Advise

[adam69]

I am a married guy who is convinced is bi, fantasise about men. How does one take the first step?:)

[bimwmdecatur]

Well you have taken the first step by posting your profile here. There are other sites as well that will provide you with opportunities to discuss your wants, likes, dislikes, etc., with others.

Patience and caution will eventually allow you to determine if you really want to engage in sex with another man.

Just be careful in your pursuits.

[Realist]

I think your first step is to discuss this with your wife. As one who "fooled around" in a previous marriage, once it begins, it's difficult to end without feelings getting hurt, lies being told.............and then more lies to back them up. Dissolution of your marriage and alienation of your family is also a very real threat, too.

If you really love your wife, you should be up front with your fantasies. Don't think you are too smart to be caught, either! Women are not as dumb as some of us once thought and they are VERY perceptive!

Whatever you decision, it's up to you. But from one who'd been there, it's best to be honest in the beginning.

[adam69]

Thank you so much for the advice it is apreciated

[adam69]

I think you are right on!!
That is the reason for my fear, I know that if I play arround one day it will be discoverd.
Thanks for the advise


I think your first step is to discuss this with your wife. As one who "fooled around" in a previous marriage, once it begins, it's difficult to end without feelings getting hurt, lies being told.............and then more lies to back them up. Dissolution of your marriage and alienation of your family is also a very real threat, too.

If you really love your wife, you should be up front with your fantasies. Don't think you are too smart to be caught, either! Women are not as dumb as some of us once thought and they are VERY perceptive!

Whatever you decision, it's up to you. But from one who'd been there, it's best to be honest in the beginning.

[artsy girl]

Been there .. done that.. but as a married woman of course

I convinced myself i wasen't really cheating.. just finding out something about myself.. and i never slept with the woman .. so i figured i haden't really done anything initially wrong.

I did initially come to my husband in the beginning and ask him if it was ok if i kissed someone... just to find out. He was totally not ok with it at the time.

I think if I had actually given him time and been a little more honest about how much i needed to fool around with another woman.. we probably could of come to a comprimise.

I did find in the beginning.. i talked to people a lot (other women of course) Some casual conversations some sexual conversations. My hubbie was ok with that. I would talk to her.. than give her some time.. than maybe you guys can talk about some options that are ok for everybody. sneaking around definitly creates a lot of distrust afterwards .. even if it's just talking or flirting with others.

from one married biperson to another....artsy girl

[adam69]

Artsy girl

You are fantastic, thank you fro taking the time to give me advice. I totally agree with you that unless I talked to my wife about it, it will become a nightmare.
My wife is a wonderfull woman in every respect but she is aposter child for consevatism, if I even ever joked about being bi , I would probably end up in the emergency room with her.
I have not played around as of yet, only occasionaly in a chat room where I can let my fantasies run wild, but I am not sure if that is not making my bisexuality feeling even stronger.
Anyway as you can tell I am one confused guy ;-)
Thank again


Been there .. done that.. but as a married woman of course

I convinced myself i wasen't really cheating.. just finding out something about myself.. and i never slept with the woman .. so i figured i haden't really done anything initially wrong.

I did initially come to my husband in the beginning and ask him if it was ok if i kissed someone... just to find out. He was totally not ok with it at the time.

I think if I had actually given him time and been a little more honest about how much i needed to fool around with another woman.. we probably could of come to a comprimise.

I did find in the beginning.. i talked to people a lot (other women of course) Some casual conversations some sexual conversations. My hubbie was ok with that. I would talk to her.. than give her some time.. than maybe you guys can talk about some options that are ok for everybody. sneaking around definitly creates a lot of distrust afterwards .. even if it's just talking or flirting with others.

from one married biperson to another....artsy girl

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Adam honey, letting go in a chat room is fine. It gives you an out-let for your fantacies and is a good place to find out if you Are bi(Which I have a feeling that you are, hon :}

Communication is paramount with your lady. I cannot stress this enough. If you can just be content with the cyber chats, then more power to ya, but someday the urge to fulfill that urge might take over. Best to talk to your lady, and get it out of your system now before you do something that will cause disharmony in your lives and cause feelings to be hurt.
You could even suggest that a 3 way be arranged once you find someone that you are both attracted to. I know thats a long way down the line, but think about it some.
Best of luck to ya sugar. ;)
Everybodys Cat

[void()]

Please be cautious in using the terminology of being confused. Indeed there are people who do need to sort things out for themselves. However, it is also a common slur or disrespectful comment to bisexuals, "you're just confused."

Many of us are anything but confused. I for example am quite happy to live with, love both a man and woman. That is partly by my choice, partly simply just because it is how I was 'created, made, came to be'.

My man lives a fair piece away. Doesn't mean a thing, except as a bit of aching at times. I live with my wife full time, get to live with him when we can visit.

Yes, my wife knows and even approves. He knows as well, and approves. Love them both equally and unconditionally. Recently learned, contrary to my due diligence, I still get a little jealous.

Wife is able to have lovers as well. Lo and behold, I tripped over a tiny jealous bone. "Oh damn, I'm human after all."

And so, I urge your caution. All of us here are human.

The most eloquent and valuable piece of advise I may give is, communication is vital to any relationship. Don't lose that, lest you lose trust, love. Beyond this, if it feels right, enjoy. :)

[artsy girl]

If she is conservative .. than definitly be gentle in your wording. There is always a chance that she is not turned on by man with man.

I know with my husband I always thought.. oh he'll be fine with all of this.. after all .. men all want a threesome or like the thought of it.(lol)

You just never really know how your mate is going to react or what they'll be ok with. my hubbie likes the thought of all of it... not so ok with the doing or knowing i'm doing something with another person.

We've discussed many options between us... but still working on rebonding our relationship at present time. Building some trust... going out together on date nights ( after all we have kids)

It's a struggle at times knowing i can't totally act on my bi feelings.. but it's way more comfortable knowing i can be honest...we look at girls together that sort of thing.

Good luck to you. Married artsy girl