More lesbian that straight?

[JessyRee]

I didnt really know what to name this post so I gave it a title that I think fits.Well I wanted to share my story for all the newcomers out there going through similar things.I pretty much knew I liked women since puberty but I also really have enjoyed men.Im now 26 married to a great guy and havent been with a woman since I met him 7 yrs ago.I recently came out to him as being bi base on my past encounters with both sexes.This is where the lesbian thing comes in.My husband is the only man im attracted to at all, physically and emotionally!I am emotionally attracted to women as well as physically but on a whole other level.With women its not always about sex..sometimes we just cuddle and kiss and hold hands..I find that Im doing these things less and less with my husband.I love him so much and dont want to hurt him in anyway and he's ok with my being "Bi" but I just find women so much more attractive and I always enjoy their company.I really dont know where this puts me in the whole Lesbian VS Bisexual thing. I dont really care for labels but I dont really know where I belong.Im very new to this myself and do still need some support but dont know if its better to get it here or a full blown lesbian support site.Suggestions or advice would be great.Or if anyone has a similar story I would love to hear about it.

[onewhocares]

Hi Jesse,


First let me welcome you to the site. I know that you may be somewhat shy at first, but you could not have come to a better place to garner information about your thread. While perhaps not each of us is facing the same situation you are, many of us have and have moved forward with help from the kind and generous members here.

While I can not speak to your specific situation, mine is sort of the reverse. I am married to a bisexual man. We are each others best friend and have been married for twenty three years. He is more gay than bisexual and while he has me for emotional support and romance,and we have built a life together, he finds he needs to have a man in his life to fulfill those needs, both emotional and physical needs that no matter how much I try, I just can't. Nor do I want to. I am a woman and never want to take or replace the male to male aspect out of his life.

Have the past years always been easy...NO. Have we learned from them...YES. One thing that has help my husband and I to understand bisexuality is open and honest communication. Never be afraid to share your thoughts and concerns. I think perhaps you and your husband can find a great threshold to work from. Best of luck.


Belle

[Indaco76]

Dear Jesse,
first of all, welcome to the site. It's a great place with great people, but I guess you've already realized that. You'll find lots of useful information, food for thought and, most important, sympathetic words and people with whom you can probably identify at some level.
I understand what you are feeling all too well. I've always been attracted to girls in a much more multi-faceted way than it was for men. Nonetheless, I only had one serious, 10-year-long relationship with a man until 2 years ago. Nothing else, except some occasional exploration with female schoolmates in secondary school. During those 10 years I came to the gradual realization that I was, in fact, bisexual. But my ex husband was the only man I was ever deeply attracted to emotionally. To me, that makes the difference. And incidentally, my ex now identifies as gay (used to call himself bisexual, but only I knew). In short, just like you, the emotional connection I feel for women doesn't compare to what I feel for men. With women it's more complete... there's sex, cuddling, sweetness (which I used to find very boring with men), laughter, understanding, exploration and lots more. With men, it's just very physical. My ex was the only exception, but he was very feminine too.
That's why I choose to identify as a homoemotional bisexual woman. Sex is fine (and fun!) with both sexes, but my emotions are almost exclusively for women.
It may be the same for you, or slightly different. My advice is: don't stress too much about labels. They're just words. Focus on what you feel and try and accept it unconditionally. The rest will follow.
Good luck.
Indaco
:flag2:

[Alaskan Couple]

I can answer this from the other gender perspective. I am a bi man happily married to a straight woman (for over 30 years). I do not need or desire to be with another woman, but she is simply unable to fulfill my need for an emotional relationship with another man.

I concur with the advice Indaco76 gave about not being too focused on labels but instead focus on what you feel. I will add that I think you should educate yourself as much as possible about bisexuality. Look up things like the Kinsey studies and other scientific information about human sexuality. You will find that we are all unique, but lie somewhere on a spectrum of sexual attractions. You will also find out that our sexuality is thought to be a fluid thing in that it shifts and varies with age and circumstances. But the main thing I hope you discover is that you are "normal" (hate that word...). Your husband is "normal"...I am "normal"..and we are all different flavors of "normal".

In regards to your relationship with your husband, only you two will know if you're meant to stay together. All relationships take a lot of talking, honesty, give and take, care and love. If you both love one another and are fulfilled in the marriage, and he can accept your need to have a relationship with another woman should you desire one, and you can accept whatever he might need ....then there would be no reason that your sexuality should cause any insurmountable problems.

I like to think of love in this way; true love cannot be born of fear of loss...it cannot be nourished on possessiveness...it cannot be forced or coerced into existence...we cannot cage it like a bird...it cannot be held hostage waiting for someone to change into what I want. Love is either freely given and freely received or it does not exist...

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

WHo said her marriage is doomed to fail? She's pouring her heart out here for us to feel and help with. A little compassion here wouldnt hurt.
Jessy-hon, I know you're confused, but most of us will give you a straight up answer. No puns intended.. This is a fantastic group, and we'll put in our 2 cents to be of as much help as we can. :}
Hugs Hon.
Cat

[Alaskan Couple]

WHo said her marriage is doomed to fail? She's pouring her heart out here for us to feel and help with. A little compassion here wouldnt hurt.
Jessy-hon, I know you're confused, but most of us will give you a straight up answer. No puns intended.. This is a fantastic group, and we'll put in our 2 cents to be of as much help as we can. :}
Hugs Hon.
Cat

Not me...hope it didn't come off like I was saying the marriage is in trouble. I think her marriage can last as long as mine if there is plenty of communication, honesty and love.