Sigh a bit of venting to do........long but needed

[TwylaTwobits]

I have a 32 year old brother who has been on drugs, marijuana, crack and finally meth since he was in his early teens.

He has driven my parents to bankruptcy by stealing checks and forging them or doing electronic payments at casinos. He has robbed their home and garage of anything worth pawning. Dad's guns, lawn mower, power washer, antique dishes belonging to my deceased grandmother, an antique wardrobe, even my dad's truck.

They have redeemed everything they can but it's a sticking point. Parents won't file a police report and what they can't afford to get back they lose. He is a JR...so that makes it even tougher. Dad has officially changed his name to SR on all items and documents, had his credit locked down where he can't use his social to get credit cards and stuff like that. I have had things come to my house for a grandfather that has been dead for over 20 years so I know he tried to use his name to get a credit card and the mailing list was mailed out. Same with my paternal grandfather, dad had things coming to his house for him. He never lived there, there is no reason on this earth for his name and address to come up together.

He has stolen from me and I was told quite frankly by my mother if I called the police I would have to find another place to live, since I live in a trailer that she owns.

He has written a check on my deceased grandmother, found the checks in some things mom had kept for sentimental reasons. My grandmother died in 2002 yet last year I had police at my house to arrest her for a bad check. I pretty nastily informed them that her new address was Union Christian Church Cemetary.

Now part of me can understand my mother's undying devotion to my brother. He is her youngest and her only boy, not only that she knows the pain of losing a child as our eldest sister died in 1996. And she doesn't want to lose another through her own fault to the jail system.

Recently my parents had enough and signed multiple affadavits at the bank for forgery on him.

Don't get me wrong, I love my brother but I don't like him. I can not stand liars and thieves and people who prey on others for a stupid reason like drugs. Sad thing is I was mad at him for stealing $100 bill from me as he took me to the airport to get on the plane to meet LDD. I know what I had cause I planned to have one of each denom up to $100 to show LDD since their money is so different. I was curtly informed by my father that my "no account brother paid for your new floor". Apparently there was a damaged window either from a storm or dad bushogging my backyard and all the rains of June, July and August had come into my living room totally ruining the floor.

He supposedly won the money at the casino, then to find out that he basically stole money from my parents that they did not have to spare and used part of it to pay for the wood for my replacement floor...well now I feel guilty everytime I walk on it.

The last straw for my parents was literally last Saturday... he gets food stamps since he was a jail inmate and doesn't have employment now. He told my parents there was $150 on the card and they didn't push him too hard to go with them since they were planning to go to the bank and withdrawal my 401k money and didn't want him knowing I had any money. If they hadn't went to the bank first...they would have had to leave the groceries. They got about $100 worth and got up there, you guessed it card declined, actual balance...$0. So they borrowed from me. No telling when I will get it back I just hope it's before I desperately need it.

Now the main part of this....he says he has cancer... and indeed he does. Lately he has gotten worse about stealing and my parents think it's because he thinks he is going to die. He has surgery on Nov 18th to remove a cancerous mass from his throat that is a big as the doctor's fist.


Part of me just wonders if it's someone's idea of punishment for him or what. I'm torn because while I wouldn't wish cancer or any debilitating illness on my brother....I'm also kind of glad that at least while he is recovering he won't be able to steal things from my parents. Sighs......and waits for LDD to log in on msn to give me my hug.

[**Peg**]

TT I don't know you hardly at all, but until LDD is around...

>>>>Canuck hug for you<<<<

Peg

[TwylaTwobits]

TT I don't know you hardly at all, but until LDD is around...

>>>>Canuck hug for you<<<<

Peg

Aww Peg thanks...been on with him for about 9 hours now. It was more something I needed to say to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.

[rissababynta]

Wow...just wow. I'm sorry to hear about your brothers cancer by the way. That is rough.

On another note, you say that you believe your mother doesn't want him to go to jail because she'll lose another child. Have you tried explaining to her that if he went to jail and got cleaned up he'd at least have a chance, but dying from a drug overdose or by being shot from stealing from the wrong person someday is the ultimate loss? Just wondering.

Hope things clear up soon and I hope you feel better. *HUGGLES*

[MarieDelta]

Twyla, just wanted to let you know that I am keeping you in my thoughts.

**Hugs***

Take care honey

[onewhocares]

I have heard this story before. My husbands uncle who was always the "big slick talker of an ass" has done the same things. He would get new credit cards in his at first aging parents then deceased as well. His mother new something was up but since he was the good boy...mind you at 55 she looked the other way. When he died rather suddenly...we had to go thru his things. I was shocked at what we found. Nearly 20 credit cards in his parents name with high limits as well. The total came to over $ 70,000.00. He himself was penniless. When the parents died they left 30 % of the family home to him...HE left it to a bartender at the local watering hole. She got the money but also had to bury the jerk.

I wish I could understand the parents, but blood as they say is thicker than water.

Also...never worry about ranting...that is what we are here for.

Belle

[csrakate]

Twyla,
I lost my brother last November after he succumbed to years of alcohol and prescription drug abuse....it wasn't an overdose, but an illness he contracted after years of neglecting his body and his well-being. It has been a year since his death, but my mother still contends that he died as a result of anything else other than his own circumstances. I used to beat my head against the wall trying to convince her that my brother had problems, but she always found it easier to blame someone else for his problems. After he died, I finally realized that my efforts to convince her of his addiction were MY issues....and as long as I attempted to change her mind, the more pain it was going to cause me. I finally had to let go and let her believe as she wanted.....and you know what? I do think that in her heart of hearts she knows the truth...but she couldn't face that truth....not as his mother...not as the person who gave him life. Doing so would be too painful so she chose to believe HER truth.

I'm sorry about your brother's cancer...and no, I don't think a Supreme Being is smiting him for his misdeeds in the past...it's just a tragic chapter of his already tragic life. Do what you can to be supportive, but by all means do what you can to maintain your own sanity and serenity. There is nothing you can do to change reality...but you can always change how it affects YOUR life.

My best to you...and HUGS!

Kate

[TwylaTwobits]

Thanks guys....like I said it helped a ton just to get it written and posted. Looking back on things...I can't help but wonder what might have been if only he had never taken that first hit of drugs. But as they say, hindsight is always 20/20

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I feel the same way about my youngest son; I love my son, but I dont like him. He's tried to kill me and his brother, he has stolen for his Dad and I when we were together, caused us to have to file bancruptcy on him because of having him in several mental institutions over the years, and caused us more hell then i can relate. It almost wreaked out marriage as well.
Its hard to feel something for someone who has put your family thru so much hell.

And just when I think he's going to get off the drugs, I hear he's right back on them, and the Latest thing....He got arrested for Animal Cruelity. But come to find out, it wasnt him...Thats the only time I defended him, and the truth was found out.

Many of us have been thru what you and your family are going thru, Baby. I'm sorry for the cancer and hope they get it all. I know it may be hard to do, but perhaps its time for the family to distance him in their lives until he can come around and get himself straightened up. More locks, tighter security, and close off anything that he may be able to get his hands on.
I'm around whenever you need a hug too., Sweetie.
Been there, done that Cat.

[TwylaTwobits]

Thanks sweetie....now that's why you are my favorite pussy :)

[Realist]

Twyla, I wish this could be a happier message:

Before I retired, I was a supervisor and counselor of/for 65+ military personnel. I have seen a few bright, talented, soldiers take themselves into the depths of hell because of drugs.

Anyone, who will allow the drug-users to take advantage of them, are ENABLERS and the users will drain them dry of their trust, fortune and even souls, if they can. The faster they can be identified and remanded into professional care, the better their chances are for recovery.

I, too, was like your parents, until I was sent to a course that taught how to identify the symptoms and how to deal with them.

I saw such promise, focused on their abilities of the past and opportunities for good futures, instead understanding that their souls were being turned over to chemicals and only a facsimile of the old person remained. They can out-lie a politician! They can sell shit to a cow-pasture! They can convince you that they are only having a minor set-back, when in truth, they are falling into the toilet drain of life!

It broke my heart to see those, with such bright futures, families and friends, lose it all...............because their brains were fried on chemicals.

Like your parents, those who love them refuse to believe they won't turn around and return to their old, lovable selves. Over and over again, folks will believe that "They're OK, now, they are only experiencing a minor set-back"! They will relax, only to be the victims of their loved-one's addictions, again and again and again.

Rarely, if ever, they come back, if they are not stopped quickly. Drugs will become their gods, until their last breath. I can only name one person who has actually returned from the dead and continued to survive as normal. (But, who knows, I may have been fooled, once again!)

It's a sad thing, but if your bother survives, he will probably continue his quest for drugs until he's completely used up his life with them.

I feel so sorry for you and your parents, too, but until they can see him for what and who he is, they will never be free from the tragedy of what his life has become.

[TwylaTwobits]

Yeah Believe me I know, Realist. I have been at that point for quite a while. I just can't understand the drugs but there is more wrong with him than drugs. Something is warped in him that he literally does not consider for a minute the effect of his actions on others.

All I know is in two years I will hopefully never have to see him again or deal with the lies and the stealing and the drugs. Goddess help my parents cause they are beyond any help from me in dealing with this.

[Gearbox]

That's such a sad story. I hope things do improve for all.
Throwing love at some people just doesn't help!