CHEATING?

[lv69cpl69]

When is cheating not cheating? If your spouse (or main lover) knows about it? Accepts it? As long as it's not done behind his/her back?

[Realist]

.

NOTHING, that causes your lover distress, anguish, or resentment is OK, in my view.

[rissababynta]

.

NOTHING, that causes your lover distress, anguish, or resentment is OK, in my view.

I agree. I feel that as long as both parties know about it and are 100 percent ok with it, than it's ok. The moment that one starts being sneaky and dishonest, that's a different story.

[mikey3000]

.

NOTHING, that causes your lover distress, anguish, or resentment is OK, in my view.

Good answer!

[welickit]

Good question with a reply that just about hits the nail on the head. Realist pretty well summed it up..........short and sweet. We have to laugh about the timing of this question though. There is an ad posted by a fellow who says his wife doesn't know he is bi, but he is safe, needs to be discrete, clean, HONEST and sane. Obviously honesty doesn't apply to the one you said for better or for worse to.

[bistraightpat]

It depends. For my gf and i we have a bit of a deal. If its with the same sex it's okay. But id never with the opposite sex.

[eddy10]

Anything done without the knowledge and consent of the other partner(s) is cheating. That is true in any activity, be it playings cards, business dealings, etc, etc.

[Donkey_burger]

.

NOTHING, that causes your lover distress, anguish, or resentment is OK, in my view.


I agree. I feel that as long as both parties know about it and are 100 percent ok with it, than it's ok. The moment that one starts being sneaky and dishonest, that's a different story.

I have to agree with both of these. If you have the permission of your partner, then in my opinion, it isn't "cheating". :2cents:

DB :bipride:

[lv69cpl69]

Good question with a reply that just about hits the nail on the head. Realist pretty well summed it up..........short and sweet. We have to laugh about the timing of this question though. There is an ad posted by a fellow who says his wife doesn't know he is bi, but he is safe, needs to be discrete, clean, HONEST and sane. Obviously honesty doesn't apply to the one you said for better or for worse to.

that guy is why We put this here:2cents::bigrin:

[lv69cpl69]

It depends. For my gf and i we have a bit of a deal. If its with the same sex it's okay. But id never with the opposite sex.

so if it's ok then is it cheating?

[allbimyself]

It depends. For my gf and i we have a bit of a deal. If its with the same sex it's okay. But id never with the opposite sex.

As long as you are both in agreement of what the rules/boundaries are and you stick to them then it isn't cheating.

Cheating is NEVER ok under any circumstances.

[lv69cpl69]

As long as you are both in agreement of what the rules/boundaries are and you stick to them then it isn't cheating.

Cheating is NEVER ok under any circumstances.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:tongue:

[mistydawn]

If you cheat you no longer love the one you are with. Try different ways with your mate get the spark back into the3 grove

[Android]

Cheating is not cool, it is never ok in my opinion.

An open relationship is an entirely different thing, it's not cheating if you both consent to each other being with other people. It's about deciding what works for you both personally.

If you are in a non-open relationship, however, it shows a total lack of respect for your partner to just go out and cheat behind their back.

[Long Duck Dong]

I do not define cheating as ok if your partner knows about it.... I actually define it, if you go outside a relationship for sex / affection, with or without your partners knowledge, you are not giving your partner the chance to work with you to fulfill your needs to the best of their / your ability

even with a partners permission, there are inherent risks that any person faces if they sleep with others outside of a relationship, things like health risks, personal issues. relationship issues etc etc

personally, and I mean personally, as in pertaining to myself only, the risks of a open relationship, ( in simple terms, fucking others just for the sake of sex ) far outweigh the safety of a monogamous relationship.... and even tho I am bisexual, I am not controlled by my desires, I am controlled by my sense of honesty and loyalty to my partner. as my partner comes first, not my sex life....

there will be people that will argue that not having sex with others, causes issues and problems for them, as they feel unfulfilled and have a itch they can not scratch... and I do understand that..... but I am not a millionaire, most likely will never be one, and I will not rob banks or commit fraud to become one...and so its a itch I can never scratch.....but its not affecting my ability to love my partner and let them be the one to help sate my bisexual desires

[bistraightpat]

so if it's ok then is it cheating?

Good point. No then i guess it isnt.

[shaftmngr]

I never understood the use of the word cheating. What does it actually mean. Is it having sex with someone other than your partner? How about having a special relationship with someone else but no sex? Or, maybe you run up a huge credit card dept without your spouses knowledge. My wife has done many things I consider worse than having sex or emotional relationships with others. I don't think sex proves or disproves love or commitment. To me there are only two reasons to have sex. One is for reproduction, the other is for the sheer pleasure of it.

[dirtycouple]

HELL NO!!!! Cheating should never happen.if you claim you love a person why are you out to hurt them.there's always a way to avoid it.

[Georgie_Girl]

Cheating can seriously fuck up the person who was cheated on. It could take them years to get over it, if ever. :(

[littlerayofsunshine]

Quick observation. Poll is over 24 hours old, 81 respondents, with 18 saying that its ok sometimes to cheat, and 7 saying they have no problem with cheating.

There has been one written response as to why someone felt it okay.

Leaving 24 voters with voiceless votes.

Suggesting to me, that cheating is not okay, that even the 'sometimes' and the 'yes no problem' voters either feel guilt or shame and would rather hide behind a click, than stand by a statement.

Could I be wrong???

[Donkey_burger]

Quick observation. Poll is over 24 hours old, 81 respondents, with 18 saying that its ok sometimes to cheat, and 7 saying they have no problem with cheating.

There has been one written response as to why someone felt it okay.

Leaving 24 voters with voiceless votes.

Suggesting to me, that cheating is not okay, that even the 'sometimes' and the 'yes no problem' voters either feel guilt or shame and would rather hide behind a click, than stand by a statement.

Could I be wrong???

Maybe, or maybe they just don't want to speak up for fear of being trolled and bashed. Reasonable expectation, actually.

DB :bipride:

[littlerayofsunshine]

Maybe, or maybe they just don't want to speak up for fear of being trolled and bashed. Reasonable expectation, actually.

DB :bipride:

I see your point. But none of that has occurred in this thread.

I was actually interested in people's logic on their views as to why it was okay to them. Shame there probably won't be any.

The one man that did respond had an interesting perspective.

but, C'est la vie

[lv69cpl69]

We think if u have to sneak its cheating and wrong... we were talking sex but about anything could be the same. CHEATING IS WRONG just our :2cents:

[meowykzowy]

I think the definition of cheating depends on the partner(s) involved. It is worth having a frank discussion about what constitutes cheating and what does not. Remember how Bill Clinton's definition of a "sexual relationship" differed from most of ours :-)?

[Keithy]

If your partner is unable to "help" in certain areas due to no fault of their own (as in my wife's case - physical disability following some idiot ignoring a red light and almost "taking her out for good") then it rather blurrs the issue. I love my wife and look after her every day of my life - but if someone wants to help me with a little nsa relief then that makes means I am cheating on her - short of becoming a monk - what would you say my options are? She would regard "self help" as cheating on her as well if she knew.

[Long Duck Dong]

If your partner is unable to "help" in certain areas due to no fault of their own (as in my wife's case - physical disability following some idiot ignoring a red light and almost "taking her out for good") then it rather blurrs the issue. I love my wife and look after her every day of my life - but if someone wants to help me with a little nsa relief then that makes means I am cheating on her - short of becoming a monk - what would you say my options are? She would regard "self help" as cheating on her as well if she knew.

you have two options, cheat or not cheat...and its clear from your profile, you are happy to cheat..... cos if you were loyal to your wife and as devoted to her as you say.... you would not be here looking for sex.....

so I would say self help.... its still respecting your wife, and addressing to a minor degree, your own needs....

but as I already know ( I did post a few threads about honesty, loyalty and respect vs sexual wants and needs a while ago ) and most of the people that replied, made it clear, they would put sexual desires ahead of their partner and their relationship / marriage....

[Keithy]

you have two options, cheat or not cheat...and its clear from your profile, you are happy to cheat..... cos if you were loyal to your wife and as devoted to her as you say.... you would not be here looking for sex.....

so I would say self help.... its still respecting your wife, and addressing to a minor degree, your own needs....

but as I already know ( I did post a few threads about honesty, loyalty and respect vs sexual wants and needs a while ago ) and most of the people that replied, made it clear, they would put sexual desires ahead of their partner and their relationship / marriage....

I admire your ability to be so perfect but don't you dare say that I am not loyal and devoted to her - if you had even the slightest understanding of what I have to do for her each day and what we both go through just so she can have a bit of a life each day, and I pray you never have to as I would not wish it on my worst enemy, you would not even suggest such a thing

As it happens self help is all I have done but even that feels like betrayal

[plovers]

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I might be bisexual. I'm certainly bicurious. I'm in a very straight and wonderful marriage. I dearly love my husband.

Here's the thing, if I'm only bicurious and I need to 'clarify', would it be better to know for sure before confiding to my husband.

Please don't judge me on what I say, I'm sitting in hell right now not knowing where to turn and needing answers that I know I can only find myself. It helps to put it on here though.

[Long Duck Dong]

marriage vows keithy,... for better or worse.... many people do say the words, few of them really think about them....

and I am far from perfect, never even call me perfect, lol....cos I am no angel....

I do understand what you are going thru with your wife... in more ways than one, I care give for a elderly gentleman and have done for about 12 years now...I understand the effect it can have on a person, cos you give up more than just a sex life, you give up the majority of your life, so they can have a lil life.....and the gentleman is not the only person that I have looked after over the years....so I do understand and sympathise......

ok... you have no sex life.... literally.... I myself went celibate for over 3 years, until my partner came into my life, for 3 months,... I face 2 or more years before we see each other again....so again, I remain celibate.....

its hard, I will make no bones about it....but again... think about the situation... would you ( in your wives position and being her ) say, its ok to go out and sleep with others.... and be honest....
many people would say yes, cos it supports their point of view... but they wanna see it from their point of view, not their partners, cos it goes against your desires....

so at that point I refer to it coming down to sex being more important than their partner... cos its about sex... thats the point where only you can make the decision as to what is more important to you, your marriage vows, your partner or sex..... and thats the point where so many people realise the value of their marriage and relationship and how committed they are to the marriage and their partners.....

my way of celibacy works for me, I am able to handle long term celibacy and isolation with no ill effects or issues.... but it doesn't work for many people, they are not able to handle the lack of contact, sexual or otherwise....

thats why I said it comes down to two options for you, cheat or not cheat.... but you understand that your actions may be cheating, tho your thoughts and feelings, work it out on a different level...
that is possibly that you love her dearly, but you do not wish to put any undue pressure on her in any way for any form of contact, sexual or otherwise... but that you can only see the other option as divorce so you do not betray her by cheating....

that leaves the final option, to have sexual activities outside of the marriage for your own sanity, peace of mind and to help you copy with your wife

so I will give you the same advice I give to everybody, be safe, be clean, be discreet, hope your wife doesn't find out, and do not place her at risk from any std etc.....
sure its cheating, but as we can see from what I have written..... you honestly are between a rock and a hard place.... and its your call....your conscious and it could be your marriage at risk..... regardless of who judges you ( and god knows its easy to judge anybody )...its your life.....

all that aside, I hope your wife is able to recover fully and if not, is able to regain as much as possible of a normal life as she can, for your sake and hers

[Long Duck Dong]

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I might be bisexual. I'm certainly bicurious. I'm in a very straight and wonderful marriage. I dearly love my husband.

Here's the thing, if I'm only bicurious and I need to 'clarify', would it be better to know for sure before confiding to my husband.

Please don't judge me on what I say, I'm sitting in hell right now not knowing where to turn and needing answers that I know I can only find myself. It helps to put it on here though.

talk to him before you go outside of the marriage to find out..... it can be a lot easier to partners to accept if you talk to them before taking action, and it opens up the way for your partner to be involved with you while you do find out for sure....
having a partner there ( even in a observing position only ) can be support and comfort and could open the doors to a more relaxed and free opportunity for you to enjoy more female contact should the need and desire arise...

you could bring it out during pillow talk ... and say something like you feel a lil embarassed but there are times during your love making that you shut your eyes and imagine its him and a female making love to you......

saying that may open the way for him to talk about it.....tho it would be important to let him know that you are not seeking to * upgrade * him with a new model of the female gender.... but just that you have those feelings...
and if he asks if you would sleep with another female, you could say, that its something you have never done, but you have thought about it at times...and the idea of him and another lady stroking and caressing you is something that does make you * tingle *

[littlerayofsunshine]

If your partner is unable to "help" in certain areas due to no fault of their own (as in my wife's case - physical disability following some idiot ignoring a red light and almost "taking her out for good") then it rather blurrs the issue. I love my wife and look after her every day of my life - but if someone wants to help me with a little nsa relief then that makes means I am cheating on her - short of becoming a monk - what would you say my options are? She would regard "self help" as cheating on her as well if she knew.



Keithy,

I am sorry for the condition of your wife. Such a terrible thing to happen to a person.

While I won't say I agree/disagree with your particular situation. Since I don't know the extent of your wife's condition. I do appreciate you telling your story and bringing up a valid issue..

Sex with someone else, because of a mates health issue.

I had an aunt. She was a vibrant woman, who love to drink beer, go hunting and fishing, and loved her children dearly. She had been divorced from my uncle, and had remarried another man. They were only married a couple of years, when she got struck with breast cancer. She went through a mastectomy, chemo and radiation. He stuck by her whole heartedly. She got breast reconstruction and thought her life was going to get back an normal as it could. This was in the late 80's early 90's when mammograms hadn't caught up to the breast implant trend.

Her cancer had returned, but behind the implant where it couldn't be detected. by the time they detected it, it was already in her lymph system. They treated her again, radiation and chemo... Everyone had hoped they caught it in time and were hopeful.. Till her headaches set in.. Brain scan showed cancer had spread to her brain and was in a spot and to advanced to be treated. As anyone knows having dealt with brain cancer, its usually slow, but steadily progressive.

I saw this woman I had always had to look up too. Tall strong funny as hell, begin to fade. First her hearing went, so communication had do be done in writing on a little chalkboard. Then her speech went, and she had to respond on a chalk board.. She couldn't play her favorite games anymore... Po-keno or dominoes. She eventually lost her ability to speak and could barely respond in a sentence. This man stood by her.

My family had moved away, but came back the christmas after we moved for a family party and my aunts house. No one had prepared me for what I was going to see. The cancer had progressed so much, that she had become childlike. She shuffled instead of walked, she couldn't climb stairs. She had lost all of her hair, and had to wear dresses so she was easier to change. She carried a doll that she called "her baby" and shuffled and held the baby, and would sit in a rocking chair and "feed the baby". I was so saddened and shocked. I was 12 years old, I loved this woman. So I sat on the floor next to her and helped her take care of her baby...

By this time, her husband, was still having to work, but still doing the majority of care for her. He had to carry her upstairs and downstairs everyday. He fed her, changed her. She had become a baby. But she was still the woman he loved. He had a health aid come to help with her hygiene and changing and when he just needed a break. They began an intimate relationship, the situation I supposed brought the two together. 6 months after my aunt passed away.. He remarried with the health aid..

Did he cheat? In my eyes no. He loved my aunt, gave her everything he had or could and what she wanted. Till her dying day, he did as she had wished.....He went through so much over that period of time and I am sure his heart hurt awefully during that time.

I am glad he had someone to help him through it. Lord knows he deserved it.

[mikey3000]

Maybe, or maybe they just don't want to speak up for fear of being trolled and bashed. Reasonable expectation, actually.

DB :bipride:

That is exactly what goes on here. And it's pretty pathetic. There is a strong and vocal few who consider it their right to pass judgement on most others without knowing their personal situation. They ride around on their high horses and condemn others, and state that they represent the majority. Far from it.

[allbimyself]

That is exactly what goes on here. And it's pretty pathetic. There is a strong and vocal few who consider it their right to pass judgement on most others without knowing their personal situation. They ride around on their high horses and condemn others, and state that they represent the majority. Far from it.

You are absolutely right. Let's free all the murderers and rapists since we shouldn't judge them.

I really don't give a flying fuck what their "situation" is. Cheating is one option of many. It's just the easiest one for those who lack the intestinal fortitude for the others.

[mikey3000]

If your partner is unable to "help" in certain areas due to no fault of their own (as in my wife's case - physical disability following some idiot ignoring a red light and almost "taking her out for good") then it rather blurrs the issue. I love my wife and look after her every day of my life - but if someone wants to help me with a little nsa relief then that makes means I am cheating on her - short of becoming a monk - what would you say my options are? She would regard "self help" as cheating on her as well if she knew.

Dude, I'm so sorry for you and your wife. My situation is very similar. My wife is very sick with cancer and is going through very heavy chemo. I differ in that I came out to her before she got sick. Now it is her who says for me to find a guy to occasionally sleep while she is out of comission. And it is her who hopes I find someone who I care about to share myself with, not just random, anonymous acts. I absolutely do not neglect her and her physical needs in any way either, but most times she just can't. Luckily when I do have experiences, she usually knows the guys and gets hugely aroused when I tell her all about it. Then we make gentle yet passionate love ourselves.

There is so much going on in others lives at this time, and it really isn't fair to judge them. But that goes on a lot here. Just don't stop sharing cause, remember, we aren't all judging, stone casting neandrathals. It's a very complicated world out there and some actually understand that.

Peace to you.

[mikey3000]

You are absolutely right. Let's free all the murderers and rapists since we shouldn't judge them.

I really don't give a flying fuck what their "situation" is. Cheating is one option of many. It's just the easiest one for those who lack the intestinal fortitude for the others.

Fuckin' Obviously. That explains your fuckin' username. Probably the best fuckin' option for you at this time. And, FUCK! (see I know how to swear too! LOL!!!)

[allbimyself]

A personal attack? The final solution for the person with an indefensible position. Thanks for playing.

[mikey3000]

A personal attack? The final solution for the person with an indefensible position. Thanks for playing.

Hardly. Why do you think you deserve anything less when you so freely and consistently attack others? Hurts, doesn't it? Then maybe you know a little of what you put hammertown through. Shameful.

[allbimyself]

Hardly. Why do you think you deserve anything less when you so freely and consistently attack others? Hurts, doesn't it? Then maybe you know a little of what you put hammertown through. Shameful.Didn't bother me a bit. However, I defy you to find an example of me making a personal attack on hammertown or you for that matter. You don't seem to understand what a personal attack is. Disagreeing with him or offering him an honest opinion that he asked for with which you disagree is not a personal attack.

[mikey3000]

You are absolutely right. Let's free all the murderers and rapists since we shouldn't judge them.

I really don't give a flying fuck what their "situation" is. Cheating is one option of many. It's just the easiest one for those who lack the intestinal fortitude for the others.

And this is not an attack on Keithy? After he spill his guts about his personal circumstances at home and his reasoning for doing what he is doing. You betcha it's a personal attack. How could you even think otherwise. And to compare those who seek affection outside of the marriage (for undisclosed reasons) to murders and rapists who should be jailed? Dude, what were you thinking. You have your opinions, yes, but do you have to be so vulgar?

[allbimyself]

And this is not an attack on Keithy? After he spill his guts about his personal circumstances at home and his reasoning for doing what he is doing. You betcha it's a personal attack. How could you even think otherwise. And to compare those who seek affection outside of the marriage (for undisclosed reasons) to murders and rapists who should be jailed? Dude, what were you thinking. You have your opinions, yes, but do you have to be so vulgar?I'm not sure if you have reading comprehension issues or are being purposely obtuse in the hope that someone will believe you are actually making valid points.

That reply was to you, not Keithy. Claiming it was is lame. While Keithy's situation is sad and certainly more understandable than hammertime's, he still has other options.

The only comparison was that the person cheating is hurting someone and that ANYONE who hurts ANYONE ELSE for ANY REASON can be judged. Can circumstances mitigate the crime? Sure. That's why there are different levels of murder and why there is justifiable homicide. The point was not to compare cheating with murder in degrees of "evil" but to show that your claim that we should never judge someone was idiotic.

[mikey3000]

I'm not sure if you have reading comprehension issues or are being purposely obtuse in the hope that someone will believe you are actually making valid points.

That reply was to you, not Keithy. Claiming it was is lame. While Keithy's situation is sad and certainly more understandable than hammertime's, he still has other options.

The only comparison was that the person cheating is hurting someone and that ANYONE who hurts ANYONE ELSE for ANY REASON can be judged. Can circumstances mitigate the crime? Sure. That's why there are different levels of murder and why there is justifiable homicide. The point was not to compare cheating with murder in degrees of "evil" but to show that your claim that we should never judge someone was idiotic.

Dude, you may have quoted me, but your comments were directed to Keithy.

1) If it was directed at me, you would have said "your situation" not their, as you just quoted me.

2) Keithy was the only one at that point in the thread who admitted to cheating and gave his reasons why.

Don't try and save face now, your hurtful comments have already done their damage. That's two guys you judged/slammed (not including me) in one day. And I'm the idiot for suggesting we should't judge without knowing the full story? Really? I'm the one with comprehension problems? Right. dude, in all sincerity, try reading what you write BEFORE you hit the subit button. That way you won't have to back pedal so much.

[allbimyself]

Dude, you may have quoted me, but your comments were directed to Keithy. Uh huh. Wow, do you other parlor tricks besides mind reading?


1) If it was directed at me, you would have said "your situation" not their, as you just quoted me. I was replying to you about cheaters in general, hence the use of them term "their." I was not referring to anyone's situation specifically. It would be silly to refer to your situation since you are out to your wife and have her permission. Hence you aren't a cheater.


2) Keithy was the only one at that point in the thread who admitted to cheating and gave his reasons why.So what? The whole thread is about cheating.


Don't try and save face now, your hurtful comments have already done their damage. That's two guys you judged/slammed (not including me) in one day. And I'm the idiot for suggesting we should't judge without knowing the full story? Really? I'm the one with comprehension problems? Right. dude, in all sincerity, try reading what you write BEFORE you hit the subit button. That way you won't have to back pedal so much.I've only judged one person specifically, the OP in the other thread, and (I'll say it once more) HE ASKED FOR OPINIONS! I haven't back pedaled once. I've merely tried to illustrate and clarify since you seemed not to understand me previously.

However, I shall discontinue that practice. You have failed to debate the topic at hand. You can only lob personal attacks, purposely act like you can't understand English, and try to deflect logic by maligning my character.

Are you a politician perhaps? They are great at slinging mud when they can't debate the issues.

[Long Duck Dong]

You are absolutely right. Let's free all the murderers and rapists since we shouldn't judge them.

I really don't give a flying fuck what their "situation" is. Cheating is one option of many. It's just the easiest one for those who lack the intestinal fortitude for the others.

I stand with allbi on this

I read it as a open ended remark...... with many posting in the topic, the usage of the words * their situation * can refer to a single person or a group of people

but it is refering to the fact that cheating is cheating, regardless of the reasoning behind it..... and I am sure that if allbi wanted to direct the remark AT a specific person, he would have named them by name, to avoid misdirection of the thread or misunderstanding by others as to what the post referred to....

as for judgement of others.... laying out our defination or opinion of cheating, is not a judgement, its clarifying a stance and understanding.....

also I stand with allbi on the fact that regardless of their actions, people will justify it with any reasoning that supports their desires, when it comes down to cheating / going outside of the relationship for sex.....
its actually known as adultery... and is the result of many marriage break ups... cos if your partner doesn't know about it, its a betrayal of trust and honesty and many people that are * cheating * would be quick to say that they can not stand liars or deceitful people.... unless its sex based, then its acceptable

[Donkey_burger]

Keithy,
[SNIP]

I had an aunt. She was a vibrant woman, who love to drink beer, go hunting and fishing, and loved her children dearly. She had been divorced from my uncle, and had remarried another man. They were only married a couple of years, when she got struck with breast cancer. She went through a mastectomy, chemo and radiation. He stuck by her whole heartedly. She got breast reconstruction and thought her life was going to get back an normal as it could. This was in the late 80's early 90's when mammograms hadn't caught up to the breast implant trend.

Her cancer had returned, but behind the implant where it couldn't be detected. by the time they detected it, it was already in her lymph system. They treated her again, radiation and chemo... Everyone had hoped they caught it in time and were hopeful.. Till her headaches set in.. Brain scan showed cancer had spread to her brain and was in a spot and to advanced to be treated. As anyone knows having dealt with brain cancer, its usually slow, but steadily progressive.

I saw this woman I had always had to look up too. Tall strong funny as hell, begin to fade. First her hearing went, so communication had do be done in writing on a little chalkboard. Then her speech went, and she had to respond on a chalk board.. She couldn't play her favorite games anymore... Po-keno or dominoes. She eventually lost her ability to speak and could barely respond in a sentence. This man stood by her.

My family had moved away, but came back the christmas after we moved for a family party and my aunts house. No one had prepared me for what I was going to see. The cancer had progressed so much, that she had become childlike. She shuffled instead of walked, she couldn't climb stairs. She had lost all of her hair, and had to wear dresses so she was easier to change. She carried a doll that she called "her baby" and shuffled and held the baby, and would sit in a rocking chair and "feed the baby". I was so saddened and shocked. I was 12 years old, I loved this woman. So I sat on the floor next to her and helped her take care of her baby...

By this time, her husband, was still having to work, but still doing the majority of care for her. He had to carry her upstairs and downstairs everyday. He fed her, changed her. She had become a baby. But she was still the woman he loved. He had a health aid come to help with her hygiene and changing and when he just needed a break. They began an intimate relationship, the situation I supposed brought the two together. 6 months after my aunt passed away.. He remarried with the health aid..

Did he cheat? In my eyes no. He loved my aunt, gave her everything he had or could and what she wanted. Till her dying day, he did as she had wished.....He went through so much over that period of time and I am sure his heart hurt awefully during that time.

I am glad he had someone to help him through it. Lord knows he deserved it.

Well, who knows how much your aunt was aware of.

I think, in this circumstance, where somebody changes suddenly because of a disability, is a gray area. It's not okay to cheat, but it's more understandable when someone suddenly changes for any reason at all.

Does anybody understand what I'm talking about? It's late at night, and I'm tired.

DB :flag4:

[mikey3000]

What a wonderful story littleray. I don't think he cheated either.

[Long Duck Dong]

and that is interesting..... the definition of cheating changes depending on the circumstances....

lets use a example..... you have a test, you use a friend during the test, to help you .....against the agreement of the test which is you do the test without help

1) my calculator has flat batteries, so its not cheating if I get help from a friend...

2) I am not able to work out the answer, so its ok to cheat and get the answer from another person.....

3) all hell will break out if the teacher founds out I get help with my tests, so its ok to cheat cos I can not tell the teacher I get help.....

4) its easier to cheat on tests rather than just admit and be honest about the fact that I can not do it

cheating is cheating, what ever the reason, and by god we will use any excuse to cheat and justify it......
but at the end of the day, the message we give to others, is that we cheat, we can not be trusted NOT to do it again and by cheating we are telling others we can not trustworthy......

in the case of lilray ...yeah the partner cheated with another... but in saying that.... their partner found peace...and MAY have never knew what happened...
what I will say is that the husband found love and lost love, his wife passed on and is not living a long term sentence of betrayal by a loved one......

despite the fact that by a CLEAR definition of cheating being that the husband had relations with another person without consent, permission or clearly defined understand from his wife....and that would be classed as cheating.... he continued to support and love his wife until the end ( and I would say beyond ) and stand by her side....

that is something I would respect highly..... as many people I know, would put their partner in a rest home or hospital and only go to visit them

[teddyboy]

I am a cheater. I have cheated twice, I have been caught twice. The second one was very recently. Cheating is not ok, I have hurt my spouse deeply and very obviously affected her mental health. The times I have cheated have been my responsibility and about me, not necessarily her. Things may have been going wrong in our relationship at the time but it was my insecurity and irresponsibility that lead me into the arms of an other women. I feel like crap about it, I can't describe it. At the time it occurred to me that I was doing wrong but continued anyways, thinking that I could break it off anytime and not get caught. Wrong! Woe is me but I am also bi polar and each time I have cheated I had previously stopped taking my meds and had began to drink heavily. Again an explanation, not an excuse. Now I find myself lonelier than ever but totally unwilling and unable to do anything. When my wife goes off on me all I can do is try my hardest to not get angry and realize that I have no defense for my actions.

Thanks for letting me vent my spleen I guess but the bottom line is cheating is not acceptable and for me at least it has made things far worse in my marriage than anything else I was facing prior to the deed. I hope nobody else makes the same decisions I did.

[mikey3000]

Or how about this example. I'm taking a math test where calculators are allowed. My batteries die. Instead of looking at a neighbour's paper or asking him for help, how about I ask to borrow his calculator? Is that cheating?

Just comparing apples to apples.

[Long Duck Dong]

Or how about this example. I'm taking a math test where calculators are allowed. My batteries die. Instead of looking at a neighbour's paper or asking him for help, how about I ask to borrow his calculator? Is that cheating?

Just comparing apples to apples.

you are not asking him for help, but you are asking him for help, you need his calculator.........

4) its easier to cheat on tests rather than just admit and be honest about the fact that I can not do it

how about just saying to the teacher that you have a issue, you have a dead calculator, as the teacher is the best one to talk to about the matter....

they are the one that can offer you a solution and they are the one that could decide to fail you if they suspect that you are using another persons help regardless of the reason......

[rissababynta]

you are not asking him for help, but you are asking him for help, you need his calculator.........

4) its easier to cheat on tests rather than just admit and be honest about the fact that I can not do it

how about just saying to the teacher that you have a issue, you have a dead calculator, as the teacher is the best one to talk to about the matter....

they are the one that can offer you a solution and they are the one that could decide to fail you if they suspect that you are using another persons help regardless of the reason......

LMFAO

[Georgie_Girl]

I thought all calculators had solar panels? (I know that's not the point but now I'm curious)

[Long Duck Dong]

I thought all calculators had solar panels? (I know that's not the point but now I'm curious)

I have no idea lol.... I am old school, you use your brain first, then a calculator when the need arises for complex formulas like cos and tangents etc....

[Georgie_Girl]

I have no idea lol.... I am old school, you use your brain first, then a calculator when the need arises for complex formulas like cos and tangents etc....

Brain? I know not of this "brain" that you speak of. :P

[Long Duck Dong]

Brain? I know not of this "brain" that you speak of. :P

I would show you mine, but its at the dry cleaners... it gets a lil dirty from time to time and needs special cleaning :tong:

[mikey3000]

I have no idea lol.... I am old school, you use your brain first, then a calculator when the need arises for complex formulas like cos and tangents etc....
Actually because calculators are now allowed in many math classes, teachers have a supply of extras if just such an emergency arises.

[boston_mwm]

I think the most demonic cheating is when a government official of a representative democracy like that fought and won in the U.S. chooses to behave like an agent of Stalinist Russia. That is more than cheating. It is treason. It is acting as a domestic enemy of the U.S. Constitution. It is on par with Al Queda.

[diB4u]

Me being the person that I am would opt for sometimes.

However if it's done properly with consent etc or in a swinning envioroment etc or in a polly relationships then not a problem.

However if its done behind the spouses back without condoms and other saftey barriers I have A BIG problem with that.

Some people would class masturbation as cheating, internet "lovers" as cheating others would not. Individuals and individual responses.

If you believe that the human being is a monogymus one then the chances could be that its wrong. If you believe that humans arent designed for one person for the rest of time itself then probably opt for its ok, or sometimes....

To each their own people!

[mbigtim]

I thought all calculators had solar panels? (I know that's not the point but now I'm curious)

Actually the majority of calculators I see at stores use little lithium batteries. I don't even think that they are meant to be replaced. Usually the calculator gets replaced with a new one that will generally last a couple of years, but they only cost a few bucks. But even solar powered calculaters have batteries. The light necessary to charge them need to be constant in order for them to work. They will work for a short time without that light.

[rdy2go]

maybe some one brought this up already but I'll ask anyway..... is cybersex cheating?

[discreetbadboy]

my Wife knows I'm bisexual and allows me to seek out others to play with. But i do get check once a month and won't play with others unless they are clean and can prove it

[tenni]

I am curious why cheating is such a frequently used topic that invades threads not even labelled cheating.

Someone above gave an example of a partner becoming terminally ill for a long period of time. The caregiver taking care of the loved one but sexually becoming involved with someone else.

That circumstance and a few others makes me believe that having another relationship without the ill person's permission/knowledge is acceptable to me.

Similarly, one partner loses interest in sex, is it permissible for the other partner to begin a new sexual relationship? In particular, if the new partner is a same sex partner. Perhaps, the partner who has lost interest in sex is not willing to discuss their problem or refuses help(medical or otherwise). The relationship is fine outside of the sexual intimacy area. Perhaps, it is an unspoken alliance between the spouses. I guess that it would be better to openingly discuss the problem and for the spouse who has lost interest in sex to give permission. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. Should the sexually active bisexual spouse end that marriage if he still loves his/her partner? I've heard about this more from the female spouse lossing interest in sex. Yes, there may be other issues that are causing this.

I think that it is narrow minded for someone to state that so called "Cheating" is never the correct route.

[tenni]

For those who are inclined to mark off "hell no never" for cheating, you may want to look into Kholberg's stages of moral development.

http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/kohlberg.htm

That might be my answer as to why some say never for what is labelled cheating but that still doesn't answer why this cheating topic seeps into some threads? Maybe it does.

Level 1. Preconventional Morality
Stage 1. Obedience and Punishment Orientation
Stage 2. Individualism and Exchange
Level II. Conventional Morality
Stage 3. Good Interpersonal Relationships.
Stage 4. Maintaining the Social Order
Level III. Postconventional Morality
Stage 5. Social Contract and Individual Rights.
Stage 6: Universal Principles

[Long Duck Dong]

as I have posted, if you can not act in good faith and honesty with the one you love, then you are demonstrating the ability to do the same with employers, friends, family and ethics.....

many of the people I know are quick to make statements like that they can not stand liars and dishonest people and partners but in a relationship the same people would cheat on a partner if it comes down to sex..... using the guise of needs and desires......

it leads me to believe at times that it is a self imposed mental conditioning to do with sex, that sex becomes like nicotine to a smoker.... the majority of benefits for a smoker are not scientifically supported and therefore a placebo.... and extramartial sex can become a placebo for a person in a relationship that is trying to deal with issues in a relationship

[SwtLstyBi]

even with a partners permission, there are inherent risks that any person faces if they sleep with others outside of a relationship, things like health risks, personal issues. relationship issues etc etc


Yes, I agree, there are several issues that need to be dealt with, but with trust, honesty and open discussion, they can be dealt with and can make the primary relationship more full and loving and the bond of matrimony stronger than before.

SwtLstyBi

[4ever1]

Cheating is cheating no matter the form, no matter the "agreement" no matter the "blessing" no matter the "approval" of a significant other....whatever word you choose to justify it....it is deceitful, demeaning, underhanded, and hurtful even if there wasn't an intent to search for someone to cheat with, and it "just happened" it is still cheating. There is absolutely no justification for cheating whatsoever. As much as I'd like to say my closet is clean, it isn't, with that being said I am just a low as anyone else that has cheated. That's my :2cents:

[rodeo]

I to have been and still is in a relationship similar to long duck dong's previous. For me it's not ok to cheat. As for why is because of what pain and hurt we put on the other person. I think that if you want a certain lifestyle that is fine and you have certainly got the right to choose your own but by not telling the other than you are not giving them the right to choose their life because you have made that decision for them and that is wrong.When your in a marriage or relationship with someone everything you do affects them in some way and they should have the right to know the facts and make up their mind if they want to continue it.

[tenni]

Well written thoughts Rodeo.

[mikey3000]

Cheating is cheating no matter the form, no matter the "agreement" no matter the "blessing" no matter the "approval" of a significant other....whatever word you choose to justify it....it is deceitful, demeaning, underhanded, and hurtful even if there wasn't an intent to search for someone to cheat with, and it "just happened" it is still cheating. There is absolutely no justification for cheating whatsoever. As much as I'd like to say my closet is clean, it isn't, with that being said I am just a low as anyone else that has cheated. That's my :2cents:

Dude, we're all just human. Very few are perfect. And there are no medals given out at the end of life. Do as you will, as long as it hurts none.

[FalconAngel]

Cheating is cheating no matter the form, no matter the "agreement" no matter the "blessing" no matter the "approval" of a significant other....whatever word you choose to justify it....it is deceitful, demeaning, underhanded, and hurtful even if there wasn't an intent to search for someone to cheat with, and it "just happened" it is still cheating. There is absolutely no justification for cheating whatsoever. As much as I'd like to say my closet is clean, it isn't, with that being said I am just a low as anyone else that has cheated. That's my :2cents:

There is only one (1) form of cheating in a relationship. That is to go behind your partner's back and get involved in a romantic or sexual relationship without their knowledge and consent. Every other definition is pretty much nothing more than a variation on that theme.

As it applies here, I have highlighted the specific applicable and accepted definition of the word "CHEAT".

cheat
  /tʃit/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [cheet] Show IPA
Use cheat in a Sentence
See web results for cheat
See images of cheat
–verb (used with object)
1. to defraud; swindle: He cheated her out of her inheritance.
2. to deceive; influence by fraud: He cheated us into believing him a hero.
3. to elude; deprive of something expected: He cheated the law by suicide.
–verb (used without object)
4. to practice fraud or deceit: She cheats without regrets.
5. to violate rules or regulations: He cheats at cards.
6. to take an examination or test in a dishonest way, as by improper access to answers.
7. Informal. to be sexually unfaithful (often fol. by on): Her husband knew she had been cheating all along. He cheated on his wife.
–noun
8. a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds: He is a cheat and a liar.
9. a fraud; swindle; deception: The game was a cheat.
10. Law. the fraudulent obtaining of another's property by a pretense or trick.
11. an impostor: The man who passed as an earl was a cheat.
Origin:
1325–75; ME chet (n.) (aph. for achet, var. of eschet escheat ); cheten to escheat, deriv. of chet (n.)

Related forms:
cheat⋅a⋅ble, adjective
cheat⋅ing⋅ly, adverb

Synonyms:
1. mislead, dupe, delude; gull, con; hoax, fool. Cheat, deceive, trick, victimize refer to the use of fraud or artifice deliberately to hoodwink or obtain an unfair advantage over someone. Cheat implies conducting matters fraudulently, esp. for profit to oneself: to cheat at cards. Deceive suggests deliberately misleading or deluding, to produce misunderstanding or to prevent someone from knowing the truth: to deceive one's parents. To trick is to deceive by a stratagem, often of a petty, crafty, or dishonorable kind: to trick someone into signing a note. To victimize is to make a victim of; the emotional connotation makes the cheating, deception, or trickery seem particularly dastardly: to victimize a blind man. 8. swindler, trickster, sharper, dodger, charlatan, fraud, fake, phony, mountebank. 9. imposture, artifice, trick, hoax.


source: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cheat


As it applies to this thread, there may be a number of "definitions" of the word, but they all say and mean the same thing. That there is only one actual definition of cheating. Even though they all say it differently, it is still the same.

Knowledge and consent, on the part of your partner, is what makes it NOT cheating.

[rumple4skin]

When is cheating not cheating?

For myself I think cheating is not cheating when I am being honest. If I am being dishonest with someone that I have made a vow to or an agreement with then I consider that cheating. I do not think cheating is ok and have not done it but that does not give me the right to judge anyone because I have made other mistakes that others might not have made.

[mikey3000]

Rumple, you are right to not judge others. Everyone has stuff in their closet that they aren't proud of, whether they admit it or not. I don't judge anyone for the decisons they make in their life. I might not agree with them, but neither do I judge them for it.

[Gearbox]

Hello. I'm new.
The first thing I did here was to vote 'No' to cheating, but that's not why I signed up.:)

I've wanted to cheat while with a women in the past, but didn't. Although I had opportunities and desires, I ignored them.
Not because of my partner would suffer, but because I would have suffered every day after. knowing that I cheated on her. That I was not the best thing for her.
For quick fix of lust, that never sounded like a good deal to me.

I'm not judging (trying not to:bigrin:) but I think cheating is a slippery slope.

[rissababynta]

Hello. I'm new.
The first thing I did here was to vote 'No' to cheating, but that's not why I signed up.:)

I've wanted to cheat while with a women in the past, but didn't. Although I had opportunities and desires, I ignored them.
Not because of my partner would suffer, but because I would have suffered every day after. knowing that I cheated on her. That I was not the best thing for her.
For quick fix of lust, that never sounded like a good deal to me.

I'm not judging (trying not to:bigrin:) but I think cheating is a slippery slope.

Welcome. And might I just say that when I read about cheating being a slippery slope, I got a wonderfully dirty image in my head...

I think I'm just weird...

[Gearbox]

Thanks for the welcome Risababynta.:)
I hope I don't come across as a moral crusader, because I've done some very immoral things in my time.;)
I've relieved many married bi men over the net.:love:
Which I class as 'harmless fun' in my book.

I'm wondering what 'slippery slope' conjured up in your head?:bigrin:

[rissababynta]

Thanks for the welcome Risababynta.:)
I hope I don't come across as a moral crusader, because I've done some very immoral things in my time.;)
I've relieved many married bi men over the net.:love:
Which I class as 'harmless fun' in my book.

I'm wondering what 'slippery slope' conjured up in your head?:bigrin:

Oh if you could have been in my head for that one instant lmao.

And as for the immoral things you've done...don't beat yourself up over it. I doubt there is one single person on the planet that has not done at least a few things here and there that they knew wasn't the appropriate thing to do lol.

[littlerayofsunshine]

I'm wondering what 'slippery slope' conjured up in your head?:bigrin:

Welcome Gearbox :)


When I first read it, I started thinking.... inflatable shallow pool, and baby oil, and rissa and boobies and slippery and wrestling and squishing and now I'm.......


Drooling

[rissababynta]

Welcome Gearbox :)


When I first read it, I started thinking.... inflatable shallow pool, and baby oil, and rissa and boobies and slippery and wrestling and squishing and now I'm.......


Drooling

Rissa AND boobies? Or Rissa's boobies? :tong:

[littlerayofsunshine]

Rissa AND boobies? Or Rissa's boobies? :tong:

uh huh Uh huh Uhhuh (uncontrollably shaking head in agreement) and my boobies and our boobies making squishes.... Oopps I think your booby just popped in my mouth...


:tong:

[rissababynta]

uh huh Uh huh Uhhuh (uncontrollably shaking head in agreement) and my boobies and our boobies making squishes.... Oopps I think your booby just popped in my mouth...


:tong:

LMFAO
Hell sounds like a good time to me!
When are you coming to visit NC :-P