Hit by a bus??

[innaminka]

Like many of us here, I am married and I am bi.
I have been married for just on 16 years and despite the few rough patches and natural conflicts all marriages have, we are (IMHO) rock solid.
I love my husband, I know he loves me - we have a wonderful uninhibited sex life which has resulted in two beautiful daughters.
He also know I have had and (to his understanding still do have) sex with other women.
Except for one very bad time, it has not impinged on our life together. It is not one of those arrangements where I share details or stories of my other life.
He never asks, I don't tell.
My theoretical query is this: what if my husband were to be hit by the proverbial bus tomorrow?
My instincts are that my "lesbian" side would take over.
Bisexuality means you are capable of loving both sexes. I have had sexual encounters with other women, but (except for one short time) have never allowed myself to let the full gamut of my emotions be involved. - I have not allowed myself to fall in love with another woman.
I think something in my soul would crave that if my husband were to die.
I find I now longer really want sex with another man except my husband (- I have been periodically "naughty' in my past) and that more and more it is females that I find "really" attractive and despite limited opportunity, I crave and relish the f/f encounters I have. But also, through personal choice, denying myself the chance to become more deeply and emotionally involved.

My question is, amongst those of you who are bi - man or woman - and who are married, how do you think you would respond sexually if your partner was to die?

[meteast chick]

As interested as I am for other women, my life would turn upside down without my husband. If we were to divorce, I would be saddened but at the very least my 2 boys would still have their father. If he were to die, on the other hand, my life would crash. Besides the fact that he is the sole source of income in this family, besides the fact that I have no idea how to console grieving children when I myself would be reeling from grief, my life would crash all around me. In my case, I left all of my family and friends to move here with my husband. How could I stay, but at the same time how could I leave all these people who have become my new family, and his own family? I have struggled for several years with depression, and my family has an unusually strong tendency for mental illness. I'm afraid I would go overboard. Despite my religious beliefs about suicide, and the knowledge that I would want to be on earth for my children, the death of my loving husband would be a real blow. We're young, but already have wills set up for the "just in case", but who really wants to think about such things?
I realize that the movie "What Dreams May Come", which I love, deals primarily with the loss of children and then the spouse, is a different take on this, but ultimately deals with the issues of loss, grief, suicide, heaven, hell and reincarnation. My only solice in the event of my husband's demise would be, heaven help us, that I would see him again one day. I would have to tell myself that again and again.

[Lorcan]

God, what a question!

ok, after the grieving period....

I would go out with only bi-sexual boys and girls. Not that i'm a mono-sexual hater...some of them are my best friends. :rolleyes: I'm tired of dating straight guys. And once you tell your average lesbian that your bi, she'll probably run away screaming.

[anda692]

What a question indeed. First of all this is the first wife that allows, even encourges, me to explore my bi-side. And this is my third wife. The other two were "don't ask, don't tell" and "nasty" So what would I do. First I would be lost, then I would pick up the pieces and find a way to go on. We have children, so I would need to go on for them.
As for my romantic life, I wouldn't look for a replacement. I've gotten to old and programed by society, so I don't know if I would continue exploring bi-ness. Without her encourgement, I would probably follow the worn path to hetro. I've never gotten emotionally involved with a man, just had sex. So I don't (at this time) see me looking for comfort from a man. However ask this some time down the road and I hope that I would answer it differently. Maybe then I will be able to stand up for myself. right now, I don't think that I would. Lynn

[grant_33]

Great question, something I've thought of on several occasions.

The grieving process would be long and painful. With three kids, I've already made the decision that my love life would be put on hold until they're out of the house if, God forbid, something like that happened. After that, there would definitely be a dilemma. On one hand, there'd be freedom to explore the m/m side of things without having fidelity issues to deal with (even with wifely approval, there's still the whole defying the marriage vow thing going on). On the other hand, there is still a societal issue to deal with having a long-term same-sex relationship, and with kids, and parents and in-laws still alive, it may be a bit much to go out and have a open relationship with a guy. So it would still probably have to be a discreet relationship. I think I'd give it a shot over starting another hetero relationship, though.

[binbi42]

We've always said that if we go we hope it's together because neither of of us wants to be last on that train. I'd probably continue down the path I'm on until something moved me to change course. I'm at a point in my life where I have more time behind me than I do in front of me, and that clock is still ticking away a little faster each day. I'm grateful and fortunate to have met my soulmate on this journey..and have no doubt we'd meet again if not on this plane then on another. :angel: :angel:
..merrily..merrily...merrily...merrily..Life is but a dream.

[scubaman]

I would be devastated! My sex life would be dimished severly for a period of time. However, I think I would seek out a bisexual female and continue the way I am now. I love both sex with both and would not want to give that up! Great soul searching question!!!!!!!!!

Don't be afrain to try bi!

[rupertbare]

As my mariage has recently gone into meltdown and is now headed for the divorce courts I am in the situation of grieving for the lose of the one whom I considered my bestest friend and soul mate and also my bestest lover ever.

Because I have two young children I'm just gonna muddle through it - maybe my "love" life, and I suppose to be both honest and frank here I really mean my active sexual life will go on hold.

Being bi I'm open to both men and women so I'll just wait until Eros's arrow hits and see what happens. I'm still much more attracted to women - both emmotionally and physically - for me being "bi" is much more of an intellectual understanding about my own sexuality than necessarily a need that must be met.

This is a really great, thought provoking thread, thankyou.

Rupe :)

[Nara_lovely]

Not trying to be too lighthearted....but the way he drives, it would be more likely my man would hit the bus, not be hit by one.

Either by death or some other form of end; I think I'd take the time to find myself. Get used to being all me, a soul searching journey of sorts, before attaching to anyone in particular. I think there will be good friends (male and female) along the way, who will love me no matter what.

I think, yes, I'd be more likely to find a female partner.

Nara :flag2:

[JohnnyV]

If I lost my wife, I think I wouldn't ever replace her. I would probably have flings but I don't think anyone exists who could ever be my spouse. I'm not a gushy, mushy person, but on this question I stand firm. She is the only person I can ever love. That just doesn't mean she's the only person I could ever have a fun time with in bed.

J