Gaydar ????

[innaminka]

Anyone who is gay/bi almost certainly knows the embarassment and bad odor that results from approaching someone you are sure is of the same persuasion as you, and "whoomp!" the retort is straight back.
"You don't think I'm gay do you.....?"
From that point onwards it can range from being shrugged off with an apology to the threatening of violent intervention from aggressive boyfriend/police/sumo wrestler.
It happened to me in my early 20's (before I "saw the light.") and I was like Charity raped - appalled that some woman would think I would want to lick her. eeeeeeew!
After some years of actively seeking out like sex partners (with a couple of embarassing "dead ends") I have come to the conclusion that "Gaydar" exists.
I do not know how it works, but my hits far exceed my misses (no pun intended) for the last few years. OK, I work in an industry (finance/travel) where the proportion of bi/les women seems to be higher, but most times, at a party or conference, I can sense the one or ones who are gay and could possibly be "approached."
I have talked about this with other women and they seem to agree with me in varying degrees.
......... And we don't wear ankle bracelets, men's clothing, have butch haircuts, pack a strap or wear a sign.....
It just happens. And I have been told that I send out quite strong gaydar vibes myself. I have been approached on quite a few (and subsequently wonderful) occasions.
Has any one else experienced any form of gaydar? Or am I just waffling a bit after a hot day and a couple of cooling (cheap) champagnes??
:female: :female: :female:

[jo69guy]

I myself can usually pick out any gay/bi persons in a group. If this is gaydar, then I guess I have it. Many people will deny it in public, or certain situations. (I do myself at work) :2cents:

[ambi53mm]

I don't think I possess “gaydar”, although there were times I wish I did. I'm so good at concealing my bi side that even living with me or being around me for years you'd never suspect. Even though I'm bi, my attraction or appeal to the opposite sex is still so much stronger in the energy I emanate. than it is for the same sex. I’ve lost some very good male friends over the years by admitting that I was bi. Usually the shocked look on their faces with this admission was enough to make me realize they had no clue. The few that I’ve approached with the hope and desire that they might be bi with the exception of one, were those same close friends…I’m intuitive about a lot of things, but someone’s sexual preference isn’t one of them when it comes to bisexuality.

Ambi :)

[phat_vampyre]

In High School I think I had anti-gaydar.

I wasn't really all that clued into my own emotions. I made out with a lot of girls, for instance, but nothing ever got serious, and the girls would never come back for seconds. I think I got a reputation as a good kisser, or something. I figured on this when somebody referred to me as 'training material' when they didnt' think I was listening. The young women I was most attracted to, and often asked out, and we'll just add the words 'actually hurt by when I was rejected' were all lesbians. Did I say ALL? Yes, with one exception, ALL.

The semi-fem hair cuts didn't give it away, the skater/punk clothing of the butches, also completely ignored. The obvious but passive signals of body language were also thrown out the window. Aversion to men -- hellloo, that was just one more reason to like them ((At the time I hated men too, at least the stereotypical jocks who were always making fun of the girl(s) I was in 'love' with)). Holding hands with their often fem significant others should have sent up a red flag, but hey, I'd have held hands with my best friend in a minute if it was socially acceptable. Of course one can imagine the chaos when I fell for the fems of the lipstick persuasion. Some grrls ( or more accurately a specific subgroup of grrls some would refer to as 'manhating dykes') could be seriously cruel, even if and sometimes simply because they knew I was clueless.

As for men. I didn't associate mentally with my attraction for fellow males in high school, but if I had, I probably would have targetted straight bookish Asian/polyneisan types, as opposed to obviously straight homophobic jock types and that would have created more typical levels of chaos. If the guy wasn't wearing a gay pride flag to school as a cape, the odds of me thinking he was anything more than rehearsing for a play were pretty damn slim.

Aww hell, I'm pretty damn oblivious to these issues now. I think it's an aquired trait of 'people watching', which I don't do with the necessary conscious effort or focus required to make such split second decisions about human sexual preference.

[grant_33]

I have gaydar to a certain extent, but then again, it is usually pretty easy to pick out fem gay men and butch lesbians. What I haven't figured out is how to consistently detect masculine bi/gay men and fem lesbians, which I guess is what a good gaydar should really be able to do. And as for sending out readable vibes myself, I've never been hit on, so that means I either have no vibes or I don't appeal to gay/bi guys :(

[grant_33]

Forgot to mention this. For those who do have good gaydar, how are you able to get it to work with those who are less detectable? Is there any techniques you use to find out someone's interest level without coming out and having a "Doh" moment?

[smokey]

I doubt that it is gaydar or anything like it BUT I do have a nack of picking out, male or female, the person I have the best chance of getting laid by. Then again, I sometimes think that gays/bisexuals give off an ambiance of sorts that straights do not, then I think about the gay people I have known that surprised the hell out of me when they came out. I am also down here in the south and we have alot of a very strange, rare bird, the gay redneck...most odd, everything about em screams redneck until you realize that they are gay.

[BI BOYTOY]

I have quite a few gay friends who swear by gaydar. In fact to them the world is gay so everyone is emitting gaydar.
I personally had never heard the term until recently so I had to think back on past experiences and taking hindsight into consideration have to say that yes my gaydar works.
Thanks for the interesting question.

[glantern954]

I think "gaydar" is usually based on gender stereotyping or are based on our own attractions to someone. I generally look at it as a negative thing that we would all be better off without. It promotes the whole one or the other idea. I hate that we pass judgement on others and that people will often second guess what someone claims their identity to be, even if it is only internally. I do it myself sometimes but I think it is wrong.

I also don't think that figuring out that someone is "gay" because you noticed them checking you out or the way they look or flirt with you counts either. That is called "Well Duh!".

[JohnnyV]

I have to agree with the last two posts. Gaydar is circular logic. Once a gay guy or lesbian becomes convinced that someone else is gay, everything the other person does confirms it. If the person gets offended, it's because they're closeted and in denial. If the person laughs it off, it's because "oh obviously I was right." If the person tries to shut up the speculation by saying, "yeah, right, I'm gay -- okay, thanks for letting me know," the gaydar-bearing person loses the irony in it.

I think the myths about gaydar are really about control. Gays and lesbians have suffered a lot of discrimination so they want to feel in control of situations. They get this sense of control by believing they have superhuman powers of detection, and that nobody else can compete with their intuition. Believing that so many other people are gay also helps them feel less isolated. But it is, after all, a myth, and a big ugly one. I have seen it destroy people's lives when you get three or four gay folks convinced that someone else is gay, and they resort to gossip and/or bullying to force him or her out of the closet.

J

[Driver 8]

Preach on, brother JohnyV.

[wanderingrichard]

ain't got it.. totally clueless.. same for women flirting with me.. like i say in several other posts and personal sites, wanna get my attention, be up front and forward about it.. otherwise, we're just two passing cars.. :lokai: