What if wife does not accept?

[Wolf_Sr]

Hello, this is my first thread. I was for some time wondering if I should write it or not, I decided to take the risk...
I read frequently here and in adds that "wife knows and accepts", what if you live a long true love affair with your wife and than your late sexuality facet come up after the 40's of 50's, you want to experiment but you hide the feeling because know that she can't accept bisexuality at all?

Hugs
Wolf

[allbimyself]

what if you live a long true love affair with your wife...
I'd say you've said all that matters right there. If what you say is true then there is no possible way a sane man would jeopardize what you have for a few minutes with a cock.

[tenni]

I think that this scenario and one of the partners losing interest in sex are two challenges that seem to be controversial.

Clearly, the best approach is to discuss your feelings with your partner.

If you have had early same sex experiences and not disclosed them with your partner, then that might be a starting point. Introduce the concept and see how your partner reacts. If she says nothing, let it rest for a bit and then bring up what happened again. Perhaps introducing the feelings that you are experiencing again . Reassure your partner that your same sex desires have nothing to do with the intensity of the love that you have for your partner.

The rest of the journey may vary from individual to individual. It may involve counselling with a bi positive therapist. Seek out a therapist that has experience with counselling bisexuals. If your partner refuses to go with you, go on your own.

2/ If you find that an impossible task, then you are left with other options. Suppress your feelings and attractions is one alternative. This is where people say that you have this great love relationship and why gamble on losing that for "cock". I personally think that is easier said than done. I think that it weighs on people and makes some very unhappy to the point that they lose their perspective. It may damage the relationship and love that you have for your partner to suppress this part of who you are.

3/ An other alternative that seems to create a lot of friction on this site but is an option is to go ahead and experiment on your own without letting your partner know. This may be a common approach for men who experience their bisexuality emerging/ re emerging after 40 but the approach most difficult for some to see as a "proper" solution.

I think that you should at least have informed your partner about your attraction and see how they handle it. Give it time to sink in. But if your partner is resistent, I somehow suspect that supressing your attraction will not work if this is not something that you have resolved until you are in your 40's.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Chill out Az, go have a cookie. lol
The best policy here is that if you love your wife, dont do anything to jeapordize a good thing that you have at home. I know its going to be hard,,er, so to speak, but its going to be worth it in the long run.
Cat

[rissababynta]

Chill out Az, go have a cookie. lol
The best policy here is that if you love your wife, dont do anything to jeapordize a good thing that you have at home. I know its going to be hard,,er, so to speak, but its going to be worth it in the long run.
Cat

HAHA...hard...

[TaylorMade]

Rissa, Mountain Cat!

http://www.hollow-hill.com/sabina/images/serious-cat.jpg

*Taylor*

[texasman6172003]

Most of you know my situation. The Advice i have for you now,is TELL her. If she is the woman you thought you new and loved. It will not matter,she will stay with you. Don't fuck up and not tell her like i did. Lord knows i am not perfect and have made plenty of mistakes in my life,butt please tell her so you will not have to go through what i have. And if she does not stay with you,well she was not the woman you thought you loved. I wish you the best of luck too you...

[mikey3000]

I think Tenni hit the nail on the head again. Try to discuss it with your wife first, but don't push it. Not everyone can handle their spouse having attractions to the same sex. If she can't, then experimenting on your own is an option, though not a popular one. I do believe that if you try to repress those feelings, eventually you will obcess over them. You have to do what makes you fulfilled, just use extreme caution to protect you and your wife's health.

Good luck to you.

[FalconAngel]

3/ An other alternative that seems to create a lot of friction on this site but is an option is to go ahead and experiment on your own without letting your partner know. This may be a common approach for men who experience their bisexuality emerging/ re emerging after 40 but the approach most difficult for some to see as a "proper" solution.


That is possibly the worst advice I have ever seen uttered here. Cheating is never the solution for issues in a relationship.

It's like trying to patch holes in a boat by making more holes. It only sinks the boat faster.

Relationships are about give and take from both sides, not give from only one side (knowingly or not) and take from the other. There needs to be some way to work things out.

Fact is that if your spouse cannot accept your sexuality and you cannot work things out with her, then you either do without or break up. And while neither option is good, they are the only options that are honorable.

[mikey3000]

That is possibly the worst advice I have ever seen uttered here. Cheating is never the solution for issues in a relationship.

It's like trying to patch holes in a boat by making more holes. It only sinks the boat faster.

Relationships are about give and take from both sides, not give from only one side (knowingly or not) and take from the other. There needs to be some way to work things out.

Fact is that if your spouse cannot accept your sexuality and you cannot work things out with her, then you either do without or break up. And while neither option is good, they are the only options that are honorable.

So depriving himself or breaking up his family is honourable? THAT, my friend is possibly the worst advice uttered here. Dude I strongly disagree (of course :)). Most here have agreed (in principle) that sexuality is a very fluid part of one's being. And to hold one to a promise that was made 20, 30 or 40years prior is not realistic. The honourable thing would be for the spouse to try their best to understand the other, research and learn about human sexuality.

[mikey3000]

I'd say you've said all that matters right there. If what you say is true then there is no possible way a sane man would jeopardize what you have for a few minutes with a cock.

Just curious, but is that what bisexual is? Just a few minutes with a cock? No emotion or passion? Cause if that's true, then so is every negative stereotype that the hetero population places on us, and I would no longer care to be associated with bisexuality. I will redefine myself and move on.

[CurEUs_Male]

Just an observation here -
When I read about people having this desire they do not believe the most important single person in their life can accept, I really wonder more about the relationship and the commitment. Usually, it's a question someone has not even posed to the Significant Other.
I went through this same feeling a number of years ago. It started after we tried swinging, and enjoyed some aspects of the open relationship. While we never looked fro same-sex partners, I started feeling I would like to try it at some point. As the feeling grew, I finally talked to my wife about it, and while she was not jumping to watch me with another man, she understood I had an interest and accepted it. Since then, we have moved very slowly. I have yet to actually do anything with another man, but the interest has grown. She was not at all interested in women originally either, and has recently started to give that the same thoughts I have. Eventually, this will be something we experience together.
Back to the thread - If you wanted sex with a woman, would you cheat on your wife? (I would like to think not). Why would you do it with a man? Yes it's more of a shocker, and possibly more of a point where she actually may be right in thinking "I can't give him what he wants anymore", but I would think it HAS to be better to talk it through first, and see where it leads.
If she is totally against it, then you know you may just have to suppress some desires because of the relationship. I doubt anyone can really say they have never suppressed a desire because of a relationship that is that important. (Happens every time we want to watch different TV shows). If she can listen, and understand you are sharing with her your changing interests, and that it doesn't mean you're headed out for the adult book store every night, then she can help you along the path. Whichever path it is, better to have someone with you, at least trying to understand, and help you.

[CurEUs_Male]

OH, and tenni posed an OPTION, not a suggestion or recommendation.

It may be the worst possible option, and you will need to choose, but is is an option. Free choice is something humans have to deal with.

[rutemptedalso]

If there are kids involved, one can't just think about themselves. As bad as I want to have that friend with benefits, I can't take a chance of tearing my family apart. Maybe after they're all raised and on thier own but for now I feel like they need a stable family. I've told my wife about my experience as teen and I didn't feel like it was wrong at all. I feel that it all stemed from the lack of effection when I was younger. She also knows that I still have feelings to be close to someone again and that she's #1 in my life. She doesn't approve of the idea yet but, I really hope she'll understand some day.
You'll feel better if your honest with yourself and your spouse. Take it slow and don't dump it all on her at once. Once you start talking about it you'll feel so relieved that you wont want to stop but too much all at once can scare them to death. For us, there have been life long friends that have came out. It's all around us. I think that has maid her relize that it happens.

[halobeam]

If my partner tells me she wants to sleep with a guy, I don't think I will keep that relationship. If she does it behind my back that's cheating regardless of her desire for the opposite sex.
I thought homosexuals have those issues but then as a bisexual to me gender is not the desire, it's the personality. So, if I like to have sex with another person while I am with my gf, then that's same as asking for a threesome, which works with some couples and not others...but I don't think this is about bisexuality per se...it seems like it's more of an open relationship or polyamory perhaps...which may be an option for some couples continue their relationship in a different level...

[rissababynta]

Rissa, Mountain Cat!

http://www.hollow-hill.com/sabina/images/serious-cat.jpg

*Taylor*

What can I say, I've been naughty.

[FalconAngel]

So depriving himself or breaking up his family is honourable? THAT, my friend is possibly the worst advice uttered here. Dude I strongly disagree (of course :)). Most here have agreed (in principle) that sexuality is a very fluid part of one's being. And to hold one to a promise that was made 20, 30 or 40years prior is not realistic. The honourable thing would be for the spouse to try their best to understand the other, research and learn about human sexuality.

We all know that you are a big supporter of cheating, so your position is not lost on those of us that have seen your posts on that subject. That also means that you have, at best, a very weak understanding of honor. Honor means integrity, honesty, and faithfulness to your word. Unless the vows for a couple are written differently, most couples have a vow of honesty and fealty to their spouse. Honesty is required to maintain that and that also means no sneaking around behind their partner's back.

So yes, it is HONORABLE to do only those two options. Cheating is both a deception (not honorable) and violation of trust.

Sexuality not withstanding, destroying trust is never a good option.

So, without ruining trust by cheating, and by staying with someone that can not or will not accept one's sexuality, what other option is there?

Sometimes a breakup is the better choice than living a lie with a spouse that does not trust because of one's sexuality. Cheating destroys trust and without trust and honesty there is no relationship. If there is no relationship, then there is no reason to stay together.

In the long run, if there can be no middle ground found as a solution, then the better option is to not stay together or to remain completely faithful to the one that you love.

[tenni]

Cat
Would you give Falcon a cookie (add a little valium or vodka :)

Chill Falcon
Lest you be judged for your actions. There are people out there who will condemn you for your actions so get off your high horse.

You're not much help to Wolf_Sr with your judgemental, moralizing unless you were:
a/ over 40 before you recognized your bisexual urges
b/ married for a long time before you knew of your bisexuality
c/ married to a woman who did not accept bisexuality (you don't know if he has already disclosed to her or why "he knows")
d/ from the same cultural background as Wolf_Sr (Brazilian)

It may be better to keep your condemning statements about honour etc. to yourself and apply them just to yourself.
That is not to say that part of what you state doesn't have merit but your life and values should not be imposed on someone who is living a different life.

[Long Duck Dong]

I will be dead honest...... you have a choice.... your marraige, or your sex life, what is more important.... what is the most valuable.... what is the one you can lest afford to lose

many times people will say that their partner doesn't understand / accept their sexuality, so they have no choice but to cheat......

the *no choice * aspect is the part that makes me lmao...... where is there no choice.... where is the issue that forces a people to cheat and have no alternative, to the point it is a matter of life and death.....

now if you are 40-50 and want to experiment... then be honest about it...don't sugarcoat it and make excuses or reasonings..... its about sex.... what ever term you wanna coat it with, you can not deny, its about sex......

you also have the option of looking at your life and your marriage and deciding why it is that you could have compromised and given up on many areas ....but suddenly, its not a option.... suddenly....you need that cock / vagina..... and you can not live without it.....

honestly, there is no right or wrong answer to the original question as its different for each person.... and basically.... it comes down to one simple thing..... if there is no chance of compromise with your partner..... then you have to decide one of two things.... your marraige or your sex life...what is more important

[tenni]

"your marraige or your sex life...what is more important"

LDD
I was thinking that it may be more than sex. It is his identity as well. If his wife can not accept bisexuality it is more than just sex. It is a rejection of who he is. Sex is a factor and probably a driving urge. You are under 40 and have expressed your sexuality from both sides. He has not. You may not understand his position or the strength of his urge. Still, you have expressed yourself well.

[Long Duck Dong]

tenni....... there is three options....

one you are bisexual and want sex
two, you are bisexual and do not want sex.....
three, neither of the two apply cos the person is so unique and different that the defining aspects do not apply to them in any way


if the wife doesn't wanna know about or accept the sexuality..... do not rub it in their face....

but again it comes down to sex....as the term sexuality refers to sex * biSEXuality *.... not biROOFPAINTINGlitity* or biSUPERBOWLity

the wife can be rejecting the sexuality.... but she is not rejecting the husband....

its like saying my wife should accept the superbowl as I love the superball and its part of my identity, but no she goes off into the kitchen and shows no interest in the superbowl... so my wife is rejecting me......which is not true, she has no interest in the superbowll, but she loves her hubby

[JohniBi]

One question every one of us have to answer at some point is, "is it okay to cheat just because I'm bi?" The answer I came up with for myself is no. But nobody can tell you what your answer will be.

[halobeam]

but again it comes down to sex....as the term sexuality refers to sex * biSEXuality *.... not biROOFPAINTINGlitity* or biSUPERBOWLity

the wife can be rejecting the sexuality.... but she is not rejecting the husband....

its like saying my wife should accept the superbowl as I love the superball and its part of my identity, but no she goes off into the kitchen and shows no interest in the superbowl... so my wife is rejecting me......which is not true, she has no interest in the superbowll, but she loves her hubby

I don't think sexuality comes down to sex, you can have any sexuality without ever having sex...there is more to sexuality then act of sex, sexuality is your identity something that you don't have a choice, where as having sex is a choice. It's like your eye colour you can't change that...so if the wife is rejecting her life time partner's sexuality I think that is a major issue. It's like saying my husband is white and I will make him tan all the time because I like darker skin (weak example, but trying to make a point).

Not having a same interest is VERY different then having different sexuality. Many couples have different interests and which is ok and healthy to pursue one's interests and share. But ignoring one's sexuality because 'it's rubbing on my face' I think that is not a simple as you put it, to me that is somthing that needs counselling.

Ignorance is not a solution because it will not go away and it will lead to the 'other' option people here are arguing about...I think most of us would agree cheating is not the best solution, so I don't see the point of argument either, but that's just me....

I think the issue raised here is when a person is looking for another sex partner and the question is does the wife/husband accepts it or not, regardless of their sex/gender because that doesn't give the excuse of fooling around with others. If the person is homosexual I can see how this can relate.

I also agree that when you are older and coming out is much higher risk and cultures make it difficult too. I think finding community of LGBT and being part of it is one way of feeling comfortable with your sexuality, I just don't see how sexuality is related to act of sex and betrayal, lies, cheating etc...

[Long Duck Dong]

halobeam..... think about it please..... just for a moment......

how the hell do you experiment with your sexuality, without having sexual contact.....
your sex activities defines your sexuality, not the reverse...
bi curious people have not been with the same and opposite sex..... bisexuals have

and as for your comment * I just don't see how sexuality is related to act of sex and betrayal, lies, cheating etc.. *

sexuality is the most commonly used excuse ..... I am bisexual, I have needs, wants and desires...

[TwylaTwobits]

Okay I will admit to being a bit confused when I first read the OP I saw the part that "wife knows and accepts" then I see a question about acting on bisexual urges.

Forgive me if I am wrong, Wolf. I am a straight woman in love with a bisexual man. I was told about his bisexuality long before we ever connected on anything other than a flirty basis. I joined this site to see how he deals with that part of himself and the effect it could have on us as partners.

The responses I am seeing that advocate cheating or not cheating are just a rehash of several threads. The bottom line if you have a long caring relationship with your wife and she knows and accepts your coming to this site, perhaps you could experiment within your relationship and introduce some bisexual play like strap ons and various things. It is an experience that my partner and I have found filling and so far I have been able to satisfy his craving to have a cock inside him.

I wish you luck, Goddess bless.

[FalconAngel]

Cat
Would you give Falcon a cookie (add a little valium or vodka :)

Chill Falcon
Lest you be judged for your actions. There are people out there who will condemn you for your actions so get off your high horse.

You're not much help to Wolf_Sr with your judgemental, moralizing unless you were:
a/ over 40 before you recognized your bisexual urges
b/ married for a long time before you knew of your bisexuality
c/ married to a woman who did not accept bisexuality (you don't know if he has already disclosed to her or why "he knows")
d/ from the same cultural background as Wolf_Sr (Brazilian)

It may be better to keep your condemning statements about honour etc. to yourself and apply them just to yourself.
That is not to say that part of what you state doesn't have merit but your life and values should not be imposed on someone who is living a different life.

I'll take a cookie. But Scotch, please. Vodka is for lightweights, and no Vallium, please.

You forgot to mention a choice "c": "Tried to keep it on the down low and ruined my marriage for the effort."

Honesty is honesty. Period. There is no middle ground in that where it comes to maintaining a functional relationship.
Would you prefer to be cheated on by your spouse or is it only the one person that can sneak around and screw around?
Be careful what you wish for; you may just get it.

So try to condemn me for being behind integrity. You gave up all of the moral high ground when you supported the dishonesty of cheating.

My spouse both knows and approves of what I do, as well as participates, together with me, so that she does not get left out of any fun going on. There is also the fact that I need not sneak around behind her back.
That is what can happen when one is honest with their partner and their partner is honest with them.

We are honest with each other and have worked out the issues involving my Bisexuality.

You can't condemn a man for being honest, unless right has become wrong and wrong has become right.

As far as my values, you and a very small handful of folks on this site are the ONLY ones that do not share the values of honesty with one's spouse/partner. That applies to any relationship where sex and love are involved.

If one has to lie to one's partner, then the relationship has lost it's love and is doomed anyway. Same when a s/o cannot or will not accept that their partner is Bisexual.

[rissababynta]

halobeam..... think about it please..... just for a moment......

how the hell do you experiment with your sexuality, without having sexual contact.....
your sex activities defines your sexuality, not the reverse...
bi curious people have not been with the same and opposite sex..... bisexuals have

and as for your comment * I just don't see how sexuality is related to act of sex and betrayal, lies, cheating etc.. *

sexuality is the most commonly used excuse ..... I am bisexual, I have needs, wants and desires...

LDD, I have barely done anything with the same sex, but I will always and forever call myself a bisexual. Just felt like throwing that out there :-P

[rissababynta]

I'll take a cookie. But Scotch, please. Vodka is for lightweights, and no Vallium, please.

.

How about we just forget the damn cookie and go out for a bottle of crown. Better yet, why don't you just stop by and we'll finish off the one I already have :-D

[Wolf_Sr]

Hi all. I am surprised by the amount of returns to the thread and do appreciate all the comments. I am processing them and I will be a bit slow doing this. Just some clarifications:
# ... a few minutes with a cock: doesn't cross my mind, I am not promiscuous - I think more of a long term friendship with a special person, not with two or dozens.
# ... have had early same sex: no, never (OK, childhood experience count? than a very few). This is very new for me and I thought I can not be the only one.
# ... suppressing desire: yeah, I can do that, but I was willing to check other's experiences without suppressing desire. I wonder if suppressing all desires makes you a better or worse person, or if it is always wise.
# ... choice marriage or sex: It is not so simple is it? I do love my wife and would sacrifice everything else if that is the sole choice.

Yeah, I do expected some harsh comments, this is the reason I delayed starting the discussion. It is OK. Hugs to you all.

[FalconAngel]

How about we just forget the damn cookie and go out for a bottle of crown. Better yet, why don't you just stop by and we'll finish off the one I already have :-D

Sounds like a plan......I'll wear my kilt.

[FalconAngel]

Hi all. I am surprised by the amount of returns to the thread and do appreciate all the comments. I am processing them and I will be a bit slow doing this. Just some clarifications:
# ... a few minutes with a cock: doesn't cross my mind, I am not promiscuous - I think more of a long term friendship with a special person, not with two or dozens.
# ... have had early same sex: no, never (OK, childhood experience count? than a very few). This is very new for me and I thought I can not be the only one.
# ... suppressing desire: yeah, I can do that, but I was willing to check other's experiences without suppressing desire. I wonder if suppressing all desires makes you a better or worse person, or if it is always wise.
# ... choice marriage or sex: It is not so simple is it? I do love my wife and would sacrifice everything else if that is the sole choice.

Yeah, I do expected some harsh comments, this is the reason I delayed starting the discussion. It is OK. Hugs to you all.

It is a lot to sort through, but just remember that you won't lie to her if you love her.

Just always be honest. You may not like the options that leaves you, but at least you will be able to live with yourself.

[Long Duck Dong]

Hi all. I am surprised by the amount of returns to the thread and do appreciate all the comments. I am processing them and I will be a bit slow doing this. Just some clarifications:
# ... a few minutes with a cock: doesn't cross my mind, I am not promiscuous - I think more of a long term friendship with a special person, not with two or dozens.
# ... have had early same sex: no, never (OK, childhood experience count? than a very few). This is very new for me and I thought I can not be the only one.
# ... suppressing desire: yeah, I can do that, but I was willing to check other's experiences without suppressing desire. I wonder if suppressing all desires makes you a better or worse person, or if it is always wise.
# ... choice marriage or sex: It is not so simple is it? I do love my wife and would sacrifice everything else if that is the sole choice.

Yeah, I do expected some harsh comments, this is the reason I delayed starting the discussion. It is OK. Hugs to you all.


lol wolf.... I do apologize if I come across harshly...... its just that I have seen so many marriages go to shit cos of cheating / infidelity....and the issue is that there is more than one person in a marriage.....

I do accept that there is more than one reason for a marriage failing ...but there is also reasons for marriages coming apart at the seams, and with a long term marriage.... its rather sad if it comes apart cos of sex... but unfortunately a lot of them do.....

I do realise and understand that people do suddenly get a change in themselves at 40-50 years old...and it does make it differcult for people that find they are bi curious / bi sexual and have suppressed / denied that aspect of themselves for many years....

but for a person that has not married but watched my mother divorce twice...and many others too.... it is starting to appear to me that soceity has changed too....amongst my generation and younger, marriage is not about love and respect, caring and sacrifice... its about I want, I need I desire, I should have.... and the partner needs to get with the program cos its my life .....

I do envy the older generations that married for life.... and honoured that... for the good and the bad... and I would like to do that myself..... for the good and the bad.... ... and if it meant a life without sex.... then I would choose love over sex.... but I am not a person that is controlled by sex... and yes my partner would have to compromise a lil..... I would expect the right to masturbate to relieve sexual tension and desire and the right not to be involved in some areas where sexual tension and attraction could be stronger than normal and tempt me ...... but thats just me...and I am still unmarried

[tenni]

"As far as my values, you and a very small handful of folks on this site are the ONLY ones that do not share the values of honesty with one's spouse/partner. That applies to any relationship where sex and love are involved."

Actually, there may be a small handful of folks who state the truth and reality for a good number of bisexual men(more so than women but yes women too). For those who have marriages where open discussion leads to a greater union good for them. I have no idea if that group is larger or smaller than the group of bisexuals who are not able to discuss their identity with their spouses out of fear of rejection and loss of marriage anyway. If you are uncertain about your sexuality and are aware that your partner is rigid in their belief structure for religious or other reasons, that fear may outweigh and block what has been an openness between you on other issues. I personally suspect that the numbers are greater than those whose marriages become stronger from disclosure. If you are uncertain about your sexuality, disclose and your partner rejects you ending the marriage cuz yer a fag. You find out after the divorce that you tried it and you really are not bisexual, you have lost on both sides. Of course, those who would reject a spouse for this are not real people are they?

I believe that disclosure is good but a person who finds their identity having shifted after years of marriage and find that arousing, frightening and confusing should be given compassion and acceptance rather than holier than thous making judgements that may not be appropriate. Simplifying such decisions to a binary option may not be the best approach. It may be better to determine your sexuality before beginning a discussion with a partner if you "know that they will not accept it" (anyway). To each their own path.

With that circumstance, even if you disclose, you have as great a chance of your partner rejecting your bisexual identity and reacting hostile as having an open and accepting partner who permits open same sex relations or even polyamour.

For those who disclose their shifted identity and are rejected by their spouse if all you have is be strong, etc. then your words are of little help. Seek counselling even if your partner will not go is better. Perhaps go for your own counselling before deciding whether to disclose or not. I see this as very similar to marriages where one partner loses interest in sexual relations and expects the other partner to accept it. Both may lead to a stiffled soul and the marriage has failed anyway. If after counselling, you decide that it is best to not explore your bisexuality so be it. If after counselling, for some reason you decide to stay in a marriage where your partner rejects part of whom you are, then there are a few options to take.

Perhaps, the difficulty may be in seeking out the proper counsellor for a bisexual. Are the issues the same as a similar person who is gay or are the issues different enough that a counsellor for gay people is not appropriate?

[darkeyes]

Ansa 2 this lil conumndrum is jus how muchyas prepared 2 sacrifice, and jus how honest yas prepared 2 b...how much yas prepared 2 hurt 'er... an jus how much pain ya can take at enda day if everythin goes belly up...:) ansa these questions an ya will eitha do rite or rong...

[halobeam]

halobeam..... think about it please..... just for a moment......

how the hell do you experiment with your sexuality, without having sexual contact.....
your sex activities defines your sexuality, not the reverse...
bi curious people have not been with the same and opposite sex..... bisexuals have

and as for your comment * I just don't see how sexuality is related to act of sex and betrayal, lies, cheating etc.. *

sexuality is the most commonly used excuse ..... I am bisexual, I have needs, wants and desires...


LDD, I have barely done anything with the same sex, but I will always and forever call myself a bisexual. Just felt like throwing that out there :-P

I have a gay friend who never had a boyfriend and he is in his 30s...but he has always been gay...
I have always been a bisexual but it was only recently that I've met my gf...I will always be bisexual regardless of having sex or not...so if someone never has sex, does that mean they don't know what their sexuality is? sex is a choice.

[FalconAngel]

LDD, you need to retrain your thinking to a bit more of a scientific analysis of the issue.

Our sexuality is far more than just the act. It is more the desires and attractions than the act. Those desires and attractions that determine who we choose to have sex with.

Using the logic of "our sexual partner determines our sexuality" just doesn't really hold water when the contradicting evidence of Gay actors playing straight roles or straight actors playing Gay roles. And while that has more impact in the Porn industry, where "Gay for pay" is as much the rule as the exception, but it is a fine example to contradict the belief in the "acts means sexuality" theory.

In defense of what you said, though, the understanding of sexuality is really still in it's infancy (relatively speaking), so there are a lot of areas, within sexuality, where the knowledge changes almost as fast as new sexuality related discoveries are made.

[Long Duck Dong]

I have a gay friend who never had a boyfriend and he is in his 30s...but he has always been gay...
I have always been a bisexual but it was only recently that I've met my gf...I will always be bisexual regardless of having sex or not...so if someone never has sex, does that mean they don't know what their sexuality is? sex is a choice.

do you know if you enjoy sex if you do not have sex........

are you bisexual as a sexual being, if you are only attracted to people on a non sexual level


I knew I was attracted to both genders before I ever had sex.... but it was only thru sexual contact that I was able to conform that I was a sexual bisexual.......

hence I use the terms bi curious and bi sexual, one is a assumption and one is a absolute in terms of defining sexuality....

but there is also the bisexual personality, in the same manner as a gay / hetero / lesbian personality....they are people that have the traits of the sexuality ....its the same as the feminine male, masculine female personality traits we see in people....

if you notice, we as bisexuals define bisexuality as attraction to both genders....but its rare that we acknowledge that we base our bisexuality around sexual contact.....