What helped you to accept yourself as bi?

[PeterH]

Hi everybody,

thanks for reading another new thread. It's going to be long (again, sorry!!!), but I thought self acceptance is a relevant issue, so here goes:

Finding out we're bi is a difficult process. It certainly has been for me. It's caused emotional turmoil (at times it still does) and dealing with it takes me a lot of time and energy.
To help each other with that bumpy ride, and esp the newbies, I thought we might post here what made us accept being bi and all that that implies.
I for one would be very interested in your stories.

Things that helped me accept myself more were finding others who feel the same, who contacted me and shared their ideas with me in chat and on the forum. Thank you all so much!
Also and seeing that there are people that would be compatible with me, in spite of my somewhat odd desires. So I might have a fulfilling relationship after all.
Coming out helped, though it was painful at times. I now know that my loved ones still love me for who I am, even though it might be difficult for them to understand. Also talking about it with friends and seeing that it is not an issue at all for them, so I could just have a good talk.
Also seeing that what i am is probably something biological, not something I can really do anything about. That helped me to accept who I am, and helped me to stop trying to be what I'm not. Also, morally, I came up with a concept that monogamy might mean half-celibacy when you're bi, which is not something I would require of myself.
Also, I dropped some old labels, adopted some new ones that I read about, and invented several myself if In couldn't find any that fit.
I also looked back at previous friendships I had with men, saw them in the light of bisexuality and felt that at least some were more like relationships. That changed my view of myself from someone who had had few girlfriends, to someone who had a sort of boyfriend and tried to have a few more. So it gave me a more positive picture in ways as well.
It also helped me understand the failure of some relationships I've had with women, which I didn't understand at the time, but now do. This also gives me a more positive feeling about myself. Also, I've been single for very long, which was painful at times, but now I'm glad I am, because I can now find a partner (or two) that complements me, without the burden of a relationship.
So though it's been hard at times, the overall result is that I have discovered how much I'm loved, and what good friends I have and continue to make great new friends in the process.
I feel better about myself now in many ways and have better hopes for a good love life than I've had in years. Yes, there are still issues I'm dealing with. There are tings I don't understand, or feel uncertain or fearful about, but those will be settled with time and I'm sure your posts will help with that :).

[JohnnyV]

Peter,

It sounds like you've accepted it, so the ways that you've mentioned make sense! Congratulations.

In my case, it was more an issue of distinguishing myself from gay men. I had come out of the closet as bi as an adolescent, then pressured into an exclusively gay lifestyle (largely becasue my gay identity made it harder for me to find female partners). To accept myself as bi, I had to stop listening to many of the common assumptions that gays and lesbians make about sexuality.

Studying history and sociology helped me a great deal because it helped me see that gay and straight are very young labels in human history, and what we call bisexuality is much older. Somewhat opposite from you, I found more self-acceptance by telling myself that I had free will and that there was no biological boilerplate determining my decisions -- but in my case, that's probably because I was surrounded by gays who all said that everyone was either gay or straight at birth.

Hope your journey continues well.

Love,
J

[trip1]

For me it was simple. Years ago being involve with a couple M/F and having a great friendship as well as great 3 sum's it was easy. I'd go down on her after her hubby and I filled her with seed and I liked it. We did double penetrations in her pussy and the feeling of cock to cock in her and the feeling when both he and I cum was wild and I liked it so did he. Giving her oral while he engaged her doggy style "My tongue slipped lots" I liked it and so did he. After doing that and liking it so much how could it be a problem or any big deal about liking what felt great. So from then on it was no stretch to be giving him oral and him doing the same for me and then to anal and even his wife would do us both with a strap on but that's shifting off topic. I just felt with people who are friends what you do to please shouldn't be a worry and it isn't for me... That's how I thought of the whole think when I first started....

[innaminka]

You're right - self acceptence is a long and bumpy ride. Yourself is still the hardest person to come out to. (tho children???? we'll get there when we need to.)

What helped me accept myself as I was?
Firstly - just the knowledge (professionally given) that I was STILL THE SAME PERSON. ...... 99% of the struggle. :bibounce:

Also alcohol, workaholism, loving children, an (eventually) supportive and loving husband , and ..... a goodly ration of f/f sex!!! :three: :love: :girl:

[coolkitten]

im not so sure i have accepted it, to be honest with you. i have only told about 6 ppl, and it took me forever to spit it out, to be honest. its not that im ashamed of it...im just afraid of ppls reactions..

[Lisa (va)]

It's not so much accepting I was bi, or straight, or hetero, it was merely accepting that I am who I am. I suppose coming to terms earlier in life may perhaps make it easier, or even may be easier for women than men, but who really knows. I don't feel the need to advertise my sexuality, but will not deny it. If I feel that it is important for someone to know I will tell them.

Lisa
hugs n kisses

[Newmexicanman]

Bi, hetero, gay, or (the new expression) omni... Oddly enough society puts all manner of connotations on what we call sexual identity, or sexuality. I say oddly enough because it is predominantly western society that condemns any variation from the (dictated) heterosexual norm, when most other societies - especially Asian societies - readily accept all expressions of human sexuality. You know, it was not so long ago that all theatrical parts [in the west] were played by men, male and female roles. Japanese Kabuki still adheres to that.

Here in the United States football players slap each other on the ass during games and in the locker rooms, and sportsmen and women routinely shower together in large communal showers. Men go out and drink together at their local, and women do their thing too... Australians often enjoy "bloke's nights out" and "sheila's nights out"... The men hang out together at parties, and the women do the same... The examples are endless...

For me, accepting my bisexuality/omnisexuality was easy. As an observer of people it seemed to me that all people really have some kind of tendency towards their own sex in one form or another. This does not imply any kind of sexual attraction, just that all humans have some kind of attraction to their own sex. For example, my very straight 16 year old son has numerous male friends that he spends a truly amazing amount of time with, and my very straight ex-wife had many girlfriends that she constantly socialized with.

My introduction to my sexuality was at age 15. I was with some other guys that I did not know well. It was a locker room thing. I went to watch a friend play football (rugby union) and went into the locker room with him after the game to wait for him to change. While I was there guys were dressing and undressing, showering and generally getting ready to head out after the game. As in any locker room you are going to see people in different stages of undress. What surprised me was that the sight of male asses and penises drew my immediate attention - not just out of curious fascination - but in an erection stirring kind of way. Not something I had ever even thought about. I sure as hell had never thought about having sex with a guy before that. It was then I really started questioning myself.

At age 18 I was at a party and a French guy approached me and simply asked me for sex. The effect on me was immediate and almost painful! I got the hardest most sensitive erection I had ever had... And in over tight jeans too... We went back to his place and started fooling around, kissing, touching etc. The instant he touched my penis it almost made me crazy!! What made me even more crazy was the feeling of his penis in my hand... We spent the night togather, and saw each other from time to time after that. I also had a girlfriend. The odd thing was that giving in to my desire to have sex with the French guy only served to intensify the relationship I had with my girlfriend... I found myself seeking out m/m company, but was never any less turned on by women.

So, since then I have known I have a thing equally for both sexes. I can appreciate a hot guy, or a hot woman and really get off on either... To me the sensations are different, but equally arousing and just as much fun!

To add, though, coming out is not a smart thing to do in some circumstances. I live in a tiny town now in rural New Mexico and telling friends that I am bisexual is not an option. I would pretty much get run out of town on a rail here! In Australia - especially a big city like Sydney - coming out was not an issue. I had a lot of straight and gay friends, and I had many female friends that were lesbian, straight, and bi... It was never a problem for me. I just had a hell of a lot more fun is all.

As far as I am concerned, viva la bi!!!

[ambi53mm]

Things that helped me accept myself more were finding others who feel the same, who contacted me and shared their ideas with me in chat and on the forum.

Peter,

I would agree that this site has been a tremendous help in acceptance and as you make mention of in your closing, continues to help in that process.

My beginnings. I think the tendencies towards bi have always been there probably going back to pre-puberty I think the first experience I had and intro to sex initially was watching two friends one older than myself the other my age, engage in oral sex with one another. They asked if I wanted to try it and I politely refused but eventually had to try it with another friend a couple of years later. Beginning at around the age of 12, a friend and I would sneak off and play with one another frequently and engage in oral sex. This was my intro into bisexuality and I wasn’t alone It was common practice and almost an initiation of sorts. We would tease each other during the day in the most humiliating ways we could come up with about sucking each other dicks and then under the cover of secrecy do those very same things. I recall one group of guys whose initiation into their gang required the new guy putting a dress on and satisfying the other members. What we did, was never talked about among us nor was it a preoccupation. It’s just the way it was and thought of as being no different than sneaking cigarettes and smoking them secretively amongst ourselves.
I was popular in highschool with a long string of girl friends and found the challenge of seducing them much more gratifying emotionally and sexually. It was the uncovering of the mystery,the challenge and the chase of the opposite sex, that occupied my almost every waking moment. Being bisexual never crossed my mind. It wasn’t a word I was familiar with. The word we used for gay people then was either fag or queer and usually with the worst connotations. The use of this word would that be directed towards someone usually in a derogatory way and usually as as a way to blackball someone we didn’t like, or as a challenge to a fight. There was no identity issue and past behavior was buried in a place where no one would ever find it. Thoughts of same sex would come and go on rare occasions but it was never acted on. I would feel attractions towards my best friends on occasion and had they initiated something I probably would have gone along with it, but that never happened during that period of time.
My 2nd year of college a frat buddie and I wound up in bed together one night drunk and high after a “smoker” and had oral sex. Despite the guilt and all of the emotions that you might expect the next morning We never talked about it until months down the road. I couldn't deny the enjoyment I felt and found myself wanting to explore more. We were close friends and played music together, chased women just typical guy stuff, but now we included sex and that added a whole new dimension to our relationship. That affair lasted off and on for nearly 6 years until we both finally married and started families but the memories have lasted a lifetime.
It was really due to that experience that I began to seriously suspect that I wasn't straight but I knew that my enjoyment of sex with the opposite sex was just too strong to consider myself gay.
Thus began the journey of trying to understand this compulsion or attraction toward members of the same sex. I read everything on homosexuality I could safely get my hands on and began my research from an anthropological perspective. It was during my late 30’s that I came across the term “bisexual”. This was prior to the internet so my resource material was limited, but the term seemed to explain the attractions sexually towards members of the same and opposite sex.
I don’t feel the struggle because I don’t have the denial. With knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes acceptance. I may have to walk in this world playing a straight role, and more than likely will for the rest of my life. I can live with that, but I can’t lie to myself. I’m open to those that I choose to share that part of my life with and recognize that it’s not who I am but a part of how I express my sexuality.

Ambi

[m.in.heels&hose]

I think once i found out there was a thing called bisexualality, i was fine with that idea (this was way back in my early teen years) and i got my hands on my dads FORUM magazine and this issue had an article about bisexuallity
I read and reread this artilce as many times as i could (i didnt have much time to peruse this magazine)
But after reading this i knew there were others out there (somewhere) who enjoyed both sexes just like i did, so i knew i was "not the only one" and it eased my mind.
but it wasnt until years later that i started to come out as bisexual, and some still dont know (mom & dad) and i dont think i'll ever mention it to them either but most anyone else if they suspect i am and they have the "courage" to come ask me, i am not going to lie to them
but (up to now) there has only been 3 people who have asked, and nothing has changed between us, they are still friends and they know i am not going to "hit on them" just because they know

sorry, i didnt mean to get so longwinded here (LOL)

thank you for letting me ramble on
:bipride: m.in.heels&hose :bipride:

[ErosUrge]

I think for me accepting my bi identity was finally realizing once and for all that I was always going to remain this way. Since I had always had interests in both sexes and this wasn't something that had just crept in all of a sudden, I thought it time to really dig in and embrace it. It is and was truly a freeing moment when it took place. Again, I don't feel the necessity to wear it on my sleeve, but the secrets are over. If someone comes up to me and asks directly or someone who didn't know before all of a sudden discovers that about me, I'm no longer worrying myself about it and have the courage to simply say, "Yes I am and so what of it?" .... It belongs to me and that's the important thing. If being bisexual was something that was really doing some harm to others somehow, then of course all of this would be a different story. There is so much in the realm of sexuality to learn about people....I think it's absolutely awesome and fascinating. I love being able to share openly these things with all of you....thanks. :male:

[grizzle45]

The Rocky Horror Picture Show and a truly amazing accepting supportive group on campus which no longer exists. (there is a group on campus now that I'm a student again, but I've never been to it)

[Nara_lovely]

Hmmm....I grew up in a fairly religious family (both older brothers are preachers) so I always seemed to be the 'rebel' which made it difficult in my early teens. I did admit to my family how I felt...and got lectured for a few hours about how 'wrong' it was, isolated, no privacy, arrrgh. At that stage, I learnt to keep my mouth shut. They were thrilled that I started dating/hanging out with guys but didn't mention to my family that the guys were gay...and I adored their friendship (still do). So the earlier years were fine for me, just with very little support from family.
When I kissed my first female, a long time musician friend...the thought was very clear..."Finally, I make sense!"

With friends I made over the years, the conversation eventually hits to the 'first time' stories or past relationship analysis. I let them know. The reactions vary. Yes; some handle it well. Some freak out. Some, sadly, I never see again.

My usual response is: "hey...I'm still the same person...you are just seeing me with clearer eyes."
(takes an average of three weeks for things to be easygoing with them again)

I like the honesty of being who I am. I appreciate friends who accept me just the way I am. I am me!! yeeehaaa

Nara :flag3:

[Biboz49]

Hey Peter. It's great that you're feeling better about your sexuality and self acceptance.

What helped me? I got out of a narrow-minded relationship that accepted only hetersexual behaviour and attitude and got into a relationship that not only accepted bisexual lifestyle but encouraged it. Absolutely nothing was painful about the realization that I was bisexual when I was finally able to share my true feelings with someone that accepted me for who I am. I stay in the closet and am out only to my partner and closest friends. Now I'm able to live my life as it naturally feels and I couldn't be happier.

Best of luck to you Peter, and everyone else, in your discoveries!

[wanderingrichard]

i think it was when i realized that both men and women, [ at that time both girls and boys] held an attraction for me, but i was too young to know there was a term for it.. as i've stated many times, i'd had to repress my true sexuality for several reasons, but finally about 4 years ago, i took the big step of ridding myself of prying friends and family and started being true to myself again....read this also as " fuck it, i'm tired of hiding and denying myself even to myself. and being so frustrated in my love life. and i'm damn sure going to stop that right now" .and havent looked back since. yes, like many bi folk, i must sheild myself from co workers who are to narrow and inhibited in their scope of thinking and acceptence, but for the most part, i've never went out and ran my panties up the flagpole declaring myself publicly , anyways.. thats just not the way i was raised or am.. yes i said raised, becuase i had been taught during childhood that personal preferences and predelictions are a private, not public matter.

guess short answer to this was: i just always was.
Rich