defining your bisexual attractions

[Long Duck Dong]

a conversation with a few friends about issues with bisexuals, started with the normal things like discrimination and health care...etc..... but were quickly shot down as non bisexual exclusive issues and bisexuals are not the only people to deal with those issues....

the conversation was about starting a exclusive bisexual support group.... or in simple terms, they had issues with gay and lesbian people involved in and running the local alternative sexuality group

I was asked to step in as a counsellor / therapist ( despite the way I post in bisexual.com, I did counselling work for a number of years and was strictly neutral and unbiased, something that managed to piss off a number of LGBT people that did not like my * we are one people * attitude instead of siding with their * us v's them * attitude *

I have declined to be involved with the group, stating clearly that I will not be involved in a elitist / seperatist group that wants to have a strict criteria for evaluating * true * bisexuals for membership in the group

according to their criteria....

a bisexual is a person over the age of 20 and of fully functioning sexual capabilities.
a bisexual is of equal attraction to both sexes and not in a monogamous relationship but a open relationship.
a bisexual is not married / in a relationshop with a straight partner as this causes conflict with sexual contact.
a bisexual is sexually active with both genders, not bi curious

my reaction was swift and blunt....

its not a support group, its a fuckin swingers group, a meatmarket and excluding a lot of the people that need support, advice or help

but honestly it did get me thinking.... about the way we define bisexuality

now in the site we define it as attraction to both genders..... but thats as vague as bill clintons * I did not have sexual relations with that woman.... but I have a dress fetish and made out with her dress *

but what actually is the bisexual criteria
a bi curious ?
a gay / lesbian person with bi curious tendancies...
a hetero with a same gender fetish / interest....
a people that has same gender attractions
a transgender that has a direct / indirect parth to self change but mixed attractions

I have on a number of occasions, referred to myself as a pansexual as my attraction is more than a dual gender....
but to be honest and fair, a attraction to genders is not really a fair indication and is actualy a very blurry line

I will use a term that people may choke on, to make my point clearly

beastiality is sex contact with animals.... zoophilia is the attraction to animals which can be sexual or non sexual.....
BUT the key aspect of zoophilia is not sexual contact but the treatment of a animal as more than just a animal...
you give your pet a hug and that has crossed the line between a animal / owner and by defination, become a part of zoophilia.....

now recently in bisexual.com, I saw a post that stated ( paraphrased ), a gay person will not nor will have had a interest or attraction to the opposite gender *

it got me thinking about a remark by one of my friends.... who IDed as hetero
" I want anal sex, I want to be fucked hard in the ass, fully and deeply...but I have no interest or desire to have another man touch me at all.... I am not homophobic, I am just not interest in male / male sex, but nor do I enjoy dildoes or toys in my ass *

now he got his desire, a intersex lady as a partner, with a working penis.

and he ID's as hetero... correctly

now the question is raised, if a person is in a relationship with a partner of the opposite gender, but is able to have both types of gender sex ( male / male & male female or female / male & female female )
are they bisexual or hetero....

using the idea of bisexual attraction as the rule of thumb, a lot of bisexuals have indicated they have no desire to form a relationship with a person of the same gender, they want a cock to suck, a ass to fuck etc etc.....

and I therefore ask the question is the term bisexual correct.... in some cases

it would appear that some bisexuals ID as bisexual not cos they are attracted to the same gender but that the same gender have the * bits and pieces * that are enjoyed

now lets put down the pitchforks and the burning torchs, this is not a witch hunt, nor a attempt to *force * people to correctly id themselves but to look at how blurred the defination of bisexual is...and how all too often, we challenge peoples labels without actually having a clear knowledge of what bisexuality actually is

so I pose the following questions......

1 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could you be monogamous with them alone...

2 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could that satisfy your desires and needs

3 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you id as hetero / bisexual or undefined sexuality

4 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you define your bisexual attraction to the same gender aspect as a fetish / genetalia interest and not a attraction to the same gender

5 ) do you define your sexuality as a attraction to both genders, a attraction to sexual contact with both genders, or a desire to be a partner with both genders.

I answered
1 ) yes I can be, provided I am compatable in a long term relationship with the person
2 ) no, I would still have the desire to have contact with the same gender and the opposite gender
3 ) I would ID as bisexual
4 ) I would class it as a attraction to the same gender
5 ) a desire to be a partner with both genders....

[eddy10]

LDD ... you are making my head hurt. And, not the one on my penis.

[Indaco76]

1 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could you be monogamous with them alone...

2 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could that satisfy your desires and needs

3 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you id as hetero / bisexual or undefined sexuality

4 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you define your bisexual attraction to the same gender aspect as a fetish / genetalia interest and not a attraction to the same gender

5 ) do you define your sexuality as a attraction to both genders, a attraction to sexual contact with both genders, or a desire to be a partner with both genders.

I answered
1 ) yes I can be, provided I am compatable in a long term relationship with the person
2 ) no, I would still have the desire to have contact with the same gender and the opposite gender
3 ) I would ID as bisexual
4 ) I would class it as a attraction to the same gender
5 ) a desire to be a partner with both genders....


Dear LDD,
your post is a bit hard to fully grasp after reading it only once, but I guess I'll give you my opinion on this, as it is something I think about very often.

As I have stated on various occasions here on bisexual.com, I have been with my female partner for almost two and a half years and currently my interest for men (in terms of sex) is only limited to desire for penetration by a real penis, which is something that cannot be replaced 100% by dildos.

So, when I read your hetero-identified friend's story and your questions, at first I went "hey, that's me!". I must admit that if my partner had both sets of genitals, after the initial "eww" factor (What? a penis AND a vagina in the same spot??), my sex life would probably be close to perfect!!

But then I thought about it some more and realized that, if I am really honest with myself, it's not just about genitals. It's about masculine energy, which to some extent I would still miss sexually. I am lucky to have a lesbian partner who can express both her feminine and her masculine sides in bed, and I guess that's what I found attractive in the first place. So I do get my share of "masculinity" even though my companion is a woman. But I still look at men and no, not just thinking about their penises. I just happen to like them physically.

So, to answer your questions, I am probably one of those bisexuals who can relate to both sexes physically and *theoretically* needs both men and women from a sexual point of view. However, I have my emotional preferences, which lean heavily towards women. That's why I can no longer picture myself in a long term relationship with a man.

Hugs,
Indaco

[Long Duck Dong]

lol yeah I write in a bad way.... but I actually do it to make people think and reread it....

but you did what I set out to do.... challenge people to think about themselves, you know you are bisexual....but now you know how you are bisexual.... and you realise its more than saying bisexuals are attracted to both genders...

and your answer pinpointed something I have been aware of for years.... the dual energy aspect, the feminine and the masculine energies in a single person
its a incredibly beautiful and powerful experience..... my current partner loves the fact I can be her female or male lover and she was quick to embrace her being the male lover, tho she loved being the female lover equally

[mbigtim]

so I pose the following questions......

1 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could you be monogamous with them alone...

2 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could that satisfy your desires and needs

3 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you id as hetero / bisexual or undefined sexuality

4 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you define your bisexual attraction to the same gender aspect as a fetish / genetalia interest and not a attraction to the same gender

5 ) do you define your sexuality as a attraction to both genders, a attraction to sexual contact with both genders, or a desire to be a partner with both genders.

I can't answer #1-4 since I have never seen anyone with both set of genitals so answering would just call upon speculation and make the answers irrelevant.

#5- an attraction to sexual contact with both genders.

[tenni]

I prefer my women to be women and my men to be men both physically and as someone else pointed out "energy wise". That excludes cross dressers let alone intersexed. When I look at men transitioning in a porn situation it does nothing for me. Breasts and a dick on the same body turns me off. I'm certain that I would not be attracted to an intersexed person unless they outwardly appeared to be clearly one or the other. Since I have no experience with an intersexed person intimately, I could not really answer either regarding their genetalia. I would certainly not actively seek such a relationship.

[Realist]

Reviewing my past, I find it difficult to find a strict pattern of interests, other than the superficial stuff, that initially draw me to someone. Upon first meeting, I'm drawn to full-figured ladies and chubby, smooth guys with smaller endowment.

I assume, since the question was directed toward bisexuality, we're only discussing males, here.

To be involved with a guy, I'd have to first...........like, or love him. I'd have to respect him and feel that we had mutual interests and desires, before any physical interaction occurred. I am a lot more cautious about selecting a male lover, than a female one.

Other than my first experience, I have never had sex with a guy, just for sex. I cannot get aroused with a guy, unless he demonstrates that he's attracted to me, as I am to him. If a fellow only wants to get off, then go, that'll never work with me.

I have loved slim guys, but the majority of my male lovers have been "meaty".............. I'm more drawn to lovers through cerebral connections, rather than physical attractions.

I like good communicators, who are cautious, polite, considerate and caring. Overly masculine, or feminine guys don't usually fare well with me.

Historically, I've been primarily a top, but during the last few male relationships, I find that I've become a lot more flexible.

[roy m cox]

um "WHAT" 0_o

ill define it as clear as i can if it has a pee pee :male: i like it

if it has a skooch i like it :female:


and i am one that likes and if i can have both i will .

i don't get it how people keep saying that they just like one mate only,, cuzz i know that if you are truly bisexual you just go for both

and i am truly attracted to both sexes not just one or the other, i can get if your not sure about what sex you like that's just being confused but not bisexual i hope you get what i mean :rolleyes:

[Long Duck Dong]

um "WHAT" 0_o

ill define it as clear as i can if it has a pee pee :male: i like it

if it has a skooch i like it :female:


and i am one that likes and if i can have both i will .

i don't get it how people keep saying that they just like one mate only,, cuzz i know that if you are truly bisexual you just go for both

and i am truly attracted to both sexes not just one or the other, i can get if your not sure about what sex you like that's just being confused but not bisexual i hope you get what i mean :rolleyes:

I understand what you are saying..... there are people that appear to be bisexual, but their comments point to the fact that they are attracted to the genitalia, not the person...... and that can be argued as a fetish, not bisexuality...

but by defination, they are still bisexual but in a different spectrum of bisexuality....

as for the one mate aspect, some bisexuals are mentally and emotional attracted to one gender, not both.....or capable of long term relationships with one gender, not the other...... for any number of reasons.....

I have seen posted, that there is 9 levels of bisexuality.... in fact there is close to 300 levels.... cos of the different aspects of partner / attraction and type of person attraction

[lv69cpl69]

"I assume, since the question was directed toward bisexuality, we're only discussing males, here"
and I thought females could also be bisexual! :bigrin:

[Long Duck Dong]

any gender..... any sexuality..... I am interested in any responses.....

for the ladies, there is indeed male intersex people ( males born with both sexual organs ) they may be as common as lady intersex, but not as widely known....

the difference between intersex and transgender, is intersex are born with the dual sexual genitalia, transgender are born in the wrong gender body and seek to change gender....

and for any gender....

male,
female
intersex ( some ID as the third gender )
gender undefined ( some people ID as both male / female or neither )
non human gender ( something that I came across in my research of zoophilia, they ID as animalist or non human gender )
alien ( long story )
no gender ( aka neutral gender )
transgender ( transitional )

[nocturnal08]

I got your meaning very well and i think i some case youre right. You should only have a bi-sexual person running a supprt group because st8t-gay or st8t-lesbian people dont seem too understand that if you cant conform to their meaning of relationships youre just wrong(imagine that its just what st8t people have been doing to them all these years)and now they want to act like that. someone shouldnt forget how we all got to this point we all have evolved freer-thinking freer-accepting society not everyone but a majority..So i can only answer all one way yes to 4, no to the fact that its not what you have privatelyGENITALIA)but the person the different person that i enjoy, it would have to be deeply spiritual 4 me to be totally monogamous

[wannasuckfirstdick]

If a guy has sex with a transgendered guy to woman or a cross dressing guy he is still bi if he also goes out with a biological woman. A male dressed in womens clothing is still a male. A transgendered male that has gone through the whole change is still a male biologically so therefore would still be a bisexual if you also went out with females. A true hermophradite is a very very rare occurance, most are psuedo hermophradites, which most are in a group of genetic females with masculinised genitals from hormone problems or other genetic defects. Males with low testosterone levels or XXY chromosomes may also have a vaginal opening but a small penis and undescended testicles, but are also usually mentally handicapped and have much greater risk of testicular cancer. Not too many of those people will be sexually active. There are syndromes like kallman's syndrome that are a milder type of defect but they usually have the penis but with small testes which are also usually undescended. They can take testosterone to get the secondary sex characteristics and keep them but even the severe cases of that are bad.

[funkymonkey]

I'm amazed at the amount of bickering over the definition of "bisexual". I would think that among bisexuals (what ever they are) of all people this wouldn't be an issue. Love who ever you love. Does it matter if you're not a perfect 3 on the Kinsey scale? Do we need to have a new word for 1s 2s 4s and 5s?

You know what a bisexual really is? a plant with both pollen producing and seed producing parts.

If you are not a plant with both pollen producing and seed producing parts, then you are not REALLY bisexual.

p.s. and you can't be in the club

[Long Duck Dong]

alien.... lol its something I came across over the years when I was researching sexuality..... there are people that have a sexual interest in non earthly beings....

now I have no idea if they have fulfilled the desire...but there are people that dress as aliens, to fulfull the desire for alien intercourse.... and yes there are sites for people that are like that.......

[rissababynta]

alien.... lol its something I came across over the years when I was researching sexuality..... there are people that have a sexual interest in non earthly beings....

now I have no idea if they have fulfilled the desire...but there are people that dress as aliens, to fulfull the desire for alien intercourse.... and yes there are sites for people that are like that.......

That could be considered xenophilia

[mikey3000]

[QUOTE=Long Duck Dong;145360]

according to their criteria....

a bisexual is a person over the age of 20 and of fully functioning sexual capabilities.
a bisexual is of equal attraction to both sexes and not in a monogamous relationship but a open relationship.
a bisexual is not married / in a relationshop with a straight partner as this causes conflict with sexual contact.
a bisexual is sexually active with both genders, not bi curious


so I pose the following questions......

1 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could you be monogamous with them alone...

2 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, could that satisfy your desires and needs

3 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you id as hetero / bisexual or undefined sexuality

4 ) if you have a opposite gender partner with both sexual organs, would you define your bisexual attraction to the same gender aspect as a fetish / genetalia interest and not a attraction to the same gender

5 ) do you define your sexuality as a attraction to both genders, a attraction to sexual contact with both genders, or a desire to be a partner with both genders.

QUOTE]

Since IsItAllOverMyFace decided to answer for me, how about I try to answer for myself? Sound fair?
Firstly, the criteria listed does not wash with me at all. Totally illogical.

1&2) no. Although the person may have both sex organs, I am not just attracted to the organs, but to the characteristics of each sex. I like my women feminine and my men masculine.

3) I would identify as heterosexual.

4) I would have to say a fetish.

5) A desire to be partnered with both genders.