JBIC

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The prophet Mohamed once was asked about taking a pilgrimage. What the inquirer wonder was traversing mountains along the way. Mohamed commented that, "if the mountain does not come to Mohamed, Mohamed goes to the mountain."

He was also asked why he had climbed a mountain, "because it was there" he replied.

So, because it's there and Just Because I Can this post is for elian.

"Come and get it if you're hard enough, baby! Woot!" :tong: :devil: :bounce: :devil: :tong:

Love you honey. :)

[**Peg**]

awwwwww.......I love you guys :)

>>>hugs<<<<

[elian]

Oooh, Oh my <blushes> - a thread jus' for me?

Sorry I've been away, this summer is crazy busy and I'm fixing a computer up for a friend and cleaning the house to get ready for my grandparents' visit this weekend.

Nothing like inviting company over to make you wanna clean the house.

Love you too baby, if I didn't know better I'd have to wonder with a perverse eye about the "mountains" .. but surely tact and decoru..aww what the hell?!

<nuzzles void>

Thanks honey, I needed that.

[elian]

awwwwww.......I love you guys :)

>>>hugs<<<<

<hugs PEG too>

[rissababynta]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

*tears up a little*

[elian]

<nuzzles> hehe - still cleaning :)

[void()]

Cleaning hmmm ...

<drops pencil ever so purposefully on accident> can you get that baby? <grin>
<mutters under breath> "i give ya clean. hehe"

Love you, my star.

Been Gonzo here. Kept trying to compile Pidgin to no avail. Darn dependency issues, argh!
It was a 'rough' day for me today. Mowed with the push mower until moms came out and said to knock off. "Yer mower is running funny."

"It's mowing, I'm mowing ... keep on keeping on." Of course, I was running S.E.A.L cadence with it, jamming out with my zen stone and U2 / Def Lepard. It had started climbing to high eightieths by 11 am. Mower was burning gas as I poured it in, rolling black smoke.

So I knocked off a bit. Then a few hours later, sun had dropped ... moms wanted that old wire pen taken down. It was still humid, still 80 +. <sigh> Wound up getting the shakes bad. Gee, forgetting to put food into a body isn't helpful. Who'd a thunk?

My ass hit the ground, couldn't get back up for a little. Moms kept watching me. "You're gray."

"so?"

Helped her and C. finish up. Got back inside, A/C blowing ... extra ice in my tea. Computer / programs not doing as I instructed / thought they oughta. Grrrr. Medicine didn't help, kept seeing "It is, always will be, what it is. Second verse, same as first."

Went for a nap because moms got on my last nerve, and it wasn't her fault, no one's fault, just is what it is. <sigh> Actually starting to think I may need to revise an answer to a serious question. A psychologist walks in, asks "PTSD?"

Silly me, of course says "no." But I just may have. Used to call it shell shock, then combat fatigue ... gee twenty years dancing with a drunk and hopped up trucker, rolling with the punches, hm ... combat? Uncle from 'Nam said as much when I was six.

So today was snafu. Really could have appreciated being held by my baby's arms. In those arms I feel healthy, safe, loved. Feel it in C's arms too, but C is a gal and gals touch different. Not her fault, and I love her touch as a gal. :) Love elian's touch as a guy, too.

Safe to express that here. Thanks powers that be. :) Me gives you big friendly hug for making site. Without site I wouldn't have met my star. <grins> Took him long 'nuff to come round. <chuckles>

Hm, need Concrete Blond. Run it slow
:flag4:

[**Peg**]

<nuzzles> hehe - still cleaning :)

goodgrief charlie brown, how dirty WAS that house anyway?? hehe

Ben: get some rest, drink water, eat food, listen 2 Moms :)

>hugs all round<

[elian]

You didn't say there was black SMOKE rolling out of it - I can only imagine your momma saying that with smoke rolling out of the mower an' such...and grey is only for aliens - heat stroke isn't good - I know you are used to being numb - wish I was there to stop that too. Visit with folks is going good so far - we went to the farmer's market and walked around a bit.

Dirty enough Peg - it really doesn't matter through - I vacuum the rug and 10 minutes later little cat-hair tumbleweeds are rolling by. I brushed the cat for like 30 minutes the other day and there was STILL hairs coming off of 'im.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Yes, but treasure those times with the folks, Darlin. You'll miss them tremendously one day...even the furry sheddy old cat..lol ;)
Hugss
Cat :}

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Hmmm. Numb, interesting word for what I'm learning gradually may be ADD with PSTD, a touch of psychosis. <chuckles> Yes, honey I'm used to numbness. Unfortunately life teaching a person to survive can do that.

Have to agree with Cat, enjoy the time you've got with family, baby. We're all sort of bracing for my step dad's mom to go. She's doing okay to a degree. But we can see that it's going downhill with her. She's got nothing left. One year, husband gone. Next, one son. Few more years, the other son.

Having 'ran away' from the situation here, I stop now because of feeling alien. Don't know my brothers now. We all were close at one time. Yep, we wanted to kill the middle brother. But we were close. :) Used to go running through pastures, woods, rivers barefooted. We'd do crazy things like make up ... hm, well best to not put those in public forum. We were good old down home country boys, raised plenty of hell, that'll suffice. ;)

Mom never could figure out why certain common household items in bottles and jars kept disappearing. Good thing too, we liable to have gotten skinned alive. Rat tails were always fun, too. So, yeah we were nutty even as boys. Now, well everything is really, real different.

Still not got the darn java working. Even tried setting up a sym link after using a bash script that installed openjdk, latest version. No big deal, just a bit aggravating.

To the good, we started on FS today. C. loved shopping without having to watch a tight budget. They give us a modest allotment. I'll call Rehab services Monday, find out how things are going. Might have to go attend a special school. Really have no desire to do that. The behavior mod only worked while in school, a structured setting, not the big world, though. May need to find schedule sheets.

I wish you were here too, honey. You mentioned it being easier having someone. It can be at times. Other times it's not quite as easy as you might think. Part of the path we, bisexuals, travel pot marked with barbed little thorns. You might have the best of both worlds but find yourself lost and alone in your own empty world sometimes. No, I'm not upset, angry or anything. It's just how it is, just saying.

So it is extremely great and a miracle to have you and C love me. Sometimes, it might be nice if you guys let me in on why you do, though. 'Cos I know there are days, I just got to be pressing everyone to their wits ends. Know I still deserve love. Just can't often see why. <cuddles with elian> Luvs you my star. Me tired, long day talking to Social services person, grocery shopping. Hold you, hold me. We sleep. of course, you'd probably be waking me about now. ;) <smoochies> S'okay. Be alri, loving ye no chore.

Night my love. Oh, sorry for the novel posted here. <grins, chuckles>

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Az, 'fore I forget check Henley as well. Blake kicks mucho ass. But it was Henley that wrote _Inviticus (http://www.bartleby.com/103/7.html)_. Though if you follow with that Germanic philosopher, dude on about fighting monsters and not becoming one, you'll find a skin of butter is better than one of steel. Right now, too out on a limb tired to recall Nietzsche's name proper. Might wake up as a bug tomorrow. Who knows? I Kant doddle or twaddle, no lobotomy when the bottle is in front of me. <sighs> Damn you, got me wracking literal, Parker D. Hm, cloister me up with Emily Dickinson.

Thing about imperfection and perfection, can't have one without the other. Well, one day I'll learn to swim. ;) Night, chia.

[void()]

But Az, there's the proverbial rub in it.

The wolves can attain the stars. What good lest there is someone to enjoy them with? Ahead of the curve? Yes, I've been told that on a few occasions. Have proven it a few as well. Then other times I've been splayed out on my ass, it having been kicked from here to kingdom come.

Human. Hm, yes that I am too. The trouble being it seems everyone around me vanishes, leaves. A perpetual machine forged merely to relish in the fight, keeps going. Damn, I slipped a cog. It hurts, you know you live. Keep going!

At some point you grow weary of the perpetuation being for nothing. And no, it's not a selfish want from this end. Sure there are some wants. Everyone has those, as well as needs. Humans have needs. Machines don't.

You're a total stranger in the grander scheme, so I won't ask you to trust me. But I've been deep into that black, deep into the white, too. Conclusion, a happy median is needed. I really do not like going to the black. I go pure void. That much I know you understand. I've seen your hands, they're like mine. You don't wash it off.

That's not the way, at least for me. The greatest weakness is the greatest strength, love.

How's that for a rapier, my foil? ;)

The love I had to learn out of hate, out of beatings, watching someone I love beaten. And all the while helpless to act. Got to a point where I could act, still couldn't because I didn't want to cut those I loved. So, I left because it was that or stay and act. And the action would have been met with inverse action, one or both finalized. Or, a state appointed injection.

And now that person is dead. Not by my hands, nature took that credit. Never got to give him the Judas' kiss. He won this round, or did I? Hard to tell when I need pills to avoid thinking about offing myself every waking minute. Depression clinical and chronic they say. Chronic? I ask, 'sure fire it up.' But that's not an option either.

Life never plays fair. I ought to be used to it. We all ought to be. Are we ever, will we ever be? That's a curve no one gets past. See all these 'happy people' on the site, they testify.

Ugh, you are starting to feel like a basilk. Careful, I just may like kinky and scaly foreplay. In the end it's the devils you know for those you don't. Me, talk to DD? No, got me mistaken for someone capable of thought. I quit thinking, hurts too damn much.

Not wasting your time as a friend, can tell you that much. And thank you. It's good to borrow other eyes from time to time. :)

[void()]

First- Machines are based on Humans.

Touche. Not many realize that.

Second- This is my medium. Respectfully. Being from a Navy Medical/Legal family doesn't hurt, but rather adds some discipline to the meandering.

One of the downfalls of sailors, discipline means squat when gauntlets get dropped. Sure we can still look all cute in working blues but we are still throwing punches. Hopefully, I'll not get too rowdy.

Third- Life isn't fair because no one "makes it so". See the Parenting thread.

I can follow you so far. Then you've lost me. Let me put it in a battle sense terminology, analogy, otherwise the point won't illustrate. WWII, first British Commandos were brought into existence. Matter of fact before then, no real specialized modern military force had took control of a theater. And there was no doubt about what the Commandos were to do. Simple over all plan, defeat Germany, eliminate Hitler. Part of the training they got was about advanced strategies. They could orchestrate any battle, flush enemies away with no trouble. It came to pass however they faced off against Rommel in an African desert. He was known to be the epitome of strategists. Rommel would keep them at bay, save Hitler. So, Rommel knew of the Commandos. He wanted them captured, preferably alive. Then he would torture them, extract plans.

To stay six moves ahead in the chess game, the Commandos decided upon having no plans. Rommel could capture all of them he wanted. They would all die without revealing jack to him. None of them were entrusted with plans beyond, kill German soldiers. They used guerrilla warfare, psychological, chemical, the gloves were off. Rommel had no idea until a soldier shouted from the other end of the hall at him. They spoke perfect German. "General Rommel! Face your death." A team of three men entered his camp, over a period of several months. They became German soldiers in order to infiltrate.

The point being, they had no control over any of it. Rommel had been rumored to have moved just the night before. It was thought he gained wind of infilitrators, put the base on alert. The commandos were indeed questioned, but as German soldiers. They had no plan, no control, yet the seeming impossible was attained.

So, yes I concur. We may control a situation. But there is the other side of the coin as well. Nothing is ever purely black and white. Like I need to tell you that.

Four- I highly appreciate your input. This isn't a cross to bear. It's clarity of purpose.

A purpose. Interesting. I think at this point a bit of clarity and purpose might be helpful, for everyone.

Five- My friends and I find lizards gracefully subtle.

Wouldn't have to do with the allusion to a serpent bringing wisdom, would it? :) Somehow, I thought you probably did see their grace.

I'm a Romantic, not a Hedonist. I don't intend to convert you to see the world in my terms.

You could be both. Neither one excludes the other, nor do either need to convert others.

I intend to help you not give up unless it's on your terms.

My terms? That's a tough call, honestly. I don't want to surrender, can't, won't. At the same time, you keep dashing your brain into a brick wall it gets rough to keep getting back up. You start thinking about silly putty, a nine volt, some acetone, phosphorous and a pinch of magnesium. Only, in the World, we aren't given that liberty. Shove that bell up your ass, though. I won't ring out. Didn't really by choice when they discharged me. Just did as was told. Assholes.

Fair enough?

<nods> Understand where you're coming from. May not see where you're going right yet. Not following, nor leading. So yes, quite fair.

The rapier is excellent, and I do trust you. It's my choice.

Tsk. Sorry, didn't mean to overstep, or over step. Got to love the whole politically correct, touch you not, touch me not socialistic order. It leaves catch 22's scattered about like mines. Dancer, then?

[elian]

I'm not sure if I'd drown in the current between you two or dance around it. I'd say that a) Judas kiss isn't all it's cracked up to be -and- b) Why do I love you..hmm..

I've been there - emotionally, spiritually, to a lesser degree physically - abused - and yet I still believe in the power of people to do good and compassionate things.

The reason I am a happier, relatively healthy individual is because people believed in me, cared about me, loved me..they had patience, enough to let me grow and be patient with myself too.

You make me smile. I LIKE pleasing people but you can't do it 100% of the time; when I am with you I can honestly be myself and I know that it's enough.

I'm learning to trust again. For as rough as you seem I know you are loyal, honorable and protective, but not insanely jealous. Soo, I place myself in your arms - knowing somewhat of the scars and echoes but believing that under all of that everyone deserves to be loved - always learning ,growing.

..and with that - the err..alarm clock seems to have just gone off and stopped again up here in my mom's attic..hmm..err..nifty <shivers>

In any event, not saying that I'm perfect, or you're perfect but that life is better having known you and cared for you then without.

Love,
John