Making the leap

[WESTPORTRUN]

So advice please - why does it seem so hard to finally pluck up the courage to meet a bi guy?

I am just so nervous - I have had 2 experiences in my life, both within the last 3 years, one was awful, the other just ok - but it seems despite general interest and desire, when the time comes it seems like the fear of being lied to, spooked, or of course STDs prevents me (and I suspect many others) from exploring their bi side more. Perhaps the problem is that as a real bi, whose interest in girls is still as strong as ever, I can't draw the distinction between having a girlfriend and 'someone on the side' and equally dont want a series of one night stands but a real friend.

I see a lot of posts about people wasting time - perhaps they too, have the same issues.

Help?

[MetaSexual2]

Problem is, I think it is very rare to find males who are comfortable in their bisexuality. Seems like most men are after that furtive quickie and aren't really looking for anything beyond that. Also, most masculine trending men have a basic defensiveness about them that makes it hard to connect initially. I'm not really on the market anymore, but when I was, I too was looking for friendship, that intense male bond. Some of the people here might be a real rarity, or their online personas make reflect more comfort than they actually have in real life.

What worked for me when I was looking was finding little pockets of bi-community that would allow relationships to develop at a more human pace. Shared interests plus being bi is a great combo if you can find it.

[Realist]

I agree; common interests really helped me connect, the few times I found male lovers. I might add that you're being nervous and concerned about illnesses shows a degree of intelligence that is sometimes missing in those looking. Jumping into a sexual relationship with no knowledge of your lovers' past, is not smart.

Oddly, I lucked up and found male lovers, one poly relationship with a man and wife, and one with a female couple, when I least expected it. They seemed to fall out of the blue. I've only sought out one relationship from an ad. I've been pretty close with the fact that I'm bisexual, so without knowing, anyone interested might pass me by. Advertising is the best way to contact the most potential lovers.

I'd advise you to sit down and write out a list of what you need to have the relationship you desire, then publish it. You can even put it in your profile, here. You certainly shouldn't have to compromise your standards to get what you want.

Good luck!

[diget]

i cant agree more with the last 2 posts, i just wanted to find a least 1 bi male friend and found that to be really hard. many people hear are the most open bisexuals i have ever seen.

[KevsBi]

Being a bisexual guy in any society is tough and in most cases even frowned upon....then throw in any diseases that are out there and it just gets scary.
I've always been very picky and selective with the (few) guys that I have slept with. It would be great to find a happy medium....somewhere between fuck buddy and best friend because I've had that type of relationship with a girl when I was younger but have never been able to find that combination with the same sex.

[North Star]

Hey Folks,

I'm wondering if anyone might have any thoughts. I've known I've been bi for a long time. I'm currently in a relationship with a women. We have been together for a long time and I know she is thinking about marriage. I've never really had a relationship with another man. I love my partner but I know she wants a life long monogamous relationship. I don't want to lose her but at the same time it feels like making a monogamous commitment would be like cutting half of myself away.

I'm wondering if anyone has ever had experience with this?

[eddy10]

I would think of it in this way ...

If you were hetero and married, would you be faithful and monogamist?

If so, in my mind as a bi you could also be in a M/F marriage and be faithful and mono.

Have you discussed this with her?

[North Star]

Yeah, I guess in some ways it feels like I want my cake and eat it too. We have discussed it and she is caring and understanding. She does not want to lose me either but I don't know if it is fair to ask her to compromise on who she is.

[Realist]

NORTH STAR: I was married one time to a bisexual lady and twice, to women who were straight. I did not tell my 2nd wife and never was caught, but I cheated on her. I felt bad, didn't like myself, and finally left her for other reasons. I decided to tell my 3rd wife, who accepted it at the time, but later on, even though I never cheated on her, she let my past haunt her and finally we split up because I DID tell her!

There are a couple of folks here who are straight and they can accept their partners being bi. I applaud them!

I now have a bisexual GF, who accepts my being bi, and my life is on track and happy.

I'm not saying your relationship will, or won't work, but if you love her and want her to keep on loving you, please be honest and open with her about your interests and desires. Each relationship is different and the better you know each other, before you commit, the better off you both will be.

That's my experience, anyway.