have you been cheated on ?

[Long Duck Dong]

we have had a number of threads about cheating and if its ok or not.... but what about the people that were cheated on....what do they have to say on the matter....

in the other threads, people have justified cheating or decided they are not cheating, using a number of reasons and justifications.....
so I am posting this... the voice of a person that has been cheated on, and not just once or twice....

my first major excuse with cheating... was my ex fiancee... a dear lady who I thought the world of... and yes I did pop the question to her... I was about 22, she was younger..... and yes I had my doubts about a few issues with things....
I knew she was having contact with the guy, and I didn't question it, but trusted, even when I asked about a few things and she flatly denied any wrong doing..... so I accepted her word...and continued to give her my complete support and love.... and then she moved in with the guy, again denying everything for another year..... until finally she confessed to the affair....in the same phone call telling me she had married the guy.....

I forgave her and never judged her or condemned her....but I did ask what I had not done enuf of...since it appeared to me that I had failed.....

years later she opened up ( after they divorced after 15 years of marriage ) and came clean with me..... again, I accepted what she said without question and continued to give her my unconditional support...

at that time I was recovering from my second major experience with cheating when my ex partner and I split finally for the last time....
I had dealt with 13 affairs ( that I knew about ) the birth of a child ( father unknown ) many lies, abuse,( emotional mental and physical ) a large amount of money, covering her food, smokes, clothing and other expenses.... including a computer for her personal usage..... and yet again, I forgave her and have opened up the house to her and her new partner to stay when they were homeless.....

the questions in my head were never ending....

why cheat on me, why not just tell me where I failed in the relationship
tell me where I was doing things wrong
if they were unhappy, why not leave......

it was the second partner that gave me the answers....

why cheat ??? cos it was her right to do so..and she could do what she wanted....

what was I doing wrong ??? nothing, she wanted to have fun.....

if she was unhappy, why not leave.....??? cos she had me to fall back on when things went sour

and I ask myself, why do I do things that most people never would....??

its called love, unconditional love and caring.... something that people want in a relationship....and yet, it was abused to hell by my partners.... cos it gave them the power to cheat and abuse my love of them.....

I trusted them, I believed in them, I respected them and I was honest with them.... and yet I never got the same in return...

when cheating is done and its justified... its only justified in the mind of the person doing it.... to people like me that are the partner whose faith and trust in our partners is shattered....its like a slap in the face.... we put a lot into the relationship and end up feeling like we were used.....

when my partner walked through the door and openly talked about the guy she had been fucking.... I would sit there and think how she would tell me that * she hated sex, didn't like sex at all *... and I would think, * I respected that, I didn't ask her for sex, I accepted it was a sexless relationship..... I just never realised that she wanted sex on her terms, with who she felt like.... and that I was expected to sit back and watch her play by her own rules, but god help me if I have any contact with any of my friends.....

that is something that amused me and it is something I see in a lot of people, the * you will play by my rules, by I can make my own rules *....

so I said to my partner one day * what would they do if I had a affair on them * ..... and I got told * god help me *......

sighs as a bisexual, I understand what it is like to have desires for contact, sexual and otherwise.... and I understand how people can wanna fulfill those needs and desires....

but I also understand what it is like to found out you have a lying partner that you can not trust..and that places you at risk thru sexual contact with others....
I have watched a friend and also somebody very dear and close to me, die of aids... and its scary....
and now, its hard for me to get close to people... partners... cos of the level of mistrust I have inside me and the lack of respect I have for people that cheat and say * oh but its cos *.....

as with my current partner, I told her to go have sex with others if the need arises.... cos that way... it can not hurt me, I can not be betrayed cos she has permission already, permission I will not give myself cos I want her to be able to beleive and trust me when I say, I will not go outside of the relationship for sex, I want her help to fulfill my needs first and if she can not, we will find a way to do it that only involves the two of us.....

I have to wait for 2 years to see her again... my past has taught me that I can believe and trust in somebody and wait for them for years.....and thats fine....

what I struggle with, is things like I had to give my partner permission to sleep around if she wished, in order to combat the feelings of mistrust in myself as a result of partners cheating on me
I had to make my partner feel like she was a * easy lady * cos of past experiences...that must have hurt her a lot.... and that could have cost me the relationship, but she understands why......

I am looking forward to a monogamous relationship when she returns, she has asked for one, and I will give her one....
even tho I am bisexual and I would love the feel of a mens hands on my body.... I understand how it could make her feel to lay in a bed cuddled into a pillow, knowing her partner is out having sex with others....
I understand how saying to another person that they can not fulfill my needs and then them watching walk out the door to anothers arms, can make a person feel....

and I understand how saying, I may be horny, I may crave sex.... but you are my partner, I love you and I am staying here with you, can light up a persons face......

so if you have been cheated on, post your story here......

I am not judging anybody or trying to make anybody feel bad or guilty.... just trying to show that regardless of how sleeping around / cheating etc, is justified..... that it can hurt the hell out of the one you love.... even with their permission to sleep around..... and some scars may never heal....specially ones on the heart

[rissababynta]

Wow, sounds like you had some winners...

Personally, I have only been with one guy (that I know of) that cheated on me, sort of kind of...

Right before we broke up he had made out with this one other girl. I asked if they had slept together and he said no. That is was only a quick, random thing. Then a few days after we broke up he was having sex with her. It made me feel awful because I didn't understand why I was so easy to forget about.

In the end it was his loss because he tried to get me back for years. I played games with him so bad...which I know doesn't fix what happened but it sure made me feel better at the time haha.

[Georgie_Girl]

The first guy I had been dating for about 6 months and we were engaged. He got my friend drunk (16, virgin until then) and took advantage of it. I stayed with him because I thought I loved him, and he left me on my 18th birthday for a girl he worked with. (He left her pregnant a few months later.) The second was recently, abotu 2 months ago, my husband of 6 years. Three times with one of my best friends. I no longer talk to her, which hurts me a lot. Like a good wife I told only my closest friend. I still cry myself to sleep over it.

[still_shy]

I have been cheated on by two different guys. The first time my boyfriend cheated on me, I was 18 we were living together and he was sleeping with a 40 year old for crack. (true story) It broke my heart and my trust...not to mention my self esteem was pretty wrecked. She was gross, hooked on drugs and looked like a bag lady...the worst part of the whole situation was knowing our friends all knew about it and felt sorry for me...I was humiliated when I had to walk into a clinic and ask for STD tests and an AIDS test. Now, I'm grateful that I had the presence of mind at such a young age to get tested but at the time, I was mortified to do such a thing. I was devastated, he was my first love, took my virginity and my innocence. He cheated on me several more times before we split. I think of those times as my fault since I knew about the first time. In a way, I asked to be cheated on after going through all I went through with him.

The second time was my ex husband. We were working at the same hotel and I just got this funny feeling about a girl we worked with. She seemed a little too close to my husband, and was just downright rude to me....I confronted him and he admitted it. I was pretty devastated about that time too. I believed in the sanctity of marriage, thought he would never do anything to hurt me. We decided to try to patch things up, but I truly believe this is what broke our marriage up. I quit caring, didn't trust him and just gave up after this.

Cheating on someone is NEVER ok. It is potentially heartbreaking to the person being cheated on. Every time I see a thread on here about whether a certain act constitutes cheating or when is it ok to cheat....I think "If you have to ask then it's probably cheating."

[Long Duck Dong]

Wow, sounds like you had some winners...



lol I have never been the best one at picking the good apples in the orchard.....

the thing that makes it harder for me, is when both partners have told me that they now realise how good they had it, a partner that loved them totally and would have done anything for them....

to me that is the meaning of love, when the going gets tough, I refuse to budge from their side......

now I am trusting that the right person found me ( from half way around the world ) and so far, its proving correct.... and giving me a reason to open my heart up once again

[rissababynta]

lol I have never been the best one at picking the good apples in the orchard.....

the thing that makes it harder for me, is when both partners have told me that they now realise how good they had it, a partner that loved them totally and would have done anything for them....

to me that is the meaning of love, when the going gets tough, I refuse to budge from their side......

now I am trusting that the right person found me ( from half way around the world ) and so far, its proving correct.... and giving me a reason to open my heart up once again

LDD, you are the ultimate sweetheart lol

[Donkey_burger]

I have never been in a romantic relationship, so no, I haven't been cheated on.

Of course, I have my boundaries together, so that's an advantage of waiting, I guess.

DB :bipride:

[mikey3000]

I've never been cheated on that I know of. But because of all the infidelity in today's society, we tackled the subject very early on in our relationship and agreed to understand and work it out if it happened. 22 years later, so far so good.

[roy m cox]

iv been cheated on by 2 guys and 4 girls :(

now that i am in an open relation ship i don't mind it a bit hell a lot of people like me so much i get passed around like a squeaky toy :bigrin:

tho i don't get it :rolleyes:

[MelissaMaven]

My previous relationship ended when I found out he was cheating on me, which was a blow to the ego for me (being a transsexual) since it was for a biological girl.

I try to avoid guys who come across as someone who just wants to have a brief thrill with a girl who's different, though sometimes even the more respectable guys end up realizing that they want a more "normal" relationship. And even though it's hard, I can respect that decision. But I can't respect someone cheating on me. Or worse, keeping me on the side strictly as a toy.

My current boyfriend has probably been the best so far, though. A rough patch aside, he's always been respectable and very accepting. I don't feel as if he's ever looked at me any different than any other girl, so I've felt generally secure in the relationship so far!

[TwylaTwobits]

Hmmm in the proper thread I'll post.

I had been married for six years with two little boys and had suffered a miscarriage. We had moved to a different state with my job, bought a new computer and we had a cable hookup. My soon to be legal ex was spending his time on pogo.com and I didn't think anything of it. Later when he cheated on me.. I realized he was making plans to do so while I was less than five feet away in bed.

I was stupid..actually fought to keep him and had a child later after the incident. When I finally had enough of him I told him I wanted a divorce and then a few weeks later I got involved with LDD who had been a supportive friend at the time. I'm old fashioned and when I said I wanted a divorce I meant it and filed online.

LDD had told me to sleep with the soon to be ex if I wanted to, that it was better to keep him close to know what he was doing. I actually did a few times but it became clear that he was using it as a way to try and get me not to divorce him..believe me the sex wasn't THAT good. Sticking point came during a time when I actually cried out LDD's name instead of his.

I remember telling LDD I wasn't going to sleep with the ex anymore. His response? "Tell me that again in a month"... I did and the next month and the next month and the next month. Until I got to NZ to see LDD I hadn't had sex with anything but a toy in almost eight months.

I am very blessed to now be with someone that hates cheating as much as I do and we will both do everything in our powers to satisfy all urges in our relationship between the two of us, a monogomous relationship on both parts and from those three months....full of fun :)

[darkeyes]

Funnily enough yes. Sevral times by sevral diff peeps I know of an no doubt times I don kno bout. But the 1 that hurt mos wos the girl I left me hubbie for.. she found 'ersel a lil 19 yo bimbo an took 'er 2 Paris... that hurt an wen me found out ther wos a scene ya wudn believe.. so Fran has not only been a bitch an a cow..but has been bitched an cowed on an all.. but all turned out for best cos wudnta met Naggy wud me if it had nev happened?? An for alla our ups an downs.. includin me bein a rite cow mesel..best thing wosn it??

[ErosUrge]

Frankly I feel there's just been way too much discussed on this topic over the last month or so. And I do understand why. Perhaps I am tired of this because cheating has taken its toll on me through the years. I am not innocent either nor am going to portray that I am some sort of saint.
But I will say that when I finally reached the threshold and grasped that it is important not to cheat in relationships and stopped doing it, I seemed to only draw women to me that did cheat. As a result, I wanted nothing to do with serious and involved/committed relationships for 9 years. And then when something happened after those 9 years with potential, the door closed on me again because of my honesty from the very beginning about being bi.
It's not to say that I don't think anything good will ever happen again, but one can become jaded after a while. Still I am eternally the optomist though seeming to be a pessimist.
Though I know this topic is so important to everyone, I wish that we would move on from it. Maybe it's because it's so common and happening constantly. And of course I am adamantly against it. But I will also say that often honesty gets a bad rap....god, let's move on to something else.

[innaminka]

Funny thing about cheating - its not the sex, its the deception and the feeling of worthlessness that it involves.
Sexually, my (ex) husband of 20 years and myself, because of time, distance and my "little peccadilo" assumed that each other had a few little flings - which we did.
No hurt.
Both of us had always qiestioned the concept of sexual exclusivity as being a cornerstone in marriage. Rather we assumed it was genuine love.
A quick shag doesn't mean a lot in the whole dimension of a marriage.

Affairs do. yes, we each had an affair. A proper, full on deception-filled affiar, where honestly one questions your love for the other.

We survived them after some deep soul-searching.

however, the cheating that killed my first marriage was so different, yet so hurtful.
My first husband cheated on me for his mates. Not a mistress, not a simple g/f but a group of immature men like himself.
"I'm late at work."
No, he's at the football club drinking with his mates.

That killed my first marriage.

It doesn't have to be another person to be cheating.

[veronica_mn]

I’ve experienced only one major breach of trust in my relationship history, with someone who was a complete train wreck of a person, which is why I’m taking the liberty of sharing the story again. Catharsis. Someone aptly said in a different thread that it’s fun to cheat but not to be cheated on. The girl in my story had a great time. Me, not so much.

It was a painful lesson but I learned how to make better choices in partners. I can’t be angry. I pity her because she didn’t know how to care for anyone, only how to hurt them.

So, once upon a time, I dated a bi girl and everything about her turned out to be a fabrication. I was involved with someone who didn’t exist, an illusion she created. I suspected some things were off at the time, but I didn’t want to believe anyone could be that devious. I didn’t know how deep it went until much later. I was completely stunned, totally floored.

She had a regular online thing with a bi girl and after she had sex with me, she’d tell this girl what we did and they’d make up fantasies and masturbate together. She’d later act out those fantasies with me. She repeatedly denied seeing anyone else, but there were others. She had a rotation, of sorts. She ditched me at my birthday party to have sex with someone else then said it was my fault she left. Not knowing all the details at the time, I even apologized. Shortly after that, she lied about being busy at work when she was really in LA seeing another girl. One night I thought she was taking me out on a date, instead she arranged for a bi guy she’d been having some kind of thing with to meet us at a bar with the hope that we’d hit it off and have a threesome. (She kept that whole setup to herself.) The very next day, she went on a trip and said it was family business, but she really went away with a girl. Anytime we fought or I was away, she’d hookup with strangers. She completely lied about her home life. She made secret trips to a gay club to meet bi guys. There were times she left my place and contacted other women from the car, sometimes even before she came over. There was webcam sex, groups and much more. She lied about all of it.

I thought I was being supportive of her sexuality and the whole time she was deceiving me. I offered her a truly safe place to be herself and she completely abused my trust and affection. I never questioned why she did it, only how she reconciled her deceptive behavior in her own mind. I was one of the best things that had ever come her way and I knew it had nothing to do with me. Her behavior was not that of a normal person; it was that of someone who lacked a conscience or empathy (common in personality disorders).

[rodeo]

I have been cheated on also and used and still going through it. IT started about five years ago she started going out late and coming early mourning hours. Of course rumors started to fly being from a small town. She started telling me she needed two men in her life but she didnt want sex with any of them.that went on for two long years until we finally divorced. She said that she still loved me and wanted to be with me but she never stopped what she was doing so i finally told her she needs to move on but she said she had no place to go so i let her stay until she could find a place. She got a blazer in the divorce she was supose to pay for but when she got with her new guy he had a vehicle so she quit paying for it and they came back after me fo the money.So i took her back to court to make her pay for the vehicle that she said she would.Well the judge upon finding out that we was still living together at the time of the divorce when we had told him that we was seperated anulled our divorce and this was after two years had passed. I am trying to get another one and have been trying since march of 2008 with no success yet. Meanwhile her new man kicked her out and she came back into the house saying she has got the right to since we are remarried and she has brought her new kid with her. I cannot be mean to the little one she is a sweetie but i would like to be able some day to grt on with my life.This is just a small percentage of what ive been through and still going through. To me its not the act of sex that is so destructive its the betrayal and lack of caring about the other ones feelings. Ive read long duck dongs story and its so much the same that its scary. I to do not know if i ever will trust someone as much as i did her but only time will tell until then i have my kids to get me through all of this mess.

[foreverbi]

Funnily enough yes. Sevral times by sevral diff peeps I know of an no doubt times I don kno bout. But the 1 that hurt mos wos the girl I left me hubbie for.. she found 'ersel a lil 19 yo bimbo an took 'er 2 Paris... that hurt an wen me found out ther wos a scene ya wudn believe.. so Fran has not only been a bitch an a cow..but has been bitched an cowed on an all.. but all turned out for best cos wudnta met Naggy wud me if it had nev happened?? An for alla our ups an downs.. includin me bein a rite cow mesel..best thing wosn it??

Yes I have been cheated on by my 1st wife about 30-35 years ago. She in fact fed me my first imported (or ready made) creampie. At the time I didn't know she was fucking around on me. I just knew she seemed wetter than usual, but I just thought (I) had her really turned on. This continued almost nightly for several months (10-11) & I grew to love the taste of her wet pussy. When I found out what was going on I became very angry, because I then knew why she was always so wet.:eek::flag1:;)

I am now married to a good woman that would not think of cheating on me & I continue to eat the creampies that WE make together. Now though when I think back I realize that I secretly loved eating some other guy cum, and being "humiliated" by my ex-wife. Honestly if I were not married I would love the opportunity to once again (OK several times). eat other guys cum my ex-wife's well used pussy. Eating her well used pussy again has become one of my greats fantasies. My current wife does not realize how many intense fucks & orgasms she has had due to memory of my ex-wife.:tong:

[Android]

I was cheated on by a girl I was seeing a few years ago.
I thought she was amazing, so did a lot of other guys apparently.. found out after a few months that she had slept with half of London (ok, slight exaggeration, but she slept around *a lot*)

I just felt really humiliated and stupid that I hadn't realised sooner. It was a horrible feeling, and that's why I would never do that to someone I cared about. Not cool.

[Laken]

I'd be surprised these days to find someone who HASN'T been cheated on.

My first *real* boyfriend cheated on me. We'd been together for almost two years and it was my birthday. And with my "best friend." I was young and dumb and took him back...then I just got that women's intuition thing. He kept trying to accuse me of cheating on him with his best friend...so I figured he was projecting on me. Once I found out that he actually WAS cheating (courtesy of his best friend) I decided that I wouldn't make the same mistake twice and I ended things.

A few years later, I started dating another guy that I worked with. We dated for a year or so and things were great. I was really happy. Then he went to a Nascar race with some friends and didn't call me all weekend. I went from angry to worried to angry over and over. When he got back he had some lame excuse that I can't even remember now. Apparently I believed whatever it was. Then one day his sister (who also worked with us) handed me a piece of paper with a phone number on it. A girl had called the house and asked for him and she knew that it wasn't me. So after he got off the phone she dialed *69 to get the number. I called it when I got home and I was surprisingly (given my temper) very nice to the girl. She had no idea that he was dating anyone. I later confronted him about it and of course, he lied. So I three way called and asked him about it again. Imagine his surprise when he tells me he's not cheating on me and then the other girl speaks up and tells him she's already told me everything!
My self confidence took a real blow with that one. I was already having a lot of issues with my weight. I really was still trying to figure out who I really *was*. Then he cheats on me with this drop dead gorgeous, tall, blonde. To make things worse, she was only 17, already had a child, and was in the process of getting a DIVORCE! I mean, I realize everyone makes mistakes...and there's nothing wrong with that. But I guess back then I just felt...well...like I was better than that. So it hurt. A lot. And it really effected my ability to trust anyone...not just my partners.


I guess all this is part of the reason I love swinging with my husband. I fully trust him. I know that if he ever wants anyone else...all he has to do is ask. I know that he can have sex with another woman while I watch and enjoy....yet when we get home, he still wants me more than ever. I've had a few issues since I've had the baby....but that's all in my head. I know well enough to realize that the only reason I'm thinking some of the things that I think is because I'm dealing with the stress of a new baby, my hormones are still settling back to normal, and I'm trying to adjust to this not-so-attractive post-baby bod!

Cheating definitely has lasting effects. It cuts a lot deeper than most people realize. It's completely devastating and I wish that people would just admit they aren't happy and either talk it through or leave the relationship.