I need help coming out.

[heatherkelley]

i have kinda a big issue. I am bisexual and i am currently dating a girl and weve been dating for almost a year now and for our annaversary she wants me to come out to my dad and tell him im bi.

My dad is a strait up homophobe. he often uses the words fag, queer, butch dyke. And the list goes on. He told me some time last year that if i was to ever become gay or show any signs of "gayness" he would disown me and put me out on the streets.

I am currently in college and my job is not enough to support her and i and i really have nowhere else to turn to. My whole family is the same way. If anyone has any advise for me it would be sincerely appreciated! :(

[roy m cox]

um thats my problem to i just wont tell my dad ....

and she don't like it keep telling her about your dad and how he is my boy friends is the same way and i keep telling him "no"

[Long Duck Dong]

I have a strict christian mother that is anti LGBT, tho she knows I share a house with a gay male....

I simply don't talk to her about LGBT things cos its not worth the arguing....

but my advice is to talk to your father and find out why he is so anti LGBT.... sometimes it can help to know the reasoning behind the opinion.... its possible that you may find a opening, or may find that revealing your bisexual nature may see him go thru with his threat....

you can use things like you have a bisexual friend that you would love to hang with at home, but cos he is not happy about LGBT people, you wanted to talk to him before you upset him or offended him and caused issues in the house

the issue with coming out is that a lot of people will talk about working thru the issues and giving family time to come to terms with you being bisexual.... but the thing there is that family are important and its bloody hard to not be able to talk with your family if things explode.....

I can understand where your partner is coming from, but she needs to realise too, that she is not the one that has to deal with your father and if it goes badly and you are thrown out on the street, can she help you pick up the pieces and find a place to live etc etc....

not all homophobic people will come around or accept bisexuality... I know a few people that have lost their family cos of it.... so coming out to any homophobic family members is always gonna be differcult, some accept it, some fight it...and some... sadly, close the door permanently

talk with your partner about what advantages and positives may come from coming out to your father.... and if there is any real viable reason to come out to him.... it may be minor things like she wants to live and sleep with you at your house.... but the thing is, love and support is a two way street, not a one way street, and she may need to realise that your father is a stumbling block in the relationship that is best left undisturbed....

[Realist]

Heather, my family was the same way. I had my introduction to sex by another male at 14 and knew way before then that my parents would never stand for a "deviate" among their midst.

In my view, there is absolutely no reason to stir up that hornet's nest! If you know your family, or anyone, will react that way, you're much better to leave them to their ignorance.

Why does your GF want you to come out so badly? If she loves you she must allow you to make the decisions that are right for you.

Since you asked, I think the only ones who need to know you're bi are the ones you're intimate with, or your most trusted friends. I think you have too much to lose and nothing to gain, by coming out at this time....maybe ever.

[Hephaestion]

With Realist here - If there's no need don't tell.

H.

[lv69cpl69]

WHY TELL? do you tell him everything else you do in bed? will it help anything? make things better? do you have a need to tell him?:2cents:

[onewhocares]

Heather, my family was the same way. I had my introduction to sex by another male at 14 and knew way before then that my parents would never stand for a "deviate" among their midst.

In my view, there is absolutely no reason to stir up that hornet's nest! If you know your family, or anyone, will react that way, you're much better to leave them to their ignorance.

Why does your GF want you to come out so badly? If she loves you she must allow you to make the decisions that are right for you.

Since you asked, I think the only ones who need to know you're bi are the ones you're intimate with, or your most trusted friends. I think you have too much to lose and nothing to gain, by coming out at this time....maybe ever.


I agree wholeheartedly!

Belle

[sebax]

it seems to me that you don't want to do it but you are being pushed to tell your family.. is that fair?? to whom??? what can you gain?? what can you lose??
your girlfriend may not be your girlfriend in a couple of months but your family will always be your family...

if yourgirlfriend loves you then she should respect your decision and that is all... it seems to me that you have too much too lose....
so , dont tell anyone at least at this time in life.. whenever you feel comfortable and you and only you will decide to tell anyone not some third party telling you what to dooooooooooooooooo...
hey I'm 32 and I havent told anyone... I dont feel the need to tell them.. once this dude I met gave me a hard time for being in the closet and made such a big issue that i had to stop hanging out with him.. I rather lose one person than to lose my whole world......

[eddy10]

I agree with most all of the advice thus far. Also, it sounds a little like your GF might have a hidden agenda of her own. You mentioned not being able to support her. I wonder about that. My advice is to stay in the closet, at least until you are out on your own.

[Justin Chad Taylor]

:bibounce:I would say at this point in your life and the finacial situation that you are in I would wait to come out to your dad and family. If your girlfriend really loves you she should understand. Once you get finanically setteled then I would defintely come out and be pride!!! :bipride:

[allbimyself]

Assuming your GF knows how your father feels, I'd have to agree she has some agenda of her own. Sounds like she's trying to drive a wedge between you and your family.

If she doesn't know, tell her. If she does, tell her to back off. Who you choose to be out to is your business and ONLY your business.

[littlerayofsunshine]

I agree with the others that have said wait to tell..

Wait till you are successful at being independent and self supportive. Your family will respect you for that and therefore trust your decisions that you make for yourself.

Your g/f must have some insecurities about your feelings toward her ( my assumption ). Maybe she feels you are shamed of her or something. So have a talk with her and tell her that your decision not to tell your family at the moment has nothing to do with how much you love/care for her. If she is upset about that, then explain that if she were in your shoes you wouldn't press upon her the challenge she has given you. That if she respected you as a mate, she would be more understanding as to your life goals and love of yourself and your family.


Anyway, sorry for the ramble.... Good luck with whatever you choose.

[AdamKadmon43]

In my view, there is absolutely no reason to stir up that hornet's nest! If you know your family, or anyone, will react that way, you're much better to leave them to their ignorance.



Totally agree..... and besides that, what you do in the privacy of your bedroom is none of their damned business anyhow.