To request or not to request?

[yama23]

I myself am a very visual person, i really don't mind getting my picture taken or sending my picture to people. Often when i begin to exchange e-mails with people I ask for them to send me pictures of themselves. Usually I don't wait long either, sometimes within the second or third correspondence. Most often I don't really hear much from that person after the request.

Should I be requesting pictures or not? Is it to forward? Is this even an issue?

[meteast chick]

I must say, I can see why you don't mind sending the picture! Damn.

Of course it's okay to request a pic. That person should not feel bad
about it and if they do they have some serious self issues.
They always have the option of saying no.

Have you considered that others may feel slightly self conscious about their own bodies after seeing yours?
Just an afterthought.

kisses xoxoxo
meteast

[Meinbruder]

I must say, I can see why you don't mind sending the picture! Damn.

Of course it's okay to request a pic. That person should not feel bad
about it and if they do they have some serious self issues.
They always have the option of saying no.

Have you considered that others may feel slightly self conscious about their own bodies after seeing yours?
Just an afterthought.

kisses xoxoxo
meteast

I'm going to hang a great big DITTO on all of that. I didn't look that good when I was your age and adding nearly thirtyyears hasn't helped. I would not only be seriously intimidated but would start looking for a rock to hide under. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Your other pictures definitely jumpstarted my day too.
Happy Searching.
Mike

[bi_beauty]

You have a nice body, I don't mind looking at it. :tongue: That also doesn't mean you should start sending me pm's or anything. I just like looking..

Women do like to window shop. ;)

[yama23]

I guess what i am saying is i really don't know the proper educate to chatting i guess.

[funtimebiman47]

I too am trying to learn the proper ettquette of chat. Heck im still trying to learn the proper etiquette of alot of things. Life is a learning experience and as far as i can tell on this site there are many teachers willing to help. I would think you might get a few pics sent to you after people see how nice looking a young man you are....good idea posting it here. I would like to say hello to everyone ... as i am a newbie here. Good luck young man in all lifes endevours.

[Nara_lovely]

I found that there are many 'collectors' who are very nice, get a few pics, then move on.
Never quite sure if they use them for their own enjoyment, or send on using the pics as their profile. I did have 'my picture' sent to me once from a new contact!

Might sound a bit cynical...but the first few pics I send are incredibly innocent/boring. If the chat keeps coming back to continue through that, then the fun goes into high gear.

I think that's why I like this site, majority of people in here are open, friendly, and more likely to be real. The honesty in the responses through the forum certainly give an insight into the genuine.

Nara :flag3:

[ErosUrge]

Recently it has occurred to me that just posting nudies of myself put some off from me and others attracted to me. Some would probably question that if I am honest about being openly bisexual to the world, then I need to post pics showing my face publicly. So again, as of recent I have wondered and sure would like to get some input on this. I have no qualms of postiing nudies and am quite glad to do so publicly as long as they don't show my face. There are certain fears I have about such things being used against me. However, for the same reason, I don't post my face pics either. Now, if anyone were to ask for a face pic, I wouldn't hesitate. I would very much like to post a face pic in my profile. But unfortunately with my line of work, I feel this could be used in a negative manner against me. Then again, it could be questionable as to how and why someone came about finding my profile here in the first place. Still, I'd rather not take the chance. All in all, I am still very open about my sexuality and not secretive. The closest friends know about it as do many others as well, but there are certain individuals that still don't and I feel don't need to know. Nonetheless, I still would like to hear some of your comments on this. Thanks.

[meteast chick]

Eros, I personally think a persons sexuality is between them and the person they want to be intimate with. If you want to tell your family or friends, then that is up to you. I don't think I'm being secretive about it. Straight people don't go out to everybody shouting "I'm Straight!", so why should we? I think it's nobody's business. I am on this site because the people here are fabulously fantastic and open and beautiful, but I would say we have a run on this type because we all share some very basic attributes.

Yama, chat etiquette: Ok I'll tell u what I like...
Start with basics a/s/l
Establish some similar traits
Make them laugh (always works for me)
I recommend sharing an innocent photo unless the chat progresses into something else

I personally get incredibly turned off my someone pm'ing "Horny?"
Now if that is your sole purpose, then be my guest, at least that lets the person you're chatting with know exactly what you want without any pretenses
I think if that's what you want, without being cold about it, and you actually want to chat as well, you'll get more flies with honey than vinegar, so maybe start with my first advice.

Again, these are only things that I like, so it is only opinion.

kisses xoxoxo
meteast

[Luston]

Should I be requesting pictures or not? Is it to forward? Is this even an issue?

Wow, you profile is rather forward too. I can't say it didn't work for me though ;)

I think maybe you should start with just a face picture, in case you are being too intimidating. If they are not willing to give you anything, then the exchange is probably doomed anyway.

Also, don't offer everything at once; tease them a bit and get them excited about getting a little bit more.

[coolkitten]

this is of course JMO, but theres a lot of creeps out there. for me at least, considering i dont know you, i would not be willing to send you an erotic picture of myself after just talking to you three or four times

i tend to be overly cautious tho LOL

[JohnnyV]

Yama23,

I'd like to repeat what some others have told you already. You're good-looking and most people probably assume that you only want to talk to people at your attractiveness level. Since most people in the world are unsure of their looks, their self-preserving instinct is probably to delete you from their contact list. Why send a pic just to be blown off by some Adonis way out of my league?

I'm sure you're probably a good-hearted, non-stuck-up guy, but the sad reality is that most people on the Internet who look like you and ask people for pics ARE stuck up and probably wouldn't continue conversing with an average-looking person. Sort of a catch 22....

J

[Flounder1967]

I have one question. I see you a very good looking person and like to show off. I have no problem to that. But a person whom is not as well built as you might get that pic might feel imtimadated by you.

What would you do if the person got back a pic from you that wasn't as good looking.

What would you say iI i had sent you my pic.

:flag3:

[biscuits]

Yama,

As one of the people you have chatted with and exchanged photos with I have to say that your looks are as intimidating as they are good. As others have pointed out, some might just be too shy or too worried that you might not be as accepting of their pictures.

Another problem, and really my own issue as opposed to yours, is that the great pictures of you coupled witht the forwardness of your e-mails can come across as too good to be true. I am kicking myself in the leg right now because I became a little suspicious about your TRUTHINESS. For those of you who just got that joke...I'm sorry but I just couldn't resist.

I think in the end that you are not doing anything wrong. But the fact that there are those out there who are not as genuine means that you will most likely keep encountering this problem. I say keep on trying and you'll end up fine.

As a side about another reply, I have often wondered why I don't have any pictures of my girlfriend and I in our bio. To be honest I"m really not sure of the answer to that. This certainly feels like a very close knit community for one and we have no fear of repurcussion of any kind if we are "found out" by someone else. Perhaps some real face shots will be appearing soon. No porn though. I'm just too shy to be tossing the goods around.

Thanks for a great post Yama. I'll be seeing you.

Casey

[rupertbare]

This is a very personal thing - but if you intend to actually meet up with some-one requesting a facial photograph must be at the top of a list of questions.

It's interesting to see people mentioning "collector's" and also being sent a picture back of one's self. Therein lies one of the dangers of "photo-exchange". I too have noticed that after swapping a few pic.s one never hear's from the person again.

Same with replying to profiles - you send message and the other person can't even be bothered to respond with a "no thanks". And you may not even have wanted at that stage to meet the other person - just to meet another human with the same sexuality as a "cyber-friend".

You say you don't wait long - two or three communication - before requesting a pic. - seems fair enough to me - doesn't sound an overly short period - it's not as if you ask straight off!!

Well all the best.

Rupe

[ackjae01]

erosurge i feel exactly the same way...wife and i have numerous pics across

free sexual sites and its very arousing to feel free without worrying about

faces being recognized ...

[zxyla]

I deffinitely agree with the replies. Good looks are intimidating. Speaking as someone who is constantly worrying about her looks and her attractiveness level, I find that when someone sends me a picture and they're as good looking as you are, I hesitate to send one back because my fear is that if I dont meet a certain set of criterion that the other person will stop talking to me immediately based on my looks (yes I'm aware how insecure that that sounds) and not let further communication facilitate more knowledge of WHO I AM. I'm not saying you're shallow like that but the internet does lend itself to that kind of thing. Maybe wait a few more correspondences before you show full shirt off... I don't quite know what would make it better...

Its not necessarily too forward.. but be aware that it is intimidating. :2cents:

[yama23]

I have to thank everyone for the input. This truly is one of the most comforting close-knit sites i have ever visited. In the beginning i was really only in it to meet someone and have a sexual experience with them that has defiantly change as i have read the replies.
Flounder1967 if i were to get your picture i would continue exchanging emails with you for sure. The best thing about this site is that we all have something in common, seeing a picture of the person i am corresponding with just makes it that much more enjoyable.
To me it would not matter if you are not “as attractive” as I am (not trying to come across conceded, please don’t think that), but you would have to agree it is a lot easier to talk to someone if you know what they look like. Sure I would prefer to see as much of you as possible, but I don’t think I have requested a picture of anyone in next to nothing, I would just request a picture, it is the person I am talking with that I guess would assume that I was intending something sexual. Truthfully that is what I am hoping for of course.
As for the forward ness of my profile, I am not one to hind anything or blow sunshine up anyone’s ass, that is me in a nutshell, that is what I like and feel very comfortable letting everyone know what I am all about. So I guess it is to good to be true.

Thanks again for the feedback.

[likalotapuss]

I have had people totally not talk to me anymore after they have seen my picture, on this site, and others. Then there are some that just take FOREVER to let me see them.... (hmmmm) At first, I didn't get what it was all about, until someone told me I was too beautiful for them. What is that all about?!?! I was super confused, but I guess if one has low self-esteem (as I have had in the past) then seeing a pretty girl (or handsome guy) would be a little hard for them. From experience, if you don't like yourself, no one else is going to like you either. That is prolly most people's fear.

~Ang

[yama23]

I am going to have to use that, a wise woman once told me..."if you don't like yourself, no one else is going to like you either." Makes a lot of sense.

[PeterH]

I don't think discussing pic exchange after about 3 emails is that forward, but it depends on how it's discussed as well and what the level of intimacy is at that stage. Someone once asked me to send a pic during a first chat and that did make me feel very uncomfortable. Obviously, I declined.
What I do if I want to know what someone looks like is to say that I'm curious. If a person responds favourably, an exchange of pictures could be brought up.
BTW, I am not into very muscular men, so the 'pretty' pics don't work for me. I find someone who's well dressed much more attractive. But them to each his own, I'd say.
I am not very 'masculine' looking myself, and am totally happy with that. I never had much problems with getting men or women interested in me, so I suppose I'm ok where the whole package is concerned. My impression is that for most women the package is a nice extra, not an essential.

Having said that, I must say I am generally rather put off if people post a pic of themselves with few clothes on. It gives me the impression they're not my type. Having had some talks with these members though changed that view somewhat, so I guess I have my prejudices as well.

[truelove201]

I think it's very important to exchange pics especially if looks are important to you and i think if you are going to be intimate with someone that definately is a must. In my books anyway. I exchange pics right away. Then that person can decide if i belong on the attraction pile or the friendship pile...either way...i'm good. I'm confident in my looks as well as my husbands and am not here to and do not chat looking for validation. I love meeting new people and having an opportunity to learn more about bi people as i am married to one and want to do everything in my power to ensure that he is happy, loved and accepted. Educating myself and appreciating his bi side is the best way i can tell him that it's ok. I hope that all makes sense and i'm not coming off wrong...:female:

[Lorcan]

I feel that if a person asks for a picture right away, looks are very important to them, and therefore my soul is not as important. I have to get to know your soul before I want to see you. That justs me.

I didn't look. I sure you're as pretty as a picture!

[FalconAngel]

In our case, we state what body types we look for as an ideal and we expect pics from guys that are interested. We have pics on our profiles so that no one has to ask us for them.

But you should ask for pics. When we ask for pics, we don't expect r-rated or x-rated pics, since we don't have any like that to give, but if someone isn't willing to send even a g-rated pic, then they probably are going to flake out on you anyway.

Of course, if they haven't the capability to load them up, then that's a different thing altogether.

[the mage]

Well. I've read the responses and all I can come up with is...do what feels right to you in approaching another person, cause you can't please 'em all!

If the approach feels right to the other person it'll work out...

[12voltman59]

I thing that you do have to be a bit careful when sharing pictures--it seems there are lots of guys out there who are "picture collectors"---I have read on bulletin boards here and elsewhere where people say they have seen their own photos being used by others purporting that those pics were of the person posting them---

I know on here in our chat room--I have had those guys who have no info in their profiles who IM you in like 30 seconds after you arrive---the first thing they type is "I am hard and horny" or some such--they tell you they have a huge wanger and want you to send them pics right away and they want to phone--

That is all pretty presumptious--these people also tend to get pissed that the topics of discussion in the main room are not all about sex, sex, sex and more sex!!!!

I tend to not send any kind of pics till I have been chatting with someone for awhile--

There are, unfortunately, a lot of freaks out there--you do have to proceed with some caution and a degree of healthy skepticism.

As others on here have also said--if the person merely wants the pics for legitimate purposes---not using them on the net without permission to do so--and its because they have to know you fit some idealized vision of perfect physical looks---then they probably won't like you if you fail to meet those expectations--I know that I have had guys not even want to talk at all anymore when I say--"I am chubby"

That they do not want to even talk to ya because of that--I say "bye dude" and good riddiance.

[truelove201]

This is a very personal thing - but if you intend to actually meet up with some-one requesting a facial photograph must be at the top of a list of questions.

It's interesting to see people mentioning "collector's" and also being sent a picture back of one's self. Therein lies one of the dangers of "photo-exchange". I too have noticed that after swapping a few pic.s one never hear's from the person again.

Same with replying to profiles - you send message and the other person can't even be bothered to respond with a "no thanks". And you may not even have wanted at that stage to meet the other person - just to meet another human with the same sexuality as a "cyber-friend".

You say you don't wait long - two or three communication - before requesting a pic. - seems fair enough to me - doesn't sound an overly short period - it's not as if you ask straight off!!

Well all the best.

Rupe


I agree with your comments re: not even rec'g a "no thanks"....I so appreciate honesty and if all you are looking for is sex then say so...I/we may not be at a place where we are ready do so. And even if we were to be who's to stay there's a connection. I hope that if someone is not interested or attracted to me/us they would say so. That doesn't mean we can't still communicate. Unless all you are looking for again is sex in which case there would be no point in communicating further.

I am a pretty straight shooter and I pretty much put what I am looking for right out there. I get frustrated when some represent themselves to me as "friend seekers" and then the convo quickly turns to how big are my tits and my hubby's cock. While i see no harm in exchanging some humour and a few dirty comments, i get a little put off when that seems to be the only thing they want to talk about. It's nice to feel wanted and to know that other's are interested but it can be quite the put off when people make you feel like a piece of ass.

[diB4u]

Well it depends on what your looking for. If its just a sexual thing then of course. If its freindship based then just like having a pen-pal you still want to see who the other person looks like, but your not bothered with how they look like.


Does that make sence? For me regardless then yeah i do wanna see what the person looks lke, but for me looks are really Not that important, its more about making a connection, regardless of what sort of connection that is... Only time can tell, and time, is never a persons friend. :)

[alaskacouple]

We fall into the "very skeptical" and "very cautious" category. But of course we live in a place with few people and we have decided that our sexuality is not something we feel obligated to announce to those who don't need to know.

There are a lot of freaks and scams out there on the web - the person you think you are sending your picture to may be a person in another country whose main employment is internet scams. Also, many employers are doing internet searches in pre-employment screening - you just never know where that nice person you sent your name and picture to has posted it or when it might show up to embarrass you.

We will only share pics after a good little while getting to know a person on-line. As has been said above, many of these acquaintances are a 'flash in the pan' and we have no interest in those types being in posession our pictures (either face only or otherwise) - why would we, and what is the benefit to us? Only seems like a down side proposition to us.

But as to the specific question; I think a good little while getting to know the person's mind before asking for a photo is in order for 'proper on-line etiquette'.