onewhocares
Oct 19, 2009, 7:50 PM
I wish to thank ALL of those kind folks who have showed their support by calls, texts, emails and posts of remembrance and encouragement since we learned of Used Bear's sudden death. This is a fine example for those who do not believe this site is indeed a community.
Bear had said in many moments of jest...that I should speak at his funeral. I never thought that day would come, but today I fulfilled my friends wish and reflected on my friendship with him. I have been asked to share my thoughts with you. Kindly forgive the length....
He was laid to rest on a hillside under a cherry tree overlooking Giants Stadium.....just as good as front row seats at a game.
Good Morning,
Melissa thank you for allowing me the privilege to share my thoughts, feelings, remembrances of your father, my dear friend, Bear.
Nicholas DePalma was a cantankerous old bastard. I can say that with a laugh and honesty because we all know it is true. HE told me that often. He would often say, and I quote “ I am a tough bastard….I am Dago tough, I am Harlem tough, I am DePalma tough.” Tough he was, there is no doubt, but he was also a giant, a Gentle Giant of a man who was not afraid of anything or anyone and above all…Proud. Proud of his heritage, proud of growing up in New York and proud of his family.
I heard of the years growing up in Harlem, a white Italian boy who used to take the train to Spellman High School. He was the boy who was not afraid of speaking his mind…. be it now or in his youth. When he was concerned about something, who else but Nick would have called the governor of NY and have gotten to speak his peace. Or the white kid that stowed away in a bus load of older black women who went to Washington DC to hear Martin Luther King speak. I am not sure what made him so determined in his convictions but I suspect it was growing up in the neighborhood he was SO proud to have been a part of and accepted by those of many cultures, which surrounded him. I remember on many occasions when people of so many nationalities would be surprised when Nick would talk to them in their native language and be genuine in their background.
My memory is such that I can not possibly remember all that Nick shared with me of his younger days but some of the stories I can recall was the time that other electrical workers came from England to work and he and his dad took them to an outing were there were clams. Nick and his dad ate and ate and ate bushels of cockles so the limey’s went back to tell their co-workers they never remembered any two men eating so much. I remember him telling me of how his mother would send him to shadow his sisters on dates…to keep them in sight and make sure no harm came to them. He was the big brother that I always wished I had. Just recently he waited patiently for the phone call to hear of his sisters health and relieved when it did come with good news. He spoke and was a prime example of the stubbornness of the DePalma men and complimented with the generosity of his mom…giving to others who were less fortunate at holidays.
I know that Nick was devoted to his beloved mother. One story that is foremost was the day that they learned of the death of Judy Garland. How they traveled in the pouring rain to NYC to pay tribute to a woman they both admired. A fond smile came to his face when “ Somewhere Over the Rainbow” played when I was with him. He said his mother instilled a love of music in him, which would last a lifetime. His love for her and their special bond served as a guide for all the women who would become important in his life….sisters, wife, daughter, and friends whom I count myself proud to be in the company of.
He was proud of his heritage. He spoke so often of the constant connections and contributions of Italians in every facet of life. From Michangelo and DaVinci to Rudi Guliani. Bottocelli to Bellini. From the operas of Puccini and Verdi to the voice of Pavoratti and Mario Lanza. Frank Sinatra to Tony Bennett. I remember when he was first introduced to Barbara’s mother, she mentioned a love of opera and he got on the phone and sang her an aria. He was the true meaning of the phrase “ a man with a song in his heart”. I can not even count the times when a single word or thought would spark him into song, even when standing in line at the grocery store. Oh the looks I would get from those around us when he would burst into a show tune or “ La Donna e Mobile” or “ Toreador Song from Bizet’s Carmen. He was thrilled that he was going to see Carmen at the MET as a Christmas Gift from Dan and Melissa. He shared his love of music with others and me as well. I remember in June when he and Craig and Susan and the children were at the Cape and we sat on the deck and between the two of them you could see the joy of music in their eyes when they talked of the great Jazzmen. Music was so important to Nick that he supported WGBO and Ivette, Barbara and I were privileged to have been his guests at many of their events.
No one could excel in cooking like the Italians did Nick would say…and could he cook, and as of recently, bake. He loved to eat…. he loved food with a passion and many of my most treasured moments with Nick were spent in the kitchen. We used to watch the Food Network simultaneously and concoct new recipes. As you can tell….it was something Nick and I shared to the fullest.
Nick liked being around the children in his life. He would look forward to the trips to Pennsylvania knowing that he would see Michael, Kaden and most recently Casey. They were a handful he would say but I doubt he would give up one moment spent with them even on vacation in Disney when his legs ached. He loved coming to Boston or the Cape knowing that our daughter Kendall and my nieces and nephews would be there to catch up with Uncle Nicky. He was so looking forward to meeting our new little Quinn.
Nick was not a man to shy away from expressing his thoughts or opinions on anything…be it politics, health care, the economy, religion or the cost of tea in China. Even of sports…he was a brave enough man to come to Boston wearing a Mets, dreaded Yankee or Giants cap…no easy feat in our neck of the woods. The endless bickering and bantering of Nick and Tracy about the Red Sox and Patriots will not soon be forgotten. He spoke, or wrote with such conviction and sense of the common man that several of his writing were published. Nick possessed a love of WORDS. He wrote to convey every sense of emotion. He had several stories to tell within him and shared them with us. At the first of the year he shared a story he wrote of a Native American who was a wise man that foretold the future when tragedy struck and he became everlasting…perhaps that man exists. Cat will have to finish the story. He loved to write, that is one of the many things that Nick and I and others whom we met on line had in common.
Yes…. I met Nick on line. In a chat room nearly five years ago about this time and met in person about five months later in person with my daughter and nephew Andrew. It amazes me that in these five short years this man has become such a part of my life and that of my family. I met Bear, Used Bear as those of us on line have come to call him to be exact, in a chat room and found a common bond of music, politics, food and old movies. When I found out that he was in the electrical business I had many a question for him as we were building our new home and had some difficulties. He was always happy to answer this blonde's questions no matter how trivial or dumb. He always called me Belle, Blonde Belle but never dumb.
People say that you have to be careful about whom you chat with online and that it is a new world out there and to be cautious. Yes that is true no doubt, but for every bad example a good one exists. I am proud and privileged to have met Nick on line and all the other fine people who have come to be our friends. I have always said that people come into your life for a reason and perhaps you do not know why until they are gone. Nick was lucky to have met some wonderful folks who would indeed become important parts of his “other family”. There is a wonderful group of people who are also saddened with the news of Nicks passing and I have been asked to express their deep sorrow for his passing and to convey to you all the sheer joy that this “Ever Luvin Bear” has meant to them. From the mountains to the seashore from the heartland of America to the lands down under, friends, and I call them friends have expressed their love and admiration for a man who touched them. Perhaps it was a word of encouragement for a young man working on a Boy Scout badge, to staying up late to talk someone through a crisis, acting as mediator in a discussion to tips on cooking, or editing a story or article. Nothing was ever too trivial for Nick to take the time to listen or give advice to. Nick was a man blessed with friends. Two of those dear friends have been taken from him in the last year and a half and I know without a doubt they left a hole of sadness in his heart. My only consolation is that Nick will not be alone in heaven. He has the finest table in the house with his mom, Huney and Barbara at the table of four.
I have spoke of the many things Nick was proud of but there is one, which he was most proud of…his daughter Melissa. I remember the first time I met her on a visit to Hackensack…saying hello then off to study. I heard of the times when they would listen to the Prairie Home Companion. The times of her Sweet Sixteen cruise. He beamed with pride when he showed the pictures of her induction into the honor society at school and knowing she will earn her degree shortly. She shows her dad’s determination and diligence as she works and goes to school. I came across an email that he sent me in April of 2008 on a day when he was down, and he did have them as we all do. When talking about his life and thoughts of the future. His wish for the future was that he wanted to see his daughter walk down the aisle. He was so happy that Melissa had found a good man in Dan that she could share her life with. That dream came true when he was in Las Vegas last month to share in that special day with them. He loved you so much my dear.
May this burly gentle giant of a bear be blessed with a wonderful time in eternity and I know with certainty that he shall be looking down upon us all, with a cold, dry martini with olives in one hand and a fine cigar in another telling us to stand up for what we believe, take no shit from anyone, enjoy and cherish music and the arts, learn from those who have come before you and share your knowledge with the ones who come after you and most importantly tell those whom you care about what they mean to you and never be afraid to tell them you love them.
Dear Bear, you may have left us, and your journey on earth is done, but you shall always have a special place in my heart for making me a better person to have known you.
Rest in Peace my dear Sweets.
Your Ever Luvin
Belle
Bear had said in many moments of jest...that I should speak at his funeral. I never thought that day would come, but today I fulfilled my friends wish and reflected on my friendship with him. I have been asked to share my thoughts with you. Kindly forgive the length....
He was laid to rest on a hillside under a cherry tree overlooking Giants Stadium.....just as good as front row seats at a game.
Good Morning,
Melissa thank you for allowing me the privilege to share my thoughts, feelings, remembrances of your father, my dear friend, Bear.
Nicholas DePalma was a cantankerous old bastard. I can say that with a laugh and honesty because we all know it is true. HE told me that often. He would often say, and I quote “ I am a tough bastard….I am Dago tough, I am Harlem tough, I am DePalma tough.” Tough he was, there is no doubt, but he was also a giant, a Gentle Giant of a man who was not afraid of anything or anyone and above all…Proud. Proud of his heritage, proud of growing up in New York and proud of his family.
I heard of the years growing up in Harlem, a white Italian boy who used to take the train to Spellman High School. He was the boy who was not afraid of speaking his mind…. be it now or in his youth. When he was concerned about something, who else but Nick would have called the governor of NY and have gotten to speak his peace. Or the white kid that stowed away in a bus load of older black women who went to Washington DC to hear Martin Luther King speak. I am not sure what made him so determined in his convictions but I suspect it was growing up in the neighborhood he was SO proud to have been a part of and accepted by those of many cultures, which surrounded him. I remember on many occasions when people of so many nationalities would be surprised when Nick would talk to them in their native language and be genuine in their background.
My memory is such that I can not possibly remember all that Nick shared with me of his younger days but some of the stories I can recall was the time that other electrical workers came from England to work and he and his dad took them to an outing were there were clams. Nick and his dad ate and ate and ate bushels of cockles so the limey’s went back to tell their co-workers they never remembered any two men eating so much. I remember him telling me of how his mother would send him to shadow his sisters on dates…to keep them in sight and make sure no harm came to them. He was the big brother that I always wished I had. Just recently he waited patiently for the phone call to hear of his sisters health and relieved when it did come with good news. He spoke and was a prime example of the stubbornness of the DePalma men and complimented with the generosity of his mom…giving to others who were less fortunate at holidays.
I know that Nick was devoted to his beloved mother. One story that is foremost was the day that they learned of the death of Judy Garland. How they traveled in the pouring rain to NYC to pay tribute to a woman they both admired. A fond smile came to his face when “ Somewhere Over the Rainbow” played when I was with him. He said his mother instilled a love of music in him, which would last a lifetime. His love for her and their special bond served as a guide for all the women who would become important in his life….sisters, wife, daughter, and friends whom I count myself proud to be in the company of.
He was proud of his heritage. He spoke so often of the constant connections and contributions of Italians in every facet of life. From Michangelo and DaVinci to Rudi Guliani. Bottocelli to Bellini. From the operas of Puccini and Verdi to the voice of Pavoratti and Mario Lanza. Frank Sinatra to Tony Bennett. I remember when he was first introduced to Barbara’s mother, she mentioned a love of opera and he got on the phone and sang her an aria. He was the true meaning of the phrase “ a man with a song in his heart”. I can not even count the times when a single word or thought would spark him into song, even when standing in line at the grocery store. Oh the looks I would get from those around us when he would burst into a show tune or “ La Donna e Mobile” or “ Toreador Song from Bizet’s Carmen. He was thrilled that he was going to see Carmen at the MET as a Christmas Gift from Dan and Melissa. He shared his love of music with others and me as well. I remember in June when he and Craig and Susan and the children were at the Cape and we sat on the deck and between the two of them you could see the joy of music in their eyes when they talked of the great Jazzmen. Music was so important to Nick that he supported WGBO and Ivette, Barbara and I were privileged to have been his guests at many of their events.
No one could excel in cooking like the Italians did Nick would say…and could he cook, and as of recently, bake. He loved to eat…. he loved food with a passion and many of my most treasured moments with Nick were spent in the kitchen. We used to watch the Food Network simultaneously and concoct new recipes. As you can tell….it was something Nick and I shared to the fullest.
Nick liked being around the children in his life. He would look forward to the trips to Pennsylvania knowing that he would see Michael, Kaden and most recently Casey. They were a handful he would say but I doubt he would give up one moment spent with them even on vacation in Disney when his legs ached. He loved coming to Boston or the Cape knowing that our daughter Kendall and my nieces and nephews would be there to catch up with Uncle Nicky. He was so looking forward to meeting our new little Quinn.
Nick was not a man to shy away from expressing his thoughts or opinions on anything…be it politics, health care, the economy, religion or the cost of tea in China. Even of sports…he was a brave enough man to come to Boston wearing a Mets, dreaded Yankee or Giants cap…no easy feat in our neck of the woods. The endless bickering and bantering of Nick and Tracy about the Red Sox and Patriots will not soon be forgotten. He spoke, or wrote with such conviction and sense of the common man that several of his writing were published. Nick possessed a love of WORDS. He wrote to convey every sense of emotion. He had several stories to tell within him and shared them with us. At the first of the year he shared a story he wrote of a Native American who was a wise man that foretold the future when tragedy struck and he became everlasting…perhaps that man exists. Cat will have to finish the story. He loved to write, that is one of the many things that Nick and I and others whom we met on line had in common.
Yes…. I met Nick on line. In a chat room nearly five years ago about this time and met in person about five months later in person with my daughter and nephew Andrew. It amazes me that in these five short years this man has become such a part of my life and that of my family. I met Bear, Used Bear as those of us on line have come to call him to be exact, in a chat room and found a common bond of music, politics, food and old movies. When I found out that he was in the electrical business I had many a question for him as we were building our new home and had some difficulties. He was always happy to answer this blonde's questions no matter how trivial or dumb. He always called me Belle, Blonde Belle but never dumb.
People say that you have to be careful about whom you chat with online and that it is a new world out there and to be cautious. Yes that is true no doubt, but for every bad example a good one exists. I am proud and privileged to have met Nick on line and all the other fine people who have come to be our friends. I have always said that people come into your life for a reason and perhaps you do not know why until they are gone. Nick was lucky to have met some wonderful folks who would indeed become important parts of his “other family”. There is a wonderful group of people who are also saddened with the news of Nicks passing and I have been asked to express their deep sorrow for his passing and to convey to you all the sheer joy that this “Ever Luvin Bear” has meant to them. From the mountains to the seashore from the heartland of America to the lands down under, friends, and I call them friends have expressed their love and admiration for a man who touched them. Perhaps it was a word of encouragement for a young man working on a Boy Scout badge, to staying up late to talk someone through a crisis, acting as mediator in a discussion to tips on cooking, or editing a story or article. Nothing was ever too trivial for Nick to take the time to listen or give advice to. Nick was a man blessed with friends. Two of those dear friends have been taken from him in the last year and a half and I know without a doubt they left a hole of sadness in his heart. My only consolation is that Nick will not be alone in heaven. He has the finest table in the house with his mom, Huney and Barbara at the table of four.
I have spoke of the many things Nick was proud of but there is one, which he was most proud of…his daughter Melissa. I remember the first time I met her on a visit to Hackensack…saying hello then off to study. I heard of the times when they would listen to the Prairie Home Companion. The times of her Sweet Sixteen cruise. He beamed with pride when he showed the pictures of her induction into the honor society at school and knowing she will earn her degree shortly. She shows her dad’s determination and diligence as she works and goes to school. I came across an email that he sent me in April of 2008 on a day when he was down, and he did have them as we all do. When talking about his life and thoughts of the future. His wish for the future was that he wanted to see his daughter walk down the aisle. He was so happy that Melissa had found a good man in Dan that she could share her life with. That dream came true when he was in Las Vegas last month to share in that special day with them. He loved you so much my dear.
May this burly gentle giant of a bear be blessed with a wonderful time in eternity and I know with certainty that he shall be looking down upon us all, with a cold, dry martini with olives in one hand and a fine cigar in another telling us to stand up for what we believe, take no shit from anyone, enjoy and cherish music and the arts, learn from those who have come before you and share your knowledge with the ones who come after you and most importantly tell those whom you care about what they mean to you and never be afraid to tell them you love them.
Dear Bear, you may have left us, and your journey on earth is done, but you shall always have a special place in my heart for making me a better person to have known you.
Rest in Peace my dear Sweets.
Your Ever Luvin
Belle