Friday Funnies-Sayings

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Birds of a feather flocktogether . . . .and then crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's mean ass dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government
oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to
say the right thing at the right time, but also to
leave unsaid the wrong
thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose
weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really
good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement .
He who hesitates is probably
right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you
have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is
so (s)he can tell when (s)he's really in
trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how
nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
'The' and 'IRS' together it spells
Theirs.'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when
you stop lying about your age and start
bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth
waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look
this way. I've traveled a long
way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to
go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about
aging is that it is such a nice change from
being young. Ah, being young is
beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's
worse when you forget
to pull it down.

Lord, Keep your arm
around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . . . .

[Long Duck Dong]

roflmao, the wisdom of ages, hugs cat

Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in
the hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'

'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'

'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.

'What the hell were you thinking? she said, shaking her head in
disgust.

'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed
on his privates?'

Well, One, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right
here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.

Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital.



A Cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The
officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name.

The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream!

Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling,MD, with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.'


The officer walked away in tears, laughing.



A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!"

"Blowjobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your *** is gone."



According to the result from the U.S. Institution of Science and Technology research, the person who women and men loved the most at different age group are:

0-5 years old,
Female: Mum.
Male: Mum.

6-10 years old,
Female: Anyone, except those nasty Boys.
Male: Guys who bully girls with me.

11-15 years old,
Female: All 16, 17, 18, 19 years old boys will do, just not the same age guys.
Male: Rugby, Soccer, Basketball, Cricket.....

16-25 years old,
Female: 26-29 years old guys who makes at least half a million a year, with great sense of humor.
Male: 20-24 years old pretty ladies with sexy body.

26-30 years old,
Female: Guys older than me.
Male: 20-24 years old pretty ladies with sexy body.

31-40 years old,
Female: Men who cared about my feelings.
Male: 20-24 years old pretty ladies with sexy body.

41-50 years old,
Female: Men.
Male: 20-24 years old pretty ladies with sexy body.

51-60 years old,
Female: Men who will grow old with me.
Male: 20-24 years old pretty ladies with sexy body.

61-80 years old,
Female: Men who can take care of himself.
Male: 20-24 years old pretty ladies with sexy body.

81-90 years old,
Female: Men who lives longer than I do.
Male: I might not be able to see clearly and might sometimes forgot my own name, but i still want to date a 20-24 years old pretty lady with sexy body.

The conclusion from this research:
1. Women are players.
2. Men are consistent, single-minded with pure hearts.

[roy m cox]

hehe :bigrin: