Coming out after a lifetime of denial

[Emotional Masochist]

So.. I was thinking about something today and I was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences or some advice.

Basically before I realized I was a bisexual, I spent most of my life denying that I was gay. Most of this was due to the fact that while I was a younger my brother thought that it was funny to go around telling everyone I was gay. The thing was at that time I was attracted to women, so I thought I couldn't be gay. This was a long time back(about ten years ago). He was and still is a very convincing asshole. Took me forever to deal with that "crisis." It was kind of aggravating at the time.

After that I had the usual accusations of being gay. Seeing as I write poetry, like flowers, don't get cars, cry at movies, and avoid horror movies at all costs it wasn't really surprising to me. Since I still didn't figure out I was Bi i denied it all.

That was bad enough, but my brother somehow convinced my father I was gay a few years ago (A year before I figured out I was bisexual) and when he confronted me on it. We had this explosive fight and didn't speak for weeks. My dad is very bad with tact. He was trying to beat around the bush and when that didn't work to well, he accused me of being gay and hiding it from him. (Me and my parents are very close. I don't hide much from them.) Anyways my mom snapped at us both and made us talk. She also almost killed my dad for accusing me of being gay, saying that if I was I would have told her.

Now that you have the background info. Here is my issue since I figured it out I have been thinking of telling my parents, but after my explosive fight with my dad I am sort of feeling guilty. I mean blew up on him and now here I am trying to tell him I am a Bisexual.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Print out some material on bisexuality. Make sure you include that parts that state that being bisexual doesn't mean being gay. Use different sources if you have to...Take it to your mom, have a deep conversation with her and let her know how much it would mean to have her support you in telling your father. Work out a plan of discussion and I suggest using the materials and have your father read them.


***now this is the What would sunshine do? segment***
Caution.. The WWSD segment is for entertainment purposes only and should not be construed as advice and or direction on how to live ones life. Take it as advice at your own risk

Sunshine would tell pops that brother used to try to get me to suck his wiener and when I wouldn't he threatened to tell everyone I was gay. And then did tell people I was gay.. And even though I never sucked his wiener, it did spark my curiosity about other wiener, So Voila I am bi now dad... My brother-your son made me bi!******


Now back to seriousness.. Good luck in whatever you decide to do EM :)

[mikey3000]

Just say, "see Dad, I told you I wasn't gay." Really, good luck however you tell them. It's never easy.

[purplespider]

Coming out is different to everyone..and not everyone equates being bi and being gay..i happen to equate being bi as being gay...you are part of the spectrum...eh...whatever you are happy with ...I just know that you, me and 20 other bisexuals be they guy or girl..will not feel the exact same way or even approach being bi the same way...or even feel the same way...enter the Kinsey scale...where are you on the spectrum? So many questions and so little time! Honestly..embrace who you are...accept who you are...and enjoy your life...your parents and true friends will still love you for who you are as a whole! Congrats on the coming of the out!


..
Print out some material on bisexuality. Make sure you include that parts that state that being bisexual doesn't mean being gay. Use different sources if you have to...Take it to your mom, have a deep conversation with her and let her know how much it would mean to have her support you in telling your father. Work out a plan of discussion and I suggest using the materials and have your father read them.


***now this is the What would sunshine do? segment***
Caution.. The WWSD segment is for entertainment purposes only and should not be construed as advice and or direction on how to live ones life. Take it as advice at your own risk

Sunshine would tell pops that brother used to try to get me to suck his wiener and when I wouldn't he threatened to tell everyone I was gay. And then did tell people I was gay.. And even though I never sucked his wiener, it did spark my curiosity about other wiener, So Voila I am bi now dad... My brother-your son made me bi!******


Now back to seriousness.. Good luck in whatever you decide to do EM :)

[mikey3000]

Coming out is different to everyone..and not everyone equates being bi and being gay..i happen to equate being bi as being gay...you are part of the spectrum...eh...whatever you are happy with ...I just know that you, me and 20 other bisexuals be they guy or girl..will not feel the exact same way or even approach being bi the same way...or even feel the same way...enter the Kinsey scale...where are you on the spectrum? So many questions and so little time! Honestly..embrace who you are...accept who you are...and enjoy your life...your parents and true friends will still love you for who you are as a whole! Congrats on the coming of the out!


..

I consider myself to be a part-time gay, and that works for us. I like the term. But am I part of the LGBTQ community? you bet!!! and proud of it.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

[B]Mikey3000 said "[But am I part of the LGBTQ community? you bet!!! and proud of it."

Mikey honey thats very cool, but as usual, I'm confused. What's the Q for in LGBTQ?

And Spider, I cant equate being Bi as being Gay..you either are, or you arent. That's like being just a little bit pregnant, or a little bit dead.
If a person is bi, then they are attracted to both sexs, and being gay or lesbian is being attracted to one set sex. So how can being bi be considered gay? I'm soooooo confused....:eek:
CatB]

[izzfan]

What's the Q for in LGBTQ?


I think it either stands for "Questioning" (unsure of sexuality) or "Queer" (in the non-derogatory sense of the word).

[mikey3000]

In LGBTQ, the Q does stand for questioning. I've also seen the acronym written as LGBT2SQ, the 2S representing the two spirited folks (bi) of our Aboriginal People. I guess thinks are evolving so fast that eventually you won't need to include any minorities, we will be the majority!!! Oh Happy Day!!:bigrin:.

LGBT2SQS&MPOLYPAINWSSCATVOYUERSCOUGARS.........

[lv69cpl69]

Is there a need to tell them? will it make anything better? have you told them everthing str8 you have done?
I have not told anyone everything I have done with my wife so (when her and I get same sex contact) why would we tell?

[Emotional Masochist]

Well the thing is that I take pride in not hiding things from my parents. Since I don't believe what I am doing is wrong, so why should i hide it. Its not like I am going to brag to my mom about every guys dick I suck, but I do want her to know who I really am. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I really am a momma's boy and I am proud of the fact. I take pride in the fact that I will never date anyone who I can't bring home to my mom. So basically I want her to know, but I am really nervous to go ahead and tell her.

[mikey3000]

Well the thing is that I take pride in not hiding things from my parents. Since I don't believe what I am doing is wrong, so why should i hide it. Its not like I am going to brag to my mom about every guys dick I suck, but I do want her to know who I really am. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I really am a momma's boy and I am proud of the fact. I take pride in the fact that I will never date anyone who I can't bring home to my mom. So basically I want her to know, but I am really nervous to go ahead and tell her.
Dude, you are a 21 year old mama's boy, and that's cool. Just take your time. Most likely she already knows, but you have to figure out why you want to tell her, for her benefit or for yours. Once you decide on that, it will make the decision easier.

[mikey3000]

And dude, you're only 21. Your "lifetime" has barely begun. Enjoy your life the way you want, and on your terms.

[drwilsontx]

dude, really it's none of their business. they are your parents, they don't want to know what you do in the bed, just as much as you couldn't fathom what they do. tell them to butt out