Thinkin bout maybe comin out

[MickeyJohnson]

I think its about time i did. Ill have to sooner or later and it might as well be sooner right? while Im still young.
Its getting to the point where I feel like being in the closet about it is getting more frustrating than if i were out. Im getting these bad urges to try being with a guy and I cant do that if no one knows.
And it doesnt make it any easier that now ive been getting looks from guys every now and then. some of them look like theyd be straight as an arrow.
The other day I noticed a guy staring at me, he was so cute i had to do sumthin so without thinkin i smiled n winked. he blushed and smiled back.that was the first time i 100% seriously flirted with a guy. and one i didnt even know too. i didnt speak to him tho. I was at work and no one knows i like both. now im thinkin that comin out cant be as bad as i think.

Im terrified about it though. I need suggestions, advice, what to expect, and maybe some coming out stories just to help, please.

[fredtyg]

Well, I'd say the younger to come out the better if only because I think about all the opportunities I missed by being closeted in my younger days.

But there's good and bad about being out: I wrote earlier about outing myself to a brother- in- law I had the hots for. That worked out well, but a few others ended up finding out (in a convoluted way the result of me outing myself to the brother- in- law) and they pretty much give me the cold shoulder now.

Still, nobody's gotten too hostile with me but I'm nowhere's near out to everybody and, quite frankly, as good as it feels to be out to some, I don't know that my sexual preferences should be most people's business. Maybe it should be done on a need to know basis?

One reason I wanted people to know was I actually thought it would make more guys available to me. I figured if other guys knew I was into guys, they'd know where I was and might come looking for me. Then I realized that it might have the opposite effect and, since everybody would know I was bi/ queer, a closeted guy might be afraid to approach me since others might make the connection to him going to see a homo. Works both ways, I guess, and I've never had anybody who found out approach me, with one exception (and I'm not sure about that one).

It's easy for me to say but I think it's much easier to come out than when I was younger. That said, you have to ask again why it should be just anybody's business.

You might try doing as I have and just let a select few know and then out yourself in more subtle ways as time goes on. One thing I did was started using names that could easily identify me- if someone really wanted to- on web sites like this, gay.com and any other homo web sites. That helps you get comfortable with it.

Then, if someone stumbles on to that, or notices you have bisexual.com in your computer bookmarks (or home page, even), then you can tell them your bi or homo and see how that goes. That way you do it a little at a time and you can see how it goes.

One thing I did earlier on, but since backed off on a bit, was posting a picture of myself on all my gay and bi web site profiles. Feels real good to do that, but after I while I got nervous about certain people seeing my picture on my gay.com profile. I'm getting to the point where I'd like to get my picture back up again.

If you start being seen with guys all the time that might lead people to wonder, too. If someone asks, tell them whatever you feel comfortable with. If someone sounds like they might get hostile about it, you have room to maneuver, so to speak.

Eventually, since you're young, most people will likely know, assuming they even care, but if you do it gradually, it might be a little easier on you and everybody else.

[fredtyg]

Oh, thought I'd expand on that one case where I think someone found out about me and might have tried to connect with me:

Years ago I outed myself to an old co- worker I had the hots for. I didn't work for that company, anymore, but I still kept in touch. One night I was at home and thought I'd call him up and let him know about me (hey, I was bored, lonely and horny). He was at work that night- I know, dumb time to call.

So I call him up and let him know I'm queer and if he might want to go out and "do some things". He didn't, although he'd expressed interest in homo sex acts before.

It was a dumb thing to do, in a way, cause this guy was the kind of guy that would tell everybody everything he knew about anybody, especially something like this. For instance, he once told all of us about his girlfriend wanting him to have anal sex with her which I thought was rude.

So, as expected, after that phone call I started hearing from guys he worked with that, in so many words, told me they knew what I told him.

At least they were fairly cool about it. They'd say stuff like "**** (with emphasis on the name) told us you called the other day...", in a teasing manner. One even mentioned that "**** said you propositioned him".

I wasn't angry at the guy. I should of expected it, but nothing really bad came of it other than everyone that worked there knowing, it wasn't all that bad. Heck, not really bad at all.

Then one day a year or so later, I ran into a guy from the workplace. He didn't work for our company and never paid much attention to me before. I bumped into him at a hardware store and knew something about what he was interested in buying.

After talking for a few minutes, the guy asked for my business card so he might be able to contact me later. He never said he needed anything in the line of business I provided.

I think he might have been looking for a blowjob, or some such, as I'd heard stories about him trying to see other women (he was married). He never called me but I'd almost bet money he wanted my card so he'd have someone to call next time he got horny. 90% sure of it.

[bimwmdecatur]

Be very careful what you do and how you do it.

This may effect your job, the relations with your family members and other things that you may have not even thought of yet.

As pointed out above, your sexual preferences should be your own business and the business of the person with whom you are having sexual relations. The rest of the world does not have to know.

Again, think this through very carefully before you make a decision.