How to "acclimate" gf

[Aviatsionne]

Hey everyone...I am new to the forum! It is a nice breath of fresh air to know there are more people like me. Anyways, I've considered myself gay up until I went to college. I had my first serious relationship with a man for about 2 yrs, and then started experimenting with women and loved it. I had a committed relationship with a girl after that, and afterwards I played with guys and girls (never together). Anyways, last year, I took my good friend (a girl I have known for almost 17 yrs) to visit my family in Greece with me. After a month in Greece, we developed feelings for each other and started dating (it has now been 1 yr). Funny thing is, she considered me her gay best friend up until that point...and now we are together. It's been very interesting for both of us. She and I are very honest with each other and open, but sexually she is a little "shy" for lack of a better term. I have talked with her about how I do miss being with guys, but I will not cheat on her because I do love her very, very much. Do you guys have any advice to make her more comfortable with maybe even the possibility of just lightly playing with someone, or even getting her feet wet so to speak. She is very much not into meeting people from the internet because she thinks it is "dangerous"...maybe I am just used to the gay world where I met guys all the time online, some of which turned out to be good friends. I do not want to push her into anything that makes her uncomfortable, but she understands where I am coming from and has indicated that she would like to try it at some point. I am afraid of scaring her or something. We have discussed anal play with toys and stuff but haven't really gone that far...I am her first real sexual partner, and as far as myself, I consider myself sexually well versed..so it is a balancing act for her, discovering how much fun sex is and enjoying our mutual sexuality. Thanks for any help! :)

[fredtyg]

Maybe showing her some good homo porn, if you haven't already. From what I've read in these forums, some girls enjoy watching their guys having sex with other guys and even enjoy homo porn. Maybe, if she liked the porn, she might want to watch the real thing?

[mikey3000]

I would start with movies, but not porn yet. There are several good gay based love stories, two in particular are Shelter and Latter Days. These films show a positive side of homosexuality, not the sexual aspects. Once she realises that gays are people too with real feelings other that just sex, she will become acclimatized to the possibility, and slowly become aroused by homosexual men. Then the idea of you with another will drive her wild. You have to realize that women are more emotional tham guys, so when you appeal to her emotional side, it will work out. JUst be gentle and understanding of her.

That's how I did it with my wife. And now she is very aroused by two men going at it, and actually looks for male friends for me .

[12voltman59]

My best advice--take it very, very slowly--she sounds like a great lady and you don't want to do anything to jeopardize your relationship with her--the idea of introducing her to non-straight sex by exposing her to gay and bi porn sounds like a good idea--but once again--just take that slow too--you are young and have loads of time in front of you---or you should!!

Be considerate of her feelings and what makes her comfortable or uncomfortable--and tell her that you have that concern for her---she will apperciate it a great deal-----also be honest about your feelings that you still have desires about being with guys----but that you won't let those desires take precedence over your relationship with her--if of course--that is the way you really do feel--it seems to me from what you have said--this is the case----you greatly value your relationship with her.

Good luck---

[Aviatsionne]

I would start with movies, but not porn yet. There are several good gay based love stories, two in particular are Shelter and Latter Days. These films show a positive side of homosexuality, not the sexual aspects. Once she realises that gays are people too with real feelings other that just sex, she will become acclimatized to the possibility, and slowly become aroused by homosexual men. Then the idea of you with another will drive her wild. You have to realize that women are more emotional tham guys, so when you appeal to her emotional side, it will work out. JUst be gentle and understanding of her.

That's how I did it with my wife. And now she is very aroused by two men going at it, and actually looks for male friends for me .

For lack of a better term my gf is a fruit fly lol....she loves the gays...but ya we are really open. It's hard at times though because I CERTAINLY never saw myself being so committed to a women, let alone with her....but when you find real love, it's hard to pass up and look the other way.

[Alaskan Couple]

I always like to add;

Help her do as much research as possible about human sexuality in general (there's a wealth of good scientific reading on the web). I have found that the more people understand about the great variety and scope of "normal" human sexuality, then the less fearful they are about something new or different. In other words; Don't just use the porn to introduce her to non-straight sex (that may even backfire and reinforce the taboo aspect of homosexuality if she has been raised to think porn is bad or wrong, etc. I like mikey3000's advice above.). Take it out of the "porn" venue and/or the threesome thing for awhile and more into the scientific area where she will hopefully see your sexuality (and hers) in a "safer" light.

Best of wishes to you both!

[mikey3000]

Keep in mind that most gay men do not want a woman there when they are having sex with a bi guy who is married or in a relationship with a woman.

I don't want a woman there as a voyeur and when I have had sex with bisexual men who are involved with women I tell them to leave the wife/GF at home.

Yup, you're right. And I don't want to have my wife there when I'm having sex with a gay guy. It's my gay side that I'm exploring, wanting to be with another man, and to have my wife there would kind of dilute the experience. What I meant to say is that my wife is looking for a BF for me on CL. I want a relationship, albiet a part time one, but separate from my marriage. And she knows this and accepts and encourages it. I'm a happier person, a better husband, a better father when I can have my male time too. Weird, I know :eek:, but that't how it it is for us.

[Realist]

I think 12voltman hit it on the head. This is not the time to rush things.

Communication, respect and listening to her is the key. As you become more open and honest with each other, you should be more comfortable and able to share your most intimate thoughts. With time, your relationship should grow and blossom.

It sounds to me that you have a great beginning and the future should hold many delicious times for you both.