Why is my freind denying shes bi?

[PrettyFlowingGown]

Its not my buisness, but a close girlfriend of mine is always bringing up a night where she was offered a threesome with a crossdresser and another woman. She also keeps saying now and again "shes not bi" when I have'nt even asked her the question. Its like, we will see a beautiful lady, and I'll say "Shes nice", then she'll say "Shes ok, but i'm not bi".
But this night she had a few years ago keeps coming up and I dont know why. Its like she wants to tell me something, but wants to hold back. I know a few crossdressers (like myself) who have visited her over the years.
One of them came around recently, and I asked him in all confidentiality if he knows about such a night she had. He told me straight out, it was him and another lady. He told me exactly what happened. He said she did'nt want to make out with the woman, so she sat on a chair and watched him (dressed as a lady) and the woman go for it. After a few minutes, she started getting all uncomfortable and wanted to leave. The woman looked at her and asked "would she come over". She still said no, but still stayed. But the woman got off the bed, and walked over to her, and put her breasts in her face, and went down on her. She un-did my freinds blouse, lifted her skirt, took off her panties and licked her out. Apparently she loved it!!! This was about 5 years ago. The problem is.....I've had a sense she did something that day. But now, after I've heard all this, how do I react when she brings it up again. I'd real;ly rather her be honest than all this "I'm not bi" crap. What would you do?

[fredtyg]

Easy for me to say but I'm pretty sure if she brought up the "but I'm not bi..." thing again, I'd reply, "Well, I am". I'd almost be willing to bet that's what she wants to hear you say, otherwise she wouldn't keep bringing it up.

[Mmonty]

There are lots of people who have one time homosexual encounters for "whatever" reason. Some take it in stride and move on, not having any desire to repeat it....some find it confusing and fear it happening again...some wonder if , assuming the experience was mostly positive, they should experience it again, and some find that it was great and would go out of their way for it to happen again. The whole subject of sex , sexual encounters and relationships is not a black and white one size fits all thing. If your friend wants you to know more, let her bring it up. Don't read what you want into it.

[fredtyg]

If your friend wants you to know more, let her bring it up. Don't read what you want into it.

Well, I'm suggesting that by bringing up that she's not bi over and over again, she's is bringing it up. Probably bringing it up the only way she feels comfortable with, but she's bringing it up.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sounds like its her way of trying to convince herself that she Doesnt have Bi-tendancies after letting the lady pleasure her orally. Kinda like a "Well it happened but it doesnt make me bi" type of situation. Next time she mentions it, say "Would it be so bad if you Were Bi? Theres no big deal, ya know."
Cat

[fredtyg]

Next time she mentions it, say "Would it be so bad if you Were Bi? Theres no big deal, ya know."
Cat

I love that one. Good idea.

[Gearbox]

I think she likes to be 'taken'.;)
If she came out as bi, she wouldn't be in the position of being cohered into sex. She'd be admitting that she likes it beforehand.

"Oh no I don't do minge!", inserts minge onto face, "Oh your making me suck it! It's your fault because I'M not bi!".:rolleyes:
(that kind of thing.)

[Long Duck Dong]

is she denying she is bi.... maybe she is not bi and people are pushing her to say she is or be bi......

why is it a person has to keep saying they are not bi......

honestly it sounds to me like you want her to be bi cos of something that happened 5 years ago as a one off.....

personally, just say that you know she is not bi, you are not judging her as a bi or none bi person just cos she has good taste in fashion and hair styles......and that you love the fact that you both can share the same eye for style

I think she is trying to find herself and be content with who she is, without having the knowledge on how to resolve her dilemma

[DiamondDog]

Is she actually attracted to women sexually?

You can be heterosexual and you can tell if someone is good looking or aesthetically beautiful but you're just not sexually attracted to them.

Ever think that perhaps the CD who told you about her was lying?

You weren't there that night. What if the CD just had sex with both women but they did not have sex with each other?

Or what if it was the typical male "OMG OMG OMGWTFBBQ! 2 CHICKS AT ONCE IN A 3 WAY!!!1! I GOTTA WATCH EM DO EACH OTHER!!!!1" type reaction by the male CD, and she had sex with the woman just to please the male CD and the woman really did get aggressive and forceful about having sex with her, and your friend really did not like any of it at all?

I've heard of straight women who do this for their boyfriend or husband when pressured to by their male partner and they are not bisexual or attracted to women sexually at all.

If she didn't want sex with the woman at all and the woman did force herself on her like that I can see why she wouldn't enjoy it at all. Or how even if she is a straight woman and she did consensually have sex with the other woman how she's not going to enjoy it.

If she somehow is closeted or in denial there is nothing you can do to make her come out or accept herself. She has to do this herself.

Just be a friend to her and let her go at her own pace and keep in mind that maybe she's telling the truth about how she's not bisexual.

[DiamondDog]

I think she likes to be 'taken'.;)
If she came out as bi, she wouldn't be in the position of being cohered into sex. She'd be admitting that she likes it beforehand.

"Oh no I don't do minge!", inserts minge onto face, "Oh your making me suck it! It's your fault because I'M not bi!".:rolleyes:
(that kind of thing.)

Heh you've just described the plot of your typical heterosexual porn that features a man and two women in a MFF 3 way, or the plot of "lesbian" porn that's designed for men by men for the last 30 years!

[halobeam]

I think she has fear that if she comments on other women, "others" are going to think she is bi, so she is clarifying that she isn't bi. Perhaps her sexuality as a heterosexual is not being acknowledged, so she emphazies that she is hetero. It seems people around her are doubting her heterosexuality so therefore she constantly is bringing it up. I think when she says that she is not bi, it should be taken as that...and if one day she thinks she is bi and admits it to herself then comes out, you can provide that safe open space for her to do so. As a friend you should respect her privacy and her sexuality for what she says she is, maybe she is doubting that you believe her and feels uncomfortable and necessary to mention it. What if what that woman did to her was against her will, perhaps that is considered date rape, but how would she even bring that up....who would she tell...I don't think sexuality is black and white...It is up to every individule to identify their own sexualtiy regardless the acts of sex in their lives...

[Gearbox]

Heh you've just described the plot of your typical heterosexual porn that features a man and two women in a MFF 3 way, or the plot of "lesbian" porn that's designed for men by men for the last 30 years!
Yes. I couldn't get more cheese in there if I tried.:bigrin:
But real life can imitate porn plots sometimes. She started out as a voyeur before the alleged girl on girl incident remember.

She wasn't exactly forced to do anything. If she wanted to, she could have just stood up and walked out. But although she was acting coy, she sat there and presumably enjoyed herself.;)

Some people get off on a forbidden fruit/guilt angle of sex. It's a thrill, and usually repeated if possible.
I don't know any straight people who feel the need to announce it every time a person of their gender is mentioned.:)