Married but having bi relation

[hammertown01]

Just looking for some feedback

I'm a bi man, married for almost 20 yrs with kids. I have been with a couple men in those twenty years but hadn't been with another man in quite a number of years. A couple of months ago, I met an attractive, single, gay man, got to know him and was invited back to his apartment. Needless to say, we started making out and stared undressing each other. We ended up having some of the hottest sex I've had with another man. We've seen each other many times since then and I finally let him cum in my mouth. I've had my own cum before but until then never tasted another mans cum. It was wonderful. The anal sex is great too.

Here's the kicker. I have now developed feelings for him and he for me. He knows my marital status and I could never hurt my family by leaving them for him. Besides, I still love my wife very much. I am fine continuing on with him as is and having the great sex we have. But is it fair for him? :male::male:

[wm1809]

Good luck

[fredtyg]

Congrats on finding such a great guy. As far as it being fair to him, I suppose that's for him to decide. If he understands you're not going to leave your wife and family, he can leave anytime he feels like it. Hopefully he'll stay and you'll almost have the best of both worlds.

[allbimyself]

If you have to ask you obviously think there is a problem with it.

That said, he seems to know your status and it's up to him to decide.

However, what about what is fair to your wife?

[Donkey_burger]

I don't think it's fair to you, your wife, or to the guy you met.

I can see where somebody in an abusive relationship will be better able to cope if they had a healthy, romantic relationship "on the outside". I can also see open relationships going well if everyone involved has non-coerced (in other words, not gotten by saying "See that guy? I'm going to screw him, and the only thing you can do about it is leave!") permission to do the things that they're doing.

However, this is just risky. You are asking, so obvisouly there's some guilt on your end, and guilt takes an emotional toll. There's also the fact that the guy you're seeing prolly won't be able to see another guy without his conscience speaking up. You're putting your wife at risk for STDs'. I could go on.

It isn't really fair to anyone in this equation. :2cents:

DB :bipride:

[csrakate]

At least your male "lover" has a choice in the matter. Your wife, on the other hand, apparently has no choice or voice in this matter....how fair is THAT?

[Fire Lotus]

I did not read on the op that he has been keeping this from his wife. If he is, then I too think it is unfair to his wife to be kept in the dark.

If the wife does know, then as long as all involved communicates and understands where everyone is, is okay with it, then I see nothing wrong. Just play safe. Not using any barriers (condoms) can lead to problems.

[eddy10]

In my humble opinion you are headed down a bumpy road, unless your wife is completely aware and agrees to what is going on with the other guy. Even then, beware of the potholes.

[onewhocares]

I must agree with Allbi and Kate...IF your wife knows of your relationship with him and it is consensual between the two of you, only your lover can decide if it is "fair" to him that he will have to share you with your wife. As a woman who knows her husband wants and needs to have a man in his life, I would be thrilled for my husband to have found a relationship as you have but that has not happened for him.

Belle

[sebax]

ummmmm
this is called cheating dude... aside from being a guy or a girl its called cheating because your wife has no idea you are doing this behind her back...
deep down you feel guilty and you know it.....

so its for you to decide on what to do.... guilty guilty guilty...being bisexual is not a free pass to have sex with whatever is in your path.. (get what I'm saying here)... you are only hurting yourself, your family and now that guy too.. so unless you want your whole world to fall apart in a blink of an eye you have 4 choices: 1. tell your wife you have somewhat bisexual feelings and you wonder about that all the time. the curiosity is bugging you much... 2. leave your wife and move on with the dude you seem to have feelings for and risking loosing your family, children and be the most hated person. 3. stop doing stuff with that guy and never see him again. think about all the stuff you guys did could have done and what could have been. but risk having a heart attack and being depressed.......
4.. keep doing what you are doing and play with fire and pray to god that you won't get burned..keep it secret and be paranoid all the time, risk lyourchildren and wife finding out in a shameful manner and loose them forver and ever and ever...

honestly, i would choose choice numer 1 because its something that could go either way... your wife might be understanding and you also get to relieve all the pressure from hiding feelings.. REMEMBER ITS NOT WHAT YOU TELL HER, ITS HOW YOU TELL HER.. ....no details... jjust feelings just feelings..

[Long Duck Dong]

what if your wife asks for the right to sleep with other men or women.... are you going to allow the same playing field rights to her.....

would you play the * we need to set boundaries * card ??

are you practising safe sex ???

and why are you not talking to your wife about this.... she is your partner, not a online forum...... I do understand that you want feedback and advice.... but your wife deserves to know things too.... treat her like the person she is,... your wife, your partner, the person you promised to love, honour and obey

[Justin Chad Taylor]

You have to ask yourself this question. "What happens after the great sex with this guy. Is he worth losing a wife that you still claim to love and do not forget abot your children . I think that being bisexual is great;however, you need to control your feelings: and be honest with your wife and yourself. If you have a great married relationship with a wonderful family then I say forget this guy and be greatful that you have a wonderful family.:bibounce:

PS: Make sure that you are using condoms if you still decide to have sex with this guy.

[HelloToYou]

Another important question: Is it fair for your wife? If she knows and is fine with it, than it's not a problem, but if this is not the case... you're cheating on her and that is not fair to her.

[handlebar]

As a bi(non practicing) married man i can only shake my head at the thought of doing such a thing. I adore my wife and marriage more than anything and would never do this. I know the feelings and emotions for another man can be strong but the emotional and psychological ties make a big difference as well.

Coming out to my wife about my bisexual feelings was the best thing i could ever do for our marriage. I have never cheated on her and never intend to. Now that she knows and is accepting makes life so much better.

What are the chances of you telling her now??

Her reaction will tell you all.

[lv69cpl69]

HELL NO NOT FAIR TO YOUR WIFE!

[dodartist]

I am single and have upset a few people who have contacted me on this site when I do not respond to their advances. I have stated in my profile that if your significant other is not aware of what you are doing, I can only develop a friendship with that person. I am not judging, but I have found that life only gets more complicated in this type of situation, whether the person is male or female. To me a committed relationship is just that and it is wrong for me to want pleasure at another's expense. Life is way too short for that kind of Karma.
My only advice is to speak to your wife about your feelings and work out what is best for all. Good luck and I hope you make the correct choice for all of the people in your life.

[Lynne_in_UK]

Discretion: the quality of being discreet; cautious reserve in speech and action; ability to make responsible decisions. Tell her 'Discretion required'.

[Nadir]

I agree with most people here that it´s not exactly fair for your wife and for yourself. I think that you should look at your feelings for the guy in question (is he just a pastime or do you genuinely love him as a significant other?) and maybe keep seeing him if you find that they are strong. But you should be totally honest with your wife about what you do (maybe suggest a time apart or even ask her if she would allow an open relationship). It would be best for all of you if you are frank with each other.

[mikey3000]

Dude. I just been down this road too. I had a 3 year affair with a gay guy. And I'm married with kids too. I never hid my status or intensions from him, but we fell in love. It was never supposed to happen, but it did. Needless to say it ended very sadly with heartache on both sides. I tried my best to keep it going, but it was too hard for him. So we parted ways, kinda. I still think about him every day. Would I have changed anything? Not at all. Gay guys love straight married guys, so he has to shoulder some of the blame too.

[jimjam]

wow reading the responses , i am bi out to my wife but guilty at the same time its not easy i tell u all, i love my wife dealy but i have equal sexual desires for both sexes. i resist the urge out of respect but the urge is great. and on the other side i ghet depression all time but i would never hurt my famly.

life is never black and white and a true bi male that needs both world, well it would be easyer to be gay i reckon.

[lv69cpl69]

one great thing on this site being sexually related, VERY FEW support "cheating" Most (us included) feel it is wrong in so many ways, start with be open and honest with your significant other

[Riclv1]

Well you've had a great of response to your life situation. I've been there. I too am married with grown kids. I however never had just one male I had many. I finally came out to my wife, kids, family and friends. I had cheated for 15 years off and on. Sometimes it would go a year or more between. It the past year before coming out, it became an almost daily activity looking to hook up. I do think it's lovely you've found one partner to share your bi-ness with. Sounds to be a much safer road. YOUR WIFE.....you guys have been married for quite sometime. What does she know of your sexuality? What have you shared with her? Be it fantasy or reality? I've been married 26 years. My wife knew I had had experiences when I was younger. The absolute best thing I've ever done for myself, has been to acknowledge WHO I AM. I encourage you to do that for YOU. Someone mentioned to you (Giving your wife her choice) it is important. You never know you may all enjoy each other in more ways then sex. I don't judge you or your male friend. Give your wife the information and allow her to know what's been and is apart of her life. Best wishes my man!

[Focker]

Fair, Fair, Fair, that's all I've heard here. Wake up people, LIFE is not fair.
If you can't give this man some real advice, then stop telling him what he already knows. He knows it's not fair to his wife or the guy, or himself for that matter. He just needs advice from like minded people such as ourselves.
As for my advice, I would say back off from the guy, take a good long look at your marriage and family, then simply prioritize. All you need to do is decide which is more important to you.
Some people can do this without it bothering them at all, this is not the case here. Step back and look at your life. You will make the right choice.
Being Bi-married is tough.

[Donkey_burger]

Fair, Fair, Fair, that's all I've heard here. Wake up people, LIFE is not fair.
[SNIP]

Really? So cheating is excusable because "Life isn't fair"? I think not!

If I understand correctly, the op is making an unfair situation even more so. :2cents:

DB :flag3:

[mikey3000]

Lets not be so judjemental people. Everybody here should know that being bi presents a whole different set of norms. Be understanding.

"Judge not lest ye be judged".

Dude, I've just been where you are and I understand. I know exactly how you feel. And because of it I came out to my wife.

[lv69cpl69]

bi str8 gay no matter CHEATING IS CHEATING AND WRONG jusr our :2cents:

[allbimyself]

Lets not be so judjemental people.

Since the OP asked for opinions on what is fair that's what he got.

The rest of us (mostly) are bi, too, so don't presume to tell us about how it complicates things. BUT being bi isn't an excuse to shit on people.

Good on you for coming out to your wife.

[lv69cpl69]

Since the OP asked for opinions on what is fair that's what he got.

The rest of us (mostly) are bi, too, so don't presume to tell us about how it complicates things. BUT being bi isn't an excuse to shit on people.

Good on you for coming out to your wife.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bigrin:

[parkwings]

Check this out, not his best song, but the title and lyrics are interesting...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61Z7NRghf3E

http://www.lyricstime.com/robert-cray-forecast-lyrics.html

[parkwings]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lNx2-Bks50&NR=1

better song, could be applicable too?

[mikey3000]

Since the OP asked for opinions on what is fair that's what he got.

The rest of us (mostly) are bi, too, so don't presume to tell us about how it complicates things. BUT being bi isn't an excuse to shit on people.

Good on you for coming out to your wife.

Um, thanks I think. My point is that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dealing with one's newly discovered sexuality and spouse. He is doing what he has to do, not what he wants to do. Quite possibly it is something he can't control, yet. He needs time, understanding and encouragement to deal with his issues HIS way. Yes, I came out to my wife, and yes I was VERY fortunate that she didn't kick me to the curb. Not many women can deal with their husbands cravings to sleep with other men. It's very easy for us to stand back and judge him. "Don't do it behind her back or don't do it at all", eh? His craving men doesn't mean that he loves his wife any less, just that maybe they are not at a place in their marriage to be able to deal with it at this time.

There is so much more at risk when you have small children. It's not just going to affect him and his wife, but his children too for the rest of their lives. Dude, where ever you are, just tread lightly, and use protection!!!

Cheers.

[csrakate]

While my words may have been harsh and deemed judgmental towards the OP, I have no apologies. I understand that not all men are able to come out to their wives and I also understand and sympathize with their plight, but I found it ludicrous that the OP had concerns about fairness towards his lover without giving much thought about how fair it was to his wife. THAT is what promoted most of the responses he received.

Quite possibly it is something he can't control, yet. He needs time, understanding and encouragement to deal with his issues HIS way.
I also refuse to believe that any person cannot "control" their urges...bi, straight or gay. He has a choice to keep his pants up or at least give some thought and concern to those it may affect.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Um, thanks I think. My point is that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dealing with one's newly discovered sexuality and spouse. He is doing what he has to do, not what he wants to do. Quite possibly it is something he can't control, yet. He needs time, understanding and encouragement to deal with his issues HIS way. Yes, I came out to my wife, and yes I was VERY fortunate that she didn't kick me to the curb. Not many women can deal with their husbands cravings to sleep with other men. It's very easy for us to stand back and judge him. "Don't do it behind her back or don't do it at all", eh? His craving men doesn't mean that he loves his wife any less, just that maybe they are not at a place in their marriage to be able to deal with it at this time.

There is so much more at risk when you have small children. It's not just going to affect him and his wife, but his children too for the rest of their lives. Dude, where ever you are, just tread lightly, and use protection!!!

Cheers.

You portray the typical Cop-out. The OP DID what he wanted to do. Have a sexual relation with another person, while indeed in another relationship, is what he chose to do. HE had the choice to persue or not regardless of whatever desire motivated it. The gay man, had a choice, to be with a married closeted man or not. And UNLESS THE FEMALE KNOWS, which was never stated and the reason why it keeps getting brought up over and over again, She is left with no choice.

Many people have thoughts and desires, not everyone acts on them, nor wish to do something that is self destructive and hurtful to those they love. Say for instance, Sometimes I feel the need to be rammed by an 8 inch juicy cock. I have thoughts about it. What do I do???? Well I tell my husband and then we have some hot fuckin sex and I might just pull out my vibrator or dildo and have him fuck me with it or make him watch me suck it off or whatever.. Sometimes I want a pair of tits in front of me so I can suck em and bite em, and what do I do??? I tell my husband about it, then I squish his A cups to look like B cups and I suck the hell out those bitches.. but I don't cheat on the motherfucker! Same goes in return. He wants him some cock, I strap mine on and TCOB with a shit eating grin. But he won't cheat on me.

If he would have come to the board and instead of this problem, stated "My wife is having sex with another man and they have feelings for each other". What would you have said to him then? Would you have said "Well just hang in there, She's just doing what she has to do, doesn't mean she loves you any less." ??

[mikey3000]

And just as a side note, even though I did come clean to my wife, and she does know and totally accepts that I need men, she still doesn't want to know all the details. Yes, she sees my guy friends, yes, she even helps me pick them out, even finds them for me, and helps me get dressed for a "date", but still doesn't want to hear all about it unless it's something exceptional. And I totally respect that and her. We've been together for 22 years.:eek:

[csrakate]

And just as a side note, even though I did come clean to my wife, and she does know and totally accepts that I need men, she still doesn't want to know all the details. Yes, she sees my guy friends, yes, she even helps me pick them out, even finds them for me, and helps me get dressed for a "date", but still doesn't want to hear all about it unless it's something exceptional. And I totally respect that and her. We've been together for 22 years.:eek:

You are indeed lucky to have such a loving and understanding wife and it's wonderful that you respect her boundaries. My best to you both.

[mikey3000]

You portray the typical Cop-out. The OP DID what he wanted to do. Have a sexual relation with another person, while indeed in another relationship, is what he chose to do. HE had the choice to persue or not regardless of whatever desire motivated it. The gay man, had a choice, to be with a married closeted man or not. And UNLESS THE FEMALE KNOWS, which was never stated and the reason why it keeps getting brought up over and over again, She is left with no choice.

Many people have thoughts and desires, not everyone acts on them, nor wish to do something that is self destructive and hurtful to those they love. Say for instance, Sometimes I feel the need to be rammed by an 8 inch juicy cock. I have thoughts about it. What do I do???? Well I tell my husband and then we have some hot fuckin sex and I might just pull out my vibrator or dildo and have him fuck me with it or make him watch me suck it off or whatever.. Sometimes I want a pair of tits in front of me so I can suck em and bite em, and what do I do??? I tell my husband about it, then I squish his A cups to look like B cups and I suck the hell out those bitches.. but I don't cheat on the motherfucker! Same goes in return. He wants him some cock, I strap mine on and TCOB with a shit eating grin. But he won't cheat on me.

If he would have come to the board and instead of this problem, stated "My wife is having sex with another man and they have feelings for each other". What would you have said to him then? Would you have said "Well just hang in there, She's just doing what she has to do, doesn't mean she loves you any less." ??

IT's not a cop out by any means, though I understand you being a woman would see it that way. I won't turn this thread into a man vs. woman view point.

Some people, both males AND females actually have a need for emotional attachments to the same sex too. I'm glad that your hubby is totally satisfied with you (as you so graciously put it) reaming him a new one when the mood strikes, but can he bond with that 8" dildo crammed up his ass? I don't think so. See, there is a difference between fucking and actually making love. And some people, both males AND females actually like the affection shared by two people of the same sex as well as the affection between males and females. It's the contrast, the differences between the sexes that I enjoy most. I can just as easily deeply love another man as I do my own wife. And because she allows me to, I love my wife much more than ever. She is secure enough in our life together that I will never leave her for another person, yet understands that love can be shared by more than just one person. My capacity to love people is not finite, but rather grows with every experience I have. To me, that's what bisexual is, the capacity to love humans of both sexes, not to love sex toys. But I guess it all boils down to one's securities, or another's lack there of. Isn't that what your tyrade really is all about? Your fear that if you let your "mother fucking"(your words) husband get reamed by another man, he may fall in love with him and leave you? That is a very common fear amongst wives of bi men. And understandably so. But no one likes to be held on a short leash. Well some do, but that's a whole other topic.

And as for your last paragraph? Although it's not quite the same scenario, my answer would be no. If he came here stating that his wife was having sex with another woman, as he is having sex with another man,(see your confusion there?) my answer would be yes.

Cheers.

[bermac]

Just a couple of thoughts. As a bi but predominantly gay man, I have had a number of relationships with married men. I've usually felt that of the three people involved, I've been the one getting the best of the situation. I've had the good sex and friendship and the guy's wife has to wash his socks.

Is it fair to the wife? I'm not sure, but I've been in situations where the man genuinely loves his wife and wants the marriage to continue, but over the years, the frequency of sex has lessened. The guy still has a sex drive and he has found an outlet for it with me.

Should he tell his wife? In an ideal world, yes. But, the last time I checked we didn't live in an ideal world.

[lv69cpl69]

OK as a man I can control my pants and dick. my wife supports me and I her, we have not found our same sex partners. but we are not animals, we understand a committed relationship has hard fast rules (I you love each other) YOU DO NOT CHEAT ON THE ONE YOU LOVE. He did ask if it is fair to his male lover and said nothing about her. so replies were and should be about fairness, to his male lover sure it's fair he knew the OP was cheating. to his wife HELL NO :2cents:

[littlerayofsunshine]

IT's not a cop out by any means, though I understand you being a woman would see it that way. I won't turn this thread into a man vs. woman view point.

Some people, both males AND females actually have a need for emotional attachments to the same sex too. I'm glad that your hubby is totally satisfied with you (as you so graciously put it) reaming him a new one when the mood strikes, but can he bond with that 8" dildo crammed up his ass? I don't think so. See, there is a difference between fucking and actually making love. And some people, both males AND females actually like the affection shared by two people of the same sex as well as the affection between males and females. It's the contrast, the differences between the sexes that I enjoy most. I can just as easily deeply love another man as I do my own wife. And because she allows me to, I love my wife much more than ever. She is secure enough in our life together that I will never leave her for another person, yet understands that love can be shared by more than just one person. My capacity to love people is not finite, but rather grows with every experience I have. To me, that's what bisexual is, the capacity to love humans of both sexes, not to love sex toys. But I guess it all boils down to one's securities, or another's lack there of. Isn't that what your tyrade really is all about? Your fear that if you let your "mother fucking"(your words) husband get reamed by another man, he may fall in love with him and leave you? That is a very common fear amongst wives of bi men. And understandably so. But no one likes to be held on a short leash. Well some do, but that's a whole other topic.

And as for your last paragraph? Although it's not quite the same scenario, my answer would be no. If he came here stating that his wife was having sex with another woman, as he is having sex with another man,(see your confusion there?) my answer would be yes.

Cheers.



Cheating is not a bi/straight male/female issue. It is a human issue. (Ref your confusion to my last paragraph)

I totally understand the need for an emotional attachment of some sort before having sex with an individual... I am that way.. My husband is not... But we both need to click with whom we chose to be with.. I do not take the place of a man for him. Nor he as a woman for me.. We have an open marriage. We did the hard work necessary for such an arrangement. Honesty openness and communication. I trust him to be with whom he is attracted to and the same for me. Yeah my husband is a motherfucker.. HE fucks me. My so called rant was to basically state how we deal with tough urges.

The OP had a sexual relationship that developed into an emotional one. That is not the same as what you are currently describing.

there are many excuses why someone feels they must cheat, "Wife not giving enough sex, I am a bisexual man." "My wife doesn't have a penis" "My husband doesn't make enough money" My husband has a third nipple I don't like to see" "My husband doesn't have a vagina" "My wife doesn't have the ability to fuck me with a 25 year old body cause she's 35"


Cheating is cheating, regardless of the sexuality, reason, or excuses. Its someone taking the easy way out instead of suffering repercussions, or dealing with the issues. Its self preservation.

You say how wonderful and open your marriage is, I say the same about mine. And why do we have that? Because we did the right thing, we were honest and do what needs to be done to make sure our spouses are happy, satisfied, safe and secure. As you know its not the easiest thing, and it takes alot of nurturing to have.

Now why wouldn't you want the same thing for other bisexuals? Why wouldn't you want someone to have as much love and consideration for their wife as you do your own?

People complain that there aren't enough couples with a bisexual male as members of any sexual related site... One of the main reasons is.. Too many bisexual males still in the closet. Too many women who were once unknowingly in love with a bisexual man, that betrayed them.

How can we, as bisexuals, steer the direction of change. By supporting the values that nurture healthy safe relations. Whether it is the desired answer or not.

Most of the people here weren't even discussing how unfair he was to cheat, just how unfair that he cared more about the feelings of whom he was honest to in cheating with, than the one who has to wash the shit stains out of his underwear, and kiss is mother on the cheek, and clean up after his damn friends come over, and clean up his puke or make chicken soup.. She's worthy enough for that,..... Just not for the truth... She's not worthy of the consideration, she's not worthy of all of him, just the parts he wants to give her......


My feelings and words would have practically been the same, whether, the the OP were female or male.

[csrakate]

All littleray was trying to say was that many couples choose to live out same sex fantasies between themselves and they don't feel the need to stray from the marriage. That is what works for them and that is all that matters. As for those who allow a more open approach, very often they are simply allowing a sexual "release" as opposed to allowing a spouse to pursue a relationship with another person and it has nothing to do with trying to keep someone on a short leash. This leash you are referring to is called commitment, and while a spouse may accept extracurricular sexual play, they should not have to be concerned about alienation of affection. If you want to spread your love among many, then marriage may not be what you are looking for. I am personally wondering if your wife, who I feel is very understanding of your wants and needs, is not getting the full picture if you are experiencing deep emotional bonds with your partners...she may have a totally different view of your sexuality if she were to know of this. I agree that it is nice to feel connected to whomever you have sex with, but developing romantic feelings is another game all together.

But I guess it all boils down to one's securities, or another's lack there of. Isn't that what your tyrade really is all about? Your fear that if you let your "mother fucking"(your words) husband get reamed by another man, he may fall in love with him and leave you? That is a very common fear amongst wives of bi men. And understandably so. But no one likes to be held on a short leash. Well some do, but that's a whole other topic.


I will confess that my biggest fear when I discovered my husband's sexuality was the fear of losing him...losing him to something that I could not compete with....losing him over something that I could not provide for him....that I was not going to be enough for the love we had to sustain. It was only by learning that his sexual urges and desires were just that...sexual....nothing more....that made me fully accept his sexuality and instead of fearing it, I began to embrace it. It was only by learning to trust the love that he had for me that I could accept that he could possibly want and need sex with another man. So excuse me if I take offense at your comments about women fearing the loss of their spouse....it is very real and for some of us, it was one of the biggest hurdles to get over. Your comments only add fuel to the fears that others may feel. Short leash, my ass....that is hardly what it's all about. It's about honoring the love and commitment that two people made to one another.

[Long Duck Dong]

Um, thanks I think. My point is that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dealing with one's newly discovered sexuality and spouse. He is doing what he has to do, not what he wants to do. Quite possibly it is something he can't control, yet. He needs time, understanding and encouragement to deal with his issues HIS way. Yes, I came out to my wife, and yes I was VERY fortunate that she didn't kick me to the curb. Not many women can deal with their husbands cravings to sleep with other men. It's very easy for us to stand back and judge him. "Don't do it behind her back or don't do it at all", eh? His craving men doesn't mean that he loves his wife any less, just that maybe they are not at a place in their marriage to be able to deal with it at this time.

Cheers.

so lust is more important than love....and a man is controlled by his cock, not his brain ????? got it...... I quess that I am a fucked up bi male then cos I have put my partner ahead of my bisexuality ( lust ) cos I said to her that I can fuck a number of people, but I can only love a couple of people....and I would rather have love and monogamous contact....than lust and risk so much......

let me say it very clearly, I made a choice based around my partners feelings and emotions.... I could have betrayed her, lied to her and cheated on her.... or I could have told her its my way cos I am bi...... but instead I looked at it from both sides..... and she offered to help me satisfy my desires as best she could, that was a generous offer from her.... and accepted with a open heart....

besides, in my eyes... I do not have to deal with multiple partners, safe sex issues, cheating partners ( of other people ) privacy issues, failed contacts, endless searching for sex... etc etc etc..... and my partner knows that every night, she can put her arms around me and know that I am there with her....not reach out in a empty bed and know that I am in the arms of another.......

and before anybody says anything.... it works for me and my partner.... it doesn't work for everybody...and there are many people with open relationships built of love and trust and respect, that do allow the parnters to take other lovers and I do respect them highly

[mikey3000]

So firstly, let me ask this?

Aren't there any other men here that do housework? The references to the women doing all the housework is disheartenig. I cook, I clean the house, I do the dirty laundry, the dishes, ready the kids for school and help with their homework, do the grocery shopping, do all the bookkeeping, all the yard work and still hold down a full time job, and act as nursemaid to two sickly people in my household. I can't be the only one. :eek:

Secondly, cause I'm still new at this I really don't know. When is cheating not cheating? If your spouse knows about it? Accepts it? As long as it's not done behind her back?

And when a person discovers that their sexuality has changed (I believe that human sexuality is fluid and can change over time/circumstance) after they have comitted to one person, should they act on it or just repress it? Like many people here, their bisexuality/homosexuality didn't surface till later in life, how are they supposed deal with it? Declare their bisexuality, but never satisfy it cause they comitted twenty years ago to that one person? And what if they do still honestly love their partner, and their partner them, should they end their marriage just on principle? I really don't know, just that I did what was right for us at the time and it worked. I really am open to suggestions cause I don't know all the answers, but I never judge anyone cause I don't know what's happening in their life to bring them to this point.

[lv69cpl69]

"When is cheating not cheating? If your spouse knows about it? Accepts it? As long as it's not done behind her back? "
If you sneak or your spouse (or lover) don't know IT;S CHEATING... in our opion...... If you are honest with your mate what are You? A dog? :2cents:

[Donkey_burger]

[SNIP]
Secondly, cause I'm still new at this I really don't know. When is cheating not cheating? If your spouse knows about it? Accepts it? As long as it's not done behind her back?
[SNIP]

If your spouse knows about and accepts it, then I wouldn't call it cheating. :2cents:

DB :bipride:

[mikey3000]

I must say that I'm am totally shocked by all the comdemnation the poor OP got. Believe me, I'm pretty sure he's aware of not being fair to his wife, and is dealing with the guilt. So was I at one point. So were most of us all at some point too. This is supposed to be a place of understanding where, people who are having difficulties come looking for answers. Yes, he asked for opinions, but he asked for opinions of fairness about the guy, not his wife. Y'all just might have done a lot more damage than good "for the cause" here. Shouldn't fellow bisexuals, by our very nature, be more understanding?

[lv69cpl69]

cheating is wrong and unfair to all. support being bi sure but cheating sorry our:2cents:

[allbimyself]

I must say that I'm am totally shocked by all the comdemnation the poor OP got. Believe me, I'm pretty sure he's aware of not being fair to his wife, and is dealing with the guilt. So was I at one point. So were most of us all at some point too. This is supposed to be a place of understanding where, people who are having difficulties come looking for answers. Yes, he asked for opinions, but he asked for opinions of fairness about the guy, not his wife. Y'all just might have done a lot more damage than good "for the cause" here. Shouldn't fellow bisexuals, by our very nature, be more understanding?Let me paraphase: "Shouldn't bisexuals, by our very nature, provide support to people who cheat on their spouse?"

As someone who has been actively bisexual for over 20 years and has NEVER cheated I totally resent any attitude that bisexuality excuses cheating behavior. I resent those that present that attitude to monosexuals, proclaiming that somehow bisexuals are incapable of monogamy.

A cheater is a cheater and there is no excuse.

and saying this "...he asked for opinions of fairness about the guy, not his wife." to defend him? Sheesh, that makes him WORSE! He cares more about the lover he just met than his wife!

[Long Duck Dong]

I must say that I'm am totally shocked by all the comdemnation the poor OP got. Believe me, I'm pretty sure he's aware of not being fair to his wife, and is dealing with the guilt. So was I at one point. So were most of us all at some point too. This is supposed to be a place of understanding where, people who are having difficulties come looking for answers. Yes, he asked for opinions, but he asked for opinions of fairness about the guy, not his wife. Y'all just might have done a lot more damage than good "for the cause" here. Shouldn't fellow bisexuals, by our very nature, be more understanding?

he wanted answers, he got them.... maybe not the watered down answers that you may feel he needs ....but the cold hard truth.....

its no wonder bisexuals get such a bad rap.... we are trying to break a image of bisexuals as self centered, sex crazed, fuck freaks that are more randy than a room full of people ODing on viagra and sticking their cocks in any hole we can find....

now the guy knows what he is doing.... he knew the moment he started sleeping with another person other than his wife.... and his concern is more about his fuck buddy and his own feelings, than his marriage and the fact that he is possibly cheating..... and you want us to say, its ok about the marriage issue.... now here is all the help we can give you to continue a extramarital affair behind ya wifes back ????

what the fuck sort of people do you take us for... ?? we have morals, ethics and pride .....and not just LGBT pride

[mikey3000]

he wanted answers, he got them.... maybe not the watered down answers that you may feel he needs ....but the cold hard truth.....

its no wonder bisexuals get such a bad rap.... we are trying to break a image of bisexuals as self centered, sex crazed, fuck freaks that are more randy than a room full of people ODing on viagra and sticking their cocks in any hole we can find....

now the guy knows what he is doing.... he knew the moment he started sleeping with another person other than his wife.... and his concern is more about his fuck buddy and his own feelings, than his marriage and the fact that he is possibly cheating..... and you want us to say, its ok about the marriage issue.... now here is all the help we can give you to continue a extramarital affair behind ya wifes back ????

what the fuck sort of people do you take us for... ?? we have morals, ethics and pride .....and not just LGBT pride

No, what he got was YOUR cold hard truth. But your response is very typical. The LGBT image you so wish to shatter to the outside world is very divisive to those who are new to this scene and come here looking for assistance. You scream for acceptance by the outside yet, do not accept members of our own community looking for help cause they don't follow your rules of the game. Your Morals, ethics and pride obviously suit you at this time in your life, but they aren't a perfect fit for everyone else. In seeking equality for you and your rights, you disqualify others. You could have easily said it is not your cup of tea and offer assistance, but to bash another new member of the scene is so not cool. Not cool at all. I really am very disappointed with some (and obviously the most vocal) attidudes around here. No wonder why many don't stick around and participate in discussions. Luckily there is the hook up factor here for all the married folks to find secret action. LOL!!!:tongue:

Division is not the answer!
DIVISION IS NOT THE ANSWER!

[lv69cpl69]

"Division is not the answer!
DIVISION IS NOT THE ANSWER!" YOU ARE RIGHT BUT CHEATING IS ALSO NOT. so the majoity here says.

[allbimyself]

No, what he got was YOUR cold hard truth. But your response is very typical. The LGBT image you so wish to shatter to the outside world is very divisive to those who are new to this scene and come here looking for assistance. You scream for acceptance by the outside yet, do not accept members of our own community looking for help cause they don't follow your rules of the game. Your Morals, ethics and pride obviously suit you at this time in your life, but they aren't a perfect fit for everyone else. In seeking equality for you and your rights, you disqualify others. You could have easily said it is not your cup of tea and offer assistance, but to bash another new member of the scene is so not cool. Not cool at all. I really am very disappointed with some (and obviously the most vocal) attidudes around here. No wonder why many don't stick around and participate in discussions. Luckily there is the hook up factor here for all the married folks to find secret action. LOL!!!:tongue:

Division is not the answer!
DIVISION IS NOT THE ANSWER!

Your cry against the "morals, ethics and pride" of others is hypocritical. You don't think so? What if the OP had said he was having sexual relations with his 14 y/o son and 16 y/o daughter? Obviously bisexual so who cares if he's an incestuous pedophile? The question is where does one draw the line. The simple answer to that is "Is anyone being hurt?"

Obviously in the scenario I outlined the children are being hurt. In the OP's situation his spouse is. Yes, the degrees are different but that doesn't excuse the behavior.

The OP asked for opinions. He wanted absolution for his behavior. If we didn't speak out in that situation we'd be just as guilty as he is AND painting the bisexual community as a whole as cheaters.

Does his behavior concern us? If he, or any bisexual, uses their sexuality as an excuse to cheat/hurt others, you bet it does!

Your argument that we must accept all bisexuals if we wish to be accepted by society at large is specious. If Adolf Hitler had been bisexual, should we accept him? Furthermore, the OP wasn't denied acceptance, he was simply told that his behavior wasn't "fair" to his wife (his word). Obviously he has a need to be "fair" or he wouldn't have asked the opinions of others.

[mikey3000]

Your cry against the "morals, ethics and pride" of others is hypocritical. You don't think so? What if the OP had said he was having sexual relations with his 14 y/o son and 16 y/o daughter? Obviously bisexual so who cares if he's an incestuous pedophile? The question is where does one draw the line. The simple answer to that is "Is anyone being hurt?"

Obviously in the scenario I outlined the children are being hurt. In the OP's situation his spouse is. Yes, the degrees are different but that doesn't excuse the behavior.

The OP asked for opinions. He wanted absolution for his behavior. If we didn't speak out in that situation we'd be just as guilty as he is AND painting the bisexual community as a whole as cheaters.

Does his behavior concern us? If he, or any bisexual, uses their sexuality as an excuse to cheat/hurt others, you bet it does!


Your argument that we must accept all bisexuals if we wish to be accepted by society at large is specious. If Adolf Hitler had been bisexual, should we accept him? Furthermore, the OP wasn't denied acceptance, he was simply told that his behavior wasn't "fair" to his wife (his word). Obviously he has a need to be "fair" or he wouldn't have asked the opinions of others.

Dude, your examples are totally irrelevant. you are comparing apples to bowling balls.

[csrakate]

Luckily there is the hook up factor here for all the married folks to find secret action. LOL!!!:tongue:


I take back my comments regarding how lucky you are to have your understanding and trusting wife...you don't deserve her.

[allbimyself]

Dude, your examples are totally irrelevant. you are comparing apples to bowling balls.
If you think so that speaks more to your ability to (willfully?) not understand than it does to my choice of analogies.

[mikey3000]

I take back my comments regarding how lucky you are to have your understanding and trusting wife...you don't deserve her.

Why? cause I stand up for others who are being attacked cause their ideas don't match yours? Look, I get approached daily on here by guys looking to play on the side, and I've never accepted once. I don't have a need to do that. But they do for one reason or another, and I respect their freedom of choice.

"I might not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." I guess these words mean nothing anymore eh?

[tenni]

"what the fuck sort of people do you take us for... ?? we have morals, ethics and pride .....and not just LGBT pride"

As bisexuals, this is what we need to discuss and develop. Is our bisexual morality controlled and restricted by heterosexual morality? If that is so, then there may be no place for bisexuality itself. Bisexuality is about fluidity and often being attracted to another person not just for their gender. In some cases, traditional monogomy may be appropriate. In other cases, the definition of what monogomy is may need to be redefined. It is possible that monogomy may mean having sex/being in love with only one woman at a time but being able to also have sex and be in love with a man at the same time. Polyamorous attitudes may have room in defining monogomy for some. For those who traditional hetero monogomy is their road of choice, perhaps as bisexuals we should not condemn those who chose a different path. This requires acceptance from the society as a whole. It may need to be more commonly discussed and accepted to see bisexuals as monogomous in a variety of ways. That is not society's present model however as is represented by some posters here.

The point may be that bisexuals need to clarify their own perspective as a group in the same manner as same sex marriage evolved within society. Society as a whole may need to examine what "cheating" really is as far as bisexuals are concerned. It is fear of rejection that hold bisexuals back from developing and supporting an alternative to traditional definition of monogomy.

[csrakate]

Why? cause I stand up for others who are being attacked cause their ideas don't match yours? Look, I get approached daily on here by guys looking to play on the side, and I've never accepted once. I don't have a need to do that. But they do for one reason or another, and I respect their freedom of choice.

"I might not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." I guess these words mean nothing anymore eh?

I apologize if I took your comment about married people seeking "secret hook ups" as something that you did personally....that was wrong of me to assume...BUT...the OP asked for opinions about right or wrong and you keep insisting that we tell him it's OK. Quite frankly he must have been feeling that something wasn't quite right about the situation or he wouldn't have bothered to ask...but what bothered me most of all was that in this entire scenario, his concern was for his lover and not his wife. I'm sorry, but that tells me that he has a skewed sense of what is right and what is wrong and as you can see, not many people are going to tell him that going behind his wife's back is necessarily the right thing....I realize that there are circumstances that may cause this situation and I truly feel bad for those who are fighting urges despite their marital situation....but just because he is bisexual, that doesn't mean it automatically makes it right.

[mikey3000]

I apologize if I took your comment about married people seeking "secret hook ups" as something that you did personally....that was wrong of me to assume...BUT...the OP asked for opinions about right or wrong and you keep insisting that we tell him it's OK. Quite frankly he must have been feeling that something wasn't quite right about the situation or he wouldn't have bothered to ask...but what bothered me most of all was that in this entire scenario, his concern was for his lover and not his wife. I'm sorry, but that tells me that he has a skewed sense of what is right and what is wrong and as you can see, not many people are going to tell him that going behind his wife's back is necessarily the right thing....I realize that there are circumstances that may cause this situation and I truly feel bad for those who are fighting urges despite their marital situation....but just because he is bisexual, that doesn't mean it automatically makes it right.
Apology accepted. But where did I insist you tell him it's ok? That is not my personal belief or I wouldn't have come out to my wife. My whole point is that he should not be condemned for his choices, no matter what his reasons and our personal beliefs are, because all of us have made mistakes in the past, and it is with understanding and compassion that the OP can truly deal with his feelings. We all know love is blind but ridiculing him will not fix that. Instead he will feel more alienated from the community that he is seeking assistance from. Sadly I doubt he'll ever come back. And dude, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry it happened. I tried my best.

[Long Duck Dong]

No, what he got was YOUR cold hard truth. But your response is very typical. The LGBT image you so wish to shatter to the outside world is very divisive to those who are new to this scene and come here looking for assistance. You scream for acceptance by the outside yet, do not accept members of our own community looking for help cause they don't follow your rules of the game. Your Morals, ethics and pride obviously suit you at this time in your life, but they aren't a perfect fit for everyone else. In seeking equality for you and your rights, you disqualify others. You could have easily said it is not your cup of tea and offer assistance, but to bash another new member of the scene is so not cool. Not cool at all. I really am very disappointed with some (and obviously the most vocal) attidudes around here. No wonder why many don't stick around and participate in discussions. Luckily there is the hook up factor here for all the married folks to find secret action. LOL!!!:tongue:

Division is not the answer!
DIVISION IS NOT THE ANSWER!

roflmao...... so honesty, loyalty and respect *suit * me at this time ???

no its part of me.... its who I am..... its how I wanna be seen and known by my family, friends and partner..... that is fucking important to me.....

its got nothing to do with the site, the people in the site, LGBT rights or pride.... its got everything to do with the fact I refuse to lie or cheat on my partner..... its called respect, honesty and loyalty....

as for the LGBT community, we are known as *sluts * cheaters, liars etc etc etc.... and you look at the forum and the way people are carrying on.... its no surprise we get lumped with that label and we get trashed by people for revealing we are bisexual.... they are trashing us based around the image the bisexual community portray to the outside world....

what matters to me, is not what the world thinks of me, or what the bisexual community does or doesn't do.... but can my partner have trust and faith in me and believe that I would rather be celibate than betray her trust in me.... and for ME, that answer is crystal clear.... my partner needs to know that she can trust me totally, otherwise, I am not worthy of her love and trust and she is better off without me....

[Long Duck Dong]

"what the fuck sort of people do you take us for... ?? we have morals, ethics and pride .....and not just LGBT pride"

As bisexuals, this is what we need to discuss and develop. Is our bisexual morality controlled and restricted by heterosexual morality? If that is so, then there may be no place for bisexuality itself. Bisexuality is about fluidity and often being attracted to another person not just for their gender. In some cases, traditional monogomy may be appropriate. In other cases, the definition of what monogomy is may need to be redefined. It is possible that monogomy may mean having sex/being in love with only one woman at a time but being able to also have sex and be in love with a man at the same time. Polyamorous attitudes may have room in defining monogomy for some. For those who traditional hetero monogomy is their road of choice, perhaps as bisexuals we should not condemn those who chose a different path. This requires acceptance from the society as a whole. It may need to be more commonly discussed and accepted to see bisexuals as monogomous in a variety of ways. That is not society's present model however as is represented by some posters here.

The point may be that bisexuals need to clarify their own perspective as a group in the same manner as same sex marriage evolved within society. Society as a whole may need to examine what "cheating" really is as far as bisexuals are concerned. It is fear of rejection that hold bisexuals back from developing and supporting an alternative to traditional definition of monogomy.

"what the fuck sort of people do you take us for... ?? we have morals, ethics and pride .....and not just LGBT pride"

I will clarify that in simple terms tenni......

are we people that freely lie, deceive others, etc etc etc.... is there no bisexual that is honest, truthful etc etc....

the answer is yes, there are many bisexuals that are honest, loyal, respectful people.... its more than just sex.... its workplace, its business, its family, its friends, its partner, thats what I was referring to by morals, ethics and pride.....

we do have morals, ethics, and pride in ourselves as people, many of us are known as people you can trust and rely on..... we speak truthfully, honesty and clearly... cos its who we are as people... not as bisexuals.....

we like to deal with honest, trustworthy people in business, employment, banking, friendships, contacts, partners....

I have no issues with anybody that is monogamous or in a poly relationship.... I have issues with people that happily lie and cheat and decieve people and say * but its ok cos I have sexual needs *

all that tells me, is avoid them, cos they have shown me that they have no issues with be untrustworthy, and that means I can not trust them

[mikey3000]

roflmao...... so honesty, loyalty and respect *suit * me at this time ???

no its part of me.... its who I am..... its how I wanna be seen and known by my family, friends and partner..... that is fucking important to me.....

its got nothing to do with the site, the people in the site, LGBT rights or pride.... its got everything to do with the fact I refuse to lie or cheat on my partner..... its called respect, honesty and loyalty....

as for the LGBT community, we are known as *sluts * cheaters, liars etc etc etc.... and you look at the forum and the way people are carrying on.... its no surprise we get lumped with that label and we get trashed by people for revealing we are bisexual.... they are trashing us based around the image the bisexual community portray to the outside world....

what matters to me, is not what the world thinks of me, or what the bisexual community does or doesn't do.... but can my partner have trust and faith in me and believe that I would rather be celibate than betray her trust in me.... and for ME, that answer is crystal clear.... my partner needs to know that she can trust me totally, otherwise, I am not worthy of her love and trust and she is better off without me....

Dude, this is right from your own profile:

"I have no set opinions, only fluid ones, that i change regularly,...learning as I go, means that often, I need to readjust my opinion on different things....so if you see me sharing different opinions of the same things, its cos I am looking at things from different angles lol." That's why I said those characteristics suit you at this time.

Now I don't know how the LGBT community is represented there in Australia/New Zeland, but it is not looked at like that here in Toronro, not that I or any of my friends can see anyway, and I am active in both the LBGT community (published in local LBGT newspapers) and the straight community. If you have issues with peoples' behaviour in your community because they don't pepresent you, then maybe you're not a member of the right community there. Or maybe you should spend your energy fixing your community, not smearinga total stranger's behaviour half way around the globe. Wouldn't that be better use of your energy. Clean up your own house before you critizise others.

As for you and your partner, good for you both. Trust is very important to you both and obviously you have it. Congrats. Your relationship is perfect. Lucky you. Some are not so lucky.

[Long Duck Dong]

Dude, this is right from your own profile:

"I have no set opinions, only fluid ones, that i change regularly,...learning as I go, means that often, I need to readjust my opinion on different things....so if you see me sharing different opinions of the same things, its cos I am looking at things from different angles lol." That's why I said those characteristics suit you at this time.

Now I don't know how the LGBT community is represented there in Australia/New Zeland, but it is not looked at like that here in Toronro, not that I or any of my friends can see anyway, and I am active in both the LBGT community (published in local LBGT newspapers) and the straight community. If you have issues with peoples' behaviour in your community because they don't pepresent you, then maybe you're not a member of the right community there. Or maybe you should spend your energy fixing your community, not smearinga total stranger's behaviour half way around the globe. Wouldn't that be better use of your energy. Clean up your own house before you critizise others.

As for you and your partner, good for you both. Trust is very important to you both and obviously you have it. Congrats. Your relationship is perfect. Lucky you. Some are not so lucky.

honesty, loyalty and respect is not a opinion.... its a personality aspect.....

I deal with people that are trustworthy, respectful and honest.... that to me is 3 key issues to dealing with people, regardless of sexuality, gender, age or race....

if people wanna cheat or be dishonest for what ever reason, that is their right and their issue... it doesn't mean that others have to support it or condone it.... and expressing a opinion, is a aspect of a online forum....

now the LGBT doesn't represent me and I do not represent the LGBT community.... they have their own voices as do I but we can not complain about the way the world sees us, when by our own actions, we put up a image for the world to judge us by......I can choose to be judged by the worlds perception of the LGBT community or let the people that actually know me, judge me according to MY actions.... and friends, family, and partners opinions carry more weight with me than a online forums, as my friends, family and partner see more of me.....


as for the perfect relationship...I knew my partner for over a year before we met, and spent 3 months together....now, I wait for another 2 years before we will see each other again.... thats 2 years that I need to remain trustworthy, faithful and honest... and celibate...and that is my choice to do that.... and to me, its my way of saying to my partner that I love her, and I would do anything I can to show her that she is not just my partner, but the one I would go to the ends of the world for, but saying it is not enuf, I need to prove it.....

that is a self imposed sentence... it works for ME, I can handle it and I can do it.... it doesn't mean that it works for others or that others can do it...and nor do I expect others to do it....

but I expect people to play by the rules they lay down in their life....and as far as I am concerned, a person that will willingly betray their partner, lie and be deceitful, has no right as all to expect their partners to accept the betrayal, or the right to expect their partner to be open and honest with the cheater....

if a cheater can betray the most important person in their lives, then it says a lot for their actions at work, with friends, family etc....

I had a previous relationship with a partner that CHEATED, 13 different times ... cheated as in slept around with other guys, lied, was a thief, committed fraud, etc etc, even got pregnant with a child thru their actions
and the whole time, I stood there and held my arms open, ignoring the pain and hurt and continued to love them.... for 7 years.....

I know the pain of betrayal.... never will I do that to my current partner and never will I support anybody that willingly puts another thru that pain

[sweetheart1986]

You know it is up for him to decide, but it is really not far to your wife. Cheating on her is not good for your marriage. You should tell her and see where she stands and then see what is good for you.

[rissababynta]

I'm so tired of people using bisexuality as an excuse to fuck whoever they want whenever they want because they have "desires" and all that nonsense. So what? Lots of married straight men have desires to be with everything that has a vagina...does it mean they cheat on their wife? No, at least the good ones don't. So now all of a sudden because a person likes dick and pussy, oh no, now it's ok because their "desires" are more important than anyone elses.

Fuck that.

Don't get married if you can't take it out of your pants for only one person.

And my opinion on the matter forever stands.

[tenni]

As far as monogomous relationships are concerned, I don't see an openness amongst some posters to a different interpretation other than traditional Christian monogomy.

Why can bisexuals not promote that monogomy refers to being faithful to a partner of one gender?

That would permit monogomy to include two partners. One male and one female partner would be a new bisexual interpretation for the word monogomy. If bisexuals accept and promote this idea amongst ourselves heteros may expand and understand who and what we are. If a bisexual wishes only one partner at a time they are adhering to traditional monogomy. First, we must redifine monogomy for ourselves and then spread the word to expand this term to the larger mainstream society. Straight partners would not feel so threatened and fear rejection if fhe mainsream and bisexuals themselves altered their opinion on what monogomy means.

[rissababynta]

As far as monogomous relationships are concerned, I don't see an openness amongst some posters to a different interpretation other than traditional Christian monogomy.

Why can bisexuals not promote that monogomy refers to being faithful to a partner of one gender?

That would permit monogomy to include two partners. One male and one female partner would be a new bisexual interpretation for the word monogomy. If bisexuals accept and promote this idea amongst ourselves heteros may expand and understand who and what we are. If a bisexual wishes only one partner at a time they are adhering to traditional monogomy. First, we must redifine monogomy for ourselves and then spread the word to expand this term to the larger mainstream society. Straight partners would not feel so threatened and fear rejection if fhe mainsream and bisexuals themselves altered their opinion on what monogomy means.

How many times have many of us said that if all parties are ok, then there shouldn't be a problem...then it wouldn't matter what anyone does. But just cause a bisexual says "I'm redefining what monogomy is" doesn't mean that cheating doesn't hurt anymore...I could say that I'm redefining what the color green is...it doesn't mean that everyone around me is going to think I'm anything but crazy if I start calling the grass purple.

[**Peg**]

I have to wonder what newbies think when they read some of these responses and see all the ANGER and testosterone AND CAPS AND !!!!

take a deep breath people ... think it through; have respect for another persons' opinions and please, for the love of all that's sweet and holy: proofread your comments before you hit submit LOL.

:)

[rissababynta]

, for the love of all that's sweet and holy: proofread your comments before you hit submit LOL.

:)

Good thing we have an edit button lol

[mikey3000]

How many times have many of us said that if all parties are ok, then there shouldn't be a problem...then it wouldn't matter what anyone does. But just cause a bisexual says "I'm redefining what monogomy is" doesn't mean that cheating doesn't hurt anymore...I could say that I'm redefining what the color green is...it doesn't mean that everyone around me is going to think I'm anything but crazy if I start calling the grass purple.

People seem to forget that human sexuality is a very fluid thing and can (and does!) change over a lifetime for many people and for many reasons.

Definitions always change in a growing society. Look at how the definition of marriage is changing. Now it includes same sex partners. With your stance on redefining Rissa, millions of people would not be allowed to get married if they so choose. Or how about a trans gendered person. Do they not have the right to redefine who they want to be either.

Yes, you have your opinions, I have mine, Tenni has his, and so does everybody else. Who are we to stick anyone in a box for the rest of their lives cause we don't like their definition. That's exactly the reasoning for all the injustices done to all peoples through out all of recorded history. This is the 21st century, we are supposed to be more enlightened. So much for evolution.

And as for your stance that people just use the term bisexuality to fuck around. Well, at last count, about 70% of all married people have had affairs. It's pretty common everywhere. Suck it up.

[mikey3000]

As far as monogomous relationships are concerned, I don't see an openness amongst some posters to a different interpretation other than traditional Christian monogomy.

Why can bisexuals not promote that monogomy refers to being faithful to a partner of one gender?

That would permit monogomy to include two partners. One male and one female partner would be a new bisexual interpretation for the word monogomy. If bisexuals accept and promote this idea amongst ourselves heteros may expand and understand who and what we are. If a bisexual wishes only one partner at a time they are adhering to traditional monogomy. First, we must redifine monogomy for ourselves and then spread the word to expand this term to the larger mainstream society. Straight partners would not feel so threatened and fear rejection if fhe mainsream and bisexuals themselves altered their opinion on what monogomy means.

Tenni, that is brilliant!!!

[rissababynta]

People seem to forget that human sexuality is a very fluid thing and can (and does!) change over a lifetime for many people and for many reasons.

Definitions always change in a growing society. Look at how the definition of marriage is changing. Now it includes same sex partners. With your stance on redefining Rissa, millions of people would not be allowed to get married if they so choose. Or how about a trans gendered person. Do they not have the right to redefine who they want to be either.

Yes, you have your opinions, I have mine, Tenni has his, and so does everybody else. Who are we to stick anyone in a box for the rest of their lives cause we don't like their definition. That's exactly the reasoning for all the injustices done to all peoples through out all of recorded history. This is the 21st century, we are supposed to be more enlightened. So much for evolution.

And as for your stance that people just use the term bisexuality to fuck around. Well, at last count, about 70% of all married people have had affairs. It's pretty common everywhere. Suck it up.

And...what the hell does changing as a person have to do with cheating?

[rumple4skin]

Hammertown01 –
I am going with the assumption that your wife does know that you are bi and knows that you have sexual relations with men because it would not make sense that you would be more considerate of fairness to someone you have only know a short time then with someone you have actually made a vow to and still love very much.

If you have been honest with him about the facts and your intentions then he can make his own decisions. You should ask him what he wants and if he is ok with things continuing as they are if you are worried about treating him fairly. If he has expressed to you that he wants more and you are not willing to give him that you should be honest with him. It may mean that neither of you get what you want but it will be far less painful in the long run.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well hon..as long as your lady is fine and happy with it, then go for it. Just remember to keep that doorway to communication fully open at all times.
Have fun, play safe.
Cat

[mikey3000]

Hammertown01 –
I am going with the assumption that your wife does know that you are bi and knows that you have sexual relations with men because it would not make sense that you would be more considerate of fairness to someone you have only know a short time then with someone you have actually made a vow to and still love very much.

If you have been honest with him about the facts and your intentions then he can make his own decisions. You should ask him what he wants and if he is ok with things continuing as they are if you are worried about treating him fairly. If he has expressed to you that he wants more and you are not willing to give him that you should be honest with him. It may mean that neither of you get what you want but it will be far less painful in the long run.

Dude you are bang on. I've been down this road. I am open to my wife, but it still never prepared mr for falling in love with another man. I declared my intensions to him right from the start, that I will never leave my wife and family for him, and initially he was ok with it. But as things progressed, our feelings grew, and he couldn't handle it. We had to break it off. He hurt and I hurt tremendously. And my wife held my hand through the whole thing. And I'd do the same for her. That's why I'd easily die for her in a heartbeat.

[mikey3000]

Well said LongDuckDong.

It seems as though Mikey does take his male fuck buddies more seriously than he does his relationship with his wife who has cancer.

Nice try dude. But I'd expect better from someone who is older and supposedly more mature.

[mikey3000]

Dude, go right a head. I hide nothing and I'm not a hipocrite. If it makes you feel better, feel free. Dig up everything I ever said and see if anything I ever said contradicts my profile.

[littlerayofsunshine]

I'll leave that to Rissa, LittleRay, and others. :)


Nah me and Rissa have enough penis to play with at the moment.. Since he is a man that says what ever is convenient in the moment and can't stick with anything. To a pathological liar, the truth is always the lie is always the truth.

But I must say, Itsallovermyface, Jolly good show...

To an open bisexual man like you, mikey3000 is not supportive of you, even though that's what started his whole tirade in the beginning. Non-supporting bisexuals.

[mikey3000]

(...and Mikey takes a step back and watches the fur fly)

[littlerayofsunshine]

Thanks. So what does Mikey want then?

From what I can gather... He wants all bisexuals to support bisexuals even if they are cheating on their loved one/spouse. And anyone who doesn't agree shouldn't voice an opinion. But if he disagrees then he can call that a debate, and everyone else is a judgmental asshole.

[mikey3000]

Now be honest little ray.

This guy clearly stated in his profile how he has no problem servicing married guys, and I have no problem with that at all and told him so right off the bat. Don't try to make stuff up that isn't there. Where did I say I don't support other bi men? It's you who who doesn't support cheating or anyone who facilitates that process.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Now be honest little ray.

This guy clearly stated in his profile how he has no problem servicing married guys, and I have no problem with that at all and told him so right off the bat. Don't try to make stuff up that isn't there. Where did I say I don't support other bi men? It's you who who doesn't support cheating or anyone who facilitates that process.


Correction Dude,

I never said anything about who facilitates the process.. The one who is the third party owes no loyalty to the unknowing member of the union of 2. Lots of time the 3rd members aren't even aware if the guy is married or not.

Itsallovermyface doesn't ask for resumes for penile contact, so its up to the penile owner to do whats right for them. If that includes cheating on their spouse.. Then I find that wrong for the penile owner. Not for some one who is open about their sexuality like Itsallovermyface, who is unattached and not using their sexuality to hurt a partner.


Shows that....you once again, make things up. What ever is convenient to prove your issue. That's the third time this evening you have proved me right. So I think thats a record.

[mikey3000]

Correction Dude,

I never said anything about who facilitates the process.. The one who is the third party owes no loyalty to the unknowing member of the union of 2. Lots of time the 3rd members aren't even aware if the guy is married or not.

Itsallovermyface doesn't ask for resumes for penile contact, so its up to the penile owner to do whats right for them. If that includes cheating on their spouse.. Then I find that wrong for the penile owner. Not for some one who is open about their sexuality like Itsallovermyface, who is unattached and not using their sexuality to hurt a partner.


Shows that....you once again, make things up. What ever is convenient to prove your issue. That's the third time this evening you have proved me right. So I think thats a record.

So, to get things right, you think it's not ok for a partnered person to seek sex on the side because he(or she) is in a comitted relationship, yet it is ok for a person to publically invite and provide sexual services to these comitted partners because he is openly bi and not in a comitted relationship (and just needs to get laid)? Ok. Gotcha. That makes so much more sense now. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Yes, the image of the bisexual community, which some are so eager to project in a positive light, is totally safe now. Never mind everything else I said.:rolleyes:

[littlerayofsunshine]

So, to get things right, you think it's not ok for a partnered person to seek sex on the side because he(or she) is in a comitted relationship, yet it is ok for a person to publically invite and provide sexual services to these comitted partners because he is openly bi and not in a comitted relationship (and just needs to get laid)? Ok. Gotcha. That makes so much more sense now. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Yes, the image of the bisexual community, which some are so eager to project in a positive light, is totally safe now. Never mind everything else I said.:rolleyes:

on August 6th 2009: Mikey3000 wrote:
I came out to my wife a few months ago cause I was secretly involved with a guy, and we were both getting in way over our heads. I thought it best I come clean to her before I get caught. The comming out was a bit of a shock to her, but she adapted rather quickly and is so supportive, it just blows me away

Ahh now it all makes sense, you want absolution.

No one gives it, so you argue with everyone, the straight, the gay, the bi's, the women, the men.

Kudos to you for coming out. Its a real shame that it took you 3 years to do it and doing it only out of fear.

As I explained....And if you had listened to most of what my whole debate was about, was fidelity.. and not monogamy. You are not a monogamous person, and have no fidelity.

The committed two are committed to each other, someone goes behind the others back to fuck or commit to someone else, then it is solely that persons own actions that make him guilty and not those who he chooses to be with. The 3rd person owes no allegiance to the unknowing partner. That person never committed or vowed to the cheating partners wife. I don't blame the guy you fucked mikey, he didn't marry your wife and sneak behind her back... That was you..

Itsallovermyface, isn't attached and is not cheating on anyone, he doesn't check status and therefore won't care if someone is married or not.. It's not his responsibility to make someone stay honest in the marriage relationship.

I also get frustrated when women get mad at the girl their husband/boyfriend cheated with. Its not the other girls fault unless its a relative/close friend. Other than that the "other woman" owes no allegiance to the sig other of the cheater.

I think you need to clean out the pudding that lies somewhere between your optic nerve and your brain.. Cause the signals and comprehension aren't registering.

[rissababynta]

I'll leave that to Rissa, LittleRay, and others. :)

Sorry buddy, I very rarely look at peoples profiles anyway haha. Someone else will have to take over that job.

[rissababynta]

? It's you who who doesn't support cheating or anyone who facilitates that process.

I've got to be honest here...I never in my life thought that this would have been argued as being a BAD thing...

[tenni]

Other than stating over and over again..."cheating is bad for the relationship" etc.; are there any constructive comments for this poor smuck?

I read an awful lot of holier than thou comments from mostly women here. I thought bisexuals would have been more positively supportive of bi men?

If I missed the actual constructive help for this man and support for him, forgive me.

How does he disclose to his wife?
How does he deal with loss of children and income should she kick him to the curb?
How does he explain his bisexuality so the above two things don't happen?


There seems to be a lot of skanky, emotive ranting going on these thread and very little intelligent communicating and assistance.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Other than stating over and over again..."cheating is bad for the relationship" etc.; are there any constructive comments for this poor smuck?

I read an awful lot of holier than thou comments from mostly women here. I thought bisexuals would have been more positively supportive of bi men?

If I missed the actual constructive help for this man and support for him, forgive me.

How does he disclose to his wife?
How does he deal with loss of children and income should she kick him to the curb?
How does he explain his bisexuality so the above two things don't happen?


There seems to be a lot of skanky, emotive ranting going on these thread and very little intelligent communicating and assistance.

Hmm, going back through the whole thread, It seems that you and mikey, fail to supply intelligent communication and assistance as supportive bi men. And your current post sounds like a rant to me.

[rissababynta]

I read an awful lot of holier than thou comments from mostly women here. I thought bisexuals would have been more positively supportive of bi men?

.

So...what you are saying here is that whether we think cheating is ok or not, if the cheater is bi then they deserve support? And because we are bisexuals...we are supposed to be understanding?

Not all bisexuals cheat and agree with cheating, sexual orientation not mattering.

[Donkey_burger]

Other than stating over and over again..."cheating is bad for the relationship" etc.; are there any constructive comments for this poor smuck?

I read an awful lot of holier than thou comments from mostly women here. I thought bisexuals would have been more positively supportive of bi men?

If I missed the actual constructive help for this man and support for him, forgive me.

How does he disclose to his wife?
How does he deal with loss of children and income should she kick him to the curb?
How does he explain his bisexuality so the above two things don't happen?


There seems to be a lot of skanky, emotive ranting going on these thread and very little intelligent communicating and assistance.

I don't get it. So bi men can't control themselves? I think they can.

DB :bipride:

[mikey3000]

Hmm, going back through the whole thread, It seems that you and mikey, fail to supply intelligent communication and assistance as supportive bi men. And your current post sounds like a rant to me.
And a very valid rant too Tenni!!!

Around here it's either their way or the highway. This is more of a social clique and a blame game than intelligent discussion. They spin comments to their liking yet accuse others of doing the same.

All I got from this dialogue is that partnered people who cheat are scum and there is no acceptable excuse for it. But those servicing those cheating partners are perfectly ok cause the they are out and not in a comitted relationship. And the image of Bisexuals is being tarnished by those closeted bi's who go looking for extra curricular sex, but not by those out bi's who provide said sex because their getting their rocks off. Nice.

[rissababynta]

And a very valid rant too Tenni!!!

Around here it's either their way or the highway. This is more of a social clique and a blame game than intelligent discussion. They spin comments to their liking yet accuse others of doing the same.

All I got from this dialogue is that partnered people who cheat are scum and there is no acceptable excuse for it. But those servicing those cheating partners are perfectly ok cause the they are out and not in a comitted relationship. And the image of Bisexuals is being tarnished by those closeted bi's who go looking for extra curricular sex, but not by those out bi's who provide said sex because their getting their rocks off. Nice.

Yes, it's a conspiracy. We're all so cliquey. It's unheard of for a group of people to be against cheating under all circumstances...

And as for spinning comments...there are many times where we have asked the to of you to point out what we have said to make you perceive things a certain way, or we have asked a qustions about what you've said and how it makes sense in relation to what you have blamed anyone else for...and you two can't. There is a reason why you can't.

Until I get the answers to my comments like I asked for in the past I will stick by my opinion that you two are the only manipulative ones spinning anything.

On another note, I've got to pack for a trip so I won't be on speaking for the next week. As you can see, I have more important things to do right now that have the most nonsensical argument over why cheating is wrong...again...never thought I'd ever have a conversation like this in my life...but whatever.

[mikey3000]

And yet you say nothing of my accusation of a double standard. Very interesting and obviously acceptable to you. Or is that in my imagination too? What am I saying! Of course it is.

[littlerayofsunshine]

On another note, I've got to pack for a trip so I won't be on speaking for the next week. As you can see, I have more important things to do right now



Awww :( *pouts* Safe travels to you and the family. *sniffles*

[Curiouscourier]

No it is not fair. You need to tell your wife about your relationship with another man and tell her that your have had relations with men too. You need to stop being dishonest with yourself and her. Maybe that is part of the experience that makes you excited. Now is the time to be a MAN and own up to what real responsbilities that you do have. She can not give you what he does obviously.

[tenni]

"So...what you are saying here is that whether we think cheating is ok or not, if the cheater is bi then they deserve support? And because we are bisexuals...we are supposed to be understanding?"


Uh..my answer would be absofu*knlutely YES!!!. I would expect and have previously read supportive comments for bisexuals on this site. I'm not reading them now.

Although cheating is not good, it is a reality for some male bisexuals. Just writing "man up" is not very good advice. It is hollow and unsupportive.

Mikey has written about the difficulty that he had telling his wife. I don't think that guys are as inclined as women to disclose this aspect about themselves prior to marriage. Some do and I agree that is the best route. Some disclose pre marriage and later in their marriage get with a guy. It may not be an emotional relationship. I suspect that men are more capable of this type of same sexual relationship from what I've read and experienced.

My questions remain and "man up" isn't going to work in most cases.

My own opinion would be that it is a case by case scenario but perhaps. A man who discloses to his wife that he is having bisexual feelings may be an ice breaker. Even if he has has sex with a man during the marriage before he tells her. Release just a little information at a time. Let her get accustomed to the concept.


Still, how can this concept be dealt with? I think guys are afraid of their wives reaction and well aware that there will be confusion and anger. Some women may see this as very threatening to their own identity and sexuality. Not too many guys are naturally born with the skills and knowledge as to help his wife. What resources are out there for him and her ?

[Long Duck Dong]

"So...what you are saying here is that whether we think cheating is ok or not, if the cheater is bi then they deserve support? And because we are bisexuals...we are supposed to be understanding?"


Uh..my answer would be absofu*knlutely YES!!!. I would expect and have previously read supportive comments for bisexuals on this site. I'm not reading them now.

Although cheating is not good, it is a reality for some male bisexuals. Just writing "man up" is not very good advice. It is hollow and unsupportive.

Mikey has written about the difficulty that he had telling his wife. I don't think that guys are as inclined as women to disclose this aspect about themselves prior to marriage. Some do and I agree that is the best route. Some disclose pre marriage and later in their marriage get with a guy. It may not be an emotional relationship. I suspect that men are more capable of this type of same sexual relationship from what I've read and experienced.

My questions remain and "man up" isn't going to work in most cases.

My own opinion would be that it is a case by case scenario but perhaps. A man who discloses to his wife that he is having bisexual feelings may be an ice breaker. Even if he has has sex with a man during the marriage before he tells her. Release just a little information at a time. Let her get accustomed to the concept.


Still, how can this concept be dealt with? I think guys are afraid of their wives reaction and well aware that there will be confusion and anger. Some women may see this as very threatening to their own identity and sexuality. Not too many guys are naturally born with the skills and knowledge as to help his wife. What resources are out there for him and her ?


in saying that we should be supportive, you are saying that we should support people that are being deceitful and dishonest.....

you may be the sort of person that thinks condoning dishonest behievour is ok, but many people do not...... they definately would not accept such behievour from their partners and so there is no way that they will assist others to do it

as for telling the truth, its a simple thing to do.... you tell the truth, you be honest.....

there can be many reasons as to why people are being dishonest, but only the person themselves knows the full reason why they are not being honest

I have seen many excuses as to why people are dishonest with their partners....
including things like * my partner is anti extramartial affairs so I have no choice but to lie to them cos I really love them and do not want to lose them *

bullshit like that is something that doesn't wash with me..... its a piss poor excuse to justify a persons dishonesty.....
seriously saying that I need to lie cos my partner believes that I love them and want to be with them only, but I want extra sex too ? its purely selfish

I already know how many people think as I did post a thread in this site about dishonesty in relationships and how its better to be honest with your partner than be selfish and base everything around sex.....
and I got shot down in flames and told its not about sex, its about being bisexual and having needs and desires that are unfulfilled and that causes issues in the relationships.....

so I have seen bisexuals openly state that their right to cheat is not based around sex, but their bisexual needs and desires....which involve sex.....

but as I have said so many times, if you are bisexual and seeking to purse that lifestyle, your partner has a right to know.....
there is many ways to tell them * I am bisexual, I want to have sex with others * * I have desires and needs *, I want a open relationship ...etc etc.
but only one way to do it, and thats tell your partner......

many of the people that need * support * lately, have profiles stating that they want sex.... or have indicated they are already cheating

they do not need support and help to come out to their partners, they need to grow a backbone, get a lil respect for their partners and tell them.....

none of this pussy footing around and excuses about how I am not sure to tell my partner..... as the people didn't appear to have any issues being honest about the fact that they were fucking other people....

blunt and simply, if you love your partner, you will find a way to tell them.... instead of fucking around finding excuses why they can not be honest with their partner, but they can easily betray them

[mikey3000]

Dong, how about the openly bi man who pubically solicits closeted married dudes with a multitude of oral services and offers assurances of discretion? Is this ok? Is he not a guilty party to the act? What does this do to the public's perception of bisexuals?

[Long Duck Dong]

guilty by terminology..... I think the us term is accessory to the fact or something....

but in saying that, he is offering something which is not a offense....... people have the choice of taking up the service or not...... so in a sense he is only a party to it if it happens.....

I do bear in mind that there are many different styles of sexual contact and like S&m and B&D, some people are attracted to the discrete closed sexual contact, like a forbidden fruit..... and yeah, its not something that can be fulfilled by sexual contact with a person in a open relationship with full consent and permission....

as for public perception, I stand on what I have always said, * belief is relative to perception * or in simple english, regardless of what is said and done, people will believe what they will, based on their view of the situation *

hence bisexuals are seen as unfaithful, untrustworthy people...regardless of the masses in open relationships..... and that has a lot to do with the term of bisexual, it immediately indicates to most people, that we require multi partner sexual contact to function.... but as many bisexuals will state, thats not always true at all

as a few of my friends ( lgbt and straight ) say, bisexuals are known as fucking anything they can, married, unmarried, open or closed relationship, and they do not care who they hurt.....

as for the public perception of a openly bisexual man encouraging closeted male to have extramartial affairs, the general reaction as I have heard it said, is * typical bi's, only give a shit about getting fucked, not the people that it fucks up ...*

so its a generalisation of bisexuals on many levels...... the trouble there is that a lot of the bisexual community talk about changing the publics perception of bisexuals, yet its a aspect of the bisexual community ( not all of them, some of them ) that continue to act in a way that enforces the public perception of bisexuals as fuck o holics....

ME ? I don't judge, I base a opinion around the info I have from people, and I base a opinion around their actions and words, not what others say about the person, but the person themselves....

I personally say to people, I am responsible for my actions, and my words, not the actions and words of others nor what people say about me..... so I like to be judged for me....not the man down the road..... and yes I am no angel, I struggle with bi pride and being proud of being bisexual, when I know how close I have come on a number of occasions, to cheating, lieing to partners etc, cos of sexual desires.....

I am a wanker, I wank to control my desires, as much as 3-4 times a day.... as being honest with my partner, still doesn't stop the desires, but the wanking dulls it down to a managable level....and as I have posted in the past, I am bisexual, but I would love to have a off switch for the desires to go outside of my partners arms and have sexual contact....
its not that I don't love the sexual contact..... its the personal war in me with the desire to love and be loved, honest and respectful in a one on one relations, with the opposing desire to feel a cock driving into me and the feel of another man taking my body and dominating it passionately.....

[mikey3000]

Ok! woa! stop! Your last sentence really got me hot.;).

But dude, I do so admire your dedication of monogamy to such a distant partner. If I had to do it I know I couldn't. I wouldn't even try. I need that human contact, that human touch. I don't think many people (males and females) could. Best to you.

But also remember, a partner doesn't have to be far away to be distant. I've seen it up close and personal in a few marriages. And that was my point. I never, ever, encouraged cheating, but I can see why they do.

Some partners are so vicious, and I've seen vicious women too, that never mind cheating, I'd understand a good knock to the head too.

[tenni]

I re read the OP' statement and question.

At no point does he mention whether his wife knows about his bisexuality nor whether she knew about the gay guy.

His only question was about whether it was fair to the gay man!!!

Many posters have been extremely negatively judgemental towards this OP. This happened even after a poster pointed out on the fist page that there was no statement about whether the wife knew or not.

The OP has not posted or asked any other questions? Maybe, he is cheating. Maybe he is just disgusted with some of you.

WTF is wrong with some of you? I hope that you are never on a jury for anything another bisexual man is charged with. You seem to want to hang him without evidence...just jump to a conclusion. Are you just bigotted against bisexual married men or are you this judgemental with bisexual women?

Rant about something that he never even asked you about.

Shameful!

[mikey3000]

Yup, the poor guy. I do hope he's ok and seeks a more compassionate crowd. I was truly embarrassed of the reaction. And I doubt very much that all the stone throwers have led such exemplary lives. Most just don't have the balls to put it up for public opinion. Hell, some don't even have the metaphorical balls to even put up a profile. I notice the op took his down the day after and hasn't been back since. Some people here don't really have a clue. As long as they shout you down it's ok. But don't worry Tenni. I've called in reinforcements. There's going to be an influx of new, gay blood on the forum soon. Things will get very interesting very shortly. Someone has to come back from out of rown first.

Cheers, buddy. Bed time.

[Long Duck Dong]

I re read the OP' statement and question.

At no point does he mention whether his wife knows about his bisexuality nor whether she knew about the gay guy.

His only question was about whether it was fair to the gay man!!!

Many posters have been extremely negatively judgemental towards this OP. This happened even after a poster pointed out on the fist page that there was no statement about whether the wife knew or not.

The OP has not posted or asked any other questions? Maybe, he is cheating. Maybe he is just disgusted with some of you.

WTF is wrong with some of you? I hope that you are never on a jury for anything another bisexual man is charged with. You seem to want to hang him without evidence...just jump to a conclusion. Are you just bigotted against bisexual married men or are you this judgemental with bisexual women?

Rant about something that he never even asked you about.

Shameful!

one statement, ask the gay man how THEY feel..... not a bloody online forum....

or as I say, honesty and respect..... the key words.... with ya partners....

as I first said to the guy, ( based around the info he gave ) does his wife know about this issue..... and that was simply cos I felt he needed to sit down with both of them and talk to both of them and hear what they had to say either as a group or individual

but the impression many people got, was that it was not possible to do that and thats why the OP posted minimunal info about the situation.....

personally, I wanted to know more..... but my gut instinct told me that it would not happen... the OP wanted simply to know if it was ok to keep them both ...... and maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong... unless the OP posts again, I will never know.....

[mbigtim]

I have to wonder what newbies think when they read some of these responses and see all the ANGER and testosterone AND CAPS AND !!!!

take a deep breath people ... think it through; have respect for another persons' opinions and please, for the love of all that's sweet and holy: proofread your comments before you hit submit LOL.

:)

Hey, don't worry about this newby. I am used to a hell of a lot worse than this and about subjects that are much more sensitive than whether someone has a right to have a relationship, whether the person they are committed to knows about it or not. I have just been sitting back, reading, and laughing at how gullible some of the people are when it comes to trollish activity. :tong:

BTW, I must plead guilty for not having a profile. Granted, I am not here looking for any real life relationship with anyone here, and not having a profile posted will help keep people from contacting me looking for one from me. :)

[mikey3000]

Well said LRS. :)



You originally cheated on your wife who has cancer Mikey and kept it a secret, and yet you have the gall to claim that I'm somehow "bad" because some of the men I've had sex with did happen to be married to women? :rolleyes: Grow up.

Hammertown-No it's not fair to the gay man but he does know that you are married and are never going to leave your wife so at least you told him that.

This is one major reason why I never get involved romantically with bisexual men who are married to women.

Dude, stop trying to beat a dead horse. Get your facts straight.

Still, you condemn married men cheating yet invite & blow every married guy that comes to your home made glory hole cause you have to get your rocks off. How is that ok? It's two sides of the same coin. And your defence that it's ok cause you're not partnered and and an open bisexual doesn't hold water. Do you declare this to any females you sleep with? What? No? Why not? Are the women you sleep with not at risk, health wise, as the wives are? Seriously? Why not try to go for quality instead of quantity. I think the husband in a love affair has a much lower risk of infecting his wife with something, than a guy who randomly blows multiple and anonymous guys with out even considering where they come from, then turns around and sleeps with probably just as many women. You are bisexual, right? At least he loved the guy, ONE guy. You, on the other hand, and I seriously worry, may be a public health risk. No insult meant, just a serious concern.

[jmhjmh]

I assume you are forty something, maybe even fifty something. Sex at that age is no longer for procreation. I believe it becomes a recreational activity. The boundary of marriage should expand, but it does not. Why? Because of the false perception that monogamy is part of marriage. Truth is the largest part of marriage. You should try being truthful to your wife. Perhaps she has adventutous streaks in her personality. You never know where it might lead. I am in a commited relationshit with a women. She knows all. She accepts me the way I am. The only way I can be.

[mikey3000]

Like I wrote earlier am I supposed to pre-screen men and ask them if they are married before I have sex with them? What's the point of that?

It's not my problem if they are married and cheating on their wives.

No the women I sleep with are not at risk as I use condoms when I fuck women and I do get tested. Yes they do know that I have sex with men, why wouldn't they?

The numbers theory does not work at all. Safer sex and the transmission of STDs is not based on how many people you do but rather what you do and if you do safer sex with people.

I've never had any STDs and even for HIV giving oral sex is very low risk for getting it and is safer sex and low risk sex. You would have to have major open cuts in your mouth and the person would have to have a high viral load to get HIV from giving oral sex.

It's nice that you use condoms when you fuck women, how about condoms when you blow men? And even condoms aren't 100%. Funny, you fuck women, yet have sex with men. Anyway...

Now you tell these women that you have sex with men, but do you disclose the shear volume and how you attract these men? Cause the numbers theory does work. The more people you sleep with, the chances are higher that you'll get exposed to something. To believe otherwise is just naive. And no you wouldn't have to have major open cuts in your mouth. Swollen gum, a very minor cut, or even a major cavity can facilitate STD transmission. That's why people are instructed to not brush their teeth prior to giving oral sex. Look at people who share needles? And I'm not just talking of HIV. HPV is a major cause of oral cancers in menand women who give oral, and cervical cancers in women who receive oral and vaginal sex, from HPV infected people. Bodily fluid transmission is miniscule in sharing needles, yet infections happen all the time. I see that my fear is totally justified. So sorry dude.

Now go ahead and make fun of my sick wife all you want, or how you think I am wrong to seek a male companion, but I'm done. This is where I'll end it. Good luck to you and your past present and future partners. Sincerely.

[ohbimale]

An affair, whether with a member of the opposite sex or same sex, involves the lover, you and your spouse. Without getting judgemental the question you are asking "Am I being fair with my lover?" Since you are asking that question you feel and know in your heart that a part of you feels you are not being fair with him. In order to clear up that part of your emotional life you need to make it clear to him that you are not planning on leaving your wife and family for him. Then ask him how he feels about this. If necessary give him time to think things over, because only he can answer the question if he is ok with knowing you two love each other and that every night you are going home to your wife and family, even after the most spectactular and loving sex either of you has known. If he can live with that then all is ok. If he can not live with that then the two of you may want to end the relationship before things get out of control for both of you.

Being bisexual means you can have both lusty and/or loving feelings for either sex. I have been there and was developing feelings for the last guy I was seeing. Because he did not want to go there and allow himself to develop feelings for another man I decided to allow the relationship to whither away. Would I have continued with him, and left my wife for him? I will never know, because his paranonia about loving another man kept a wall between us on an emotional level and so we remained and parted as fuck buddies. You however have a different situation and must confront this with your lover. I wish you the best and hope you are able to navigate the sometimes foggy lands of human emotion to see a clear sky where all involved find there highest and best way to live their lives (including you). :male::male::male::flag2: