Questions on impotency and bi partner

[razor502]

I recently recieved an enormous amount of insight from this chat room and website into my relationship with my partner. She is bi, and we are engaged. As a straight male, I was confused and threatened. I did not understand what a woman could offer that I could not. Thanks to your comments I now understand what they can offer. I now understand the differences between sex and love. She finds the sex to be thrilling, but she does not want to fall in love with a woman. It should really be no surprise.

In the past, I was aroused by the thought of two women having sex... However, now that it came so close to home, I am afraid I changed. In a nutshell, I lost all of my sex drive. I love her, but for the life of me, I cannot get aroused. I dont know if it is a medical issue. I am 45 and hope to be too young for viagra. Moreover, the timing of this problem suggests that it has much more to do with my discovery and investigations into her sexuality. I was wondering if anyone had any insights into this... I am worried and hope it will pass...

[DGoncz]

Perhaps possessiveness or jealousy play a part in this situation.

[jo69guy]

I think it may be worry more than anything. I hope that it passes, and things get back to normal for you soon! My ex-wife also experienced a similar problem, later in our marriage. It basically shut her down sexually. I hope that with time, you feel better, and get over it.


Best wishes, and good luck! :bipride:

[cchalmer]

In the past, I was aroused by the thought of two women having sex... However, now that it came so close to home, I am afraid I changed. In a nutshell, I lost all of my sex drive. I love her, but for the life of me, I cannot get aroused. I dont know if it is a medical issue. I am 45 and hope to be too young for viagra. Moreover, the timing of this problem suggests that it has much more to do with my discovery and investigations into her sexuality. I was wondering if anyone had any insights into this... I am worried and hope it will pass...

One of the drawbacks to being a male.......our physical ability to have sex is controlled by so much more than our desire. Stress.....worry......jealosy....they all can conspire to rob us of the one thing that we need to complete the sex act. You don't say whether you have discussed this particular problem with your wife. If you haven't then I suggest you do....maybe all you need is some more reassurance that your marriage is still on solid ground. Another sugggestion that I have....is your wife is agreeable to this....keep all playtime as a couple... whether it involves her with another woman or not. That way jealousy would be kept to a minimum.

If you have had no other physical factors involved then I would be inclined to agree that it's an emotional problem....having said that though....a visit to a doctor may go a long way to reassuring you that there is nothing wrong. You don't have to go into details about why you think this is happening. As far as viagra goes.....as a temporary solution....why not??? I am younger than you and because of the turmoil in my life over the last six months it got to the point that my lack of ability was becoming the main focus of my thoughts when I had more important issues to deal with. I got that little blue miracle and believe me.........not only did it work but it wasn't necessary to use it for very long....still not back to normal but normal enough for now.

Good luck to you and I hope you are soon back to your strong and virile self.

[JohnnyV]

I agree with the last post. Try to relax so you don't think about it too much. Learn how to do some sexual things that don't depend on an erection, like cunnilingus and other foreplay. That may get you hard when you're least focused on it.

GOod luck,
J

[innaminka]

As a bisexual wife, I can only speak from personal experience.
Firstly, my hubby never really fanticised about two females, at least to me, and any form of a threesome was out of the question.
However, when I did come out to him, which was after I had had concrete proof that I was Bi, it did have a profound effect on him. He became distant, less open, more business-like in his talk, and yes, sex went off the menu.
It may have been as much because at the time, I was having what could only be described as an "affair" (and all that that term entails) with another woman. The only time my bi-ness has really intruded into my family.
He spends, because of his work, extended periods away from home, and he used one such period to virtually cut all husband/wife contact: the phone calls were for the children etc etc.
He must have done some soul searching and rationalising. We had a weekend away when he returned really just exploring my, and by default, his situation within our marriage; and informally laid down a path of guidelines.
This was all 7 years ago and to all intents our marriage is better than its ever been.

But I wonder what he thinks in his deep self - because the sex between us was ratcheted up a number of notches - and its better than ever.

So, don't worry about your initial impotencey. It will pass. If not...... probably professional help required.

[Nara_lovely]

For my man....telling him I was Bi had the opposite effect, he was so damn randy. Not complaining mind you, but it made me wonder.
New information takes time to digest and think about. Some shut down and really think, some can go overboard to 'prove' they are better. Either way, the pattern changed. It also adapted and worked out for the better!

The key for us, was that we talked...and talked...and talked. He asked lots of questions that I answered honestly. We went through the 'what if' situations, and I responded as best as I could. I let him know how much I loved him, and we communicated till his deeper thoughts and insecurities were voiced...then talked some more. He also got an incredible insight into what and how I felt.
These conversations popped up over many weeks....but it was worth it, as we had a much stronger connection.
So talk it out! Love each other enough to speak of curiosities, fears, emotions, doubts...whatever is there.

Things will click into place....trust that it will!

Nara :flag3: