) for "Making Mixed Orientation Marriages (MOM) Work". There are so many couples out there with methods, some monogamous, some open in a variety of directions... but one thing in common for those that are working is a lot of open communication about everything.

Spend the time discussion and looking at the options together. Then make the decision which directions you are open to trying, they may not be good after you try them, so going back to the table to discuss again and again until it feels right, and then on occasion to see if/when things change for either or both of you is so very important.

Finding a support group is so very helpful.

Best of luck.

Al

[Angel1980]

I am bisexual and happily married. I enjoy being with my wife sexually but i want to have that male sexual experience on the side. I know there are a lot of people out there doing this, but how many are open to there wives about it? How do you make it work?

Well i say sharing is caring .. ;)