What causes someone to bi or gay [Archive]

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jamesck

Jun 28, 2009, 4:31 PM

M. Wolfe

Jun 28, 2009, 4:47 PM

When I looked into this I found that there are a few standing scientific theories but the most compelling of which which is the womb-chemistry. It's thought that in the forming of a baby, if the chemicals aren't in the right proportions, the child will develop irregularly. It's though that in the case of boys, the mother - not being male - reacts strongly to the large amount of testosterone produced and may become resistant to it, thereby effecting the baby's neurological development. There is the phenomena known as the older brother effect where the more older brothers a male has, the greater the chance he will be gay, and that holds regardless of childhood (ie. whether ther boy was raised with his older brothers or not.)

There isn't any great deal of evidence for a genetic factor, though it's thought that it may be an evolved population control mechanism or possibly a gene to make females super fertile, but also making men gay.

The picture isn't complete so there is no telling why it happens at this stage.

Realist

Jun 28, 2009, 5:07 PM

I've often wondered the same thing. Even before I understood about sex and relationship issues, I was attracted to both genders. I remember, as early as about 6, enjoying touching both girls and boys. The ones who had no compunction about us touching, or revealing our bodies, became close friends and confidants. Still, I wonder if my first sexual experience had not been with a man, how would I have reacted after that?

I have been in love with both genders and even though we seemed to fill different needs, I loved them just the same.

I am presently in love with a fabulous girl, who is also bi and poly-friendly. She, like me, has always felt an attraction for both sexes. Her first sexual encounter was with a male, however.

M. Wolfe

Jun 28, 2009, 5:20 PM

@ Realist:

Was her being bi one of the reasons you were so attracted to her? I've often thought that the perfect girl/guy for me would also be bi just so we could the appreciation for both genders.

Realist

Jun 28, 2009, 5:37 PM

Yes! Actually, we met on this site last year. It was the first time I ever revealed that I was bisexual to anyone, that I didn't know well. I'd written some things here and she responded to one posting. We became very good friends, before meeting. Since then we became lovers. She is the most compatible, brilliant, open-minded, and decent woman I've ever known. We are the same person..just different genders!

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jun 28, 2009, 7:14 PM

Yeah, Nature. Its in our DNA. :}
Cat

Holmes

Jun 28, 2009, 7:25 PM

Idon't know, but for me It started when a friend (male) kissed me. I have always been a good friend to both male and female.. I have been gay friendly for as long as I can remeber. I guess having gay relatives and seeing that they weren't the one eyed monsters everyone was making them out to be. With that kiss it has started me on this journey and I don't know where it will lead , but as I told one friend whoI came out to my appy place only got bigger. I have no shame or gguilt in finding out that I appreciate a good looking whatever and if my fantasies cross gender lines I am good with it as well. I find myself excited by both men and women and I know I like it. What caused me to be bi I don't know.Was it always there? Maybe or am I just open to possabilities.

evilpanda

Jun 28, 2009, 8:19 PM

some will say its DND, some will way its prenatal brain chemistry. psychologists argue its environment, parental figures, and political affiliation. religion says... well, we've heard their theories plenty.

and yet no one scientific authority seems to conclusively know what causes it. of course, they are basing the entire search on the assumption that it is abnormal and, therefore, must have a cause, as smoking causes cancer. the truth is there is no cause in that sense. ultimately, the cause is the fact that we are human and humans are weird, crazy, unpredictable creatures.

littlerayofsunshine

Jun 28, 2009, 8:24 PM

Maybe its evolution.. The super race of humanity......

I don't ever really try to dissect it.. When you dissect the host, your destroy its essence.

jem_is_bi

Jun 28, 2009, 9:15 PM

I have no memories of being anything other than bisexual. However, I often wonder why I find women so sexually attractive, such that, I can never be completely gay.

diB4u

Jun 29, 2009, 12:16 PM

Herbwoman39

Jun 29, 2009, 1:02 PM

As a former Psych major, I loved the Nature vs Nurture debates we got into. It seems like in every situation we discussed (more like beat to death), the conclusion was ALWAYS that both sides played some aspect in a person's development.

Perhaps the womb chemistry theory works differently for women. I'm the only child my Mom gave birth to and she was 24 at the time. So by that theory (from my limited understanding) I *should* have been born a hetero girl.

But I was also raised by progressive parents who understood that women were going to have a more broad role to play in the world when I got older. So I played with trucks, Hotwheels AND dolls. I had a microscope AND a Barbie Dream House.

So I think that, while chemistry plays a part, how we're raised and the atmosphere of our respective childhoods may also contribute.

Gay2Bi

Jun 29, 2009, 2:12 PM

Perhaps the womb chemistry theory works differently for women. I'm the only child my Mom gave birth to and she was 24 at the time. So by that theory (from my limited understanding) I *should* have been born a hetero girl.

Actually, the womb chemistry theory only does work for men. :) There's a definite pattern that shows up with gay men (i.e. the older brother effect) but there's no noticeable pattern for women. Ironically, though, I'm the older brother, and I'm gay - or at least was until I discovered bisexuality a few years ago - but my younger brother is straight. I did have an older brother who was miscarried, though. There wasn't much of a gap between my older brother and me, but there was a large gap between me and my younger brother, so perhaps the effect also declines with either the age of the mother or the gap in the births.

Of course, "nurture" also plays a role too. Genetics defines the potential, but the environment either allows that potential to develop or prevents it from doing so. It's like most cancers - the genetic errors develop first, but they don't turn into cancer unless there are environmental cues that interact with the damaged genes to trigger the change. You can also think of the womb chemistry theory as "nurture" rather than "nature," because the womb chemistry doesn't change the genes, it only changes the way they're expressed during a critical period of fetal development. That's the trouble with reductionist science - everything's connected to everything else, so you can't just point to one thing and say "that did it!" ;)

For me, I've always been attracted to men since as early as I can remember - even as a child, my "schoolboy crushes" were all men. My best friends were all guys and we'd do some exploration even when we were too young to understand what we were exploring. It wasn't until my early 30's that I started having sexual feelings for women, and even now, I'm not attracted to women the same way I'm attracted to men: With men, I actively seek them out as partners; with women, I don't seek them out, but I don't think I'd say no if a woman made an offer. If you'd asked me that six years ago, I wouldn't even have considered a woman as a sexual partner; now, it's something I want to try, but if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, I won't lose sleep over it. If I try it and like it, then it will start to play a bigger part in my life, but now, it's more "idle curiousity" than "gotta have it, gotta have it NOW!" ;)

someotherguy

Jun 29, 2009, 2:56 PM

In my case it is caused by enjoying sex with both men and women. I am not sure if that enjoyment originates from the nerve endings I was born with or is due to rejecting the concept of social inhibitions about gay sex. It could be both.

dizzygirl19

Jun 29, 2009, 8:08 PM

I don't know if this has been discussed before but I would be interested in everyone's theories as to what causes someone to be bi or gay.

What causes someone to be straight?

ErosUrge

Jun 30, 2009, 10:57 AM

An interesting question indeed. I really don't know either but I do know that for myself, I've always had sexual attraction to both sexes ever since I can remember. I only questioned my sexual activity with males when one guy I use to indulge in sexplay with at the age of 14 (both of us were the same age), threw a wrench into everything by bringing up the "queer" "homo" factor/labels; as in negative comments. Of course, he only said negative things after he'd had his orgasm. During the time that he was receiving pleasure from me be it a handjob or blow job, he had no problems with it. But after orgasm happened, he got into this guilt thing. No, he wasn't Catholic either; Baptist actually...
Anyhow, my experiences with the girls were exquisite also but happened at 16and beyond...for a while, I thought I'd not return to sex with guys because I was so taken in by the girls at the time. But once I hit 18, I felt this desire surging in me again to be with guys. So, though I was mostly with the women from there on, I always had moments with guys. Then it became a struggle as I thought I needed to be with one sex exclusively and found it odd to be attracted to both. And since I adored women and was more fulfilled sexually with women, I tried to deny my appetite for men. But it didn't work. It was so great to finally make peace with it years later.
So, how does one answer the question about what causes someone to be bi or gay? I haven't a clue. All I know and all I can say is that I've always had the appetite for both and whenever I tried to deny one from the other it left me feeling empty. As far as it being genetic, perhaps so. Is it a choice? Maybe. I don't think so, but I can't say it is with absolute conviction either. When the initial stirrings for being sexual with both sexes happened all those years ago, I didn't really stop to think about it. It just was what it was and today of course is what it is. I understand the desire to want to know what the cause might be in the sense of making peace with it to accept who we are sexually. If answering the question brings peace of mind to you then I hope you find your answer and that it is what you want.

BiSouth

Jun 30, 2009, 11:25 AM

Causes? I can only answer for myself. For me I am not sure there is an actual cause of just my tendency to act on opportunites when they arise. I have always been attracted to both. Just thought when I was younger I was really screwed up. I think sex in general feels great be it man/ man or female/male. Inhibitions or phobias, I think prevent most people from acting on a lot of erotic desires. What a shame. I lost any inhibitions a long time ago, and it opened my eyes to a whole new world of sexual fulfillment.

NightHawk

Jul 1, 2009, 3:38 AM

I expect that there are many factors affecting whether one is gay, bisexual, or heterosexual. It really does appear that humans are amazingly individual and complex. Personally, the first time I ever was aroused sexually by a man was when I was 31. I believe it had a lot to do with how much I had come to enjoy sex which I first experienced when I was 25, how my imagination developed, and my personal lack of any sense of guilt about my sexuality.

While I believe that the sexuality of some people probably is partially hardwired into some combination of their genes and exposure to chemicals in the womb, that would never account for the whole societies of the past such as Greece, Persia, and Rome where many men engaged regularly in sex with other men. The record shows that they widely enjoyed it greatly and often viewed it in very romantic terms. It would appear that many men then were bisexual and that it was not hardwired into their biochemistry. So, it need not be so now either.

jamiehue

Jul 1, 2009, 11:28 AM

im me, Im a 100% aquairian so im bi.

jeancarleo

Jul 1, 2009, 3:52 PM

we all have different views on this question. As for me I just felt attracted to both since i can remember but had gay sex before str8 sex. Maybe that's why i tought i was gay until i tried sex with a girl then i knew i wasn't.

Lienda

Jul 1, 2009, 4:13 PM

If everyone suddenly descovered the cause of it, we might see another round of "Gays have an illness that needs to be cured". Some things are best left in the "??" catagory. I'm not saying we are diseased, just that some people would want to try getting control over people.

As for me, I was pretty much always Bisexual. I started Masturbating when I was three. Gender conformity, was something I only recently found out two weeks ago. :| Sometimes I was femmie, other times tom boy. My Dad and I have larger heads to. I think. He wears the extra large sizes for men. I have found most women's hats are a little snug on me. Medium for girls usualy won't go on my head, period.

meteast chick

Jul 1, 2009, 9:40 PM

Was it the fact that my bedroom was bathed in pink from wallpaper to carpet, that my mother dressed me in all things girly, that I avoided anything sports-related like the plague? NAH, with those reasons I should have been a hetero princess. Alas, I remember loving...no I mean loving...my kindergarten teacher (Miss Scott, I love you), and asking my best friend when I was 15 if she ever thought about girls like that, of which she admitted she had (she's not bi or gay but does like to make out with women, to my dismay, which I've told her she's only teasing them). I grew up in a small-sized small-minded farm town. I had never HEARD the word gay until I was in junior high, and that was on a tv show. My older sister is markedly less feminine than I am, yet she's straight as an arrow. I resisted my urges and took the traditional route of marriage and children, only to be pulled by those familiar feelings once more, ramped up. I couldn't just ignore it. Now here I am, completely un-closeted, completely without regrets, completely gay and having completely blown caution to the wind in the pursuit of my own identity. I am who I am. My own mother has asked me how it was that I grew up the same way my brother and sister did, in the racist, sexist diminitive village that I grew up in and managed to be as open-minded, free-spirited and as true to myself as I am. I only answer that I took after her...and no, she's not gay.

SO perhaps my general personality was nurtured, but my sexual identity as a result of it...I don't think so.

Luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxox
meteast

swag85

Jul 2, 2009, 11:17 PM

@ Realist:

Was her being bi one of the reasons you were so attracted to her? I've often thought that the perfect girl/guy for me would also be bi just so we could the appreciation for both genders.

i have the same feeling as well. i have dated a straight girls, that dont get it, and gay males, that also dont get it. some of those relationships were lacking something. i think my "perfect" partner will most likely be Bi.

PrettyFlowingGown

Jul 3, 2009, 6:01 PM

Curiosity got me bi at aged 26. I was always a crossdresser, since 5, but never liked the feeling of 2 men together. Then at 26, on new years night 1998 a friend came around who was going through a seperation with his wife wanted some company. We started watching lesbian movies, and all of a sudden, we were on my bed having oral sex. I have'nt looked back since.

hydropop

Jul 3, 2009, 6:55 PM

Do you believe that it is in your genes from birth or are there factors during childhood or adolescence or specific events or influences that shape your sexuality or all of these.

I once herard it was in the water we drink , so im staying away from the drinking water.

lol lol lol lol lol lol

boca.openminded

Jul 3, 2009, 11:51 PM

Hi everyone,

I don't know if this has been discussed before but I would be interested in everyone's theories as to what causes someone to be bi or gay.

Do you believe that it is in your genes from birth or are there factors during childhood or adolescence or specific events or influences that shape your sexuality or all of these.

Forgive me if I am going over old ground here but it's something I have always wondered and am interested in your views.

Cheers

James

its all in the water... LOL

thats a great question & I don't think there is a simple answer. I was straight / never thought about being with another guy until about 10 yrs ago. Then it was brought to me as a fantasy of the girl I was dating.

I am sure some of you would say that its been in me all my life but it took this one person to bring it out of me. Maybe & maybe not.. No clue!!!

To make matters more difficult I also think there are levels of bisexuality. Meaning, some men (being a man I can only speak of the men) are only into the "dick" of another man (romance / kissing / love are saved for the opposite sex) AND some men are into the whole package..

great question!

not on here anymore

Jul 4, 2009, 2:23 AM

You know in other cultures and in the past it was more acceptable to be bi. It seems to be that people are more repressed then they used to be. So it's more a question of what's stopping people rather then what's causing them to be.

Realist

Jul 4, 2009, 6:34 AM

I know I have been different with different male lovers. I guess I should say male lovers and male sex partners. I have been in love with a couple of guys and also had sex for sex's sake with others. I never have just met and had sex with a guy, though. I have to get to know a person and know what makes them tick, before I feel like doing anything physical. I found that the older I got, the more flexible I got. I began as a hard-core top, but during my last relationship I realized I was giving as much as I was getting!

imway2wild4you

Jul 4, 2009, 12:26 PM

I think there needs to be clarification on what I consider to be bi and gay. To me bi is a sexual thing not an emotional thing. I could be just as satisfied being with a woman that was kinky enough to use a dildo or strap-on on me as I could with a guy. The benefits of the guy is feeling the flesh and tasting his cock. However, I do not have an emotional attachment to gays in the sense that I "Love them". I think this is where the line is crossed from bi to gay. If a person has a strong emotional bond with a person of the same gender and cannot share that same bond with the opposite gender then s/he is gay. I also believe that if every man and/or woman were given truth serum and asked the question, Have you ever been sexually attracted to the same sex or Have you ever wanted to have sex with the same gender, the response would be overwhelmingly yes! If we could create the perfect person they would come equipped with a nice ass, firm tits, tight pussy and hard dick. :-)

Adrian Tepes

Jul 4, 2009, 4:02 PM

I personally think that one if born with the ability to be gay or bi, but that one's own experiences shape the outcome. I was completely straight up till my Junior year of high school. My girlfriend at the time joked that one of her male friends and I were having sex behind her back. What started as a joke turned to jokingly hugging, turned into jokingly kissing, turned into serious kissing, and so on and so forth. But that's my opinion based on my experience. I think everyone is different.

MickeyJohnson

Jul 7, 2009, 3:19 PM

If your only Talking about sex then everyone is bi. There is at least one person of the same sex that you'd sleep with no matter who you are.

Its just the emotional aspect thats different. would you rather be in a relationship with men, women, or either.
I think that with guys their relationship between them and their father plays a big role in the nurture part.