The Day After......

[tonya73]

I have spent weeks trying to figure out what to do now that I have admitted to myself and my husband that I am bisexual. So what did everybody do the day and/or days after they discovered yourself. Did you throw a party? Sit on your discovery or go to the nearest gay/ lesbian club?

[innaminka]

That was just over 7 years ago - in january -the Australia day long weekend.
In a way, I'd been caught with my pants down. (Well, they were back up, but only just :bigrin: )
It was a traumatic day. Tears and recriminations. And a budding les relationship ended.
My hubby was due to leave for one of his long visits to Karratha on the Monday, so effectively I was alone with the kids after a day and a half.

What did I do? I cuddled the kids A LOT! (they were totally ignorant of everything) I "made work" at home, I masturbated way too much (I remember all that) and I held off contacting Dean for a week, when we cried with each other on the phone.

After that we healed.

[anne27]

I talked myself to death with my hubby and my close friends. I talked and talked and talked some more. I'm surprised anyone is still speaking to me.

To me, it was like a blind man waking up one morning with sight.

[yaknowthatguy]

rather than head out for the first club, I think you've taken the appropriate first step - finding similarly minded people and talking with them.

I would bet that, in one way or another, most of us have had some form of struggle, tribulation, or difficulty with recognizing that we're bi. Some have had the fortune of figuring it out while single, others have had to work through things with a partner - but all of us have had to work at it in one way or another.

My suggestion? Read, ponder, ask questions, talk about it with those you trust (even people you don't know - ie, those of us here). Get perspective, and see where you fit into things - then figure out where you want to go.

And no matter what - good luck!

[ErosUrge]

Wow! All of the posts on this topic have been awesome to me. I remember so very well when I finally decided to accept my bisexualiy completely and embrace it. It was the most freeing thing I had ever done. After years of struggling to overcome what I thought was an abnormality, had finally come to an end. What makes this all too strange is that I didn't necessarily look at others as being abnormal for it, but only myself in that somehow I thought I was confused; that somehow, with a little more effort, I'd get over it. But it never happened. And what complicated matters at the time when I was trying to put it all into perspective, was meeting a certain gay male (who by the way, was trying to have sex with me) and he commenting after I told him I believed I was truly bisexual, that this sort of thing didn't exist. Being accused of being a fencesitter, and trying to hide behind the hetero role with a woman and not admitting I was gay, just really pissed me off! And he was very adamant about getting me to understand how I was gay and needed to admit to myself and quit running. These guys just don't get it and usually never do. Anyhow, in a sense, that moment actually gave me more to go on to reach my own conclusions. But when I finally came to terms with it, oh god!!!! .....yes! yes! yes!....I did celebrate my bisexuality. This that had been with me all my life....always loving sex with both sexes though preferring the female, I went to celebrate by participating in an orgy fest that day. It was all male and I remember leaving there in total rapture feeling so satiated..at least for the day and that moment. LOL....So yes, it is an awesome wonderful thing to be free of the burdens of guilt and turmoil over something that truly is natural after having believed it was strange and un-natural.

[jo69guy]

I have known for years that I was bi. I started in high school, but when I found out how wonderful women, and alcohol were, I buried the feelings for many years. Finally, about 9 years ago, I came out to the woman I would marry, and then ultimately divorce.

I told my family after filing the seperation, as I had the fear that my ex would tell them anyway. That was the hardest conversation I ever had with my parents, but with time they have become more accepting. We are all a lot closer now.

As to the alcohol, I have been sober now for over 8 years. I'm much happier living in reality now. My advice is just take things slowly, day by day. You don't have to tell the world immsediatly. :2cents: :bipride:

[wildboy40]

well i had the strangest day after,my gf (who is also bi) and i just sat and talked about what we were going to do and laid down guide lines for eachother on how would act in relationships we have it was the biggest surprise for me i thought she would run a mile lol :) but that was 2years ago and we are stronger in our relationship that ever :flag3:

[knorwood]

It's no big deal for me. It's just who I have always been on the inside. Saying it out loud was another matter. My best friend is a gay man and he allowed me to slowly reveal it to him. He said he already knew but that I had to acknowledge it on my own terms. All my gay friends know but beyond them I'm really not close enough to tell anyone else. It doesn't define all of me. It's just part of my whole picture. :flag3: Good luck to u

[Flounder1967]

Tha Day that i really hit me was like a weight was lifted off me. But I still kept it from my wife not knowing how to even tell her. Well she found out and it was the best thing for us. IT made us stronger. We still have some small issues but we are working thru them.

I Truely Love my Wife.

[izzifureal]

I am 47. I knew i was bi a long time ago. figured it out when i was 13 or so, but never acted on it. in the early seventies things like that were accepted in certain groups, but not overall. I felt that if the world knew i was bi that no one would want a relationship with me; gay men would see a threat from something they couldn't defend against and women would be in the same position. I felt i couldn't win. i felt that love could never be enough with that "truth" out in the open.....Looming

I am married for a second time (my first wife left me for another woman who she is still with) and since i am older and somewhat wiser, i approached the topic openly with her before anything really happened. this was actually a topic very early on, as i didn't want to hide it anymore. at that point (13 years ago) i hadn't even had an experience yet, but i knew that i had it in me and it would never go away. she accepted that information and a foundation was laid that would be tested.

In steps my best friend. I have known the guy for 22 years, we are both musicians and we get along like no one else i have ever seen. there is nothing i wouldn't do for him. he was having a tough time in his marriage and after a night of playing out, we were drunk and in my recording studio/media room and i talked his pants off him, sat him in a chair,cued up some good porn,sat on the floor in front of him and sucked away. ( i videotaped it for my personal pleasure)

anyway the next day when i woke up i felt bad like never before, as i had to be honest to my wife and i thought that she would see this badly.

i showed her the tape, which she watched and actually laughed cuz when he came i couldn't swallow it....i gagged. she said i had to work on that or make him wear a condom, and like i told her, oral is oral and the condom takes the fun away.

maybe i am not bi as much as i am orally fixated on a good penis. it is always on my mind, but the day it really happened for me was the longest,scariest day of my life as i thought i would lose everything to it. not many people know of my bi and i still think that i won't fit anywhere on the broader scale of things if evryone knows....i am not ashamed or anything --- I LOVE COCK!!! I don't want to kiss a man, i just can't see getting comfortable with that, but anything else is ok as long as i can tell the woman that i love.

i love my wife like no other being on the planet and she knows....and that's the most important thing in this life of mine....

sorry i got off the subject a little, but i digress


also..... me and my wife have sucked him together once and if i was still in mass. we would be going at it all the time, but i moved and know no one, so once again it lies dormant...

thanks for listening...

[Newmexicanman]

I came to the full realization that I was bisexual at 18. It was a gathering of factors that pried my eyes open, and the realization was bittersweet. On the one hand it opened up this vast new world to me, on the other hand it meant that a part of me was "queer" and, therefore, unacceptable.

At 24 I suddenly realized that I really liked being bisexual. I was single, had a girlfriend, and knew a number of gay guys with whom I socialized frequently. The men I socialized with were tolerant, interesting, sensitive, and very attractive. I loved the relationship I had with my girlfriend, and the physical side of the relationship too. I loved the relationships I had with my male friends, and (with one of them) the sexual side of the relationship too.

For me, rather then shouting it from the rooftops like I had suddenly found religion or something, I found myself becoming totally absorbed with my male friends in a very comfortable way, and able to let loose completely sexually. I love being bi!!!!

[rupertbare]

For me it wasn't an "overnight" thing, but a long drawn out series of thoughts and discussion with friends and Sex Education professionals from the age of 21 on. Later I was able to look back and realise these "feelings" had been around since I was a kid.

My first man-with-man experience wasn't planned by either of us and happened when I was aged about 27 (no I didn't keep a diary/journal then!!! lol!! :) ). He went into denial about the whole thing and I was left shocked, ashamed and a little confused. Mostly these feelings came about because I had enjoyed it so much.

So no party, no banners declaring my "biarmorous" state! BUT, and it is a big but here, I did start telling close friends - some dropped me immediately - some thought it a "stage" I was going through and others didn't give a hoot - and nobody made a pass at me either!!! lol!

At that point I accepted wholeheartedly my sexuality - and that came as a relief. Although I always knew I wasn't gay I also knew I wasn't 100% straight.

So that's my :2cents: :)

Hope it all works out for you,

with love and peace to you and yours,

Rupe, London, UK.

[cchalmer]

I don't think I ever woke up one morning and said "I'm bi!!". It was a gradual thing for me....maybe not being bi but realizing it. I had "experimented" when I was a teenager with a couple of buddies of mine....separately. I can honestly say I enjoyed what we did but at the time I put it down to us being overly horny and not having any willing girls around taking advantage of the opportunity to get off without doing it ourselves!!

I had one more experience in my 20's when I visited a swinger's club for an evening. When I went there I had no plans other than I wanted to get laid. After that I guess it laid dormant for many years and then it really started to happen. There are only a very few people that know that I am bi. Some I've told and some my g/f has told. The only family member that knows is my son and that is because I knew before that he was bi so I knew he would not have a problem accepting it.

I am comfortable with who and what I am. If people find out.....I don't care. I guess my philosophy is "Like me for who I am....not what I am!!"

I have given my fair share of advice on this site....but at the same time it has made me feel even more comfortable with myself. To be able to give the advice I have it has made me look at my own life first.

[IrishSkittles]

I've been bi since day one. There really wasn't any self-realization. My first crush was on a girl. Since this was before the grade school sex edu class, I had no problem accepting that. Through jr. high and hs, I alternately crushed on guys and girls and didn't think a thing of it.
The college years have actually been a little tougher. Although Knox is an open community it's tricky to tell who is who without being blatant about it. After meeting more gay people, being open about my bi-ness has been much easier. I'm opening my closet door 1cm at a time :)

[tatooedpunk]

I always thought i was bi but couldn't admit it not even to myself.
I only told my wife 2 years ago, I know that sounds terrible but i only
admitted it to myself around the same time.I didn,t throw a party but i
did feel a lot better,my wife however has never mentioned it again

[Biboz49]

Shortly after I began to allow myself to accept that I was interested in men I began a relationship with a wonderful woman who I could share every desire and emotion with. She was totally accepting of my bisexual desires and even encouraged me (mainly because it was a huge turn on for her). So then I was free to live my life comfortably, being able to explore all that had been missing. And I had someone who wanted to explore it with me. What more could I want! I didn't throw any party, or annouce it to the world, but I did celebrate quietly to myself and loved the feeling of finally being free to be me. Strangely after my first experience with another guy I gained a sense of self-confidence.

[PeterH]

What did I do when I found out?
I think I found out three times and then finally accepted it.
First in primary school when a classmate accused me of being a faggot. (long story) and I thought it should be possible to like both men and women, soon found out that this was not ok socially and decided I liked girls.
Then at age 27 when I had a girlfriend and I told her. At the same time promised not to do anything with it and shut it away. Then 1 1/2 year ago and decided to accept myself and see what happened. Then 1 month ago, I decided I was definitely bi, started looking for websites, told my mom and started telling friends. I thought about it for hours and hours, trying to figure it out, understand it all. I posted loads here to discuss feelings and ideas about what to do with it and made friends here and chatted loads, sometimes til 4 AM (due to time difference with US). I still feel very confused about many things and very uncertain about what lifestyle I want to live, and afraid to try things out because of STDs and fear of hurting people, fear of being hurt myself, fear of making a mess of my life. I take life one day at a time, or even one step at a time, or not at all, when it all becomes to much. It still feels so messy, so illogical, so completely counter to what I was brought up with. I'm struggling with the concepts of bisexuality, monogamy and marriage, which all seem to contradict each other, I'm struggling with my sexual preferences that frighten me. I'm struggling with me, my gender identity, my morals, my hopes and desires, my dreams. I'm sure things will turn out right some day, but have no idea how or when and I wish I knew.

[likalotapuss]

Lots of hugs, lots of talking, lots of tears, and TONS of tequilla!!!

~Ang

[SilverWulf]

I don't think there was a specific day I admitted my bisexuality to myself. It was more a gradual thing which happened over several years.

I distinctly remember running around in the woods naked with all my guy friends as we were growing up, and a few experimental forays here and there during that. It was something none of us ever talked about again, and never did again. I've often wondered if any of the others wanted to, as much as I did.

In my early 20's I had my first MMF threesome. I don't recall even thinking about interactions with the other guy. It just happened. I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to lean over and take him in my mouth. At the time it didn't feel strange, weird, bad, dirty, etc... It felt... right. Little did I know that would be the beginning of the end of that marraige.

Fast forward a few more years. A new wife, who I knew was bi from the beginning. I had admitted to her my desires and told her of my past experiences, limited though they were, she was supportive and actively attempted to fulfill my fantasies. We were at a swingers club and ended up with a bi couple. I ended up in a 69 with the guy while the wife was 69'ing with his wife. Again, all felt right with the world. Right up until my wife blew a gasket. Aparrently she couldn't handle in real life what she thought she could in her fantasies. <sighs> Another beginning to an end.

Fast forward to the present. Within the last few years I suppose I've fully admitted to myself that I'm bi. No mental anguish over it, I'm not worried about it in the least. It is who I am. I've finally found a wonderful woman to share my life with who accepts this, embraces it, and is happy to share.

Unfortunately we have just moved to a very rural area in Wyoming. My friends and co-workers here would not accept or understand. I'd be run out of town on a rail if I publicly came out. Finding others remotely local has been a challenge. We aren't giving up, and never will. Life is good!

[moonlitwish]

For myself, like others, it was a gradual process this coming to terms with my bisexuality. I finally stopped justifying my attraction to women as this or that. And being fed up with men constantly pissing me off, I told my mom if I ever left my husband, it would be for a woman. (What can I say, at times I'm a raging feminist) I finally allowed myself to just feel and not have to have a reason. After about a year after telling my soon to be husband, I started coming out to a few people. 2 years ago, I had my first experience with a girl. (yay drunken confessions of lust!) At present, I'm seeing a wonderful woman who absolutely takes my breath away. As well as trying to balance my marriage. Complicated? Oh yes. Would I have it any other way? Hell NO! To be honest, I'm more sexually fulfilled in this past week than I have been since I learned what an orgasm was. I can't wait to see what the future holds.... :rolleyes: