Confused...

[Mojo88]

Here I sit, typing the words I never thought would pass through my brain...

"I think I might be curious about sex with another man."

Now, I'm not meaning to offend anyone... But that is really something I never thought would happen. It just isn't even close to anything I've ever felt comfortable with. Lately though, I've thought about it often. The thought sometimes even arouses me, and I don't know how to feel about it.

I'm just confused... I love everything about being with a woman and I consider myself a straight man... But I need help understanding these thoughts... I need help making sense of things...

I know I'm being pretty vague here, but any help or recommendations you could give would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

[IceLion]

In my experience, if you're curious, then find out. On the other hand, finding a guy attractive and having fantasies about being with one, is way different than the actual doing.

I am of the line of thought that sexuality has no real labels, being "bi" is a way to affirm to others around you that you can/have/are willing to be with someone of both sexes, and not just physically. There seems to be some confusion that being bi/straight/gay has anything to really do with sex. Attraction to beauty is present in all of nature. Just because you find the guy at the gym attractive is not an indicator that you should sleep with him.

If you're really serious about exploring a side of you that you have not considered before, then I suggest that above all else, you take it slow. Visit a gay bar and see how that feels. If you are looking for pure physical satisfaction, then look into some gay porn. I would not suggest trying out your curiosity on the real thing. You can mess your emotions and those of your partner up in so doing.

Be you and take it slow.

[Mojo88]

Thank you for taking the tone to respond.

It isn't that i've found a certain man attractive... It's more like a desire to do something physical with a man. There are things I want to do and have done to me that I'm having trouble accepting, if that makes any sense... I WANT to do these things, but I don't know WHY...

Another thing is i'm worried about how my friends and loved ones would react if they knew how curious I am. I mean, this type of thinking is entirely opposite of everything I've ever believed in... I feel like someone who just learned the world is round, but is still afraid of falling off the edge... Know what I mean??

[Mojo88]

Welcome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exaptation
It might help my analysis if you gave me some more information. Either way, welcome to the doll-house.
Oh, and what's with the 88 in your name? Year of birth? No disrespect intended. Curiosity kills the unprepared cat.

The Joshua Mojos was my football team, 88 was my number.

[Mojo88]

Lack of will power, perhaps? Environmental factors of some sort could be involved.


All depends on the family. If they're prone to schadenfreude, might be wise to work on a new plan. Or several.

Oblate spheroid, dood.
I saw a quote on the wall at the Air and Space museum in DC. It read:
"Exploration is not a choice, really. It's an imperative.". I forget who from.
It's not a two sided coin if you stand it on end.

Hope this helps.

And another thing... There aren't any gay bars or bi hangouts where I live... If I do decide to experiment, as you're suggesting, how would I to about finding someone to experiment with? I mean... I'm really a blind man running an obstacle course here... I have no idea what to do or if I should do anything at all.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Mojo-honey welcome to this wondrous place. Dont fret or be overly concerned about your feelings. What you are going thru is perfectly natural, so dont fear them. Many of us here have felt the very same thing once or twice in their lives, so we understand what you are going thru. :}
Come into chat and get to know us, and talk to us. You'll find many great and wise people here, those that are willing to talk, to give you advice and encouragement as well.
For now stop worrying, and never be ashamed if your thoughts excited you, its a part of who you are, and thats noting to Ever be ashamed of. Just be you at all times and dont worry...things will sort themselves out in time.
Again, Welcome Home Sugar.
Cat
Everybodys Feline :}

[brasilcouple]

sorry to say, but the only person that can help you is you. we are raise believieing in right and wrong and a big wrong is to do homo sex.

i can say that today i´m decided to be bi, but there was hard times in my mind. i thought that be with other guy is the worst thing that i could do, but my desire said another thing.

so i started to alow myself a few thoughts about men. first i thought that´s ok to be top but not to be bottom or kiss a guy, so i let me think about be bottom, later to kiss, currently i enjoy everthing with other man, even kiss and affection, for me is like to be with anohter woman.

i starting saying that only you can help you is because i take 15 years to accept that im like what i like and i like man a lot, just like woman.

only you can say to you the time you´ll take to accept you.

i assure you thats not wrong in be or do another guy, just preserve yourself from people that cannot understand this

[M. Wolfe]

I'm pretty new to this aswell, sort of, new to identify as bi and openly keen to be with another guy as I am, a girl. But the thoughts & desires are not new.

For me they started in my teenage years when I found myself thinking about one or two of my friends sexually. I tried my best to repress it but my mind betrayed me and keep bringing it to the surface time and again. Eventually because it felt good, I decided I'd gratify myself to those thoughts and desires in fantasy but take it no further - I wasn't going to do anything gay, I was going to choose to be straight.

In the end I thought why the hell should I not do stuff with other guys, there isn't anything wrong with that (as my gay friend had taught me).

I think there is an ultimatum here. If a guy has gay thoughts amongst his straight ones he can either accept them or fight them. People on this site are the former, people who are the latter tend to regret it later in life because it haunts them - and if they do accept it, they regret not accepting it when they were young.

So I would say 'don't do anything you know you'll regret'.

As for the 'why'. I wish I knew, pal. I guess the simple answer is that humanity is a bell curve. Some one has to find themselves in your current position but it doesn't matter who that would be, they too would be asking the same questions you are.

Edit:

OH! And welcome to the game, newcomer.

[KevsBi]

Mojo I know exactly what you are feeling...I started noticing boys in a sexual way at about the age of 15 or so and I could not understand it because I loved girls (still do.) When I finally did go all the way with another guy at the age of 19 it was an incredible and beautiful experience; It felt taboo and I would die if anyone knew what I was doing at that moment but at the same time I was venting years of frustration and curiosity...just holding another guys penis in my hands and in my mouth for the first time was almost surreal.
I did feel ashamed, withdrawn, and confused afterwords but thats normal and I did a bunch of soul-searching as well but a couple of weeks later me and the same guy shared another night of passion together and as I was having sex with him I knew that this was a craving that would always be with me.
Just be yourself and have an open mind....it'll happen.

[Realist]

Now's the time to figure out what you want and need.....don't settle for less than you dream of, because you'll only be disappointed. Once you think you know, then see if you can find one who suits your interest. It may take a while, but in my case, lovers of both genders have appeared when I least expected it. In at least one relationship, they both came together! Try to be patient and be faithful to yourself.

[Indaco76]

Hi Mojo,
welcome on board.
I see that you've already received some pretty good insight, so I just want to say hi and welcome to this site. You'll find a lot of useful information and advice here from people who've been through what you are experiencing now.
You'll hear a lot of "just be yourself" stuff, and as plain as it may sound, it's the single most important thing to bear in mind when you're exploring your sexuality. I've been trying to pigeon-hole myself for ages (lesbian, straight or bi?) and still do at times, but it helps to hear from people whose sexuality is unique and nuanced like many of those who post here.
Don't judge your feelings or impulses... it only makes it worse, believe me.
Stay open and think freely. And when you're feeling lonely, come and read something here. It always helps :-)
Indaco
:flag2:

[DiamondDog]

Take it slow if you want to, but at the same time there is nothing wrong with jumping in head first and going out and getting together with a total stranger and having sex with another consenting adult.

Just make sure that you do safer sex and do not get forced into doing anything you do not want to do.

As far as meeting people goes that's very easy and you should be able to easily tell when someone is interested in you and you do not have to meet at a bar or dance club.

Some people like to meet people who they want to date or sleep with online.

I personally do not like this but everyone's different.

[wannasuckfirstdick]

I have the best luck on Yahoo(or similar) chatrooms. Get on a Texas room and see who gets on. Some will advertise what they want, others kind of get around to it in PM's. Talk for a while, ask thier experience, if they do safe sex, etc. Meet at a public place first to get to know each other first, then if the time is right go to wherever you want and enjoy.

[Stargazer1417]

Thank you for taking the tone to respond.

It isn't that i've found a certain man attractive... It's more like a desire to do something physical with a man. There are things I want to do and have done to me that I'm having trouble accepting, if that makes any sense... I WANT to do these things, but I don't know WHY...

Another thing is i'm worried about how my friends and loved ones would react if they knew how curious I am. I mean, this type of thinking is entirely opposite of everything I've ever believed in... I feel like someone who just learned the world is round, but is still afraid of falling off the edge... Know what I mean??

I'm not sure exactly what to say here, because ultimately the decision is very much yours. But I do have a few thoughts for you, for what it's worth.

I had a lot of the same concerns when I started finding I was interested in women. It can be scary, particularly when you feel the people who love you and who you love most might suddenly turn on you if they find out. And I don't know about you, but I felt almost as if I had "lesbian" tattooed on my forehead every time I thought of it. I hope it helps you to know that many of us have felt this way.

I obviously don't think there is anything unusual about your feelings, but as I said I know how scary they can be, particularly when you've been so opposed to these thoughts and ideas in the past. Part of your current curiosity could have to do with your feelings against bisexuality in the past. Perhaps it is something which you now consider taboo, and about which you are therefore interested. I know for me, personally, I'm kind of turned on when I do things which I think I'm not supposed to.

As for whether or not to try acting on these thoughts, the only thing I would tell you is make sure you will be ok with yourself in the morning. That is kind of my motto when I am considering trying something new. It may be helpful for you to dive in and try it... on the other hand, if you're not ready to go that far, you might be really upset the next day. Does that make sense? Whatever you do or do not do, just think on it and make sure you'll be ok with it after the fact. (It has been my experience, by the way, that you may be surprised what you are ok with when you enjoy it at the time... and I also firmly believe life is too short to deny yourself things which would make you happy, simply because of preconceived notions or prejudices, but I digress...)

As for your concern over family and friends, while I know it's easier said than done, so to speak, I hope you will keep in mind that true friends and people worth loving are the ones who love you and are there for you under any circumstances. That being said, nothing says you have to tell anybody about your thoughts or experimentation. You may want to share with your friends at a later time, but nothing says you have to.

I hope this has been helpful to you in some way... more than just rambling anyway. If you ever want or need to talk/vent, I'm around and always a willing ear.

Good luck.

[robbie09]

I was in the same place 12 months ago.

I remember seeing my therapist and saying out loud "I would like to have sex with another man". I almost couldn't believe these words were coming out of my mouth. I was scared shitless as to what would happen to me. Afterwards I thought did I really say that? I thought I was straight?

At my next session I had to say it aloud again to believe it.

12 months on I am no longer scared, I am comfortable with my feelings and desires, allthough at times I am still confused and probably will remain a little confused forever.

Good Luck.

[lv69cpl69]

First you don't need to tell anyone. except your wife if you have one. I fail to understand why people feel the need to tell others. I don't tell anyone what my wife and I do. I understand the rest I have just at 54 years started thinking about it and except here and aff where no one knows who we are have or need to know. but I want to try top and bottom. I think I will love it just have not found another male female or cpl so we can try it. bottom line only you know if it's for you. be safe welcome :2cents::male:1/2

[Realist]

I agree! Telling my parents, at 8,9, or 10, that I was attracted to both sexes and had touched them and they had touched me, would have thrown them into turmoil; they could not take it.

Telling them, at 14, that I was seduced by a much older neighbor and loved it, I believe they would have disowned me, and killed the neighbor!

And it goes on........but I was discreet and kept those things to myself, only revealing to those who had/has a reason to know.

NO! Not everyone needs to know, or wants to know, EVERYTHING about you.

Believe me, they AND YOU are better off!

[Music Girl]

Hi Mojo, and welcome!

First of all, let me say I agree wholeheartedly with Cat. She is right on track here.

I think for most people, even though most people might not admit this, sexuality is somewhat fluid. Someone may be 99% straight but have the occasional "same sex" thought. That is perfectly ok. That doesn't make you gay or bi. And, in the end, it's about what makes you happy, not the label. My advice is the same as Cat's, come in to chat and meet some people. That is how I started sorting through things about my sexuality.

Oh, and please feel free to drop me a message if you'd like to have someone to talk to about this. I'm in the members directory.

Take care, and just go with what you feel.

MG

[Curiouscourier]

If you are merried start by talking to your wife durning pillow talk. If you are not then you should tell the closest love one to you. I sugget looking into bi porn to see if that helps your curiosity. I enjoy bi porn because it is something I can share with my wife and she is ok with my feelings as long as I include her. The next step is to visit a gay bar and feel how comfortable I am like you should. I can't wait to be with another man with my wife watching. I hope this helps.

[SuzeeCool]

I know that post was a while ago, but, the dude has it right! I agree 100% with IceLion's advice! Take it slow. Try online porn first, see what turns you on exactly. Some people aren't really bi, they just enjoy more extreme types of porn, or just want to experiment. Figure that out first. Then, if you are still interested, rock on with your bad self!!! ;) Can I watch? =]


In my experience, if you're curious, then find out. On the other hand, finding a guy attractive and having fantasies about being with one, is way different than the actual doing.

I am of the line of thought that sexuality has no real labels, being "bi" is a way to affirm to others around you that you can/have/are willing to be with someone of both sexes, and not just physically. There seems to be some confusion that being bi/straight/gay has anything to really do with sex. Attraction to beauty is present in all of nature. Just because you find the guy at the gym attractive is not an indicator that you should sleep with him.

If you're really serious about exploring a side of you that you have not considered before, then I suggest that above all else, you take it slow. Visit a gay bar and see how that feels. If you are looking for pure physical satisfaction, then look into some gay porn. I would not suggest trying out your curiosity on the real thing. You can mess your emotions and those of your partner up in so doing.

Be you and take it slow.