My Story

[skateboarder719]

For the past two months I have been going out with a girl that I have known and hung out with for the past year or so now. I work at her parents' restaurant as a delivery boy and I hang out there almost every day so I get to see her, her parents, her brother, and all the workers (who are pretty much friends now).

In that same year that I met my girlfriend, I also started to become being friends with her brother too, who is two years younger but still really cool and developed and everything. Anyways, I haven't had a ton of guy friends over the years so getting to know this cool skater guy that liked hanging out with me and was just all around a kickass awesome person was great.

As I hung out more with her, I hung out more with him and recently I have spent the night over at their house four or five times, but in his room of course. Well as him and I became closer friends I started dressing like him and we act pretty similar anyway. Eventually we started saying I love you to each other just to say it because we like hanging out with each other so much, which is cool. We also hug each other a lot, but so do my girlfriend and I.

The thing is though, him and I cuddle somewhat when I spend the night and neither of us mind. We both sleep in his bed when I'm over. We hold hands when I am over at his house sometimes. And sometimes we just lay on the floor together, his head in my lap or something, and do nothing. We are both emotionally connected too, whereas we care when the other is feeling bad and want to know how to help or something.

Well I've never gone through this before with any guys but I feel sometimes like I want to kiss him when I'm just looking him in the eyes and I kinda feel closer to him than his sister, my girlfriend. Bottom line, I think I like my girlfriend's brother more than her but I've never had these feelings before.

I don't know if he feels the same at all because I've never talked about it but why would he do all this stuff if he didn't feel something?

I know that this isn't fair to my girlfriend so I am going to have to tell her eventually but when I do, do I then turn around and talk to her brother one on one and see if he feels the same at all?

I don't want to do all this and then end up with little to no relationship between her, him, and maybe out of a job...

Any comments or advice on anything? I'm pretty much open to anything you can give because I'm so drained and somewhat confused...

[Herbwoman39]

There are others on this board wiser than myself so I'll defer to their knowledge. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. No matter what happens, we'll be here to help. I would hope, too, that you have a family support system that you can lean on. Good luck hon.

[skateboarder719]

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate that. The only people I have told about this are two of my friends that live far away and are bisexual and also my best friend since kindergarten. They were all supportive but I still just have no idea what to do so I decided to come here too.

[M. Wolfe]

It is a bit of a pickle. So what are you thinking? are you worried that you'll make and advance and he won't want it? Or are you worried about what will happen with your GF?

The logistics are a bit different.

[skateboarder719]

Well I can't keep going out with her when I don't really like as much that way so I know we're gonna have to break up eventually.

What I'm actually worried about is that I'll tell him about how I feel and he won't feel the same way but then because I said it I won't have the same relationship with him, and I'll already have no relationship with my ex girlfriend, who was my friend before my girlfriend, and they might tell their parents who may not let me work anymore, and then their parents might tell my parents who I would then in turn have to talk to which I don't really want to do...

[M. Wolfe]

Well I can't keep going out with her when I don't really like as much that way so I know we're gonna have to break up eventually.

What I'm actually worried about is that I'll tell him about how I feel and he won't feel the same way but then because I said it I won't have the same relationship with him, and I'll already have no relationship with my ex girlfriend, who was my friend before my girlfriend, and they might tell their parents who may not let me work anymore, and then their parents might tell my parents who I would then in turn have to talk to which I don't really want to do...

Dude.... You sleep together (like proper sleep). And he's already responsive to your closeness. I don't think he's going to hold it against you on the microscopic chance that he doesn't feel the same. He puts his head on your lap. There isn't that kind of degree of romance in normal straight-guy/straight-guy friendship.

[csrakate]

You have to know deep in your heart that any relationship with him is going to be marred by what you have to tell your girlfriend.....and/or her parents...YOUR employers....is he worth it? I agree you shouldn't string the girl along...but do you honestly think you can have a relationship with him after breaking it off? Just want you to be prepared for reality...not the fantasy of things you may be hoping for.

[Realist]

Well, looks like you've gotten yourself into a soap opera, I'm afraid. This could be a sticky situation and I can see that you're concerned about several aspects of your relationship with the family.

Now, this is just a suggestion, only YOU know what's best for you. I have been in some situations not too unlike this one. I have an idea that you're really young, say 18-19, and at your age, I'd probably have had just as much trouble figuring my way out of this, as you are.

Number one, you said that you "do" things with each other, but don't talk about it. So, as I see it, that's what I think is the first thing you need to correct...learn to communicate. You've probably heard it said that communication is the key, and that's the truth. You'll be surprised what you can accomplish when you are honest and up front with others. They may not like it, but they will at least trust you.

Think of this: Get your GF and brother together, in private, and tell them you have something that is really bugging you and that you want to share your feelings. Ask them, if you are honest with them, can they be discreet and think seriously about what you're telling them? Then, tell them the same thing you're telling us. I know it's scary, but if you know them well enough and trust them, you owe it to them to be honest with them.

Everyone gets confused and has difficulty making the right decisions, sometimes. It's even worse when you're young. But being up front and honest is the only right way to go.

Good luck to you and hope everything turns out OK for you. If you start cheating and lying at this age, it'll be easier the next time. It's best to get off on the right foot, even if it's not the easiest thing to do. Good luck!

[skateboarder719]

@kate - The way I feel about being with him, even when we're not doing anything makes it seem like it would be worth anything to be with him. As long as he wanted to be with me too.

@realist - Thanks a lot for all that you said. Yeah, I turn 18 tomorrow so I'm young like you thought. He's only 16 so I feel weird about that too but it seems like he cares too so I just wanted some advice. I really appreciate it and I'll try to keep it all in mind when I think about what to do.

The thing is I don't want him to just be one person that I'm with. I want him to be around for a long time. I love everything about him and everything he does makes me smile and be happy and love making him happy.

[M. Wolfe]

The thing is I don't want him to just be one person that I'm with. I want him to be around for a long time. I love everything about him and everything he does makes me smile and be happy and love making him happy.

Aww that's sweet bro. If your depiction is accurate then I have a feeling that you and he will be together. He seems to care and love more than a friend.

[skateboarder719]

I really hope so dude.

[void()]

Not exactly the same story but similar. Once worked in a fast food place with a couple. He was really good in the kitchen. I was in as a dishwasher/spare cook/janitor/mr. fix it in a pinch. Had a routine to things, no matter how swamped we got, it worked all the time.

His girlfriend was tops on the front line, and didn't do so bad in the galley. She was blond, prone to a little anxiousness in the galley. I'd coddle her a bit when her bf wasn't in the back. She would get too high strung. "Relax, we got it. Just finish up that order, honey."

They worked on separate days, and in tandem some days. Our galley was strictly M.T.O of an evening, our drive thru was killer quick, correct. It was a good run place.

One day she came into the back. Boyfriend ducked out the back door. "Hey Ben, why not go out back and give R. a blow job for me? It's his birthday!"

So I did. He loved it. Then she came out as our relief crew had came on. R. says to me, "bet you can't give her a good dicking."

I thought for the longest time the two of them would get upset. They never did, in fact we all enjoyed one another company for about two years.

Just odd, go for both. *shrugs*

[skateboarder719]

They are brother and sister though, not just co-workers. I really don't think either of them would go for that and I only really want him when I sit down and think about it, not so much her.

[artsy girl]

I think you probaby want to tread lightly when it come to both these people. Young girls can be very sensitive and if she's really into you than you really don't want this to be a hurtful thing.
I would definitly be honest with both these people. Maybe try talking to the brother first and tell him what your feeling. Chances are he feels the same way by what you say. Also let him know you want to go forward with a relationship with him. He maybe ready for this or he may not. It depepends on how out of the closet he is. he may not even be ready to be out in public and really being a couple.

After you have determined where he wants to go with the relationship than you sit down your girlfriend and really let her know the whole situation. Try and be gentle with your wording. Let her know you really like her.. but you feel more into boys. You don't feel right carrying forward in the relationship and you really don't want to hurt her.
If you keep some of those sayings in my mind maybe you can keep this from being a hurtful experience for anyone. But you really need to tell her regardless. Think how you would feel if your were in her shoes and found out your boyfriend was cheating with your brother. And even if you haven't really been physical with the brother your still on your way to going that direction.. just as hurtful.
After all is said and done than you can determine where the relationship is going with the boy. I would keep a lot of this hush hush with other and the rest of the family. Especially if their a culture that doesn't that this kind of thing litely.
If you don't get a relationship out of the whole thing.. sometimes you take that risk.. but it takes risks to tell someone you care about them.. who knows maybe it's love.

Hope that helps..coming from a girls point of view. Marriedartsygirl

[altbinary]

@kate - The way I feel about being with him, even when we're not doing anything makes it seem like it would be worth anything to be with him. As long as he wanted to be with me too.

@realist - Thanks a lot for all that you said. Yeah, I turn 18 tomorrow so I'm young like you thought. He's only 16 so I feel weird about that too but it seems like he cares too so I just wanted some advice. I really appreciate it and I'll try to keep it all in mind when I think about what to do.
The thing is I don't want him to just be one person that I'm with. I want him to be around for a long time. I love everything about him and everything he does makes me smile and be happy and love making him happy.
You could be in legal trouble now that you are no longer a minor and he is. Think about that.

Do you feel the same way about his sister as you do about him? You are in a real emotional bind. Nobody's fault. At your age it's boiling hormones which are often impossible to overcome. You are in a situation you can't accept or defeat.

Whenever you are in such a predicament, the wise thing is to run away from it. Go someplace else--new job, etc.--and start from scratch.

I know it sounds like hard advice--and it is. It sounds like you already know what the consequences can be if you continue. Once you move out of your predicament, your mental agony about this will disappear.

Whatever you decide, Good luck.

[Doggie_Wood]

You could be in legal trouble now that you are no longer a minor and he is. Think about that.


With that being said, should any adverse legal problems arise (and his parents could start it off) you could be labeled a sexual preditor, and that is something that would follow you for the rest of your life.

I recomend backing out of the situation completely, find a new job or something. And don't persue a minor.
:2cents:
Doggie:doggie:

[Coastocoast]

I learned that lesson the hard way when I was younger and I never forgot it: Don't get your pussy where you get your paycheck. The rule translates to either gender. I have never again gone out with anyone that I worked with in any way that could have been taken as romantic, not even once. Let both down gently and move on to adult grounds outside of your work environment.

[Realist]

The reality of you becoming an adult in the eyes of the law completely skipped my thought process!

They are right, you are in an adult world now and nothing is going to be as simple and available for you! Conider the consequences and you will see that the only thing for you to do is leave!

Now, if anything goes wrong and their parents think that you are having sex with either, you are subject to serious legal action and you WILL be recorded as a sex offender!

It's possible that you could get some serious jail time, too! All of a sudden, you are in a situation where your whole life could easily be ruined! I'm afraid they're right; it's time to move on...and fast, too!

[csrakate]

OMG this has become a train wreck and nothing has happened yet! You're going to break up with a girl who thinks you have feelings for her....you're going to tell her that you have feelings for her underage brother....you're going to also be informing, directly or indirectly, YOUR EMPLOYERS that you're ditching their daughter and focusing your attention on their son....and if by chance they are the slightest bit homophobic....OMG....I don't even want to go there. DO NOT do anything except distance yourself from this situation ASAP.....this scenario has nothing to offer you but trouble....and while you may believe he is worth it, he doesn't have a voice for himself in this matter...he is underage and you are now the age of majority!

[skateboarder719]

I'm not having sex with either of them and their parents aren't homophobic at all because their mom's brother (who is very very close) is completely homosexual with a longtime partner. But okay, I'll think about just leaving...

[M. Wolfe]

You could break it off with her and leave it at that. It sounds like a decent job and you don't want to go loosing a friend.

[SuchaBadDog1]

I agree this is getting a lot heavier than anything you should have to deal with at your age.

There are a lot of people out there you have never met. Why not tell the girl that you are concerned that her feelings for you are stronger than yours for her and set her free.

Then meet more friends and keep the relationship with her brother platonic. He needs to find his way too and you may be a little too convenient for him.

[skateboarder719]

Thanks guys.

[M. Wolfe]

Then meet more friends and keep the relationship with her brother platonic. He needs to find his way too and you may be a little too convenient for him.

Plus then the day he hit's 17 (or whatever the legal age is, states-side), then surprise him.

OR

Take him for a gay ol' holiday to Poland where the Legal age is 15! ^_^

[skateboarder719]

Lol, okay, thanks.

By the way, I'm allowed to kiss him even if he is underage and date him too if he wanted too. I just can't have sex with him.

[altbinary]

By the way, I'm allowed to kiss him even if he is underage and date him too if he wanted too. I just can't have sex with him.

Don't touch him!

[bicuriousm4m]

For the past two months I have been going out with a girl that I have known and hung out with for the past year or so now. I work at her parents' restaurant as a delivery boy and I hang out there almost every day so I get to see her, her parents, her brother, and all the workers (who are pretty much friends now).

In that same year that I met my girlfriend, I also started to become being friends with her brother too, who is two years younger but still really cool and developed and everything. Anyways, I haven't had a ton of guy friends over the years so getting to know this cool skater guy that liked hanging out with me and was just all around a kickass awesome person was great.

As I hung out more with her, I hung out more with him and recently I have spent the night over at their house four or five times, but in his room of course. Well as him and I became closer friends I started dressing like him and we act pretty similar anyway. Eventually we started saying I love you to each other just to say it because we like hanging out with each other so much, which is cool. We also hug each other a lot, but so do my girlfriend and I.

The thing is though, him and I cuddle somewhat when I spend the night and neither of us mind. We both sleep in his bed when I'm over. We hold hands when I am over at his house sometimes. And sometimes we just lay on the floor together, his head in my lap or something, and do nothing. We are both emotionally connected too, whereas we care when the other is feeling bad and want to know how to help or something.

Well I've never gone through this before with any guys but I feel sometimes like I want to kiss him when I'm just looking him in the eyes and I kinda feel closer to him than his sister, my girlfriend. Bottom line, I think I like my girlfriend's brother more than her but I've never had these feelings before.

I don't know if he feels the same at all because I've never talked about it but why would he do all this stuff if he didn't feel something?

I know that this isn't fair to my girlfriend so I am going to have to tell her eventually but when I do, do I then turn around and talk to her brother one on one and see if he feels the same at all?

I don't want to do all this and then end up with little to no relationship between her, him, and maybe out of a job...

Any comments or advice on anything? I'm pretty much open to anything you can give because I'm so drained and somewhat confused...


hey how ru? I know what your going threw. i was dating this girl for about 2 years when i was 20 she was 17. she had a brother that was 15. one time when she was at church camp it was just me and him. We started talking and the subjct got brought up. i told him that i fooled around with a guy when i was younger. He then asked if i would ever do it again. i said yes. He asked if i would with him. So i said yes. We started fooling around. so i know what your going threw. If u want 2know email me at fball_85bulldog@yahoo.com. thanks robert

[skateboarder719]

He's five years younger there though, not only two. And I just turned eighteen, whereas you'd been of legal age for at least two years. And he was younger than my gf's brother is now. I don't know if you actually liked him either or if you were just horny or if you ever really hung out with him before that time.

I hang out with him all the time, he is literally one of my best friends. I hang out with him almost every day. And I actually feel things for him. We hold hands sometimes and we hug and say I love you all the time so it's a little different but thanks for replying. I really appreciate it.

Don't tell me not to touch him. If I was truly in love with him and it led somewhere and his parents didn't mind then I can do what I want. You can suggest whatever you want to me and I will gladly consider it but don't yell at me when you have no idea what the whole situation is but you think you do. Thanks.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I hope you like Pickles Baby, cuz you're really in the jar on this one. You, my friend are in what we old farts call a "Catch 22" situation.
You cant have your cake nad eat it too. Does she know you have bi thoughts about her brother? Do you really thing she'd appreciate that....? And what if he Isnt reciptive to your affections, do you think he'd still like you dating his sister? And do you actually think their parents would be happy with the situation all together?
Best step back and do some thinking, Sugar. You could be out a girlfriend, out a best friend and out of a job if you Dont think things over soon.
Just my humble:2cents: Good luck.
Cat

[M. Wolfe]

HANG ON!

If you are in Florida then you should be fine with the law.


The age of consent in Florida is 18, but close in age exemptions exist. By law, the exception permits an adult younger than 24 to engage in legal sexual activity with a minor aged 16 or 17.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#Florida

[Conservationist]

My advice:

Do nothing.

Wait a few years. He's too young; you're too young; she's too young and it's possible neither relationship will last.

Among other things, if you go for him, it's going to put her in a bad situation and possibly him if she has emotional responses.

Think about that angle...

[MickeyJohnson]

Well if u 2 cuddle n stuff theres no doubt he likes you.
Ask him what he wants to do, because this situation is probably harder on him its his family.

[12voltman59]

Since you guys do cuddling and things of that nature--I dare say he is not straight--but you sure do need to have a discussion with him about his sexuaity---ask him what he thinks he is--gay, bi, or straight---don't make judgments----also ask him how he feels about you and tell him how you feel about him--also tell him in spite of those feelings--you like his sis too and it makes you feel conflicted and uncomfortable to be doing things with him---I would suggest you try to get things clear as to your own sexual orientations for yourself-

Once you get things clear with him----you should find a way to gently tell his sis--tell her it wasn't something you had planned--that your feelings for him and his for you developed over the course of spending time together---

As far as being with either one of them, however that plays out---you should take your time with either one---you are all very young and while a year or so seems like forever at your age--it really is but a blip of the eye---

If you wind up having something with him--with you now being 18 and he is only 16---it might be best to keep things cool till he gets at least a bit older--past 17 I might suggest.

Whatever you do--good luck with it----it is not the easiest situation in the world to be sure!