How do you deal with biphobia?

[Android]

I'm in relationship with a guy who is gay. Some of his friends (mostly other gay men) have a problem with the fact that I'm bi - they either think I'm not fully out the closet yet or that I am bound to cheat on him because, if I really am Bi, I'd need female contact and my boyfriend couldn't possibly be enough for me (we've all heard that before, right? *rolls eyes*).

Most of the time I shrug it off, I'm fairly shy and don't want to cause a stir but it's really starting to bother me. I can handle the jokes, but one or 2 or two of these guys can be quite nasty. I suppose I'm just wondering how you all deal with this kind of thing? Do you try and educate people about bisexuality? How do you do this without seeming patronising?

Ugh. I'm fed up. As if there isn't already enough hate directed at the LGBT community, we have to start turning on each now?

[naughty'BI'chick]

Well, my suggestion is to let them know that you would not do anything to hurt him and that you don't require female contact.
It's hard to deal with, normally I would say exactly what I'm feeling but sometimes that can be a wrong and too forward approach.

Consider my suggestion and think about what you think you should do.
I wish much luck hun

[Donkey_burger]

You can say something "You know, it kind of bothers me when you say something like that. It isn't [true/funny/whatever]." Of course, then xy can be all like "Well, OF COURSE, it's [true/funny]!", but at least then, you know that xy know it bothers you.

I've never been really good at getting harassers off my back, so take my advice with a salt shaker.

DB :bipride:

[Long Duck Dong]

throw it back in their faces...and challenge them...and ask them how many partners they have had while you and your partner have been in a relationship....

or you can say something like * the beauty of our relationship is we talk openly with each other, why would I cheat on him and risk the relationship when we could talk about issues and find compromises *

but I am generally sarcastic...and I would say things like, * unlike the average gay guy, I can be bi and monogamous, I do not need to play musical partners *

or * just cos I am attracted to Ferrari and Lamborghini doesn't mean that I wanna have a ferrari and drive a Lamborghini "

and my fav * being gay can mean you fuck assholes, being gay doesn't mean you have to be one *

[AllieKhat]

I always make it a point to note the distinction between bisexuality and polyamory. While some bisexuals are polyamorous, not all of us are. You can be monogamous and still be bisexual. It's like saying your boyfriend will never be attracted to another male. We're still human man! No matter how long you've been in a relationship you're still going to look at other people. Male or female. The difference is your decision to act or not to act on those attractions.

[JoshuaGlynn]

Something I tell folks that seems to work for me:

I'm a people person... I tend to have an attraction to the person regardless of their sex. Just because I'm attracted to someone doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. Do you want to have sex with every good looking guy/girl you meet?

Josh

[Android]

Thanks for all the replies!

It's hard to find the balance between being assertive and being aggressive, I guess it just takes practice. But they'll have to get used me and my sexuality because I'm not going anywhere :tong:

[naughty'BI'chick]

Thanks for all the replies!

It's hard to find the balance between being assertive and being aggressive, I guess it just takes practice. But they'll have to get used me and my sexuality because I'm not going anywhere :tong:

no problem hun. that's great for you

[littlerayofsunshine]

I think, that its probably very easy to say..." I am probably just likely to cheat with a woman, than you are to cheat on your male lover with another male lover." Mention how being attracted to opposite sex has nothing to do with cheating, that human nature and self responsibility/integrity or lack of is what leads people to cheat or not cheat.


There are many faithful same sex couples that are either bi or once considered themselves bi. While there are probably just as many gay people that cheat on their partner with a same sex partner.


More often than not, its a closeted person that will cheat than an out and honest person.

If any of that makes sense at all... It makes sense to me at least......of course I have had a glass or two........ Soooo.....

Be strong, nothing wrong with you, something wrong with the people who try to coax a reaction out of you...

In the end, if its that bothersome... nothing wrong with saying to your love, ' Hun, I don't think I want to hang out with "Those" friends anymore.. They make me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.'

[elian]

I don't have anything useful to say other than you'd think a bunch of gay people would know what it feels like to be discriminated against.

[Donkey_burger]

I don't have anything useful to say other than you'd think a bunch of gay people would know what it feels like to be discriminated against.

Exactly!

DB :bipride:

[AdamKadmon43]

I'm in relationship with a guy who is gay. Some of his friends (mostly other gay men) have a problem with the fact that I'm bi - they either think I'm not fully out the closet yet or that I am bound to cheat on him because, if I really am Bi, I'd need female contact and my boyfriend couldn't possibly be enough for me (we've all heard that before, right? *rolls eyes*).

Most of the time I shrug it off, I'm fairly shy and don't want to cause a stir but it's really starting to bother me. I can handle the jokes, but one or 2 or two of these guys can be quite nasty. I suppose I'm just wondering how you all deal with this kind of thing? Do you try and educate people about bisexuality? How do you do this without seeming patronising?

Ugh. I'm fed up. As if there isn't already enough hate directed at the LGBT community, we have to start turning on each now?

Or you can just do what I do.... Tell them to go fuck themselves.

[Donkey_burger]

Or you can just do what I do.... Tell them to go fuck themselves.

Of course, this may mean issues with the romantic relationship, but yeah. Whatever floats your boat.

DB :bipride:

[buck-rogers]

usually people like this already have their minds made up and nothing you say can change their attitude. When I'm faced with this I get them to think about it by agreeing with them.

For example: the only time I ever faced biphobia of any kind was when a buddy of mine heard from my best friend that I was bi and he felt the need to confront me for some reason. He informed me I wasn't bi and that I was gay, there was no way I could've had homosex and still want girls. So I told him "ok" and nothing else. This made him pause for a moment and then he had a bunch of questions that I was happy to answer.

People who are too stubborn to listen to a debate sometimes just need a second to realize they aren't the leading authority on the matter. And if agreeing with them doesn't get them to think about it, it at least brings a prompt close to the discussion.

When a man yells you must learn to whisper, don't fight fire with fire, especially when you know your words would fall apon deaf ears. :2cents: