Coming Out

[fredtyg]

The thread on the bookstore got me to thinking about coming out as a bi/homo. Assuming you want to, or have, come out to others, any special things you did to make yourself comfortable with it. Perhaps in stages?

That's kind of how I got started. First thing I started doing was registering with gay and bi websites like this one to get comfortable with them. I'd use an alias and would provide little information on my profile. Then, as I got comfortable with that, I started adding details. Now, as I've done here, my username is one that anyone who knew me from e-mail would recognize.

I've also added this site to my bookmarked web sites. It's not too out in the open, yet, as I have it kind of hidden in a file of bookmarks called "Web Page Stuff". I might just keep it there as the wife has family over every now and then and most of them are very anti- homo. If she wanted to show them something on this computer that might be embarrassing for her if they noticed this bookmark.

The biggest step for me, online anyway, is putting my photo with my profile. I actually had my photo up on the guys4men.com website a year or two ago but took it down. I forget what motivated me taking it down from there. I don't have a good one of me now so I need to get one taken. As soon as I get one I'll post it.

Then there's people. Luckily, for some women friends, it was easy for me to tell them, usually after having sex. Even told the wife that way. I think it was the exhibitionist in me wanting to expose the homo. One gal I had a fling with (both her and her husband were good friends of mine) I ended up telling after we had sex. She told me her and her husband both had talked about it between themselves and thought I'd sucked cock before.

Then there's male friends. I just came out and said it to one close friend, as posted here earlier. No problem with that and we even ended up fooling around a bit later on.

Ok. So who's next? A couple days ago I outed myself to a couple of customers. An easy thing to do as they were a married lezzie couple, but it sure felt good getting it out. I'm thinking of telling another cool customer I have that lives close by the lezzie couple next, but no real particular reason to do that.

I was wondering if might be a good idea to out myself to at least one person I know every now and then. Maybe a certain time period like one person each week or month? No, that would be silly. It's probably best to just out yourself as needed as it's really nobody's business but your own.

But it sure can be fun. The two married lezzies I told got an earful of my stories after I told them. At least they seemed to enjoy it but maybe they were just being polite. I will say, though, I feel a lot less lonely when I'm with someone that knows and accepts my sexuality.:bipride:

[fredtyg]

Oh. I also forgot to mention writing a book about my bisexual life as a way of outing myself.

[JessyRee]

Good for you that youre coming out slowly..I am also doing the same.I started with my best friend who I knew would accept it because he's gay..next was my closest cousin..last but not least my husband..all took it better than I'd planned.I am not out to my siblings or parents yet.Im not sure how they would respond.I dont think they would disown me as we have a lot of gay friends and they believe that everyone should be able to be with who they want reguardless of gender but I have 2 children with my husband so they may look at it differently..Keep us updated on your outing as Im interested to know how it all ends.: :flag4:

[fredtyg]

Good for you. Sometimes I think it's best to just let family members find out, or not find out, by themselves. My wife's family is a large (and religious) one. One of her sisters came out to them as a lesbian years ago. They haven't barred her from family gatherings or anything like that, but she is considered the black sheep and I've heard occasional disparaging remarks from at least one of her brothers.

She also has another sister than I and her lezzie sister think is lesbian. I suppose this could be some strange platonic long- term relationship between 2 gals but I don't see how. Her sister brings her female roommate to all the family parties. The even share the same e- mail address and refer to themselves as E##### and M#### in their e-mail address.

I asked the admitted lezzie sister if she thought her sister was a lezzie as I did. She said she thought so but that her sister wouldn't even admit it to her. She felt that her sister saw what happened to her when she outed herself and didn't want the same thing to happen to her. Understandable.

But I'll have to say, I'm sure there's more people than I'm aware of that likely know I'm homo and I don't know that I've suffered from it. Most people I think might know about me haven't said anything. The people I've told haven't gone off on me either. Still, I think it's best to not necessarily try to hide it but be discreet, tell the people you want to know and let the others find out by themselves, if they even want to.

[Herbwoman39]

Congratulations on coming out :-) It's important to take it at your own pace. I used the guidelines from the book "Outing Yourself" when I first started coming out. It was an excellent resource. It gives great advice on when and when NOT to announce to your family, friends and co-workers that you're LGBT.

I started coming out five years ago and due to timing and health issues, it has taken this long to come out to everyone *except* my Dad. This isn't something I can write a letter about or tell him over the phone. He live in Wisconsin and I'm in Florida. One day I'll tell him face to face. I know he won't really care though when I DO tell him.

It's also important to be secure in your sexuality so that if telling someone DOES go poorly you can recognize that it is their reaction to the situation and not to you.

Good luck with your journey.

[fredtyg]

Oh, just something I thought I'd mention that I've done before without really knowing if it worked or not:

Every now and then, in certain situations, I'll say something like, "Even an old queer like me wouldn't do that...", or something along that line- the point is to refer to yourself as a queer. I think I even used that on my blog once and my blog is the last place I'd want to out myself.

Thing is, people don't know if you're joking, or what. Mostly, the few times I've used it in person, I've just gotten weird looks or a laugh. I figure it could create an opening, though. If someone actually seemed interested, and it was someone I wanted to out myself to, it might be a good opportunity.

If they seemed like they might get hostile with me, I'd just act like I was being sarcastic and they'd think I'm joking.

Had an old best friend who was quite the gay basher, verbally. No way I'd want to out myself to him, but he used to always say to me, "You're just a butt loving homo...", as a kidding remark. I'd always answer him, "Yep, I sure am".

Little did he know all the times I answered that way I wasn't kidding. Many a truth is said in jest, they say!

[Alaskan Couple]

.... I will say, though, I feel a lot less lonely when I'm with someone that knows and accepts my sexuality.:bipride:


... Many a truth is said in jest, they say!

Great topic fred. I just picked a couple of thoughts to comment on;

I agree about how refreshing it is to be ones own self in regards to that "dark little secret". It's amazing how good it feels. It's like a breath of fresh air, or like a weight lifted off my shoulders to speak openly as a bisexual man to others. I think it is only necessary to be out on my own terms though - my sexuality (regardless of it's flavor) is not very many folk's business.

And as to joking around; there's another saying that goes.... 90% of all jest is truth.

Another thought on being more "out" is the bi-pride jewelry that has recently been discussed here. That seems like a cool and casual way to be "out" to those who might be interested in me.

[fredtyg]

Another thought on being more "out" is the bi-pride jewelry that has recently been discussed here. That seems like a cool and casual way to be "out" to those who might be interested in me.

Agreed. The only problem I have with wearing the jewelry is I'm not sure that I'm there yet. And I'd rather wear gay pride undies.

[fredtyg]

Fred-You might as well just come out as being gay since you are a faggot like me. Albeit a closeted gay man unlike myself.

I might well be, but that wouldn't explain getting turned on like I did the other day seeing some pictures of hot women. As I've said elsewhere, you can call me bi or homo. Makes no difference to me.

As an aside- back to outing- just joined a couple gay Yahoo Groups using my real Yahoo ID. Problem is, looks like not much goes on in those groups. One hasn't had a post since December of last year.

I also noticed Yahoo screwed up their profiles. Mine still has a picture but not room for much else. I was thinking one of these days- when I get really bold- I'd add a link to bisexual.com to my Yahoo profile. Don't see how I could add one now if I wanted to.:male: