First same sex experience,,mainly for people over 50 years of age

[goldenfinger]

Here, I'm only interested in what is/was going on in your mind at the time, so no juicy details.I'm trying to understand why so many older people start to feel this way.I have always had a fantasy about doing oral with another guy, but so far never done it, had a few close calls when I was young.Up until 5 years ago, the desire was not very strong, but the last 5 years, it has been a lot stronger. Is it something we can/can not control, the harder we fight, the stronger it gets. Also,the morning after, how did you feel, good, bad, guilty or dirty.
My mind is going crazy with too many "What If" I know there is a lot of people who feel this way, so I hope someone can help unlock this mystery.

[nudeorphic]

Just a thought, possibly- as men grow older their testosterone levels go down and their estrogen levels go up.

Now you have to take in account that everyone is different-and that testosterone/estrogen levels are minute. But because they are extremely powerful hormones, it does not take much.

The endocrine system is very complex and there is a relationship with that system with moods, how we feel, emotional and physical states.

That's why men over 50 should have a physical every year and have their testosterone levels checked. However, even though you might pass your lab tests, showing normal testosterone level just a small drop in the lower normal could have an effect especially if estrogen levels rise. They never check for estrogen levels for male physicals it would be interesting to see.

Just a thought. Perhaps there are other factors in the endocrine/brain/systems which affect strong desires for male sex after 50. It is a good point.

Also, we are typed, during our formation in the womb with a certain level of estrogen and testosterone. That's for life. Some men have more testosterone than others. Some men are more feminine, softer-the effects of estrogen in the womb. Another thought.

[jamieknyc]

I wouldn't speculate about the role of hormone levels without some actual medical evidence to that effect, but it is my (purely unscientific) observation that a lot of men get interested in same-sex experiences in their late thirties, forties or fifties. I think it is part of the maturation process.

[eddy10]

I agree ... this is a complicated issue. We are all different. But, do not dwell on it. Just go with your flow. If it feels good do it.

[tenni]

People who are over 50 had some exposure and experience to "sexual liberation". Now, a lot of media and individuals discussed the ideas that had to do with women and their bodies. Men were not expected to re examine themselves. It was traditional for men to be sexually aggressive, etc. and well maybe have sex out of marriage with a bad girl. Don't marry her though, etc.

As far as bisexuality, there was no such thing. You were gay or straight. If you thought about another guy, you were a fag. End of thought.

Add to that the factors of female sexual liberation and attitude shifts about the permanence about relationships between men and women plus an aging male who has not really re examined himself as much as women have with their issues, you end up with confusion on the male's part. For some, it may become a re examination of their sexual attitude and opens the door.

As men and to some extent women mature, the various new types of sexual experiences dwindles. Been there done that. The mind has matured and may have become broader in its acceptance of not following the societal norms. Now the people over 50 were expected to have challenged sexual norms of the earlier generations...but not same sex attitudes as much. Discussion about same sex interactions is much more discussed in western society today. People begin to wonder about "that". The Taboo is reduced by open discussion in a society. Another sexual experimentation becomes available. I would see some of the above as part of the reason. I agree that the body and mind also change as one leaves their 20's and hormone levels may change but not usually in your 30's or 40's when some begin to question same sex relationships. Values change and priorties change as we travel through life.

For people under 40, societal sexual values may not be as restrictive about exploring same sex relationships. It is more of an option to explore and there may be less taboo(there may be still a strong taboo though for some)

[androgynous34]

My first experienced giving oral sex to man was not until I was 59 I believe I was born bisexual. I struggled with these feeling all of my life. When I was younger and raising a family I had more important thing to think about them my hidden desires. When the time cam that I was single then I decided I would try to find someone to satisfy my constant craving. The thought of giving oral sex had almost become obsession. When I finally had my first experience I felt very awkward this was all new and I had to figure out what to do. I don’t know what to it would feel like to eagerly have a man cock in my mouth. I have to say the experience is one that will say with me for a life time. When he left I was confused and trying to sort out my feeling and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it again. I spent the day pondering over the experience analyzing all of the pros and cons. Then I decided I did enjoy it tremendously and it was something I had fantasies about throughout my life. So I emailed him and told him I wanted to see him again so I could practice to get better. To me the experience has enriched my life.

[Realist]

I was one who felt attracted to both genders, since my earliest memory and had my first mm sexual experience at a very young age, I probably am not one who should reply to this post.

But, last week I had a discussion with a 70 year old lady, who had only discovered that she had a bisexual side, recently. Her husband died last year and was the only sexual partner she'd ever had. When she'd heard of gay and bisexual people, in the past, she felt moved to remark that she thought it was disgusting.

But she met and began spending a lot of time with another widow, who had some same-gender sexual experiences as a teen and in college. The other lady was 73.

To make a long story short, they ended up becoming lovers and she professed to enjoying being with her lady-friend to such an extent that she was in love with her! They had developed a voracious intimacy and she felt closer to this lady than she'd ever been to her husband. She said her orgasms were so severe that she often felt on the verge of a faint....and it was not only because of the physical release, but the whole scene completely enveloped her with such a feeling of emotions, love and a passion she'd never known before.

So, what changed...or did it? Had she fooled herself into believing she was repulsed by same-sex situations, or had she hidden her true feelings to herself?

Do psychological and chemical changes affect the mind, in later years, for women as well as men?

This is a very interesting series of questions, regarding both genders, to me.

[goldenfinger]

These people are just closet cases and have been most of their lives.

It's sad but they finally realize when they are old that they're attracted to the same gender and want gay or lesbian sex and have spent half or most of their life denying it or covering it up and have never done it.

Why is it that is is always the gay people who says, you are either gay or you are straight, no middle ground for them. So sad.Some people like cats some like dogs and some like both.
I was watching a french movie about bisexuality on tv the other day, bisexuality has been with us for as long as homosexuality, and again, it was the gay people who reject bisexuality. Just don't know why it is so, what are they afraid of losing.

[dickhand]

My first MM experience was with a cousin of about the same age at around 12 or so . We were both only children . Spent alot of time together , sleepovers and tenting out and the like . We were experimenting more than anything . Rubbing our cock against each other's ass and so forth . One day we tried penetration and thought it felt great . It wasn't for a couple of years before we heard of oral and gave that a try . We continued to play into our late 20's . By then we were both married with kids . By then , we had settled on me being his bottom , as I enjoyed receiving anal very much and still do and he did not . He sure liked giving to me though ! LOL

[Hephaestion]

There has been mention of personal hormone balances causing the late onset of homosexual interest, especially in males.

There is also the superimposed anthropogenic environmental influence recognized in the animal kingodom as a whole. Mankind is busy pumping out eostrogens and oestrogen mimetics (found also in food wrappings) primarily into the aqueous environment. These can find their way back into the human food chain.

Sexual practice should also be recognized. Drinking a partners juices (including pee) when these are loaded with oestrogens as the clearance route. Can influence matters.

For women. Hormone changes in older women and masculanisation are clearly recognised and possibly accounts for late onset interests in female homosexuality.

However, one wonders if there is also a mechanism which supresses femininity in the abundance of environmental oestrogens in the way that body builders end up with smaller genitals through steroid misuse, thus making women more tomboyish? Perhaps the opposite is true and there are androgenic environmental factors active on women selectively - medicine side effects?

Conversely. it could be also that high oestrogen levels preserve / enhance femininity and that the rest is down to social behaviour - females clubbing together because that is what social animals do, especially in the absence of male attention. Apparently there is a very high incidence of lesbianism in Saudi Arabia because of this very fact.

[yohko469]

Why is it that is is always the gay people who says, you are either gay or you are straight, no middle ground for them. So sad.Some people like cats some like dogs and some like both.
I was watching a french movie about bisexuality on tv the other day, bisexuality has been with us for as long as homosexuality, and again, it was the gay people who reject bisexuality. Just don't know why it is so, what are they afraid of losing.

Well in reply to that, i have Gay and lesbian friends, and they say to Them being Homosexual is just like being straight it's about love and they feel Bisexuality is just about sex, That's it, purely physical and as a bisexual female i can see it from their point of view cause i can never have a deep emotional connection to another woman, soo yeah :) my 2cents

[lookin2tryit]

all the long haired physiologial, as well as psychological explanations are all fine and dandy, what about the fact that most women tend to loose the urge, and alot of guys DONT! sure some odf us have had prev teen experiences, but what about the fact were still HORNY and the spouse is not! im sure there is a measurable part if the bi-women's rank that is in the same boat!

[csrakate]

all the long haired physiologial, as well as psychological explanations are all fine and dandy, what about the fact that most women tend to loose the urge, and alot of guys DONT! sure some odf us have had prev teen experiences, but what about the fact were still HORNY and the spouse is not! im sure there is a measurable part if the bi-women's rank that is in the same boat!

My...you sure sound understanding of your spouse's physiological change....no wonder you wanna fuck around with men...she's left you high, dry and horny! Let me tell you a thing or two about your spouse's lost urge to have sex with you, despite the obvious compassionate tone of your post.....she may very well WANT to have sex with you...but nature has played a very big trick on her and her body. Woman was created to procreate....her body designed to conceive a baby and carry it to full term and her sexual urges in place to make her want to conceive that baby. Our creator, in his infinite wisdom, decided that women should not be able to give birth beyond a certain age, therefore rendering her sexual organs unnecessary as well as her desire to procreate. Her hormone levels quit producing the necessary physical responses for sex...her libido as well as her vaginal secretions begin to dry up...she no longer feels attractive and feminine and half the time her body feels like it may explode from within due to hot flashes. She seeks help from her doctor, who prescribes hormone replacement therapy....she finds her moods no longer swing like before....her hot flashes diminishing....BUT wait....thanks to her whacky hormone levels, she finds her endometrial lining has become too thick and she now bleeds on a daily basis....her uterus, which carried the children to full term is now producing painful fibroid tumors and damn if her libido STILL hasn't returned to normal!!

So yeah...the spouse does "loose the urge (sic)"....but with the help of a loving and compassionate spouse, she can work her way through it and find herself once again feeling loving, sexy and horny as hell. Believe me...it can happen...but I do still get cranky now and then....thereby finding posts like yours a sorry excuse for explaining your inner bisexual urges.....Why not just confess that you have those urges and go from there...instead of blaming your spouse for your newly discovered bisexuality. Men evolve in time just like women...and I feel many times those urges have been suppressed and it is with the onset of aging that people feel compelled to finally act on them. That is fine and natural and quite normal...there is no need to "blame" anyone for discovering those urges. Just my two cents.

[Hephaestion]

With reference to CSRAKate - looks like hormones yet again.

.

[csrakate]

With reference to CSRAKate - looks like hormones yet again.

.

That was cruel and unnecessary, Heph....and proving once more that men do not understand what it is like to go through the changes that life deals women. This isn't a case of my hormones talking...just my frustration that the poster wanted to blame his wife for his seeking sex with men. Why can't he just accept that maybe he just wants it? Maybe my post was a bit harsh...but it is the culmination of having seen so many posts like this one that prompted me to write it.

[NEPHX]

....As far as bisexuality, there was no such thing. You were gay or straight. If you thought about another guy, you were a fag. End of thought....


Not sure who's "End of thought" you are referring too...or time period. I'm not sure why you draw this conclusion. Bisexuality has roots back through ancient times. Even in the 20th century, it's easy to find it in novels/books(Robert Heinlein is one author example), movies, real life, historical figures. Many ancient civilization have well documented bisexuality.

The availability of such information has only become more mainstream in the media and through the internet in the late 20th Century. Something being Taboo does not mean it doesn't exist. But then again, all same-sex intimacy was mainstream taboo at different times in human history. At times, it was extremely common and acceptable; such as married warriors having a male lover.

One clearly evident reason that men in the 30's, 40's and 50's seem more interested in same-sex sexual interaction (regardless of self-identity as bisexual, homosexual, or straight with same-sex desires, etc.) is the dawn of the Internet. And, prior to even that in the late 20th century, is the acceptance of "gay venues", such as bars, no longer being hidden in dark basements, etc. after Stonewall and protections of new laws, etc.

But really, the internet gave people (all genders) the availability to explore their sexuality in a virtual environment. Whether they act on their potential desires is another thing all together but... its very easy in this day and age to meet with other people and not feel alone in a straight world.

Lets not forget that one can be attracted to same-sex but not necessarily enjoy sex with that person versus intimacy....

[Realist]

Kate, that was about the best response to any question I've ever seen! I have often read things you've written and think you put more intelligent thought and reasoning into your feelings than most.

When I was in my early 20's I had a remarkable lover who was 60. She was my mentor and educator for about 18 months. The lessons I learned from her are still with me today.

One of them was to be flexible; find new and different ways to arouse and please your lovers. Things change and the old ways may not be as viable as in the past, but with love and understanding, new ways of pleasure may arise.

She was finding that as she grew older, oral sex was more pleasurable, to both receive and give. For the first time since then, thanks to your explanation, I think the totality of her message has struck home!

You've got a fan!

[tenni]

"Not sure who's "End of thought" you are referring too...or time period."

NEPHX
The time period was the late 70's and early 80's for me. No one that I knew or myself were even aware about bisexuality. You were either straight or gay...that is it. When I was beginning to examine my sexuality my questions were about being straight or gay. The "you" were people in my area and any discussion that may happen at that time in any media that I had access to never used the word "bisexual". If bisexuality existed in books etc. I didn't have access to them nor how would I even know where to look if you don't even know the word? I agree that the internet and a more open dialogue in mainstream media helped. It also helped for me to chat with gay guys. After doing so, I knew that wasn't me. That didn't really become clear in my mind until the 90's. Then I knew that I was bisexual. How I was going to deal with it is still on going.

Kate
I always enjoy reading your thoughts. Some men lose their sexual drive but many do not. Some relationships become sexless without physical intimacy. Some men spend ten, twenty or more years without physical intimacy with their wives. Some men don't know how to get their spouses interested. Some women do seem to think that their sexual life is over. Isn't it both of their responsibilities to discuss and find a better solution?

[csrakate]

Kate
I always enjoy reading your thoughts. Some men lose their sexual drive but many do not. Some relationships become sexless without physical intimacy. Some men spend ten, twenty or more years without physical intimacy with their wives. Some men don't know how to get their spouses interested. Some women do seem to think that their sexual life is over. Isn't it both of their responsibilities to discuss and find a better solution?

Absolutely, tenni...the responsibility lies with both members of a couple and I in no way mean to suggest that the female spouse shouldn't be more open when she is experiencing such things. Open and honest communication is imperative to a successful relationship....but many times the female spouse, herself, doesn't understand what is happening to her body therefore allowing her to feel sexless and unattractive. The goal of my post was to somehow allow men to understand the physiological responses the female spouse may be experiencing so that maybe that could open the door to such discussion. It's just not a matter of "losing interest"...it's often something that neither one of them truly understands. It is also difficult for many women to discuss things of such a nature with their doctors....something that they MUST do in order to get a handle on what their options may be. And yes...I do get frustrated when men automatically "assume" there is no interest there and seek to use that as an excuse to seek sex elsewhere....why not just admit that you have bisexual urges and move from that point instead of pointing the finger at your spouse? Both members of the couple need to understand their own feelings and desires before assigning blame. If they can't be honest with themselves, they can never be honest with their spouse.

[tenni]

Kate
Correct me if I'm wrong but some doctors in the past were under the belief that it was to be expected that women lost their sexual urges during menopause and some doctors didn't have the training to deal with sexuality in mature couples? At one time, wasn't it expected that this happens in a marriage and a man or woman should just accept it. I agree that if you add to this mix a complete lack of understanding about bisexuality previously that one or the other in the couple may find their curiousity growing. I think that people in their 20's have a much better understanding about same sex experience due to not having all of this past incorrect thinking.

However, I bet that the young'ns don't have it completely worked out...give them 20 more years and they may post some interesting observations that society has not even scratched...lol

[csrakate]

There used to be a belief that when a woman ceased to be of child bearing age, her sexual wants and needs were no longer an issue PERIOD, not that they were ever considered to begin with except for providing children. In addition, not much was available to the male spouse with regard to his wants and needs. But that was long ago and luckily medical science has evolved. There is no reason why a more mature couple can't experience satisfying and incredible sex until they can no longer move LOL! BUT..unfortunately the mindset of some people has NOT evolved and therein lies the problem....we can no longer assume it's the fault of one spouse or the other...but how they work as a couple that ensures the sex life....and that takes communication and understanding and yes, sometimes frustration. But it can and does work.

[tenni]

I agree with you Kate.

I have heard within the past few years that the medical profession was surprised to find people in institutions in their 70's, 80's etc. still desiring a physical relationship. Now, people who worked in such institutions were not very tolerant of this behaviour and not too long ago saw it as part of dementia(who know though). The being that the medical profession not too many years ago ignored the sexual desires of the mature mature men and women. They wanted to ignore it. That leaves a lot of doctors being trained when this was never discussed if it has come as a shock to the medical community just within ten or twenty years. (I'm inclined to go with ten years but ...my memory is getting on...lol)

We may be wondering off topic but if you include same sex relationships who knows. Some 90 year old may be wanting to have their first same sex experience...lol

[csrakate]

Yeah...I don't want to hijack this thread since it was intended to deal with same sex desires arising (no pun intended) after 50..LOL....but if we do consider same sex desires being discovered after 50, the same holds true...One is never too old to learn, discover and experience something they desire....no matter what the cause or why is has remained dormant for so long...it is obviously a natural occurrence for many people and life isn't over at 50....far from it. It's never too late to discover something new about yourself, so why question it....just enjoy it.

[Wolf_Sr]

I think most of the comments are good assessment of what happens to us after maturity bring us some more serene judgement so that we can overcome social and religious taboos and recognize in ourselves that bisexuality is inherent to humans, does not matter if man or women.
In my case as part playing sex with cousins and school friends at early age was part of my sexual development and at that age I must say I considered it pretty natural and would have very elaborated childish sex fantasies with friends or characters. After that I discovered the girls (or they discovered me) and a long heterosexual period began until mid 40's that circumstances, boredom, reflection and whatever you name it brought the curiosity and the questioning and the desire (which remains unfulfilled) to experience same sex again that in my recollections from childhood where so pleasant. Not sex for sex but as consequence of manly friendship.
As many I control my impulses to not hurt the ones I love.

[onewhocares]

With reference to CSRAKate - looks like hormones yet again.

.

I think that this is an uncalled for remark based on sheer insolence and insulting to the poster. The comments that the poster made are based on expected norms at the time. If you were perhaps trying to be some what funny or satirical, you best sign up for a class in comedy delivery for you have failed in your attempt of same.

Belle

[Hephaestion]

Humble apologies CRSAKate (& OneWhoCares)- not meant to belittle in any way whatsoever. Just reinforcing your point of view to what I took to be the scornful comment from in2tryit

".....all the long haired physiologial, as well as psychological explanations are all fine and dandy, what about the fact that most women tend to loose the urge, and alot of guys DONT! sure some odf us have had prev teen experiences, but what about the fact were still HORNY and the spouse is not! im sure there is a measurable part if the bi-women's rank that is in the same boat!....."

Hormones and the havoc they can wreak would appear to be the major explanation.

Bad writing on my part






That was cruel and unnecessary, Heph....and proving once more that men do not understand what it is like to go through the changes that life deals women. This isn't a case of my hormones talking...just my frustration that the poster wanted to blame his wife for his seeking sex with men. Why can't he just accept that maybe he just wants it? Maybe my post was a bit harsh...but it is the culmination of having seen so many posts like this one that prompted me to write it.

[writes at night]

Kate,

Bless you for speaking for the silent masses that have gone through what you described. You have reminded those who haven't yet crossed that threshhold what is in store, and reminded us that with the right partner, it isn't the death of our drive.

Thank you for taking some of the fear out of the next step, and for reminding me that it isn't something to look upon with dread.

[meimei]

I certainly do not have any answers about why same sex attraction takes place for some humans late in life. Maybe it is hormonal. Maybe it is because society has become a little less harsh in judgement of sexual diversity. Maybe it is because life's lessons have come with a bit of earned wisdom? Maybe it has something to do with our reactions to medications that we find we are taking more of in our later years than in our younger years. I do know that there is not the same stigma attached to taking mood altering drugs to relieve stress today than there was in the past, and one side effect of these type drugs is a change in sexual habits and desires. I wonder if more 50 and over are taking these medications than under 50? Just as I believe some people are born homosexual, I believe others are born heterosexual. Then why would it be so difficult to believe that some are born bisexual? What part does our psychological condition play in this? We don't all have the same physical needs. Why should we all have the same psychological needs? And what part does religion and spirituality play in all of this? But the original question seemed to get a little lost in all the dialog and opinion sharing. I have had very little bi-sexual experience but a lot of bi-sexual desires. I had an experience a few years ago and afterward, I was scared, felt guilty - but didn't know why, couldn't perform normally, felt restricted and conflicted in expressing my sexual desires to the other man, left unsatisfied, but didn't lose the desire. It was a little like (no, a lot like) my first male-female experience when I was 14 years old! It was not my fault. It was not anyone's fault. In fact, I don't think my bi-sexuality is a fault at all. The right partner, regardless of which sex they happen to be, might make all the difference.

[csrakate]

Humble apologies CRSAKate (& OneWhoCares)- not meant to belittle in any way whatsoever. Just reinforcing your point of view to what I took to be the scornful comment from in2tryit

".....all the long haired physiologial, as well as psychological explanations are all fine and dandy, what about the fact that most women tend to loose the urge, and alot of guys DONT! sure some odf us have had prev teen experiences, but what about the fact were still HORNY and the spouse is not! im sure there is a measurable part if the bi-women's rank that is in the same boat!....."

Hormones and the havoc they can wreak would appear to be the major explanation.

Bad writing on my part

Thank you for clearing that up, Heph....I didn't think it was like you to make fun...and now I know that you weren't doing that. Thanks again for letting me know what you meant.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Yeah! What Kate said! lol
I wholeheartedly agree, Sweetie. As having recently experianced All of that, including the disappearence of my once over abundant libido, I know first hand of what all of this is. I went into a self-imposed celibacy for well over a year, and have just within the last month discovered where my libido went..and am Very thankful that it remembered where it lived...lol:cool:

I still have the whole gambit: Night sweats, hot and cold flashes, urges to consume chocolate, moments where I want to knock someone into next week just so I can bring them back and do it again, times of great "Horniness" alternating with "Ehhhh, could care less at the moment" syndrome.
I know its this way when the guys gets older and I know it doesnt happen/affect just us women.
So take heart, Loves. It happens to us all, and we adapt and survive just fine.
Hugs to those I know well..:}
Cat

[Sparky]

Ah, Cherokee sparked a reply on my situation. I've probably always had a leaning toward the bi-side, but as I got older it seemed to increase dramatically. After reading this, there may just be a chemical issue. My wife went on HRT as she was entering menopause, and at times actually had topical ointments for her vaginal area. Now I am a very oral guy, so there is no doubt that I ingested some oestrogen. We now only see each other about every two or three months since I took a job out of state thanks to the economy. What makes me think this could have had an impact is that now my bi-side seems to have decreased significantly, probably back to the level where it was in my mid-30s, and I've wondered why. Interesting observations.

[goldenfinger]

These people are just closet cases and have been most of their lives.

It's sad but they finally realize when they are old that they're attracted to the same gender and want gay or lesbian sex and have spent half or most of their life denying it or covering it up and have never done it.

I have re-read your statement, but get the same conclusion..I hope that when this tread is over, we all have a better understanding of each other, and the term"closet cases" will be a term no one uses any more.

[tenni]

I think that the term "closet case" is a gay term for them to describe themselves and may have no relevance to bisexuals.

I think that a lot of gay activism has been helpful for bisexuals in working to promote tolerance of differences in the mainstream. In my opinion, Bisexuals don't need gay language or gay philosophy in this respect.

Bisexuals may accept their bisexuality and have no need to advertise their sexuality. This thread isn't about "being out" as much as self discovery/first time same sex experience by those over 50. Coming to terms with yourself about your sexual attraction is very different than politicizing a cause. If someone believes that "being out" is necessary for themselves, that is their business. If some bisexual believes that they need to politicize fine but we can create our own terminology if needed.

Hopefully, bisexuals do not get all mixed up in thinking that this is a requirement of being bisexual.

If a gay guy comes on this site and has his gay opinion about bisexuals, that is his business to think that way. Please don't impose your values on us though.

[darkeyes]

I think that the term "closet case" is a gay term for them to describe themselves and may have no relevance to bisexuals.

I think that a lot of gay activism has been helpful for bisexuals in working to promote tolerance of differences in the mainstream. In my opinion, Bisexuals don't need gay language or gay philosophy in this respect.

Bisexuals may accept their bisexuality and have no need to advertise their sexuality. This thread isn't about "being out" as much as self discovery/first time same sex experience by those over 50. Coming to terms with yourself about your sexual attraction is very different than politicizing a cause. If someone believes that "being out" is necessary for themselves, that is their business. If some bisexual believes that they need to politicize fine but we can create our own terminology if needed.

Hopefully, bisexuals do not get all mixed up in thinking that this is a requirement of being bisexual.

If a gay guy comes on this site and has his gay opinion about bisexuals, that is his business to think that way. Please don't impose your values on us though.

Am a gay girl Tenni hun..an not speakin for gay guys. or gals.. but wos bisexual mesel till a few years go (yea..sexuality can change).. wudn dream a imposin owt on ya or ne 1 else..but do hav opinions an do get slagged off for em an all..an thats as it shud b.. many gays (guys n gals) hav opinions wich are contrary 2 those held by many bi's.. they r also opposite 2 those held by many gays or str8's in the matta a bisexuality.. sum do try an insist that no 1 is bi..an that as we kno is bollox.. but most of us accept that yas like 2 enjoy the pleasures a both sexes or r simply attracted 2 'em.. ther is no single gay opinion a bisexuality.. jus as ther is no str8.. or for that matta, bi opinion bout bisexuality. Ther r simply opinions.. an ne who try 2 impose ther opinions r daft.. but all who hav opinions...don try an deprive em of the right 2 express em..arguin ya corner aint always imposin values...:)

[tenni]

Darkeyes
Thanks. You seem to be a wonderful, open understanding person.

[tenni]

"wos bisexual mesel till a few years go (yea..sexuality can change).. "

Darkeyes
I agree with you.

Just a thought....but you may change again...you may still be a bisexual but one who presently prefers same sex relationships. It is all what we think our sexuality is and not external forces.

[rissababynta]

Darkeyes
Thanks. You seem to be a wonderful, open understanding person.

You have no idea. And she's ssseeexay too. *Boobie huggles Fran*

[jamiehue]

Again, the right partner is what its about. So elusive for many.

[darkeyes]

"wos bisexual mesel till a few years go (yea..sexuality can change).. "

Darkeyes
I agree with you.

Just a thought....but you may change again...you may still be a bisexual but one who presently prefers same sex relationships. It is all what we think our sexuality is and not external forces.

Mayb hun.. who can say..but me life has been 1 long move 2 ward where me is 2 day..also hav the mos gorge sweet partner, an not 2 sure if eitha r condusive 2 eva movin bak 2 bein bi... wos nev str8..hav always been attracted 2 me own sex..an always moren 2 guys.. so doubt if me will eva go inta that realm eva.. but who knos...rule out nowt me dad sez.. an who's 2 say the ole coot is rong????

[darkeyes]

You have no idea. And she's ssseeexay too. *Boobie huggles Fran*

Lix Ris...nibbles 'er ear an then lil nibble on 'er *****. tee hee.

Rite..finished for week..am off 'ome now an weatha is crap.. speak soon yummie Ris. xoxoxox

[Rose2Me]

...but the last 5 years, it has been a lot stronger. Is it something we can/can not control, the harder we fight, the stronger it gets.

I do think it is an age thing. My first experiences were as a teenager with my older brothers. Now some may call this abuse, but is it abuse if one wants to do it? Anyway, I felt guilt about it (roman catholic and all), but overall, I look back on it as a very enjoyable experience. I didnt think about it much though, until it seemed I hit my 40's. Then over a period of 5 years or so "Rose" came and gradually took over more and more of my life. The experiences I had came back, and made me want to be with a man again. Now, I'm still outwardly male, but Rose comes and I find myself dressed as a woman, and taking the role of one in bed. All this in my post-40 life.

[12voltman59]

All I can speak to is my own experience-----while I came back to doing things sexually with guys in my late 40s----I had actually been "wanting to do it" for quite some time it seems---in the course of doing some moving recently--I had dug out my old diaries going back the late 80s and early 90s when I was still in my late 20s and early 30s. I had wanted to do things then--but didn't know how to go about it--it was sorta interesting to read the progression of wanting to do things with other guys---I had done some things as a young kid and teenager---but nothing for years.

I really do think that for those of so inclined to "discovering our bisexual side"----there are many reasons for that---but I can tell you---if not for the internet---I probably would not have done anything about it--I would have just dealt with it silently and not have done anything this way at all----I am sure it is the same for many other guys and ladies.

It does help that for the most part---we do live--in contrast to times past--a more open and receptive time regarding sexuality that varies from "the norm." (with the "norm" being pure heterosexuality).

But I really do think--the biggest factor in this---the existence of the internet and all that it opened it up to people.

[goldenfinger]

[QUOTE=IsItAllOverMyFace?;

Ever hear the expression of someone having a skeleton in the closet? That' not something that only gay men say and the closet or the idea that it's a place for hidden things or secrets is not just a term that gays only use.

In the context of this discussion, "closet case" is sexual, where as, "skeleton in the closet" means hiding other secrets.

[mikey3000]

*facepalm* Did you even read what I wrote? Can you even comprehend it? I guess you really cannot.

Even if these people are bisexual it still makes them closeted and you can be a closet case and be bisexual.

Closet case is not a horrible term to use and in this case it's OK to use it since it does aptly describe people who eventually come out as bisexual or even gay while in their 40s or 50s.

Yes there are some people who are older and claim that they are bisexual when they are really gay or lesbian, and some of them who are married tell their spouse that they are bisexual when they are really gay or lesbian just so they can have a marriage of convenience.

I don't feel bad for people who finally accept that they are bisexual or even gay in their 40s or 50s since they lived most of their life in the closet in denial, fear, and shame and it was their choice to do all of this and not accept themselves or come out until later in life or when they were forced to come out.

They are finally accepting themselves and actually living life in their 40s or 50s in middle age if they ever do it at all.

Dude, it seems you are still trying to push the ol' gay agenda. Not every "bi closeted case" is gay or in denial. Get over it. There are lots of bisexuals, and not everyone feels the need to advertise their sexuality. And not all married people choose to stay with their spouse as a matter of convenience. How about true love? Yes, I did start exploring more in my late 30's, but that doesn't mean I'm a closeted gay. And why do I have to leave my wife cause I like guys too? If she is totally ok with it, who are you to pass judgement on bisexuals? Dude, are you sure you're on the right forum? I'm very happily married to a woman now, but one day I might be partnered with a man. Does that mean I have to be gay? That I was in denial? Please spare me.

[BiJoe696]

I recorded the story of my first time on this site at request of someone I met on line several years ago. I do not think the site or number is active anymore, I HAven't tried it. But my recording is still up on the site. Just touch the play button to the right of "restaurant call". Let me know what you think. Here or PM's fine, thanks.

http://www.5on1.com/Audio/AudioSample.asp

[krrptyc]

all the long haired physiologial, as well as psychological explanations are all fine and dandy, what about the fact that most women tend to loose the urge, and alot of guys DONT! sure some odf us have had prev teen experiences, but what about the fact were still HORNY and the spouse is not! im sure there is a measurable part if the bi-women's rank that is in the same boat!

I wonder if a lack of sex might have something to do with it. When I was in my early 20's I was married and had sex 4 or 5 times a week. I had no sexual thoughts about men. Then I saw a Hustler magazine that had pictorial of a man and woman "having sex." It didn't stir any specific urges but I was really turned on by the sight of his penis. Not too long after that, my GF brought home a Playgirl magazine. I was fascinated by it and even jerked off once while looking at it, but still had no specific urges.

I was 30 when we divorced and about a year later I bought some porn. Instead of the limp dicks I was used to seeing, there were hard cocks penetrating parts of women I really like to lick. I wondered what would happen if I licked her while he was in her. Then I wondered what it would be like to have him in my mouth. In no time I was jerking off fantasizing about sucking cock. There was no internet then but I started reading the ads posted on the bulletin board at an adult book store for couples looking for men. I never had the courage to follow through.

I soon married again and divorced again and didn’t think about sucking for years. A few years after my current wife and I got married she “went through the change.” Her libido eventually fell to zero and she lost all interest in sex. Our sex life declined drastically. Now don’t take my wrong, I am not blaming her for my urges. I’m just describing the circumstances.
The longer we went without sex, the stronger my urges for cock have become. I eventually confessed my urges to her and while she would not consent to me having a “buddy” she did try to accommodate me using toys. We used lube and my saliva to address the lack of natural lubrication but with no libido, sex was a chore for her. Because she did not enjoy it, I did not enjoy it and it has now been years since we have had any kind of intimacy.

However, my urges continue. I have let them get the best of me a couple of times and sucked a couple of guys off. It does quiet the urge for awhile but it always comes back. Thoughout my life it has seemed that my urges only surfaced when I was not getting sex regularly.

[DiamondDog]

Just a thought, possibly- as men grow older their testosterone levels go down and their estrogen levels go up.

Now you have to take in account that everyone is different-and that testosterone/estrogen levels are minute. But because they are extremely powerful hormones, it does not take much.

The endocrine system is very complex and there is a relationship with that system with moods, how we feel, emotional and physical states.

That's why men over 50 should have a physical every year and have their testosterone levels checked. However, even though you might pass your lab tests, showing normal testosterone level just a small drop in the lower normal could have an effect especially if estrogen levels rise. They never check for estrogen levels for male physicals it would be interesting to see.

Just a thought. Perhaps there are other factors in the endocrine/brain/systems which affect strong desires for male sex after 50. It is a good point.

Also, we are typed, during our formation in the womb with a certain level of estrogen and testosterone. That's for life. Some men have more testosterone than others. Some men are more feminine, softer-the effects of estrogen in the womb. Another thought.


I wouldn't speculate about the role of hormone levels without some actual medical evidence to that effect, but it is my (purely unscientific) observation that a lot of men get interested in same-sex experiences in their late thirties, forties or fifties. I think it is part of the maturation process.

What about those of us who started very young or mostly always knew?

I'm in both categories.

I have a very high level of Testosterone. It's not surprising given my physical appearance and how I started puberty earlier than my peers. I have been attracted both sexually and emotionally/romantically towards the male gender long before any attractions to the female gender.

Threads like this make me very happy that I know myself and I started rather uh, very young. Like before puberty.

I've written about this topic before on here, and it wasn't illegal, forced or anything at all like that.

For those of you who came out later in life was it a case of denial, heterosexual conditioning, and suppression where you were always attracted to the opposite/same gender or had fantasized about doing sex with either the opposite/same gender but hadn't done it?

Did you identify as gay or lesbian for awhile before you discovered that you're bisexual? Or did you not identify with any sexual orientation at all?

Or what exactly happened?

I have friends who are gay men who came out later in life after 40 or 50, and for the most part they're rather sensible about it and did not go all crazy making up for decades of lost time where they were celibate or sexually active and partnered with the wrong gender when they were married to women, and most did not act like teenagers going through a puberty that they never had and acting like it's still pre-HIV/AIDS in the 70s and 80s.

I know some men who came out later in life who did go on a huge spree with men making up for decades of lost time, but it was their choice to do this, since it's not as though they somehow did not know how to have safer sex at all.

[bisexualman]

I have posted some of this before. I knew I liked both sexes around the age of 5. I enjoyed playing doctor with both sexes and recall saying I would marry them whatever the sex. I of course learned very fast that this was a taboo subject. At the time I was in Maryland and you could be arrested and put into the mental ward of the state hospital for being homosexual or doing homosexual acts. The even scarier part was what other guys might do to you if they even suspected you were leaning that way.
I didn't have the terminology till I was in my thirties and spent most of my 48 years suppressing the male attraction because I was "married".
Anyway, my first MM was with my best friend. He started a "sex club" where we talked about sex and had to show each other our parts. He was gay and was just interested in men. We started by mutually touching, then masturbating, and eventually full oral on each other. He liked me to fuck him on occasion but I didn't really get into anal until later. We were 9 and 10 when we started and the relationship lasted till I was 16 or 17. He wanted me to choose between being a faggot or being straight. Broke my heart. We had some wild sex and saw each other regularly.

[tenni]

DiamondDog
You are the first person that I've read state that he started out identifying as gay and became attracted to women later. Since bisexuality is a continuum, it is interesting to read the thoughts of a person who started from this position.

Did you ever identify as heterosexual or see yourself as only gay at a young age?

Were you surprised to find yourself attracted to women later in life? (all be that you are still young but you write that you became sexual very young)

As far as your questions, I think that many bisexuals write that they identify either as attracted to both from a young age even if they don't have words to identify themselves as or become attracted to same sex after acknowledging opposite sex attraction. For myself, I didn't know the word/concept bisexual but after chatting with some gay guys I knew that I was different from them and straights because I was attracted to both genders.

[desertofwater]

As far as bisexuality, there was no such thing. You were gay or straight. If you thought about another guy, you were a fag. End of thought.