My husbands gaining weight...

[rissababynta]

This is a long griping session guys. Bear with me...

My husband is gaining weight (like you didn't know that from the title lol). Here's the thing though...he has a GREAT body...very toned...solid as a rock...but over the course of the years he's developed a bit of a gut. Nothing major, it's not floppy (like mine...ugh) and it's also solid as a rock, but it's definitely noticable. His family has gotten on his case about it in the past and it actually really pissed me off. He barely makes tape when they have weigh ins at work and he has been told that he is over weight and that for promotional purposes, it would be in his best interest to lose some weight even though he makes tape. They've sent him to a nutritionist and everything.

Now, he tries to pass it off as if he is not bothered by it, but I know that there is a piece of him that is. He knows that he hasn't always had this, and he also knows that it can effect the income for the family and he doesn't like that. I personally don't care. I think he looks great and I'd love him no matter how he looked.

Unfortunately, he really does have to lose the weight. Not just for work purposes, but for health too. His cholesterol is still in the safe range right now, but over the past year and a half his blood pressure has been getting higher and higher and at his last check up they told him to make an appointment to talk to the doctor about it (which he never did, so like any other appointment I'm going to have to be the one to make it).

A few months ago, I put us both on a diet. I'm not opposed to diets myself because...well...OBVIOUSLY I'm not skinny minny and a lot of that is due to my shoddy metabolism. He on the other hand was crabby and fought me every step of the way. In the end, about a month in he had lost ten pounds....while I GAINED FUCKING TEN! For whatever messed up reason...our diet so didn't work for me. So I told him that we were either going to have to split up and focus seperately on our routine for what would work best for both of us or he was going to just help me out somehow. Well, as soon as I wasn't one hundred percent in charge of the food intake...that ended pretty damn quick. He went back to frying everything ("It's 0grams transfat...this oil is ok to fry in"...sigh) and at time, taking WAY too much of a portion size.

Also, he has PT exercises every day, so I know that he is getting his exercise. They do a bunch of toning exercises, then they run like maniacs. Personally, I think that that's enough exercise...but maybe he needs to work more on his stomach area? If that is the case, he won't do it unless I make him.

Now, here's my bitching part...I'm so fed up with the idea that the only way that this is going to work out for him is if I do everything. I have three kids...age four and under. The majority of the week, I play the role of the single parent because he's not here. I have a house to take care of. I have my own diet and exercising that I try to find time for. In other words, I've got enough on my plate. I can't stand that I have to take on another stress just to get him back in order when I know that every step of the way is going to be him bitching and being crabby about it. Hell, at this point he's convinced it's not going to work because he's almost thirty and he's getting too old to lose weight (which by the way...my mother is in her fifties and a few years ago decided she wanted to start training as a body builder...but my dear husband is too old to lose a few inches in his gut...yeah...ok). So...if anyone has any ideas of how to make this situation easier for me...please PLEASE let me know. Because this stupid situation is beginning to drive me nuts!

[Flounder1967]

I was very athletic and gained weight

I starter at 220 lbs. and noe weight over 375. My cholesterol is safe anf bp is low. I'm argueing with docyors about my weigh. I'm comfortable with my looks and am 42. I tired of the Dr. think that the BMI is gold. I had one Dr. tell me that I test over the chart so he didn't use it. I mean when I was thin 220 lbs. it says I was very heavy and I wasn't fat at all.

[_Joe_]

Metabolism is a bitch as we age. Not only does cutting down have to be done, it seems you need to increase your output, which most folks simply don't do.

I lost over 35 pounds this year by not only changing the diet but makign darn sure I work out at least 3-4 times a week.

To distract myself from killing myself on that damn bike I modified it so I could have the laptop comfortably on there, allowing me to bike and type away and before I knew it I was burning at least 1,000 calories a workout.

Only advice I can offer honestly.

[rissababynta]

Metabolism is a bitch as we age. Not only does cutting down have to be done, it seems you need to increase your output, which most folks simply don't do.

I lost over 35 pounds this year by not only changing the diet but makign darn sure I work out at least 3-4 times a week.

To distract myself from killing myself on that damn bike I modified it so I could have the laptop comfortably on there, allowing me to bike and type away and before I knew it I was burning at least 1,000 calories a workout.

Only advice I can offer honestly.

I like your hardwood floors Joe :-P

[_Joe_]

HUH HUH HUH HUH you said hard wood!

[_Joe_]

btw FTW I just read "almost 30"

I'm "almost 35" and lost my 35 pounds this year, and I got nasty family genetics going against me and still triumped, so maybe letting him know that it's all still possible.

Find him an addicting video game. Get a bike and TV in front of it, and before he knows it whamo, weight's coming off.

[mikey3000]

I think the problem is your hubby needs to loose the weight, but you got too much going alrealy to have to baby sit him and make him do it, is that right? Man do I hear ya. I begged my wife for years to loose the extra weight. I tried everything. Excercising with her, buying the proper foods, even prepping the meals myself, but she just kept going behind my back. She didn't want to loose weight at all (plus her mother telling her she was fine didn't help). I mean she gained over 100 lbs leading up to this big confrontation. It was just such a stresser in our marriage, so I can totally understand. I just gave up. I stopped buying her the nice clothes, the spa get aways, the mac cosmetics. I told her if she didn't care about her health, why bother. All the money I was spending was just going to waste.

I decided to take care of me. I started walking lots, going to the gym and buying the nice clothes and stuff for me, thinking maybe that would inspire her. No way. It just made her jealous when I got the compliments. I weigh less now than I did when we married. I dropped over 50 lbs and have a 34 inch waist now (down from 42") and a 42 inch chest (down from 48"). And I'm 40. so it can be done. You just have to say the right thing to motivate him somehow. But when you figure it out, please let me know. LOL!!!

[Realist]

I have to say that I am attracted to those with voluptuous figures. Large, soft bodies are more attractive to me than very thin ones. My GFs chubby and I love how she looks.

However, I know that TOO much weight can cause health problems and, as in Rissa's husband's case, it could mean the end of his career, too.

There are those who appear to be overweight, but have no bad medical test results at all. My great grandmother (We called her Big Granny) lived 101 years. She was big all her life, ate everything fried in bacon fat, eggs, butter, lots of coffee, smoked and used snuff, too. (yuck) She was never sick and had 8 children at home.

My grandfather (her son-in-law) was not fond of her. When she died, he said to me, "Wonder how long she would have lived, if she ate right, and didn't smoke?"

[welickit]

Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Rissa-honey, its not easy to lose weight, trust me. And the problem is, everyone is different, their metobolism is so varied that not all solutions work for every person. If his prob is in his stomach region, then he needs to start doing heavy-duty crunches. You can help him with these simply by sitting on his feet and having him sit up toward you. He can even do this with the kids...they can help Daddy and make a game out of it. :} Have him lay flat on the floor with his feet placed flat, and have one the little'uns hold onto his legs.

Have him Slowly bring both legs toward his chest, Gradually a little at a time until he can lift his legs And the little one too. I know this sounds horriblly hard, but it gets easier as your stomach muscles develope. Try this at least a couple of times a day, or at night time, and on the days that he's not working. Its not easy, but its a good method, and again, the kids are involved. Try doing this with a broke pelvis like "I" did. Talk about something hard....

Anything worthwhile is worth working hard for, and its something he has to do for his job. And tell him to lay off the beer...thats a bad factor in guys getting guts...lol
Good luck honeygirl.
Cat
PS Want I should mail Eegie to you so's he can chase your honey around the block a few times each night? LOL :eek:

[csrakate]

Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!

This was downright rude. No where did she state that his weight bothered HER...as a matter of fact, she states she likes him just the way he is...but she's concerned because he's barely making the requirements for his job and his health is at risk. Before YOU cast stones, perhaps you need to read with a bit more comprehension.

[onewhocares]

Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!

Your comments were very mean spirited and not in good taste. Unless I read it wrong, Rissa is happy with her man, and changes were to be made for his health and such.

I happen to be a very curvy chubby chick who has a great sense of self. My husband recently lost 135 pounds because it made HIM happy and it was not related to health issues. Do I personally like him the size he is...no, not really. But I would never want him to be anything or anyway that would make him unhappy with himself.

Belle

[rissababynta]

Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!

I unblock you for this? Sheesh. I said RIGHT OUT that I love him the way he is and I think he looks great but HE is the one that wants to change because of his health and his job. Learn how to read retard.

[rissababynta]

Rissa-honey, its not easy to lose weight, trust me. And the problem is, everyone is different, their metobolism is so varied that not all solutions work for every person. If his prob is in his stomach region, then he needs to start doing heavy-duty crunches. You can help him with these simply by sitting on his feet and having him sit up toward you. He can even do this with the kids...they can help Daddy and make a game out of it. :} Have him lay flat on the floor with his feet placed flat, and have one the little'uns hold onto his legs.

Have him Slowly bring both legs toward his chest, Gradually a little at a time until he can lift his legs And the little one too. I know this sounds horriblly hard, but it gets easier as your stomach muscles develope. Try this at least a couple of times a day, or at night time, and on the days that he's not working. Its not easy, but its a good method, and again, the kids are involved. Try doing this with a broke pelvis like "I" did. Talk about something hard....

Anything worthwhile is worth working hard for, and its something he has to do for his job. And tell him to lay off the beer...thats a bad factor in guys getting guts...lol
Good luck honeygirl.
Cat
PS Want I should mail Eegie to you so's he can chase your honey around the block a few times each night? LOL :eek:

Well, you know he really does hate sit ups and avoids them at all costs. Maybe that's some of the problem. I've tried helping him do crunches and such by having little races and such, but if I don't do it with him, he refuses to do it on his own. Hell, half the time I'm left doing them by myself anyway haha.

[Doggie_Wood]

Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!

What kate, cat and Belle (onewhocares) said in response to your post is RIGHT FUCKING ON!
What make you the authority on being that opinionated and jumping to conclusions about what someone else thinks or doesn't really say.
You're not making any friends here stud/studette.
Bite your tongue before it gets bit.

Doggie :doggie: :mad:

[littlerayofsunshine]

Rissa, guess you don't have to look very far to see who wrote that comment on your Articles profile. Jeesh, Don't listen to the horrific Porno "The Hills have erections"




* and somewhere the sound of dueling banjos play in the distance, and then the sudden clank of teeth falling to the floor*



Check out craigslist or freecycle if you have it there and see if there is a easy to use elliptical machine or ab rocker for him. Make him his own CD of his favorite, faster rhythm music and maybe that would make it a lil more fun and give some motivation. After a couple weeks, he will see a difference and get more encouraged.

Just a thought... sexy woman.....

[rissababynta]

Rissa, guess you don't have to look very far to see who wrote that comment on your Articles profile....

I was thinking the EXACT same thing. Come to think of it it sounds like them too...spilling nonsense from their mouth and making things up to bitch about.

[JoshuaGlynn]

hey Rissa

Let me tell you that from what you have told us... I can tell you from experience... I think a lot of your problems revolve around the Stress in your life.

especially this... your stress revolves around worrying loss of money... or more that you are swamped by doing all yourself... and having to worry about him and his health.

I found an awesome book recently... It is called the Gabriel Method... I would highly suggest you pick it up. Here is the basics...

We gain weight because our bodies want to be larger. It is not a conscious thing... and it revolves around stress and the way we look at stress. When stress hits... our mind tends to view stress in one of two ways...

I'm in a Famine... (or worried about money/life/etc...)

I'm being chased by a tiger... (or OMG I need to do more/I need to get there faster...)

There is a big difference... in a Famine your body needs to store up, needs to have a reserve. If you are being chased by a Tiger, you need to be lean and fast.

This is a simple description of the book... but it has been life changing for me and a lot of others. I have already lost about 45 lbs in just a few months... it is more change of the way you look at things... much less a diet...

Here is a link to his website: http://www.gabrielmethod.com/

Josh

[eddy10]

In my experience and years of observations, I have found that if HE really wants to lose weight, he will. If not ... well he won't.

I have also found the simple "gozinta/gozouta" diet works best.

"gozinta/gozouta" = If what goes in is greater that what comes out, you will gain weight.
Conversely, if what goes in is less than comes out, you will lose weight.

That is a simple law of physics.

[Cman949]

Hey Rissa,

Don't worry about all the haters. However, I'll guarantee it'll be easier for him to lose the weight if you do it together. It sounds like you've been there for him in the past; and you'll be there for him in the future to help him lose the weight and get his cholesterol back in line.

I recommend using the free website www.thedailyplate.com. You can set your weight loss goals according to your current weight, age, sex and about of weight you want to lose a week. There's tens of thousands of different foods, plus it takes into account all of your daily activities plus any exercise you do that day.

Essentually, your husband will not only learn portion control but also what kinds of foods and habits will help him stay within his goals. So you can develop better long term habits.

And yes, it's free, plus there's all kinds of support groups etc. you can also join for free. (Like online video games, there is a pay portion for "Gold" members, but you'll only want it if you are very anal-retentive about tracking calories, vitamins, etc. or if you want to use their mobile phone app.)

I've only needed it to lose about 10-20lbs but a friend of mine who turned me onto the site lost about 50lbs in 2yrs using the site, and he looks great!

Best of luck!

[Realist]

Welikit,

You've posted some ignorant things in the past, but you've out-done yourself this time!

I rarely feel the need to comment to anyone, on the things I don't agree with. I feel it's usually better to leave such stupid statements alone, but your comments to Rissa were in extremely bad taste, callused, and obviously designed to hurt her. What a mean, cruel, thing to say!

You said: "Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!"

I'm no Robert Redford, myself, but I certainly have never said anything to a person about their looks, or weight, in such a hurtful way..........but you've gone way too far, this time!

What is your problem...are you blind? Have you see her photos? She is adorable and my GF agrees with me on that fact! That was a particularly crass and inconsiderate thing to say! You have certainly shown your lack of manners and bared your ignorant soul, at the same time!

I'll wait to hear your response, but after that, you're on my ignore list. I can't imagine that you can justify your filthy comments, but you're welcome to try!

That is about as rotten a thing as I've ever seen written on this site!

[Coastocoast]

Oh this is one I think MOST of us can relate to as we gain a bit of age. First off I am a man. The thing that motivated me was something my girlfriend at the time told me and it was proven true to me. She told me when I was trying to clip a few pounds by cutting calories was that I was never going to do it without the exercise and she wanted to do it together. Weights and cardio both were part of the plan. She said we can keep the weights moderate but ramp the cardio up over time. OK that was a decent start point to sell me but she continued. She mentioned that the higher exercise level for both of us would significantly jump start our sex life. I figured yea yea.. Well we went for good bike rides regularly and began lifting some weights a couple of times a week. I did not notice much in the beginning with the scale but my mirror looked better out of the shower before I lost much weight. After a few weeks time were doing pretty good with the weights and had some good rides. One time we got home and after showering I got attacked. To my surprise my staying power was noticeably longer. When we were done she looked at me and said... See? After that we generally made it a point within a few hours of working out of doing some final exercises. I am a believer, am lighter and enjoying myself more. That was motivation that worked for me….

[rissababynta]

Well, I can't speak for hubby on this one, but I have decided that for myself, tomorrow morning I'm calling the doctor and making an appointment to consider lap band. I had a friend once who got the procedure done because it was meant to regulate her eating habits. We have a similar problem where we only eat one meal a day, and it throws our metabolism out of whack. Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to eat when I'm not hungry and this means that sometimes I go a whole day or two without eating. When she got the surgery, because of what happens to your stomach, she began getting hungry more often during the day and before you knew it she was eating a few small meals a day, like you are supposed to. She is looking and feeling great now, and I'm wondering if maybe it would benefit me, too.

After I call the doctor and figure out what will be the best options for me to do with myself, I think I'm going to sit down with my husband and start talking to him about some of the suggestions that you all have mentioned. But first, I'm going to get myself out of the way before I start worrying about him. I just don't think I can deal with him doing this kicking and screaming while before I try to figure out what I have to do for me.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!

Where do you get off being such a smug, self-rightious jerk off? Your words were Totally uncalled for and un-needed, you dont know Rissa or her husband and you have no right saying such assholish things to her, much less insulting her like that. How bout you go find your rock and crawl back under it with the rest of the insects???
You know who I am and where I'm at if you have anything to say.
Me, Cat

[TwylaTwobits]

Rissa sweetie.....do nothing unless it is FOR YOU. Not cause some idiot said something, if you don't make a decision that is based on your own personal feelings it is something you will regret.

As for your husband, yes as we all age it gets harder to lose weight. More excercise is required and more often. It's his own personal decision to lose weight and he and only he can do what needs to be done.

I think you are a beautiful person and need take no actions to fit someone else's mirror. They can't live your life, so why let them dictate it? Much hugs from TT.

[jamiehue]

Keeping fit and enjoying a healthy lifestyle isnt EASY. See tv show gotta sweat richard was right.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sorry for the hostile attitude, Guys. But menopause and lack of caffein or chocolate is a Very bad thing. Realist, you spoke what I was feeling beautifully, mine just came out a bit more hormonal...lol

Riss-Honey..if you Want to have the lap band, do consider itm but also consider the effects and costs that it entails. I know several people in the BBW coomunity who have had it, and gastric by passes done, and believe me, its a life changing event. I'll support you in whatever you wish to do, but the main issue here is your honey. HE has to decide what to do or if he wants to watch his military career go bye bye.
Hugs sweetie.
Cat

[rissababynta]

Sorry for the hostile attitude, Guys. But menopause and lack of caffein or chocolate is a Very bad thing. Realist, you spoke what I was feeling beautifully, mine just came out a bit more hormonal...lol

Riss-Honey..if you Want to have the lap band, do consider itm but also consider the effects and costs that it entails. I know several people in the BBW coomunity who have had it, and gastric by passes done, and believe me, its a life changing event. I'll support you in whatever you wish to do, but the main issue here is your honey. HE has to decide what to do or if he wants to watch his military career go bye bye.
Hugs sweetie.
Cat

Cat, don't worry. If I didn't get my caffein I'd be hostile too lol.

About the lap band, it wouldn't be costly for me because military does it for free, which is nice. Also, I can't see how it would be extremely life changing for me except that it might regulate my eating a little more than. As for eating smaller meals and such...well...I pretty much do that already so that won't bother me. But this is all stuff I need to talk to the doc about.

About hubby...see...the thing is his career won't go down the tubes if he doesn't lose his gut, but it will be harder for him. He still makes tape, so he can't get kicked out or anything like that. However, if he is up for promotion along with another person and they are both equally qualified, if the other persons belly looks better in his Class A's then that is who they will go with. It's sick really, but that's the way it is. And we don't want that to happen.

[mikey3000]

Perhaps if he sees flab that justifies his condition in his mind. If you can justify it why can't he? Hard bullet to bite isn't it? Men dislike a fat woman just as much as women dislike fat men. Look in the mirror before you cast a stone. And don't blame it on having kids and a house to run, who pays for the kids and house? Certainly not some wannabee author that sits around all day. Where would you be if Mr. Flab wasn't there? Go ahead and flame me now....then take a look in the mirror. Big bones? Yeh, right!

And loose those great jugs she's packin'? SHUT UP MAN!!!!!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LOL You tell him Mikey. I agree. Riss looks fine just like she is to me, but its her perogitive to do whatever she feels like she needs to for Her. :}
You Go girlfriend!
Any high 5's to you too, Mikey. :}
Mean Ole Cat

[mikey3000]

And I thought all Chinese people were smart. Another stereotype shot to hell.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hmmm, just like thought "all' gay men were smart, sensitive, sweet and nice--at least all the ones "I" know are. Must be an American Gay trait. Damn, another myth gone ta shit...And there goes Gay Ass spouting off about something he knows Totally nothing about, and his companions too, obviously.
Sad...pathetic really...
Cat

[rissababynta]

welickit-Rissa was insulted in public at the ice cream shop by a man who told her how she's way too fat and should not be eating ice cream.

Perhaps they should give each other ultimatums? Lose some weight or we're going to get a divorce!

The Lap band and gastric bypass surgery is a total sham. It's not healthy, I've been told they can be dangerous, and you should be eating something instead of just skipping all food altogether for a few days. Are you into meth, coke, or something else?

I have seen the American TV show Army Wives and the women on that show are attractive and thin and I have been told by American friends and based on Rissa and Cherokee's posts it is clear that women in the military are fat heifers!
Yeah, I'm a huge coke head...retard. No, I've got my own other problems that effects my eating style that people here know about.

Lap band and gastric has it's risks like any other procedure in the world, yet sometimes the benefits outway the risks depending on the particular person, which is why each individual who considers it needs to discuss it with their doctors first.

Army Wives is a TV show...like you said...if only all of the beautiful people could be cast into the real life military and maybe we would all be up to your standards. Do you also watch Family Guy? Do you assume that dogs speak?

What does Cat have to do with army wives being heavy?

Women involved in the military are all fat heifers? Hmm, I wasn't aware that you have had so much experience with all of the women in the military. Oh yea, that's right, you don't have much experience with women at all do you. Wow, you have credibility now...

I may have a bit more meat on me than I should, but at least I've been doing something about it. I'd like to know what you and Welickit have been doing about your debilitating case of jackass that you've been afflicted with.

[mikey3000]

I'm betting he's inferior in other areas, say, um, below the waist. Can you say GIRKIN with internet balls? He is Chinese. Oh wait! is that another stereotype? My bad.

[rissababynta]

Rissa, don't complain. YOU asked for advice and myself and welickit gave you advice.

Do not get mad that this is not the advice that you wanted to hear.

Sorry to disappoint your homophobic and racist self mikey but my cock is big even for an Asian man. :rolleyes:

I didn't ask anyone's opinion on me actually. Maybe you need to take some reading comprehension classes with Welickit. And..I'm sorry...since when is going out of your way to call people fat heifers giving advice?

Troll.

[tenni]

oh..look...a troll Where?...over here.

[loveinit]

Hi, Rissa,
I am 44 years old and have been married for 20 years. It has been my experience that a person can change only herself/himself, not her/his spouse. The only way your husband will lose weight is if or when he wants to. It doesn't sound like that's the case.

You have your own responsibilities (your children and yourself) to worry about. It seems that you are trying to help a person who doesn't want that help, and in fact, is resisting the help. It is wonderful that you have tried to support him in this effort but he's a grown man and you are not his mother. He knows you are concerned about his health and career. Stop worrying about his eating/exercising and leave him to himself- this will take much of the stress off of you. Whatever happens, whether he loses weight or not, he will still be employed. If his health declines, he'll need to make decisions about that at that time.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Does matter what race or nationality he is, ignorant jerk is ignorant jerk...no matter What race he is. And a hydra is just another snake and worm. Say hello to your other alter ego's for us, Gay Az.
Cat

[rissababynta]

You have your own responsibilities (your children and yourself) to worry about. It seems that you are trying to help a person who doesn't want that help, and in fact, is resisting the help. It is wonderful that you have tried to support him in this effort but he's a grown man and you are not his mother. He knows you are concerned about his health and career. Stop worrying about his eating/exercising and leave him to himself- this will take much of the stress off of you. Whatever happens, whether he loses weight or not, he will still be employed. If his health declines, he'll need to make decisions about that at that time.

That is all well and good, but the career he has now is barely enough to pay the bills which is why he needs his promotion and is why he's been working towards his promotion. The decisions that he makes that effects his career effects me and his kids also. If he had expressed that he doesn't care, then I'd be annoyed but I'd kind of just roll with it with him. But he has stated that he cares and he has tried (complaining the whole way, but tried none the less) and that is what is making the difference.

He actually just told me last night that he really wants to lose the weight and whatever we tried to do to make it happen he was willing to do but he had two conditions...1) he has little drive to do it so I'd have to push him and 2) since he doesn't like the idea of hard work he will be whining about it no matter what. Those two things are the things that I've been having the problem with.

[tenni]

Oh Rissa
I don't know. He has to have the motivation. You may support him and help him by keeping certain things out of the house. He may be expecting a bit too much from you. Do you think that he might give your lip service and "cheat" (oh that word again...lol) behind your back with twinkies and things...lol(only partially kid'n)?

You gave the impression that he needs to pass a standard? Is there a chance that he could lose his job or just not get promoted? What about some incentive that he can have if he not only loses the weight but gets the promotion. You know..a big boy's toy!...lol (Alterrain vehicle or ?)

[grxclaus]

Rissa,

I can certainly tell you that he is not too old to lose weight. I am 6'4" tall and weigh 290 lbs. Yep, the weight is not healthy but worse than that, I'm freaking exhausted all the time. I have a hard time of being on top when I'm having sex because I can't support myself. I'm just fucking tired of it.

I have to look at myself naked in the mirror if I want to see my cock (size problem too). The problem is the shit that I dump down my throat. Especially Mountain Dew. I'm slowing getting rid of all of the crap but not quitting it cold turkey because I know that don't work.

He needs to nip it in the bud now before it gets in front of him and it will. Judging from your pics, if I were him I know one way I would get rid of the excess cargo. I think you are one major hot woman!!

[csrakate]

He actually just told me last night that he really wants to lose the weight and whatever we tried to do to make it happen he was willing to do but he had two conditions...1) he has little drive to do it so I'd have to push him and 2) since he doesn't like the idea of hard work he will be whining about it no matter what. Those two things are the things that I've been having the problem with.

I agree with Tenni on this....for him to put the responsibility back on you is unfair. Unless he WANTS to do this for himself, it will never work and in the meantime, he will get angry with you for pushing him and you will get frustrated with him for not complying. Let him know that you support him, but the decision to do something for his career and his well being rests on HIS shoulders...not yours.

[mikey3000]

Buy a whip and whip him when ever you catch him cheating :tongue:. But then again that just might have the opposite effect, so never mind.

[rissababynta]

Oh Rissa
I don't know. He has to have the motivation. You may support him and help him by keeping certain things out of the house. He may be expecting a bit too much from you. Do you think that he might give your lip service and "cheat" (oh that word again...lol) behind your back with twinkies and things...lol(only partially kid'n)?

You gave the impression that he needs to pass a standard? Is there a chance that he could lose his job or just not get promoted? What about some incentive that he can have if he not only loses the weight but gets the promotion. You know..a big boy's toy!...lol (Alterrain vehicle or ?)

He wouldn't lose his job unless he didn't make tape also, but he just makes it. It's mainly just missing out on promotion. However, he plans on going retiring and if you are in for a certain length of time without progressing, they will kick you out for that. So it's a tricky situation.

And yes, I wouldn't be surprised if he sometimes cheated. I know that the majority of the time he doesn't (I've asked people he works with lol) but there have been times that I'll go into the car for something and find a wrapper for a bag of potato chips. When I confront him about it, he'll say that he missed lunch and he was hungry. That's understandable...but of all the quick things he could have gotten...potato chips? Ugh, he's a butthead sometimes.

[rissababynta]

Buy a whip and whip him when ever you catch him cheating :tongue:. But then again that just might have the opposite effect, so never mind.

Maybe it'll get him excited and he can burn some calories in the bedroom lmfao.

[rissababynta]

I agree with Tenni on this....for him to put the responsibility back on you is unfair. Unless he WANTS to do this for himself, it will never work and in the meantime, he will get angry with you for pushing him and you will get frustrated with him for not complying. Let him know that you support him, but the decision to do something for his career and his well being rests on HIS shoulders...not yours.

Yeah...I know. I try to see it that way but at the same time it kills me that our entire family's life relies on him doing well at his job and meanwhile I sit back and let him just skim by. All I have to say is that he is SO lucky that he is good at what he does because his NCO's are pushing for him to go before the promotion board and they want to see him promoted. But unfortunately, if someone equally qualified but "looks" healthier is before the board as well, it greatly decreases his chances.

I don't know...I'm thinking about maybe just pushing slightly to help give him an edge, but other than that, well I don't know. All I know is that I have to be the one to stress and remember and take care of everything, and this is one more thing that I just can't deal with.

[oldguy1969]

Diets are crapola, try not changing what your eating and look at how your cooking it . Ok if you fry most of your food then you will gain weight but if you start broiling and use olive oil a bit more you will notice a change. then the hard part eat what you want but before eating it add a half of a grapefruit with no sugar added. Now exercise try setups these tone the midsection, leg lifts tone the thighs. and lots of swimming tones all over. Even when watching the tube try placeing your hand on your stomach and using your muscles to push it more pressure applied creates more tenision in muscles. Chocolate switch to carob, and finally and a bit more fiber in your meals .

[rissababynta]

Diets are crapola, try not changing what your eating and look at how your cooking it . Ok if you fry most of your food then you will gain weight but if you start broiling and use olive oil a bit more you will notice a change. then the hard part eat what you want but before eating it add a half of a grapefruit with no sugar added. Now exercise try setups these tone the midsection, leg lifts tone the thighs. and lots of swimming tones all over. Even when watching the tube try placeing your hand on your stomach and using your muscles to push it more pressure applied creates more tenision in muscles. Chocolate switch to carob, and finally and a bit more fiber in your meals .

Yeah, I know all this. The problem is figuring out how to get him to do it haha.

[rissababynta]

If you are Anorexic, Bulimic, or have an eating disorder you should not get the lap band or have gastric bypass surgery.

I do not have an eating disorder anymore. I still struggle with it since it is something that stays with you for life, but for the most part it's done and overwith. Yet another thing to talk to the doctor about...whenever I can get a damn appointment with these damn people! Grrr.

[_Joe_]

#1 Warning if you get the Stomach Band thing.

One, they normally like to practice well into the night, and the drums get to you.

#2 : FOLLOW THE RULES THEY GIVE YOU. If you urp up your meal because you ate too fast too many times, you will easily give yourself a Stomach Hernia and shell out several thousand getting that fixed. They dont' disclose this little detail that a good majority of folks experience!

#3 Ignore #1 it was a funny pun.

#4 Ignore #3 as it explained #1

#5 Ignore #4 and #5.

[rissababynta]

#1 Warning if you get the Stomach Band thing.

One, they normally like to practice well into the night, and the drums get to you.

#2 : FOLLOW THE RULES THEY GIVE YOU. If you urp up your meal because you ate too fast too many times, you will easily give yourself a Stomach Hernia and shell out several thousand getting that fixed. They dont' disclose this little detail that a good majority of folks experience!

#3 Ignore #1 it was a funny pun.

#4 Ignore #3 as it explained #1

#5 Ignore #4 and #5.

Now I need a pain killer for my headache lol.

[still_shy]

Rissa, I think you are beautiful the way you are. I hate to admit this, but I'm the one who's like your husband. In the past year, I've gained around 70 pounds, my blood pressure has shot through the roof and I've been diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. My husband (bless his heart) has been extremely patient with me but is worried sick about my health. He has encouraged me, bought me exercise programs and equipment. For some reason though, it's not worked. I've tried everything and like you, generally only eat one meal a day or less. I know this has a lot to do with my thyroid but some of it doesn't. I like soda alot and don't eat right when I do eat. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think anything you do will force your husband to lose weight, he'll have to decide that it's what he wants and go for it.

[rissababynta]

UPDATE:

My husband came home a little bit ago to take me to the dentist and he told me that at his physical this morning he didn't get good news. The doctor told him that since he is a little overweight but the weight is not distributed all over his body, it's just all in his gut, that this will begin compressing on his internal organs if it hasn't already. She also told him that he has stage 1 hypertension, and he has a history of heart problems in his family so not good. They are getting an xray of his heart soon to see how it looks and he is getting bloodwork done probably tomorrow so we don't know anything about all that yet, but overall she told him that if he doesn't start making some changes soon he's got about ten years left to live.

So needless to say, he's really not fighting much about this anymore :bigrin:

[Realist]

Rissa, while I'm sorry about the diagnosis, I do hope he'll take this in a positive way and do something about it. I hate to think that he may not be there for you and the kids in 10 years!

[tenni]

Rissa
Just a comment on your idea about a stomach operation. One of my sisters had that done. She had developed health issues from being obese but had always had weight issues. Like you, she "said" that she wouldn't eat much in her 20's and she still gained weight. She tried all kinds of things but her metabolism seemed out of wack due to dieting. She had babies later in life and as she expected her weight went way out of control. She became diabetic and sleep a[niea(sp) and continued to gain weight. She had to do several things to prepare for the operation and that included e chatting with people at various stages either waiting, just had the operation , just after to a year or more after. She picked the operation where they staple the stomach. She knew that her eating would be altered for life...small portions, no carbonated beverages, no coffee, no alcohol etc.

Well, she has a bit of a personality...lol When she didn't immediately suffer too much after operation with the side effects, she began to push the issue. She really started to lose weight but I think that she ate a bit more than she should at one sitting. Apparently, she bridged which meant that one of the platinum pegs came partially undone. Food began to slip over to the other side of her stomach. She has continued to lose weight and still eats smaller portions but they seem to be getting bigger and bigger portions. She was quite disappointed when the weight didn't roll off after the first year's weight loss. She doesn't talk about it and it has been three years. I don't push it. Still, she looks a lot better and I think that her diabetes has become less of a problem. Still, sleep apnia though as far as I can figure out.

So, not all operations are a success. Check into it carefully.

[rissababynta]

Rissa
Just a comment on your idea about a stomach operation. One of my sisters had that done. She had developed health issues from being obese but had always had weight issues. Like you, she "said" that she wouldn't eat much in her 20's and she still gained weight. She tried all kinds of things but her metabolism seemed out of wack due to dieting. She had babies later in life and as she expected her weight went way out of control. She became diabetic and sleep a[niea(sp) and continued to gain weight. She had to do several things to prepare for the operation and that included e chatting with people at various stages either waiting, just had the operation , just after to a year or more after. She picked the operation where they staple the stomach. She knew that her eating would be altered for life...small portions, no carbonated beverages, no coffee, no alcohol etc.

Well, she has a bit of a personality...lol When she didn't immediately suffer too much after operation with the side effects, she began to push the issue. She really started to lose weight but I think that she ate a bit more than she should at one sitting. Apparently, she bridged which meant that one of the platinum pegs came partially undone. Food began to slip over to the other side of her stomach. She has continued to lose weight and still eats smaller portions but they seem to be getting bigger and bigger portions. She was quite disappointed when the weight didn't roll off after the first year's weight loss. She doesn't talk about it and it has been three years. I don't push it. Still, she looks a lot better and I think that her diabetes has become less of a problem. Still, sleep apnia though as far as I can figure out.

So, not all operations are a success. Check into it carefully.

Thank you Tenni. I know that there are many problems involved with any operation and that people take a risk. I did speak to the doctor today though, finally, and he said that I'm not nearly heavy enough to qualify for anything like this, but if it is a matter of simply regulating my eating habits to give my metabolism a kick in the ass, there are other things we can try.

[MarnaThall]

Hey according to my experience you should not go for Fat burner and other nutritional methods. I can help you loose weight without any dieting. For more information visit my blog: http://www.thinwithin.com/blog/

[OlderBC1]

I know this is an old thread, but I have to say, Risa, that you think a lot like my wife does with me. I got this darn flab flap that needs to go. but my L2 disc is a bit outta wack, & my hip joints are bone-on-bone. Getting rid of 2 blood clots in the left thigh has put off the hip replacement I should've gotten in February. Darn blood thinners & ace inhibitors for high blood pressure is getting in the way of our love life. Besides a friend I'd like to join us. Everything still works, but having a loving partner to hold you up is always welcome. So take it from me, having been together for 412 years, we've learned to help each other in any ways we can. To be supportive of your mate is always a good thing, so keep at it!

[Finally]

Losing weight and staying fit is a way of life. Lap bands not healthy and without eating correctly and exercise you will put weight on again. There is no magic pill or easy way to do it. If your husband is not committed there is no hope. I am 55 great shape and healthy. That's just the life I choose to live. Exercise 1.5 hours daily and eat a good diet. Best of luck