Communication

[Realist]

Playing his part, the warden, in the movie "Cool Hand Luke", said, "What we have here, is a failure to communicate!"

Then, "No Eyes" the chief guard, shot and killed Paul Newman!

Well, in a way last night, my GF just shot me down.......... by telling me that leaving out critical things, when I'm talking about anything, or anyone, is NOT communicating. She directed my attention to the fact that I was lying by omission!

The nerve of her! I used to write technical publications for the military, lesson plans and television scripts, too, and here she is telling ME that I'm not communicating!

Upon reflection, however, I realized she was right!

Sometimes, when I'm telling stories, or anecdotes, leaving certain things out changes the perception of what really happened. I didn't think I was lying, I was just not telling the whole story!

"Lying, leaving stuff out...same thing!" She said.

I wonder if that's a common thing, or am I the only one who will manipulate a story, to get a reaction, or reply, based on the "facts" as I delivered them?

Like a lawyer, trying to sway a jury, I confess........I have been known to manipulate the truth! (My dad often said, "No one tells the truth about the size of the fish they caught, gas mileage they get, or how many beautiful women they've bedded!)

I told my GF that I got tired of hearing the same ol' story and changed it, just a little, so it wouldn't be boring...........that didn't satisfy her!

She's a "Bean Counter" and being practical and precise is in her blood. If her figures don't come out even at the end of the day, she will either not go home until it's resolved, or not sleep that night.

So, I guess she's trying to go to sleep at night, now, wondering if what I told her was the "Whole truth and nothing but the truth", or what?

I'm gonna try to be more careful about that, Honey!

[Nadir]

Well, I don´t think it is such a big deal. I mean, leaving stuff out it´s not exactly lying. I am an amateur writer and have one hell of imagination, so when I usually tell someone an event that happened to me I often make some exagerations, add things that were close to happen but didn´t, or just leave stuff out of the story, mostly because I got carried away (and if you are a writer also you will exactly know what I´m talking about :)). I dont think that not saying things should be the same as saying things that transpired differently. People lie all the time, so much it has practically become normal behaviour. However, most time this is related to small or irrelevant things so I don´t think anyone would have to feel regretful about that. Your dad was a very wise man, by the way :D, I guess I will have to remember that saying.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Yes Nadir, but in the case of us writers its a matter of enhancing the storyline, more commonly known as "Padding" Great detail is a main-stream of all sorts of writings and often intricate to the storyline.. :}

And Real, it depends on What you're omiting. I dont think you leaving out certain details isnt exactly lying, because sometimes we cant Get all of the details right in an event. As long as it causes no hurt to anyone, then no harm, no foul. Just make sure you Arent lying..accidently or on purpose, hon. We women take that Quite personally..trust me...lol.
Sit back down with your lady and tell her the story, scenerio, ect. again, and this time dont leave any part of the information out.

PS The man with no eyes :cool: was Morgan Woodward...Sam Elliott's Daddy. I had the biggest lust-crush on Morgan, and on Sam when I got older..still do!

Hugs to you and your lady, hon.
Cat

[rissababynta]

My husband either forgets to tell me a lot of details, or he gives me all of them until I want to rip my face off waiting for him to get to the point. Drives me nuts...but I've never accused him as being a liar because of leaving things out unless he did it intentionally.

[Lenore]

My husband either forgets to tell me a lot of details, or he gives me all of them until I want to rip my face off waiting for him to get to the point. Drives me nuts...but I've never accused him as being a liar because of leaving things out unless he did it intentionally.


OMG, are you sure your husband and my boyfriend aren't the same person? rofl

[Valdis]

Playing his part, the warden, in the movie "Cool Hand Luke", said, "What we have here, is a failure to communicate!"

Then, "No Eyes" the chief guard, shot and killed Paul Newman!

Well, in a way last night, my GF just shot me down.......... by telling me that leaving out critical things, when I'm talking about anything, or anyone, is NOT communicating. She directed my attention to the fact that I was lying by omission!

The nerve of her! I used to write technical publications for the military, lesson plans and television scripts, too, and here she is telling ME that I'm not communicating!

Upon reflection, however, I realized she was right!

Sometimes, when I'm telling stories, or anecdotes, leaving certain things out changes the perception of what really happened. I didn't think I was lying, I was just not telling the whole story!

"Lying, leaving stuff out...same thing!" She said.

I wonder if that's a common thing, or am I the only one who will manipulate a story, to get a reaction, or reply, based on the "facts" as I delivered them?

Like a lawyer, trying to sway a jury, I confess........I have been known to manipulate the truth! (My dad often said, "No one tells the truth about the size of the fish they caught, gas mileage they get, or how many beautiful women they've bedded!)

I told my GF that I got tired of hearing the same ol' story and changed it, just a little, so it wouldn't be boring...........that didn't satisfy her!

She's a "Bean Counter" and being practical and precise is in her blood. If her figures don't come out even at the end of the day, she will either not go home until it's resolved, or not sleep that night.

So, I guess she's trying to go to sleep at night, now, wondering if what I told her was the "Whole truth and nothing but the truth", or what?

I'm gonna try to be more careful about that, Honey!

Realist,

I have to ask the obvious. Were you making a story more interesting, or were you omitting information critical to the relationship? I am afraid that there is a distinct difference between the two situations.

I work in marketing, so I am well versed in the art of "spin". Yes, you can make words work in your favor if you put the right shine on them. That is wonderful if you want to interest someone in purchasing a product, but it is far from healthy when applied to relationships.

I am impressed that you are accepting her critique with such an open attitude. It takes a strong person to look at oneself, and then decide that a change needs to be made. I wish you good luck with this venture.

V

[onewhocares]

PS The man with no eyes :cool: was Morgan Woodward...Sam Elliott's Daddy. I had the biggest lust-crush on Morgan, and on Sam when I got older..still do!


Oh CAT....

I had the biggest crush, fantasy,desire, lust, craving for Sam Elliott. I saw the movie Lifeguard oh ten, twenty times or so and I can honestly say it was the first time in my young life that I experience a rather moist explosion in my jeans. I think HE is responsible for my having an libido in overdrive.

Belle

[Realist]

Valdis and others.....I've been known to "Modify" the facts to suit me and manipulate them to make a certain point. I thought that since I was 69 years old that I could get away with it, but that ain't happening! The "Crazy Old Fart" thing's not working for me, I'm afraid.

My GF wants the facts straight and true! I've had a lot of practice at blowing smoke, but haven't put a lot of effort into being precise, except when I was writing professionally. I really do see what she means and am trying to be more accurate and factual.

[rissababynta]

OMG, are you sure your husband and my boyfriend aren't the same person? rofl

Is he mexican? Perhaps :-P

[jamiehue]

Once I had the misfortune of hooking up with a master manipulator having learned that lesson having someone point out your little lies to hide the fact that they were in the process of destroying your life.Takes a while to recover without going to prison.

[mikey3000]

Realist, I think you have an amazing way with words. But my wife is always correcting me when I retell a story because it wasn't exactly the same as when I first told it. It's kind of embarassing really. I slightly alter stories to suit the crowd. Anyway,

Here's something I learned a long time ago:

"You can learn a lot about a person not by what they tell you, but by what they don't tell you." And this has been proven true time and time again.