If sex didn't exist...

[Indaco76]

This is something I've been wondering for a long time and seeing the other post ("if you were the opposite sex...") inspired me to ask this question.
Imagine that you had no sexual urges or feelings whatsoever. Nothing at all.
With whom would you prefer to spend your life, a man or a woman?
I'll go first: for me, it would have to be a woman. I only have friendly and strictly sexual feelings for men, so if sex was out of the equation, I'd go for women. Probably with lots of male friends.
How about you?

[Realist]

I recently asked my GF almost this same question, without the exclusion of sex. She said she always got along with and understood men better than women..... even though she's been in love with a woman, before.

I decided that if I could only choose one, I'd choose women. But, it wasn't an easy choice. Even without sex, they are prettier, in some ways more intelligent, and I'm afraid that I have no talent for cooking, so I'd choose a lady for that reason, too! (Is that being chauvinistic?) They certainly are nicer to snuggle up with on cold, winter nights!

Thinking out of the sexual box; guys are usually better in a crisis, more help when hard work is to be done, less complicated emotionally and more accepting of others' flaws.

Well, with me, it's a toss-up. Trying to disregard the sexual aspects wasn't easy for me, though! But that's a different thread............. the outcome would probably be about the same for me, though.

[Devin]

If I didn’t have any sexual instincts anymore I guess it would have been like entering into a spiritual kind of world. It would certainly release me of the burden of my (bi)sexuality. I would probably be "polyfriendly" instead. I would have tried to make friends with both men and women and do so without witnessing the jealousy and the suspicions which are often linked to carnal affairs.

I find it hard to choose a special partner in such a state. Also because I think men and women would be more similar when being asexual than sexual. However, I have never really experienced true love with neither gender, only infatuations with both. I would have like to heal the wounds by being just friends with these romanticised persons of mine. I would be free in such a state too.

:angel:

[BiCycler]

That's an interesting question. Having lived with a man and three women, at separate times each, I think I might be able to answer this for myself. Or maybe not. Remember Dr. Gray, he was the "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus guy". Well, Until I lived with a man, I wasn't really an adherent to his philosophy. Having two Mars personalities together makes for interesting observations. Whenever there was something heavy happening in the relationship, we would both go to our caves. He disappeared into his room and me into mine where we would normally share his. Neither of us would be upset by the others inner processing and we would resolve our conflicts with relative ease. Conversely, when with women, I would be accused of not attending to a problem within the relationship, I in my cave, and would be bothered by the constant need of my partner to verbalize and discuss our problems. I wonder if two women living together are able to both be satisfied with discussion ad infinitum in regards to problems. Of course the two Venus thing can only be experienced for me from the perspective of an outside observer. Having said all that, however, I find myself seeing advantages to having the differences between the sexes in the same room as a balance. My current partner and I don't engage in the cave/talking ritual I experienced in all other relationships I've had with women. We don't fight, we don't argue, but we can disagree and there is passion. I also find that being in a relationship helps to balance my masculine\feminine dichotomy. So I guess, my answer is I would prefer to live with women if sex did not exist.

[Indaco76]

That's an interesting question. Having lived with a man and three women, at separate times each, I think I might be able to answer this for myself. Or maybe not. Remember Dr. Gray, he was the "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus guy". Well, Until I lived with a man, I wasn't really an adherent to his philosophy. Having two Mars personalities together makes for interesting observations. Whenever there was something heavy happening in the relationship, we would both go to our caves. He disappeared into his room and me into mine where we would normally share his. Neither of us would be upset by the others inner processing and we would resolve our conflicts with relative ease. Conversely, when with women, I would be accused of not attending to a problem within the relationship, I in my cave, and would be bothered by the constant need of my partner to verbalize and discuss our problems. I wonder if two women living together are able to both be satisfied with discussion ad infinitum in regards to problems. Of course the two Venus thing can only be experienced for me from the perspective of an outside observer. Having said all that, however, I find myself seeing advantages to having the differences between the sexes in the same room as a balance. My current partner and I don't engage in the cave/talking ritual I experienced in all other relationships I've had with women. We don't fight, we don't argue, but we can disagree and there is passion. I also find that being in a relationship helps to balance my masculine\feminine dichotomy. So I guess, my answer is I would prefer to live with women if sex did not exist.


Didn't know about the cave thing. For some strange reason, I never read the book. I appear to be a mix of the two profiles: first I need to go to my cave, and then, when I feel more centered, I'm ready to discuss the issue. My partner, a woman, is more of the "let's talk now" kind. But I've explained to her that I need some time alone before I can handle that and she understands. I do feel like an alien sometimes!

[bret5668]

No sexual urges or feelings of any kind...hmmmmm....the answer for me is a female. I've never felt as though a man could be a life companion to me. Just my :2cents:

[nocturnal08]

I think if there were no sex involved id have to say this"It would change the path i have been on" This is why, remeber that first feeling of puppy love or your very first love back when everything was innocent and you capture each others soul and didnt have to take off your clothes to do it. The time before all your friends started saying you werent cool if you didnt do the damn deed when u paid attention to every single detail of that person and only wanted to see them smile(dont forget the butterflies you had on the way to school cant wait to see him or her.all these things and more done before you took the fateful plunge into sexuality thats was where i left my most promising poetry ,my most promising part of myself before being lost in lustful desires and "Why does it matter what woman i tend to bang next" it was the "End of Innoscense", and i have yet to find myself again. What the question of taking sex out the equation would do is simply give back some of the innocense human need to connect with each other but i dont see that ever being the case because once bitten from the forbidden fruit the second bite can never taste the same unless you have a time machine..............

[nocturnal08]

I think if there were no sex involved id have to say this"It would change the path i have been on" This is why, remeber that first feeling of puppy love or your very first love back when everything was innocent and you capture each others soul and didnt have to take off your clothes to do it. The time before all your friends started saying you werent cool if you didnt do the damn deed when u paid attention to every single detail of that person and only wanted to see them smile(dont forget the butterflies you had on the way to school cant wait to see him or her.all these things and more done before you took the fateful plunge into sexuality thats was where i left my most promising poetry ,my most promising part of myself before being lost in lustful desires and "Why does it matter what woman i tend to bang next" it was the "End of Innoscense", and i have yet to find myself again. What the question of taking sex out the equation would do is simply give back some of the innocense human need to connect with each other but i dont see that ever being the case because once bitten from the forbidden fruit the second bite can never taste the same unless you have a time machine..............by the way i never totally answered the question "the woman sorry guys its just the way it is some things will never change, Don henley please get out of my head.........

[Annika L]

...I would continue to live with a woman (preferably the one I already live with!). I find it fascinating that so far, every respondent with a preference agrees. We're just easier to get along with, aren't we? :tong:

[Annika L]

(awesome question, by the way!)

[brutal_priestess]

*scratches head*
So ummm...but if we didn't relate in any sexual manner, would it really matter? And why would we need to spend our lives with one single person? Because really, if there was no sex, I would probably want to live with a big group of friends.

[Devin]

*scratches head*
So ummm...but if we didn't relate in any sexual manner, would it really matter? And why would we need to spend our lives with one single person? Because really, if there was no sex, I would probably want to live with a big group of friends.

I agree.

[Billys_gurl]

This is an easy question for me. If sex wasn't part of the equation I would definitely hang out with men. It's the way I have always been anyway. I am a HUGE tomboy and act more manly than girly I would rather wear comfy clothes than sexy, and play or watch sports.

[Annika L]

*scratches head*
So ummm...but if we didn't relate in any sexual manner, would it really matter? And why would we need to spend our lives with one single person? Because really, if there was no sex, I would probably want to live with a big group of friends.

Wait a minute! Are you implying that the only reason we form paired partnerships is for sexual purposes? (Could this sentiment be expressed by the person who believes that bisexuals aren't defined by the things we do in bed?)

I already want to live with a big group of friends...and I come close, despite the fact that there is sex in my life. But there are all kinds of emotional bonds, some deeper than others, that we don't share equally with all friends. There are bonds of common interest. There are bonds of shared purpose. There are bonds of mutual financial support (marrying fortunes together).

In many of the poly threads, people have argued that diads are somehow inherently more stable than larger groups...not just sexually, but in most respects. I have mixed feelings about that assertion, but if true, it would certainly validate the OP's question.

It just seems unexamined to me to say that if it wasn't for sex, people wouldn't want/need partners.

[SaraSaurus]

I suppose if I had no sexual impulses at all I'd most likely spend my life with a woman. The majority of my friends and my closest friends are female so I suppose I'm closest emotionally to women.

[TaylorMade]

To be a dissenter, I would live with a group of men . I relate to men better. Possibly a transgirl too, but not with a woman. It's just too much drama.

*Taylor*

[BiCycler]

*scratches head*
So ummm...but if we didn't relate in any sexual manner, would it really matter? And why would we need to spend our lives with one single person? Because really, if there was no sex, I would probably want to live with a big group of friends. I have to disagree with this. Of course it would matter. A relationship isn't just sex: Not a long term relationship. Just sex is something you have on a casual basis. If there was no such thing as sex, people might still pair up. This site attracts people that are in committed relationships, people that are looking for a third or more to join their couple relationship. Some people here are in relationships that include more than one other. There are people here who have a string of non-stop one time sexual encounters. And for some, sex is the relationship. People that do spend there lives together are there for love, partnership, sharing a life together, companionship, a friendly face in the storm of life and together with all that, sex is one of the perks. And some people, poor souls, live together all their lives and don't have sex.

[Long Duck Dong]

I have written about this in the past..... and as a person that is known for not being driven by sex or controlled by it.... I can honestly say that nothing would change for me.....

I can spend time with males or females equally, as friends or more....but I would just totally lack ANY sexual urges or desires...so my feeling about my friends would never change

to be honest... if sex didn't exist.... the world would be a damm sight more friendly and caring... a big part of life and lifes issues, are sex related... the need for it, the search for it, the desire for it..... and the regrets of having it with the wrong people or the wrong outcome ( pregnancy and stds, infidelity and adultery )

but sadly we live in a world of sex..... and for 99.99% of us... its the government and the tax dept that get the lions share of all sex.... they manage to fuck everybody at some stage

[Indaco76]

Thanks everybody, it's great to read so many interesting answers and different points of view.
I agree with the ones who said that even without sex we would still feel the need to be closer emotionally to a specific person (or maybe two-three, for polys). A long term relationship isn't only about sex. It's sharing your daily life, sleeping in the same bed, facing problems together, laughing, crying, fighting and helping each other... and lots more. In fact, it's the emotional part that has more "weight" in LTRs - at least for me. Of course there has to be chemistry and attraction (and commitment not to lose them in time), but sex is not all there is to it.
Keep posting, if you like!

[diget]

a man most defiantly. then there would be more things i could share.
A person that you are not having sex with that you are partnered with is really just a super close friend so i would defiantly pick a male.:rolleyes:

[brutal_priestess]

*sighs* I didn't mean to imply that sex was paramount in any relationship. Yes, there is one particular person out there for everyone, even when there isn't sex involved. Personally I just think that if we didn't relate on sexual impulses there would be no need to pair off. While I believe in emotional attachment, I do believe that our sexual and erotic desires facilitates the desire to pair off singularily.

Or perhaps I have a sad inability to imagine a loving relationship devoid of sex.

Sorry.

[Indaco76]

*sighs* I didn't mean to imply that sex was paramount in any relationship. Yes, there is one particular person out there for everyone, even when there isn't sex involved. Personally I just think that if we didn't relate on sexual impulses there would be no need to pair off. While I believe in emotional attachment, I do believe that our sexual and erotic desires facilitates the desire to pair off singularily.

Or perhaps I have a sad inability to imagine a loving relationship devoid of sex.

Sorry.

Hey, Priestess, didn't mean to offend you in any way... and if I did, I'm sorry.
The point of this post was trying to understand how the people on this site relate to sex and emotions in relationships at a personal level. You gave your point of view just like anybody esle, me included. And that is perfectly fine!
Hugs...
Indaco

[Annika L]

*sighs* I didn't mean to imply that sex was paramount in any relationship. Yes, there is one particular person out there for everyone, even when there isn't sex involved. Personally I just think that if we didn't relate on sexual impulses there would be no need to pair off. While I believe in emotional attachment, I do believe that our sexual and erotic desires facilitates the desire to pair off singularily.

Or perhaps I have a sad inability to imagine a loving relationship devoid of sex.

Sorry.

um, tess? It's ok...we're allowed to disagree here. You just seemed to be contradicting yourself (and you still seem to, a bit...but it's ok...the ability to hold contradictions within ourselves is a sign of an enlightened mind). Sometimes too, expressing contradictory sentiments is a sign that a person isn't settled in their feelings, so I thought I'd point that out for your self-examination. I apologize if I sounded harsh...I can do that sometimes.

And HAH! I agree with your statement above that "our sexual and erotic desires *facilitates* the desire to pair off." Absolutely. Irrefutably. It's just not the only factor...or at least it isn't for everyone.

I do in fact know several people in loving but non-sexual partnerships. I can't relate to it, but I recognize that such things exist. And I feel that if I was suddenly stricken sexless (*gasp! horrors!*), I would still want to be with someone...and then, perhaps, I could relate! :tong: