What is a top?

[FireTiger]

Hello forum.
I have a question to pose for the blog.
I'm a little in the dark about roles in sex.
How do u tell what a "top", "bottom", "versatile", "switch" is?
And if so, how do u tell which a person is?

I just want to have a good idea of what they mean.

[Da Doctor]

top is the person that initiates sex act.
bottom is the receptive partner.
versitile and switch are the same as in they like top or bottom.

[glantern954]

Here is my understanding of technically what they mean:

Top: The "giver" of penis during Male to Male anal sex.
Bottom: The "receiver" of penis during Male to Male anal sex.
Versatile: Is flexbile to either of the above roles depening on scenario.
Switch: A turn at each role is expected.

These terms are probably more social categories than actual concrete roles that guys adhere to in the queer community. I often also here them used to imply how masculne or feminine guys are, or perceived.

It's kind of sad actually. Even in the gay community the word bottom (or feminine) is often used with negative conotations. Like feminine is less than masculine.

[Mrs.F]

Thank you for asking that question FireTiger. I thought I was the only one confused on that.

Mrs.F :)

[Tx46M]

Glantern is correct...but I really only have that kind of sex with women.
D

[DannyJ]

It's easy to understand what "top", "bottom", "versatile" and "switch" mean: 1), "top" is the man who is being sucked or is using his penis in anal sex and is in charge of the action; 2), "bottom" is the man who is sucking or who is offering his anus in anal sex...the feeling is that he is servicing his partner; 3), "versatile" means the man has no pre-determined tastes as far as sexual roles and is open-minded on the subject; 4), "switch" means the man enjoys being a "top" with some partners and a "bottom" with others, depending on how he feels at the time.
Sometimes, the "top" man will want to suck his partner...he is still in charge, and this behavior does not alter his role; sometimes, the "top" man will want to have his partner f**k him: although he may think he is still in charge, the roles have been changed, and he is now the "bottom" for the duration of the activity. Later on, the participants may resume their earlier roles.
Additional terms are "butch" and "femme", where "butch" indicates masculine behavior and "femme", feminine.
Last two points...I don't know if any or how many of these terms may be applied to women's behavior as well, so I stayed with what I know; and, although some in the gay community don't have any prejudices regarding "top" or "bottom", "butch or "femme", it is sadly true that, for many, "butch" is good and "femme" is bad (except when they want to get their rocks off--ain't that just like a man...lol).
Hope this helps.

[DannyJ]

In my last reply, I left out one detail...it does not matter who initiates the activity: many times, the "bottom" will initiate the activity, and the "top" will then decide if he wants to participate or not. This happens especially where a guy will want to suck another man, and the man passively lets himself get sucked: the "top" is not into the activity itself as much as he's into the pleasure he gets (physically and emotionally) from it.
All this might seem complicated, but the bottom line is: go with the flow and don't get paralysis from analysis.

[searchingbrian]

who initiates and who controls has nothing to do with "top" "bottom" etc.
The "top" is the male (generally used in MM sex but could also apply to MF or FF sex) whose penis is used for penetration (either orally or anally). This is not to say that "top" males don't necessarily don't like to do oral on the bottom, but in general it refers to the one who does the penetration. The "bottom" is the "receptive" individual (either orally or anally or otherwise). "versatile" means that one can and wants to play either role but this can be with the SAME or DIFFERENT person at the same or different time. This doesn't NOT mean that one guy is the top for another guy and a bottom for a different guy. Switch does imply that one will do both during the same sex session. Often this is referred to as "flipping" Anyway, that is my understanding but I want to also say, that I haven't had much experience with this personally but have learned about this from talking to others and by internet sites....
Hope this clarifies things.

[PeterH]

... 1), "top" is the man who is being sucked or is using his penis in anal sex and is in charge of the action; 2), "bottom" is the man who is sucking or who is offering his anus in anal sex...the feeling is that he is servicing his partner; ...

It seems to me that the person using a penis should be separated from being in charge, as well as offering should not be seen as servicing.
:soapbox: It degrades being bottom to being a 'prostitute' and would make top terribly close to a rapist. In fact, I'd like to separate sex from being in charge and service altogether. Sex is not a service, and no one is in charge. In my opinion, it's an act of free will on both sides, and a gift, or it should be, in my view.

:rolleyes: But perhaps i confuse having sex with making love.

Not just my :2cents: worth, Peter

[Driver 8]

The terms "top" and "bottom" are also used in the BDSM community; broadly, tops dish it out, and bottoms take it. (People who like both roles are "switches," though, not "versatile.")

There's some overlap between this and the definitions that have already been given - in fact, you occasionally hear some discussion about whether it's really okay for a BDSM to suck cock or get fucked ("tops don't do that!")

[JohnnyV]

It degrades being bottom to being a 'prostitute' and would make top terribly close to a rapist.

Peter,

I think the prostitution and rapist themes are part of the fun for people who resort to words like top and bottom.

I've always preferred to use the mechanical terms of fucker, fucked, sucker, and suckee when there's no element of domination involved.

Oh, I wish I could say more, but I am reaching my time limit on this public computing site..... Gotta log off!!

My deepest love to everyone! I'm going crazy in my library carrel trying to get this writing done!!!! Remember me in your prayers!!!!

Love,
J

[innaminka]

These terms and the explanations are also used in lesbian communities.
Especially in relationships where the butch/femme dynamic is actively in place. Also as Driver mentioned, in the "pain" communities.
Basically "Top" means the initiator, the dominant partner, the giver. And "bottom" is the taker.
It naturally also means circumstances where a non bio-cock is part of the lovemaking.

[Eddie altamonte]

I agree the top is the usually the penetrator anally but it also refer to the more masculine and bottom more feminine roles...and ofcourse as we bisexuals are well aware of there are those that vary according to situation...bottoms up guys!

[OralBradley]

top is the person that initiates sex act.
bottom is the receptive partner.
versitile and switch are the same as in they like top or bottom.

These definitions make much more sense to me than others I have heard. When I was 13 and a guy called me into a bathroom stall to suck my cock, and I was definitely a bottom at the time. Later when I approached guys in the hope of getting a BJ, I was being a top even though the other guy fellated me. When I hung out in a gay bar or bath house waiting to be picked up, I was passive and a bottom no matter the mechanics of whatever sex act(s) followwed. Other times (the best ones) were when the idea seemed to be spontaneous to both (or all in some cases) of us involved.