What Do Women Think of Bi Men?

[Newmexicanman]

What do you women think about bisexual men? Is it a turn on for some and a turn off for others? Is it threatening?

How would most women want a bisexual man in their lives to be? Open? Keep it under wraps? Just kind of pretend it isn't there?

Do some women encourage their bisexual men to have a male lover? Some men encourage their bisexual women to have a lover?

How do women relate to those of us that are attracted to both sexes?

[Driver 8]

Bi men are hot. If I were in a relationship with a guy who wanted to be involved with other people - men or women, wouldn't matter - I'd want him to be open about it, and to make and respect some kind of ground rules (things like how much time we'd spend apart, when to let me know he was considering someone, and, of course, what our safer sex policies would be.)

[arana]

I'm doing a little cross post traffic control. Here is another post on this subject:

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=158

[pmg_ams01]

I've got to say there is no single or simple answer to these questions. Having read the posts on the other thread that Arana pointed to, there's a massive diversity of responses. From my own experience, it's definitely been a turn-off for my wife. The irony is that before I came out to her, she had been imagining all sorts of things that I could have been up to while working in Amsterdam. Now that we've discussed it, and even though I've told her I didn't get up to anything in all the time I've worked away from home (which is 100% true), now she's paranoid that I will because I've owned up to being bi. The ironic thing is that her attitude is alienating me and pushing me further down the road to straying.

So in my case:

What do you women think about bisexual men? She hates the fact Is it a turn on for some and a turn off for others? Yes - in this case OFF Is it threatening? Yes

How would most women want a bisexual man in their lives to be? Open? Keep it under wraps - in this case, yes Just kind of pretend it isn't there - yes

Do some women encourage their bisexual men to have a male lover? NO Some men encourage their bisexual women to have a lover? n/a

How do women relate to those of us that are attracted to both sexes? Badly (in this case)

[red_riding_hood_27]

Now that I have found out about Bi-Sexualism and that my husband might be one. I have all ways found same sex attraction offensive and not understanding the attractions. But I have allways respected someone for their choice in life. I still am turned off by it but have a little more understanding. Yes I feel threaten to it. When you find out you might not be someone's only one it is life shattering for the Str8. (well for me that is). I keep wondering will I ever be enough to keep him. Is it worth the fight? No I would not like to be kept in the dark. I don't like to be lied to. As for as letting him roam. What choice do you have but to decide for the two of you what will work for your marriage. We are at those crossroads now..Dont know if I am strong enough to stay and watch him go. My self-esteem has hit a all time low because of this issue. Up to now I never wondered if I am good enough to keep him. I just knew it...now who knows. I admire any woman who can accpet it and allow it in their marriage.

Well enough of my thoughts
Angela

[searchingbrian]

Now that I have found out about Bi-Sexualism and that my husband might be one. I have all ways found same sex attraction offensive and not understanding the attractions. But I have allways respected someone for their choice in life. I still am turned off by it but have a little more understanding. Yes I feel threaten to it. When you find out you might not be someone's only one it is life shattering for the Str8. (well for me that is). I keep wondering will I ever be enough to keep him. Is it worth the fight? No I would not like to be kept in the dark. I don't like to be lied to. As for as letting him roam. What choice do you have but to decide for the two of you what will work for your marriage. We are at those crossroads now..Dont know if I am strong enough to stay and watch him go. My self-esteem has hit a all time low because of this issue. Up to now I never wondered if I am good enough to keep him. I just knew it...now who knows. I admire any woman who can accpet it and allow it in their marriage.

Well enough of my thoughts
Angela


Angela,
sorry, this issue has been so traumatizing for you. If you consider that your husband probably has always been bisexual and has been "enough" to keep both of you in your marriage until now, then other than the knowledge, nothing has changed between the two of you. Perhaps if you look at it this way, your self esteem won't be so low. Many bisexuals never actually do anything with others but keep their desires simply locked up as "fantasy" Hang in their and good luck.

[jo69guy]

I also grieve for you Angela. I know that this is hard on any relationship, and admire you for comming here to try to learn more about your hubby.

My ex-wife was initially aroused by me being bi, then later she couldn't handle it. I was honest with her prior to our marriage though. As my therapaist says, our marriage was kind of an experiment, where she knew the facts in advance. We had many other problems as well, but she focused on this issue in the end.

As to the issue of the thread, I don't know many women who are aroused by bi men, but know they exist. :2cents: :flag1:

[red_riding_hood_27]

Angela,
sorry, this issue has been so traumatizing for you. If you consider that your husband probably has always been bisexual and has been "enough" to keep both of you in your marriage until now, then other than the knowledge, nothing has changed between the two of you. Perhaps if you look at it this way, your self esteem won't be so low. Many bisexuals never actually do anything with others but keep their desires simply locked up as "fantasy" Hang in their and good luck.

I don't think I have ever been enough. Up to now 3 years into the marriage our sex life changed. It changed when he started to look at men online and talk with men. He wasn't interested in sex with me and when he did there was something missing. When I found out about his bi-sexualism then I started to understand why. Even now since we moved here in January and he got back online his interest in me went downhill. I am hoping to make it work but who knows.. Thank you for your advise. Angela'

[strawberry8302]

What do you women think about bisexual men? Is it a turn on for some and a turn off for others? Is it threatening?

How would most women want a bisexual man in their lives to be? Open? Keep it under wraps? Just kind of pretend it isn't there?

Do some women encourage their bisexual men to have a male lover? Some men encourage their bisexual women to have a lover?

How do women relate to those of us that are attracted to both sexes?

I am so turned on by a bisexual man. It isnt threatening for me, because I like bi or gay guys having sex with each other, I cum watching the pornos like everyday. I just think that bi men are more understanding of bi women. Like every bi guy that I have met that could possibly be my boyfriend one day has told me that they wouldnt mind if I had sex with other females. Alot of straight men that I have come into contact with have surprisingly disagreed with the fact that I have an interest in women. I guess its an ego thing to them, they feel like no woman can eat pussy better than they can.
Anyway, I know if I ever had a bi boyfriend, I would encourage him to have a lover, I think that its healthy for a bi relationship. So in conclusion, I would love to have a bi boyfriend. They are more understanding than straight men about being bi, and all the difficulties that come with it. :flag3:

[Vimes]

When I told my girlfriend that I was bi, she was thrilled. She'd always been turned on by seeing two guys together and was excited that I wasn't turned off by the thought of it. She's all for my finding a boyfriend. I am too for that matter, but it's uncharted territory for us, so I'm taking it slowly.

[sensualforyou]

Count me in for one who hopes to realize her desire to have 2 men by her side.

I'm polyamorous, so in the end it doesn't matter if the men are bi or not, but I really hope that I do find 2 bi men.

I even have an ad out for this :)

---------------------------------

Polyamorous Woman seeking 2 Polyamorous Men

If you don't know what polyamory is, please ask me for my poly site.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't believe in fantasies. I believe in working hard to make our dreams become reality. That's the proactiveness in me.

I know I'm not your typical woman & that's fine, I don't wish to be, so I'm not looking for typical men, but make no mistake, I want MEN, not little boys hiding in a man's body.

The reason I am looking for 2 men even though it's hard enough for me to find even one I resonate with LOL, is because the few times I was in a situation where my ex-partner & I were out with another man (only platonic), I could feel how special the energy was & I wanted more.

I wasn't compatible with that partner & we have since separated, so I can only imagine how special a relationship would be with me & 2 men who let go of their ego & control & just lived one day at a time in harmony.

I would prefer biamorous men, but straight is fine, so long as you aren't homophobic & have no problem being around another man.

Here's what I seek in my partners (hint, I look for the traits I have in myself):

* you are spiritually conscious (I don't believe in religion).

* you feel learning how to be a better person by loving yourself & working on your issues isn't a joke & we strive for that throughout our entire lives. At the same time, you aren’t consumed by this (unless something really needs to be worked on at that moment in time) & you want to just live life, love & have fun.

* while sometimes it may be difficult for you to be totally open communicatively, for the most part, you have improved in this area & strive to improve more every day. Because of this, lying is not something you feel comfortable with & you can be open about how you are feeling so things that bother you don't fester & communication is free flowing.

* you can cry.

* you are past the age or stage in your life where you are afraid of commitment & family.

* you aren't afraid of kids.

* you don’t live your life in fear because you live for yourself, not for what others think.

* you are very intelligent & you listen to your intuition because you believe you have one.

* you aren't looking for some sexual fling or experiment. You feel a relationship (for however long it lasts) is important to your inner growth & that we all learn from every relationship (hopefully learn about ourselves), even the negative ones.

If sex is the only reason you are answering this ad, please DON'T.

* you believe in working at your relationships because they are important to you & you don't just wing it.

I’m not looking for someone overwhelmed/consumed with romance, but I do have issues with people who are not romantic & creative at all.

* you don't jump from relationship to relationship & you are particular about whom you will have a relationship with, so you start off as friends.

* you like deep conversations that really tug at your spirit & exciting activities such as dancing, theatre, musicals, art galleries, exploring nature, traveling, zoos, amusement parks, trade shows, taking courses, building businesses, biking, TV, movies etc., but you can also sit & read a good
book & just be alone to reflect.

* you love to learn about many things in life because you understand the minute you stop learning, you stop growing.

So I'm going to leave this with you.

Please give me my keywords "Not Fantasy, rather Reality" & please explain to me why you want this type of relationship.

Thanks & have a great week :)


Michelle

[rumple4skin]

A friend with benefits situation recently ended for me. I told her I was bi and she just thought that was too 'dangerous'. She jumped to the conclusion that since I am bi I am just going to sleep with anyone and was going to give her some sort of disease even though I practice safe sex. I do not mnd that the 'benefits' part has come to and end I was going to do that myself for other reasons. I was just disapointed that she jumped to conclusions and figured that since I am bi I must be reckless about sex. I know all women do not share her view but that was my recent experience. Oh well - live and learn. :)

[Newmexicanman]

I made the mistake of telling my ex-wife that I was bisexual. She thought it was something sexy and erotic to begin with, and she encouraged me to have sex with a guy we both knew and that we knew was gay. Remember this was way back in time when Aids was not an issue - and it was in the land of my birth, far far away from here.

I did have sex with the friend. We remained friends for a long time, and he had no problem with the encounter. The stipulation my ex-wife made was that I arranged it by phone while she listened, and that she knew the details. After we connected I went home and told her, and that really spelled the end of the marriage. When she left she called me a lot of names - none nice - and proceeded to tell people, including friends of mine about me having sex with another man. I lost a lot of friends in the deal!!!

A hard and sad lesson...

[Mrs.F]

Hi Newmexicanman,
I guess I'm not understanding what your wife wanted here. She thought it was cool in the beginning, brought up the idea of setting something up with a friend and then when you did, she got upset, which started the beginning of the end of your marriage?? How crappy! :( Was it that she just couldn't deal with what had happened?

This is alot of my worry too. Afraid that ( IF ) such an accounter happens for my husband...will I be able to handle it? However, I'm not rushing anything and I'm not telling him to go find a buddy right now. And I certainly would NEVER tell him to be with a mutual friend, that just spells disaster. ( in my eyes anyway)

I'm sorry you had a rough time and lost many friends over it. I would never do that to my husband. I love him too much and with that love comes much respect for him and his feelings!

Mrs.F :)

[Newmexicanman]

Hello Mrs F. I thank you for your response. You seem very sensitive!

For your husband. I know how it is to be bisexual in a marriage. It is difficult for everyone in the marriage, but it ought to be doable. The most difficult thing I can think of for me was not being able to be out an open about my attraction for males. It is more than bodies, scrotums, and penises, it is about two guys relating to each other on multiple levels. Like any relationship, but with the added component that the guy likes other guys in a more than regular way.

I don't know how you can reconcile your own problems, but I'll bet he loves you with a passion. I'll bet no one else in this world could ever come close to you in his eyes... I loved my wife passionately... She just did not love me enough...

[nubiwoman]

My lover is a bi man and i think a great deal of him....

...this works, i believe, because we both are equally drawn to people regardless of gender.. so that empathy between us develops trust rather than fear....

....i would be lying if i said i wouldn't struggle to cope if he ever was tempted to be intimate with a man during our relationship, that hasnt happened so far, though neither of us are niave enough to believe it couldn't happen...

....for some reason the possibility of me being with a woman seems less likely, though not out of the question... i do believe this is more of a gender(testosterone) thing than a self control issue...

....In my head i would hate infidelity to divide us, yet accept that just as a double helping of testosterone would be so hard to resist, my response to my lover being intimate with another man may be just too overwhelming to overcome, i hope that wouldnt be the case but the bottom line is i dont know how i might be...

....for me, its well worth the risk though :) yes there are always 'what ifs?' but the benefits of being with 'someone like me' and the honesty that generates just has to be experienced to be believed... i love it :bigrin:

.....I've tried to be as honest as i can be here, i hope it helps :cool:

Julie :female:

[Mrs.F]

Hello Mrs F. I thank you for your response. You seem very sensitive!

For your husband. I know how it is to be bisexual in a marriage. It is difficult for everyone in the marriage, but it ought to be doable. The most difficult thing I can think of for me was not being able to be out an open about my attraction for males. It is more than bodies, scrotums, and penises, it is about two guys relating to each other on multiple levels. Like any relationship, but with the added component that the guy likes other guys in a more than regular way.

I don't know how you can reconcile your own problems, but I'll bet he loves you with a passion. I'll bet no one else in this world could ever come close to you in his eyes... I loved my wife passionately... She just did not love me enough...

Well, in one little post you have already figured out that I am a very sensitive person. I am that! I have and will never put my husband down for being bisexual. It's a part of him that I fell inlove with, without knowing it at the time..you know what I mean? I would never ask him to change or expect him to never discuss it. I want to discuss it. I want him to be able to sit with me and tell me his fantasies, desires and feelings. I don't ever want him to have to keep all that to himself again. He's done it now for many yrs. I know he feels better that I know now. And being his wife, I will support him in anything!
I guess that I felt bad that your wife, if I was reading it right, thought all was great and exciting and wanted you to have your experience and then once you did, she was upset.
Again, I can't say how I'm going to totally react until it happens. I just pray and hope that I can deal with it and I'm sure I will.

[sensualforyou]

That's so sad.

Vindictiveness is always caused by fear, but I'm sure there were positive things that came out of that experience, especially if you were just starting to understand who you are. :)


Michelle


I made the mistake of telling my ex-wife that I was bisexual. She thought it was something sexy and erotic to begin with, and she encouraged me to have sex with a guy we both knew and that we knew was gay. Remember this was way back in time when Aids was not an issue - and it was in the land of my birth, far far away from here.

I did have sex with the friend. We remained friends for a long time, and he had no problem with the encounter. The stipulation my ex-wife made was that I arranged it by phone while she listened, and that she knew the details. After we connected I went home and told her, and that really spelled the end of the marriage. When she left she called me a lot of names - none nice - and proceeded to tell people, including friends of mine about me having sex with another man. I lost a lot of friends in the deal!!!

A hard and sad lesson...

[Newmexicanman]

I emailed you Michelle... did you get it?

[sensualforyou]

Yes I did & I wrote you back.

Didn't you receive my e-mail?


Michelle


I emailed you Michelle... did you get it?

[dinojr692000]

I am so turned on by a bisexual man. It isnt threatening for me, because I like bi or gay guys having sex with each other, I cum watching the pornos like everyday. I just think that bi men are more understanding of bi women. Like every bi guy that I have met that could possibly be my boyfriend one day has told me that they wouldnt mind if I had sex with other females. Alot of straight men that I have come into contact with have surprisingly disagreed with the fact that I have an interest in women. I guess its an ego thing to them, they feel like no woman can eat pussy better than they can.
Anyway, I know if I ever had a bi boyfriend, I would encourage him to have a lover, I think that its healthy for a bi relationship. So in conclusion, I would love to have a bi boyfriend. They are more understanding than straight men about being bi, and all the difficulties that come with it. :flag3:


would u marry me lol. love your attitude wish more girls felt like you about this.

[bi4asplay]

Strawberry I need to know you.

[BareProf]

Four months into a second marriage for both of us, on a Saturday night, we sat nude facing each other, gently masturbating ourselves while talking of sex. I already knew that she had fucked eleven men before me and I asked, "How many cocks have you sucked?" She replied, "How many have you sucked?" I honestly replied there had been four. Her nonplused reply, "Why doesn't that surprise me."

She knows I love my cum, that I desire to suck cock as she watches and joins in. She just flat out refuses to swing though we have and with bi women for her dual enjoyment of a gal and a cock plus my cock later. Sigh....

I joined this site hoping to find a bi married guy for mutual cock sucking.

[stonebow]

Hi Newmexicanman,
I guess I'm not understanding what your wife wanted here. She thought it was cool in the beginning, brought up the idea of setting something up with a friend and then when you did, she got upset, which started the beginning of the end of your marriage?? How crappy! :( Was it that she just couldn't deal with what had happened?

This is alot of my worry too. Afraid that ( IF ) such an accounter happens for my husband...will I be able to handle it? However, I'm not rushing anything and I'm not telling him to go find a buddy right now. And I certainly would NEVER tell him to be with a mutual friend, that just spells disaster. ( in my eyes anyway)

I'm sorry you had a rough time and lost many friends over it. I would never do that to my husband. I love him too much and with that love comes much respect for him and his feelings!

Mrs.F :)

You are a truly compassionate woman and your man is fortunate to have you in his life. I hope he realizes what a treasure he has and that you both find a path to peace with his bisexuality.

[wifekinky4husband]

What do you women think about bisexual men? I tihnk they are amazing!

Is it a turn on for some and a turn off for others? It is a huge turn on for me! (with the exception of male kissing and male rimming)

Is it threatening? Not at all

How would most women want a bisexual man in their lives to be? Participate in sex with me and for me.

Open? Keep it under wraps? Just kind of pretend it isn't there? Be VERY open about it and I want to be a part of it, I want to be a part of all the activity and I'd live to photo it and video it.

Do some women encourage their bisexual men to have a male lover? My only desire is I want to be there for it all. We are married so I want us to always be together.

Some men encourage their bisexual women to have a lover? I'd do it for my husband but again with him needing ot be there. We are married so I want us to always be together.

How do women relate to those of us that are attracted to both sexes? I do, I totally get it. It is just one more depth to the sex factor... ;)

[zenn7]

Perhaps this topic speaks to central differences between the sexes..even though those exceptions have been noted in this thread.
My comments are directed to the bi community...Most bi guys would have no problem with their bi wife having an ongoing relationship with a woman to satisfy that aspect of her sexuality...BUT...My sense( big picture ) is that most bi women would have real issues with "THEIR MAN" having sex with another guy..even if it was a long term exclusive relationship..Perhaps its something hard wired into the female brain..."If Im going to mate with this guy......"
I would love to see a survey of 1000 bi women with the simple Q.-Would you date a bisexual man?

[onewhocares]

You are a truly compassionate woman and your man is fortunate to have you in his life. I hope he realizes what a treasure he has and that you both find a path to peace with his bisexuality.

Yes, Mrs. F was (looking at the date of the post) and is a most amazing woman. Flounder is so lucky to be her hubby.

Belle in Boston

[Realist]

I remember them! She was a peach, that's for sure. He was all over the place, but he always knew she stood by him.

Yep, he was a lucky guy and so is your husband, Miss Belle!

[Heloisea3]

What do you women think about bisexual men? Is it a turn on for some and a turn off for others? Is it threatening? I think about bisexual men in much the same way I view all men. I just believe they have a different set of needs. I like to think that they are more open-minded and tolerant of individual differences than many other men, but I know this is a gross generalization. Bisexual men are a tremendous turn on for multiple reasons, the sexual aspect being only one of them. I can’t really explain why I have such an overwhelming physical and psychological response to bi men. It’s just there. It’s not threatening at all. I tend to view bisexuality, homosexuality, and heterosexuality a little differently than some.

Abraham Maslow created a hierarchy of human needs based on his research. Along with our physiological and safety needs, he includes our needs for love/belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Our sexual needs fall under love/belonging which is right above our physical and safety needs. Esteem and self-actualization follow our needs for love/belonging. The point I’m making is that I tend to follow this theory in the sense that I view our sexuality as a need, an extension ofourselves. It isn’t a want or a whim. It may not be as important as food and shelter, but it is essential to our well- being. As individuals, we can’t control who we are attracted to, and this is how I feel when I view bi men. Why should I be threatened by another person’s needs, something that they really can’t control themselves? They can control their actions, but not their needs.

How would most women want a bisexual man in their lives to be? Open? Keep it under wraps? Just kind of pretend it isn't there? I would absolutely want him to be open. Once you create an atmosphere in which one person is scared to open up to the other or has to ignore an important part of who they are out of fear or anxiety, your relationship is already descending down a steep slope. I am 100% for openness about all things.

Do some women encourage their bisexual men to have a male lover? Some men encourage their bisexual women to have a lover? I don’t have a bi man. However, I would encourage him to do what he needed to do to fulfill his need for men. I don’t think it is fair to expect the person you are with to deny a part of themselves. Of course, there would be guidelines to protect the relationship and for safety issues. I know many people are threatened by this, and I can understand it even if I don’t agree with it. I just think that I would feel more threatened if they felt that they were not able to be themselves within the relationship. Then they would have just cause to stray for more reasons that just sex.

How do women relate to those of us that are attracted to both sexes? I relate to bi men and women the same as anyone else. I try to relate to people based on who they are as individuals. I could care less who they are having sex with.

[jamieknyc]

I remember them! She was a peach, that's for sure. He was all over the place, but he always knew she stood by him.

Yep, he was a lucky guy and so is your husband, Miss Belle!
That is definitely true. Having met Belle and her husband (purely socially), she is an amazing woman.

[onewhocares]

That is definitely true. Having met Belle and her husband (purely socially), she is an amazing woman.


Realist and Jaime, all this flattery will go to my head....I am just me, plain, OLD, and simple.

Getting back to the thread....

I am a straight woman who joined this site back in the ole days of 2005. I came here trying to find a man for my husband, I had NO plans to be involved. Well as luck would have it I became friends with many on this site and had many an opportunity to meet them. I say this meaning NOT in a sexual meeting but rather two people who have common interests and wanting to meet many other open minded people. Having that experiance has changed my viewpoints and perspectives on many issues.

I have always been an admirer of the male form. In college I traveled to Europe and Florence and Rome in particular and the art of the male body was amazing. Back then it was only art. It was not until I had sex with my husband ( of now 27 years and my then only man I had sex with) that I got to touch and enjoy the male body. Well once here I did have the opportunity to have the pleasure to meet a few men who are bisexual....and I was hooked. Seeing two men together is just so incredibly erotic and sensual to me. The attraction not only lies in the physical, but in the emotional as well. They seem to be much more open minded and willing to please their partners, be they bi or straight. I guess that is why I love watching and participating with my husband ( who is now out as gay) and another man. SO HOT.

Belle in Boston

[Annika L]

What do you women think about bisexual men? Is it a turn on for some and a turn off for others? Is it threatening?

How would most women want a bisexual man in their lives to be? Open? Keep it under wraps? Just kind of pretend it isn't there?

Do some women encourage their bisexual men to have a male lover? Some men encourage their bisexual women to have a lover?

How do women relate to those of us that are attracted to both sexes?

Ok, I'm finally responding to this thread...seen this question asked in many threads for years...been asked this countless times in chat. Something always rankles.

I like brown hair on a man. Some men with brown hair are sexy; some aren't. I'm not saying blonde men or men with black or red hair can't be hot...they certainly can. But if really pushed on it, a good-looking guy with brown hair I *think* I like a bit more than a good-looking guy with other hair color. But do I find brown hair a turn-on? No, not particularly.

I feel similarly about bisexuality and men. It is not a turn-on at all. Nor is it a turn-off. It does make a man more attractive in a way...dammit, it's something we have in common, and that can't be bad (as a brunette, it's true of hair color as well *smile*). Seeing a man sucking a cock doesn't make me think "wow, how hot it is that he's a guy sucking that cock"...it makes me think "hey...um...ya gonna share that?"

If I was with a bisexual man, I would imagine I'd want pretty much the same thing I want of my female partner: mutual respect, harmony, and deep sharing. I would not expect him to pretend he wasn't bi any more than I pretend I'm not...in an ideal world we could work out a way that we could play together (not separately).

And honestly, if was going to be with a guy, I think he'd have to be bisexual. I've met very few straight guys (who I really believed were straight) who didn't give off a creepy possessive vibe toward "their women"...but it's not an attraction to bisexuality...it's a mild-to-strong revulsion toward straightness.

But gay men are the ones who piss me off (*tongue in cheek here*). More than anyone, I find gay men to be the men I am attracted to...DAMMIT!! They most have the vibe of compatibility with me...they just aren't attracted to me. And that's not fair.