Crossroads

[biguy3113]

Hello Everyone!

My wife and I have been togther for 7 years married for 5 and have 2 young children. Like every other couple we have our ups and downs. I came out to her 6 months ago and all has seemed cool. Last week she tells me that she loves me but doesn't feel a connection with me anymore and isn't "in love" with me right now. She also says that she loves me very much and does not want to leave as a matter of fact she wants to stay.

What the hell does this mean?

To me it is like having a roommate that you share the same bed with but no kissing, sex ect. and on top of it I am not allowed to go elsewhere for it.

Is it me or is she having her cake and eating it too?

Some help would be great, I am hurting inside and she acts like I am over reacting about it and I just don't know if it is worth the pain it causes me.

THX,

BiGuy3113

[Beefeater]

In ur profile, u state that u and ur wife are open to the poly lifestyle and in your post, u say that ur wife said that she doesn't "feel connected to u anymore".

Sounds to me like professional counceling is called for and the sooner the better.

Just my :2cents: worth.

Beefeater

[Rik_G_Ferris]

wow! that is just a huge fear of mine. ever since I decided to be honest with myself I always figured marriage would be a long shot for me. finding a partner who loves me enough to take my sexual life style as well and still keep her cool is a dram and only that...a dream.

it seem like your wife is play her hand and taking you for a shitty ass ride. she knows your emotionally tied to the marriage because of the kids and you obviously still care about your wife. she doesn't approve of your life style and instead of braking up he has you in a totally funked situation. I'm sorry man... I feel for you.

[coyotedude]

If you value the relationship, then seek couples counseling ASAP.

My wife and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary and have two 6 year old kids. Like you, we struggle with some of these very issues in our own relationship. Between the demands of work, kids, household needs, finances, and life in general, we have found that it is extremely easy for one or both partners to lose that sense of connection within our relationship.

The only solutions we have found are mutual commitment, good communication, and a lot of hard work to make each other a priority despite the pressures of daily life. And sometimes it takes a professional third party (a counselor) to help us see the forest for the trees.

Whatever path you choose, I wish you the best.

Peace

[Long Duck Dong]

being in love with and loving somebody, are two different things

I will go thru things one at a time

you came out as bisexual... thats changed you and her perception of you...when people come out, there are subtle changes that do take place, emotionally mentally and personality wise that people often never realise.... and that changes the person coming out in the eyes of others....
its very possible that in the eyes of your wife... you have become somebody other than the person she married and that can lead to the *loss of connection * with a person.... it is almost like saying to your wife that you love her and desire her, but that you desire more than just your wife or desire your wife in ways that your wife can not be with you...and that can really hit a person hard...

the polysexual lifestyle.... are you sure that you and your wife are really willing to embrace that lifestyle without it impacting on you.... as the poly lifestyle is for simple terms, a way of living the single lifestyle while in a relationship and it takes a very strong marriage and commitment to exist in a poly life style without issues....

have you spoken to your wife about the future.... not about sex and having sex but about the future of the relationship... and have you listened.... she doesn't wanna walk away from the marriage and relationship... but this can be her way of saying that she needs time to reassess the relationship and your future together..... and that is important that she can see that you can love her without putting the need for sex ahead of everything....

your partner has a lot to work thru with the understanding that you are bisexual...and there could be some trust and understanding issues there, like she is concerned about the health and sexual safety risks, the implications of sharing you with other men and women, her understanding of bisexuality.... even the possibility that she may be feeling that it would be you and multi partners and not you and her and multi partners together.....there are many aspects that can be at play here......

again and I must stress this... don't place your sexual satisfaction over the relationship or your partner.... you do that and you are merely saying to your partner that you will continue to be there with her and for her but sex comes first, either with her or somebody else.....and your partner needs to know that during the down times, she comes first.... not your sex life