A question from a newbie

[hellabella]

I have been out of the closet for quite some time now but I am having trouble adjusting to the fact that if I want to ever eventually settle down (guy or girl) almost as if I have to pick a side? Its like I cant have both and its not that I want both at the same time but both sexes satisfy me in different ways so how do you guys feel about choosing a side if you even want to choose a side

[Gearbox]

You settle down with whoever you love.;)

[funkymonkey]

I agree with Gearbox.

You should be with whoever you love. It doesn't mean picking a side. It means committing to a person.

[Realist]

Hellabella, The most rewarding, loving, and satisfying relationships I've ever had were in a poly, or open situation. If you feel the way you do, you should NOT try to settle for one, or the other............I know, I tried!

Even though I am only incidentally interested in being with a guy, there are times when I will meet one and the attractions are so compelling that avoiding a relationship would be extremely difficult and painful.

Stay true to yourself. If you aren't, you will never be happy, I assure you.

[pawned79]

First, you shouldn't be afraid to let your heart take you somewhere. You may very well naturally settle down with someone that you love, and end the end, you might not care anymore.

Now, alternatively, you can only sign a marriage certificate for one other person, but that doesn't mean you can't live in a polyamorous household. My wife and I are actively dating, as a couple, looking for a third to come, live with us and be with us. We were lucky to find each other. We are both bisexuals, both Dominates, and both polys. For us, our household is more than perfect, and we feel like we have a lot of love to share with a special someone.

I dated a girl in college who had a severely disabled brother. Her brother has a nurse. Well, that nurse was the daughter of a MWW triad. No joke! When I found out, I asked her about it. She said that "Lelu" had always been there and was like a mother to her. It wasn't until she was a teenager that she finally comprehended the nature of her parents' relationship.

So, end the end, you might have have to compromise,
Patrick

[12voltman59]

The thing is--when you choose to have a relationship with someone of either gender and be monogamous with them--it is intrepreted by those on the outside of the relationship that a choice has been made as to "which side" you are on--either straight or gay.

Its too bad this is the case--but that is the way it is.

[MarieDelta]

If you feel like you dont want to choose between the two genders, you might need a poly -amorous or non-monogamous relationship. It can be hard, its certainly no easier than being in a monogamous relationship, in fact usually it is more complicated by far.

Might I suggest a few resources?

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php - forum discussing poly relationships

http://www.lovemore.com/ - Loving more magazine, one of the oldest poly magazines in the US

http://polyweekly.com/ - Polyamory weekly a podcast that celebrates Polyamory from a pansexual, kink friendly point of view.

These might give you more of an idea on how to "manage" such a relationship.