Emergency!

[JohnnySturm]

Hello, my boyfriend is bisexual and I happen to be gay. Before I move on to the main issue let me tell you what happened two days ago.

My boyfriend had a three-way relationship between me and some girl he knew. Her stuff got taken the last time he tried this but then she got it back; Xbox and phone both. My boyfriend wanted to have her as a second spouse under the premise that "it would stabilize our relationship, we could have kids, and they would have a mother so that they wouldn't have to be ashamed of two gay parents."

That was a coverup of a much larger story. It turns out that he has this strange condition linked to his sexuality that causes his sexual preference to periodically shift from male to female or from female to male. A couple of weeks ago, we were having the best sex of our life. Tonight, not even a little bit of a boner on his part until he imagined me as a female.

I need to know as much about this as I can: is it medical, are there ways to beat it, and as much on the subject as you can tell me, even related stories! This is too important!

Please understand that this isn't about the attempted polygamy, just the sexuality drifting.

[Annika L]

I'm not a medical professional (at all). But I have never heard of a medical condition that causes one's sexuality to "flip" periodically...and it sounds kind of suspicious to me. It's possible that it's out there, and I've just not heard of it... but it sounds...odd. I'm not suggesting that you're lying about what you've heard...and I don't *want* to suggest that your boyfriend is lying to you...but the thought does occur.

Can you tell us the diagnosis...the actual name of the condition he supposedly has?

[JohnnySturm]

I'm not a medical professional (at all). But I have never heard of a medical condition that causes one's sexuality to "flip" periodically...and it sounds kind of suspicious to me. It's possible that it's out there, and I've just not heard of it... but it sounds...odd. I'm not suggesting that you're lying about what you've heard...and I don't *want* to suggest that your boyfriend is lying to you...but the thought does occur.

Can you tell us the diagnosis...the actual name of the condition he supposedly has?

It's not really a condition so much as a mental thing. He said he has a weird mind.

[tenni]

From my perspective, I know that some bisexuals have an ebb and flow to their sexual attraction level. At certain points some are more attracted to females than males and vice versa. The cycle of this attraction is not fixed. A person may spend a large section of their life with no same sex attraction and then one day it becomes visible. That is different from those who say that they always were attracted but repressed their attraction. Some bisexuals have an equal attraction consistently and equal for their entire lives. Some are attracted to the person and the gender doesn't matter to them. There are more variations.

At times, I have been actually repulsed about what I previously got into with a guy but that will change later on and I'm horny to be with a guy. In other words, sometimes guys just don't turn me on. No, it is not a phobic or self loathing feeling either for those who are inclined to jump to conclusions. I've never been turned off or repulsed by women though. At this point in my life I've chosen not to enter into a relationship with a woman though.

Your partner may be more attracted to women on an overall aspect than he is attracted to men. There may also be other issues not connected to his bisexuality. Hopefully, you are able to get him to talk to you about it. There may be other issues that are medical or interpersonal affecting him.

In other words, your boyfriend is not alone. There are others like him....... and me.

[Realist]

I agree with Tenni.

I think fluctuating desires are common with bisexuals. When I was younger, I'd vacillate back and forth in my desires for guys, or girls. I don't think it's uncommon for bisexuals to be that way. Some are steady and don't vary in their intensity, some do. I certainly did.

Your situation sounds normal, for the way I used to be. These days, I'm much happier just being with my GF. She's OK with my being with a guy, but I don't know anyone I'd be interested in...or who would be interested in me. But I'm alright with that.

If you're OK with your lover's GF living with you, I'm sure he'll be happier, too. I've had two poly relationships that worked great...I hope your relationship works out for you, too.

[Long Duck Dong]

things like low level depression can affect sexuality contact and emotions....

bisexual sexuality is fuild, it shifts and changes with desires and attractions.... but things like low level depression / self esteem issues etc can also play a part in the sexual contact....

think of it in terms as a * wall * he tries to connect to you as a male and can't but as a * female * he can complete the sexual connection....and it can be vice versa....

I know this well, I have dystimia ( low level personality based depression but with me, its a life long depression and as such, is not treatable or curable )
this does cause a condition called gender misalignment syndrome....its a lil known term where a person can not react to a person in the correct gender but in the opposite gender

this can be triggered by sub conscious thoughts, feeling, emotions etc, and its normally a intense emotion that triggers it.......

in saying that, dystimia is very hard to diagnosis and a person has to have 2 or more years of symptoms to be diagnosised....
now the depression is not obvious to most people as its not *down * moods, its more like *walls * that *block * emotions on different levels and like bisexual sexuality, its fuild, it can affect different emotions on different levels at different times.....

combined with bisexuality, dystimia is a nightmare and makes connecting with people very hard at times.....

on a non medical level, your partner may also be riding a emotional high...and that can be causing the sexuality attraction inbalance.....and that is also a very viable scenerio....

my advice is to take a few weeks and let things settle down, they may back back to a more balanced base..... or they may not..... the key here is let them settle down, don't try to influence things...it can unbalance things more

[Hephaestion]

[QUOTE=JohnnySturm;145347]

Your profile is wonderfully informative.


.........Her stuff got taken the last time he tried this but then she got it back; Xbox and phone both........

........That was a coverup of a much larger story.......

Is there any weighty significance to these phrases?



.....My boyfriend wanted to have her as a second spouse under the premise that "it would stabilize our relationship, we could have kids, and they would have a mother so that they wouldn't have to be ashamed of two gay parents.".......

How does she feel about this?
+
Stabilize YOUR relationship?



.......It turns out that he has this strange condition linked to his sexuality that causes his sexual preference to periodically shift from male to female or from female to male. A couple of weeks ago, we were having the best sex of our life. Tonight, not even a little bit of a boner on his part until he imagined me as a female..........

This is called boredom and affects us all. Yes we sometimes assume play roles and lots of other things with people that we trust. I wonder if this last word is something that is weak here.



.........I need to know as much about this as I can: is it medical, are there ways to beat it, and as much on the subject as you can tell me, even related stories! This is too important!

Please understand that this isn't about the attempted polygamy, just the sexuality drifting.........

This is not medical. It can be as simple as 'Oh no, not beans and beef again for dinner'. Or it could indicate an innate quality to his character i.e that he is likely prone to restlessness. In the right context this can be creative and bestow prosperity. Elsewhere it can be manipulation which is a real drag and causes everyone else tremendous grief.

The attempted polygamy and children cannot be excluded from the equation

Advice - listen to the reasoning of everyone but keep your mind alert and plan your exit strategy should it be needed. She should plan her own. In this timing is important. A reminder here that kids are too important to use as stabilising factors. They are people with rights and expectations. Easiest thing in the world is to start a life (elsewhere on the site we have a condom broken and worries). The process is supercharged with pleasure. The most difficult thing in the world is the life long work, devotion, and self sacrifice that is concomitant to raising the resulting ..... person(s).

Good luck

H.

[FalconAngel]

I'm afraid that what everyone else has been telling you is pretty correct; sexuality is not static.

Just as desires for the s/o in a straight or gay person may go into flux, a Bisexual will also have a similar ebb and flow in their desires for each gender, but because of our sexuality and all of it's variations, that ebb and flow can become a very wide range of desires.

I am afraid that, as long as you stay with this person, then it is something that you will have to deal with.

I suggest sitting down with him and discussing everything as regards your situation. Leave no stone unturned and always keep in mind your feelings for each other.
Ask questions and expect that you may not be happy with every answer that you get, but figure out ways to work together and be willing, both of you, to make compromises where you each need to.