This is why I don't date more often. [Archive]

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MelissaMaven

Jul 22, 2009, 8:02 PM

I haven't started a topic before, but I thought somebody might get a laugh or a facepalm out of it, so I'll share my tale of woe!

I haven't actually dated anyone for a few months now I guess it's been, and so naturally friends of mine are always trying to push me in the direction of someone or another with whom I should give it a shot. Those friends are aware that I don't date straight guys, or more particularly, guys who aren't aware that I'm transgender, so generally I'm always under the impression that anyone they suggest is going to be bi or curious or what have you.

Normally I'd prefer a friend environment for meeting people the first time, but on this occasion, a casual dinner seemed to be the easiest way to meet up today. So my friend, a guy friend, who assured me that this other guy was aware that I'm transsexual, set it all up, and I just had to meet the guy at the restaurant at 6.

So we get there near around the same time, and do the whole awkward introduction thing. We go in, find a place, order something to eat, and just start having some general conversation while we wait. He seemed like a nice fellow and wasn't bad looking, so I thought that this might turn out to be a pretty nice evening, actually.

At one point though he leans across the table a bit, and kind of whispers "I'm cool with you being transsexual, just so you know. I always wanted to go out with a girl who's into girls." Or something to that effect.

And suddenly here I am realizing that this guy has no idea what transsexual really means. In fact, he apparently thinks I'm a bisexual female. And to seal the deal, he winks before he sinks back to his seat.

AWKWARD.

So I just finish dinner as casually as I can without facepalming myself to death or using any of the myriad of excuses for leaving that are running through my head. A seemingly long time later, we leave, exchange goodbyes, he expresses that he had a good time, does his terrible winking thing again, and we head to our cars. Me reaching mine much faster, I'm sure.

So yeah. At least I got a free dinner out of it I guess, and pilfered some bread sticks to bring home with me to munch on, while I contemplate how best to murder my friend for this. lol.

Feel free to turn this into a "terrible date thread" if you want!

_Joe_

Jul 22, 2009, 8:09 PM

http://www.crazyjoe.us/stuff/winks.jpg

He had no idea terrible date coulda been most awesome date if he just came educated and still used his winks.

jem_is_bi

Jul 22, 2009, 10:03 PM

My only wish is that you did not see the humor of his ignorance then and now.
It made me laugh and I wish it had made you laugh then as well as now.
Wow, what a great experience!

Shhhhh 47/F/usa

Jul 22, 2009, 10:54 PM

So, what ya gonna say when he calls for that second date?

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jul 22, 2009, 11:08 PM

lol. Well, like you said Honeygirl, you got a free meal out of the deal, and made raunchy fantacies roll thru his head a bit...lol. :rolleyes:
Smiling Cat

Doggiestyle

Jul 22, 2009, 11:15 PM

You are lucky that he thought that you were a bisexual female, cause most southern rednecks think that transsexual and transgendered are really the same thing, and that it really means that a person was born with and still has both the male and female "equipment"! ;)

But hey, thats ok cause to be bisexual means the strait folks think your gay and the gay folks think your strait. And at the same time, both groups think your confused, undecided, mixed up, and in a "transition phase". ;) ;)

Actually, you should have winked back and said something like.
he ain't no her cause him's a she
So he can offer anything you want her to be :rolleyes:

Or after he said that he was ok with you bein transsexual. You should have said that you were a person that's really a bi-transsexually-transgendered person. Dammmmm that should have really knocked him on his ass!!!
He would have been cussing his / your friend about as bad as you cussing your / his friend. :tong:

Hey, we all get a chance to get our :2cents: in, don't we?

Your friend, :doggie:..........:bipride:

12voltman59

Jul 22, 2009, 11:22 PM

Melissa--you ought to make notes on such experiences and get your "revenge" of sorts by writing a script for a transexual sitcom for LOGO or Showtime or HBO--it sounds like you probably have some interesting experiences along these lines!!

This way--you can "make lemonade when life hands ya lemons!!" :bigrin::bigrin:

graytwo

Jul 22, 2009, 11:35 PM

lol. Well, like you said Honeygirl, you got a free meal out of the deal, and made raunchy fantacies roll thru his head a bit...lol. :rolleyes:
Smiling Cat

Totally agree with what Cat said...

What a jerk that person is. What a twit.... It's NOT you! So don't get so down on yourself. At least you got a dinner and the knowledge that "jerks are out there" and can't handle your mental and physical location in life. Take a deep breath, relax and just keep moving on. Nothing wrong with you.

-graytwo

NJ Mac

Jul 23, 2009, 12:46 AM

Oh no he didn't!

Kermit Jagger

Jul 23, 2009, 8:05 AM

Melissa,
Your anger should be directed at the friend who arranged the date, not at the poor guy who took you out to dinner. Think about what your friend told this guy before he met you...it just makes me shutter. And, what was your friend thinking about when suggesting you meet him...I'm shuttering again. The poor guy who took you out to dinner was ignorant. I don't know the right word to describe your friend.

Finding the right people to date is tough for anyone, probably even more so for a trans-sexual, and even more so for one living in the South. You are beautiful and sensitive, keep at it; you'll find someone worthy of you.

Love,

Kermit

Realist

Jul 23, 2009, 8:20 AM

**Peg**

Jul 23, 2009, 9:36 AM

I haven't started a topic before, but I thought somebody might get a laugh or a facepalm out of it, so I'll share my tale of woe! ........
Feel free to turn this into a "terrible date thread" if you want!

great first posting Mel.

I'll take you up on the "date from hell" offer as well.

Recently.....gawd where to begin.... well anyway, knew him for approx a month, had had lunch with him once before. Soooo, he showed up on time, didn't smell clean... and that was just the start (I do love sweet-smelling people :).

We went out to do some errands, (he's a frightening driver, all over the road) just spend a bit of time together, had lunch....came back to my place for a coffee and chat (only).....he and I both had things to do later (I had planned it that way).

long story short: in the process of his questioning about why my hubby and I split up 30-some years ago, I told him it was because the EX [in a drunken rage] had punched me in the stomach, kicked me, ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it at me - among other things.

the DFH's response? "you probably deserved it" .... then he laughed, told me it was a 'joke'. I was stunned, he really DID think it was funny. sick fucker.

I have to thank him for reminding me not to look for companionship at online dating sites. After 4 years of looking, I've withdrawn my profile, and blocked him 8 ways to centre, and have given up hope of ever finding a decent man.

I also silently thanked him for reminding me what a great life I have all on my own, in my own little slice of paradise, birds, trees and more. None of which include him LOL.

MelissaMaven

Jul 23, 2009, 12:37 PM

Having slept on it, I'm less disappointed about it and generally just have more of an embarrassed chuckle to myself at the thought. I guess it'll be another of those things to remember!

I don't have ill will towards the guy or anything for the record (or even my friend for that matter) . I mean yeah, it was a potentially embarrassing misunderstanding on this guy's part, but I can't expect everyone to know about such things. And other than getting the idea that he was really only interested in threesomes or something anyway, it wasn't even a bad night in terms of just two people going out. There have been worse!

As for him calling for a second date, it wasn't until this morning that I even realized that he never asked for my number. I can only assume that he meant to get it from my friend. Though I have no idea at the moment what I'd use to get out of a possible second date, assuming he calls!

And Peg, that guy does sound pretty crude. I think sometimes people can just say dumb things when they're nervous, though I won't pretend to know what was going through that guy's head at the time. Either way, I still hope that fate brings you another fellow with a much higher appreciation of women. And phones!

_Joe_

Jul 23, 2009, 12:50 PM

I know for a fact I say stupid things when I'm nervous, for the sake of just keep the conversation going and just facepalm myself. However they never come out hurtful.

jamiehue

Jul 23, 2009, 2:06 PM

just got back from Sauguatuck Mi, had lots of dates there!!!

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jul 23, 2009, 2:56 PM

Peg said "the DFH's response? "you probably deserved it" .... then he laughed, told me it was a 'joke'. I was stunned, he really DID think it was funny. sick fucker.""

Ohhhh, my Sweet Peg. You are sooo much nicer than I am, Hon. That SOB would been shown my front door, via the scruff of his neck and the seat of his pants. (Where I hope he would have gotten the wedgie from hell!) I'da throw'd his stinky ass out in da yard!!! :bigrin:
Mean Ol' Cat

rissababynta

Jul 23, 2009, 3:39 PM

Wooow, that really sucks. Sorry to hear about your misfortune.

As for the bad date thing, I was engaged to my husband before I turned 18, we had our first child 4 days after I turned 19...so I haven't had much dating experience. So, I had a weird date with him, if that counts.

We were going to go to a movie with a friend, and she backed out last minute because she had wanted to go alone with him and got annoyed when she found out I was going. He and I liked each other at the time, we had even made out a little before then too, and she knew that. So we kind of jokingly said that the movie ended up becoming a date. Well, wasn't that jokingly after all. We walked around the store before the movie started holding hands and cuddling and stuff. He wasn't expecting it to be a date date, just the movie. So he paid for the tickets and had eough money to be able to go to Arby's and get something. He paid for his food, and without offering to share or do anything like that he just stepped to the side and gave me a look like "so, you gonna get food too or what?" lol. That, and him telling me 2 weeks after us talking that he wouldn't mind me being the mother of his children and telling me that our first kiss reminded him of his ex (ack!), should have made me go running, screaming, but here I am haha. Anyway, we ended up bailing out of the movie halfway through cause it sucked and we went and had sex in his car :bigrin: So, it wasn't a bad date, but like I said, kinda weird haha.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jul 23, 2009, 8:07 PM

lol I'd post my worst "Blind Date" story, but I'm afraid it would be too long..lol
Cat

12voltman59

Jul 23, 2009, 8:42 PM

Melissa--it is a good thing in a way that you found out from the git-go that the guy is not your cup of tea--it might be much worse if things had gone on fine-and you went out ,say, a dozen times and found out he was some piece of work then after thinking he might actually work out--better to find out sooner than later!!

Just another way of looking at the bright side of the situation!!

Doggiestyle

Jul 23, 2009, 10:56 PM

Well I guess that I stand to be corrected about the "southern red-neck" thing, Realist. And that you are right about their being red-necks all over the world, and it seems like that everwhere you go there is an abundant supply of em. However I live in the south and the southern variety is all I ever seem to have to deal with. But believe me that all the noise that they make around here kinda drowns out all the noise that the other varieties make.

And now, for the real scary part. Did everbody know this? That there are at least one of every kind in this world!!!!!!! :eek: Frightful huh? And now for the really, I mean REALLY scary part. That there may be somebody else in this world that's just like me! :yikes2: Now if that dosen't blow the hat off ya head, then nuthin will.

Oh and yes, Melissa. I cannot help but agree with ya about the good palm job after such a night, about relieving all the stress caused by such a awkward night. Kinda smooths things out and makes everthing else seem a lot less important, dosen't it?

Oh well, done said too much allready, gotta go, gotta git, gotta split
Your friend, :doggie:.......:flag4:

artsy girl

Jul 24, 2009, 9:40 AM

Honestly I didn't really know what transexual meant myself. so i'm really glad someone cleared that subject up for me.
I think a lot of people are not clear on what transexual or transgender means.
If you haven't met someone than you really have no idea.
This guy on the date probably had no idea and totally misunderstand the friend when they explained it.

This year I have a transgendered male friend.at work.. but before that i never met anyone who was like that.

And if youre really into this person still melissa.. you might wanna clear that up right away. I'm sure he'd be understanding if you just said.. i wanted to let you know the other night.. but i'm really transexual. Everybody is akward and not themselves on the first date anyway. People just put too much weight on it that's all.
I think the best way to find a life long partner is to go in not expecting anything in the beginning. Just be yourself and allow yourself to get to know the other person without putting judgment on them right from the beginning.

Like some others here i have also not dated for a very long time. me and my hubby have been married for a very long time. Just my :2cents:

Marriedartsygirl

MelissaMaven

Jul 24, 2009, 11:01 AM

So, yesterday, I talked to the friend who arranged all this, and he just laughed for like a whole minute initially. lol. But then he apologized for the whole thing and said he would make it up to me somehow. Not entirely necessary, but he's a fun guy and all so I don't mind hanging out with him sometime or something regardless.

He called me again this morning though, and let me know that the guy did in fact ask him about my number. I guess he saved me the trouble of finding excuses of not going on a second date, because he clarified the misunderstanding with the guy, which reportedly involved a lot of "Are you serious?" and apparently other things my friend wouldn't say.

Better luck next time, I suppose!

_Joe_

Jul 24, 2009, 11:43 AM

It would be more funny to imagine he masturbating thinking of you (ok creepy I know but we all know some guys work like this) and then he remembers he masturbating thinking of you, and now in time he will realize he has a new kink and really will want your number and then it's all too late. Or something. You follow ?

**Peg**

Jul 24, 2009, 1:12 PM

open2both

Jul 24, 2009, 1:35 PM

You're young and beautiful! Just "ride out" your youthful impatience and frustrations (easy to say) but things will happen on their own time. Better to be without a "relationship" for a while than being in a BAD one.
Deep breaths and enjoy being alive!

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jul 24, 2009, 2:19 PM

So did he say "Are you serious?" in an ewww factor sort of way, or did he say it like "Hey cool!" sort of way?
If it was in a negitive way, then its best to know now, but I'd still smack the friend for not telling him in the first place. Its not fair on the guy and Definately not fair on You, honey.
Just laugh it off and full steam ahead. :}
Hugzzz
Cat

MelissaMaven

Jul 24, 2009, 4:37 PM

My friend seemed to portray what he said in the more negative connotation, which is about what I expected. But then again, you know how some guys can be when they're with other guys. For all I know, he's doing exactly what Joe mentioned. lol.

12voltman59

Jul 24, 2009, 6:04 PM

biinterested

Jul 25, 2009, 5:00 PM

well, "kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind see.": I guess you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your prince.

boca.openminded

Jul 27, 2009, 3:23 PM

Doggiestyle,

You could have left off "SOUTHERN" from Rednecks.

I've lived in Germany and all over the states and the South does NOT have the corner on REDNECKS!

I've seen the BEST and WORST from people in Florida, Mississippi, Upstate New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Germany, Austria, France and Indiana.

I dislike hearing that the South, or North, or anywhere, has all the rednecks... they're everywhere!

In the same vein; There's also some fine, open-minded and decent folks in the same locations.

Just my two-bits...................

You might dislike hearing Southern Rednecks but it is what it is. Yes, there are rednecks all over this world but the term "rednecks" did come from the south. Jeff Foxworthy made a fortune calling himself a Southern Redneck..

now back to the original post.... I am surprised that you are still living in Tenn. I am not surprised to hear of a guy that is naive.

This is why SF, NYC, etc have large gay / transgendered / bi populations. They move to where it is more openly accepted.

MelissaMaven

Aug 7, 2009, 1:21 AM

I don't want to leave this topic sitting on the depressing note of my love life, so I'll give it a little update!

I've gone out with another guy here recently, in fact. I've kinda known him for a little while now, but didn't really know much about him, despite a time or two when he'd be out with us as a group. But he asked if I wanted to do lunch sometime, so I figured why not.

Turns out it went pretty well. And I discovered his sense of humor when he leaned across the table to tell me he likes bi girls and winked, keeping a straight face up until I started laughing. Apparently everyone I know has heard about that by now, dammit. lol

Anyway, then he also asked if I wanted to tag along to pick up his new dog the other evening, which led to me also helping give her a name ("Sophie", earning sugar on the cheek from both of them!). And then earlier tonight did the whole dinner and a movie thing (even though the movie wasn't so great).

So yeah, no complaints or terrible embarrassing dinners to report so far!

_Joe_

Aug 7, 2009, 8:27 AM

http://www.crazyjoe.us/stuff/reallyhappyguy.gif

hudson9

Aug 7, 2009, 2:08 PM

... writing a script for a transexual sitcom for LOGO or Showtime or HBO...

I can just picture it -- w/ Rob Schneider playing the guy... !!
:tong:

diB4u

Aug 7, 2009, 7:43 PM

EEEKKKKKKKK

Not only does it sound like a date from hell.... but....

Grrrr a little bit of research- after all this is the age of the internet.

Ugh, you poor love...

Not everyone is like that... :)