A question of certainty...

[M. Wolfe]

For those of you who haven't had a sexual experience with your own sex (or the opposite sex), how can you be certain that you're bi?

Since most of you have experienced more than one sex, how were you certain (if you were certain that is)?

I've had strait sex several times, I've not had sex with another guy. Sometimes I feel I may have jumped the gun when I told my friends and mum I was bi. At times I feel reasonably certain and others not so much - maybe I should have just gone with 'questioning' until I've "done the deed"

[rissababynta]

Sometimes you just know. You don't have to have actually been with someone to know that you are into them. I have yet to have gone all the way with a woman, yet I've known since I was 11 that I was most definitely attracted to both. I was kind of confused until I talked to a friend about it, not knowing if I should consider myself straight or gay, and that is when she said "well, you know that you can be a little bit of both. A lot of people do like both sexes" and after that moment I said to myself "oh ok, that must be me" and I've never looked back since. I have always loved the idea of being with women, and as far as I have gone I have thoroughly enjoyed. I have had pretty decent crushes on women. I've been heartbroken by women. All of the same things that I have gone through with men. So, yeah, even though I have not been with a woman that way yet, I still just know what and who I am and have never doubted myself.

[Indaco76]

I have to agree with Rissababyntha. I realised I also liked women in a sexual way long before I had my first physical experience with a woman. With hindsight I think I've always been bisexual, but I think for women it's much more difficult to tell where the line between an intense friendship and love/attraction lies exactly, esp when you are very young. I started having my first sexual dreams with women at about 20 and realised I was physically attracted to a colleague at about 26. Then I met a lesbian woman and it was love at first sight, at least for me (nothing happened between us). I've suffered a lot for her indifference and malicious playing with my feelings. I had butterflies in my stomach and all whenever she was near me. And I had the most intense and explicit erotic dreams about her. So, well... you do know.
Of course actual sex helps to understand exactly what you like and what you don't, esp if your attraction for the same sex is purely phisycal.
Just my 2 cents.
Indaco
:flag2:

[welickit]

Neither of us think that you are ever totally positive about any given individual until the moment of truth. However, there are things that may well give you a very good idea that the person is bi or curious about bisexuality.
Does a guy you know seem to tell more gay jokes than straight ones? Does he know all the gossip and rumors about who is suspected of being gay or bi? Does he let his eyes wander in the locker room or while standing at the urinal? Is he open about exposing himself without blushing? Does the bulge in his pants grow for no obvious reason when you and he are hanging out.
Ok, Gals does a female undress you with her eyes? Does she tend to touch you when you are chatting? Put her hand on your arm or leg if seated? Give you more hugs and kisses when you meet than she does other women? Does she offer to give you a back rub or foot massage?
Mrs. Cfr50s had her very first bi experience as a result of a pulled muscle and a helpful gal on her softball team who offered a massage.
One more thing that applies to both males and females. Eyes speak louder than words. Does that other person look you in the eye when speaking to you? Are they bedroom eyes? It takes time to learn but body language and eyes are all important in figuring out another person.
Good Luck to all

[evilpanda]

i knew i was bi for four years before my first real encounter, but there was always that lingering doubt in the back of my mind. a lot of friends said i wasn't really queer, just in a phase, blah blah blah. i wondered if, during my first time, i would suddenly snap out of it and go, uh, i think i'm straight, actually. i was pretty certain, though, and had gay crushes and gay fantasies. but, you never really know till you try, i suppose. i kind of like that, though, it made popping my queer cherry that much more special, like finally knowing for 100 percent that i was bi.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

If being bisexul is a phase or being confused, then I've been greatly confused all of my life..lol

Sometimes you just Know that you are attracted to both sexes, and I must have Bidar etched across my damn forehead, for women tend to touch me/flirt with me whenever I am out in public. I dont make my sexuality apparent, its just there. Even though I am very Bi-Select, (Fancy word for very picky about what women I play with) I still love women. I have had many sexual encounters since leaving my husband and yep, its all good.
I have to tell you, I have a fondness for the male personage, but I do love the feel and the eroticism of another woman.
So if that makes me cofused, mixed up, going thru a phase or flawed, then Oh Well. Its just me. lol
Perhaps before you told anyone that you are a bisexual, you should have tried it first. Not to be gross, but its like saying "Oh yeah, I Love Cavier" and then trying it only to find out that its only good for bait.....
Give it a shot Wolfie-Honey. Experiance it for yourself, then make your decision. If nothing else to have Had the experiance, and to decide if its You.
Play hard, have fun, Be safe above all else. ;)
Yer Cat

[codybear3]

I have answered this before on some other thread but there is always someone that may be asking these kinds of questions forever simply because more people happen to just recently question thier sexuality... I did not have to be intimate with a male to solidify the "Bi-sexual" stamp... "I have been bi-sexual since before I knew there was a word for it..." And each time this is asked, I reflect on my life and I can say for sure that I have also liked "boys" as well as girls way back when I didn't even know how to use my "chirula" if a chance presented itself... There is no specific act that a person has to perform to say for sure if a person is "Bi"... I don't know about the "Bi-curious", though... Hope this helps... :paw::paw:

[Kermit Jagger]

If you think you're bi, then you are. (All due apologies to Descartes who may have been bi himself.) Thinking your bi means you are aware that you are sexually attracted to men and women. What actions you take in response to this awareness does not change the fact you are bisexual.
Believe me. I chose not have sex with men for most of my life. I could never stop fantasizing about it.
Love,
Kermit

[M. Wolfe]

I'm not sure that I've approached this thread right, but all the same I've got my answer.

At this stage I almost certainly 'know' that I'm bi and that's good enough to consider myself bi. I probably didn't need to say that I'm bi to my friends without having actually done something with a guy first. It wasn't till quite a bit later that I got to actually have a gay kiss - which I did enjoy.. I guess it's sorta irrelevant to them until I wind up with a boyfriend, really.

I told them because I had just come to identify with it, accepted it in myself and wanted to talk. Then I came to feel that I should probably be "out" to some degree with my friends - I have faith in them so why not?

[PolyLoveTriad]

Until you have sex with the opposite sex, how can you tell youre straight? Its just something you 'know' I think. Believe me, I may not have much experience with the same sex but I KNOW I am bi, I knew I was bi the very first time I saw my friend undress in front of me and I wanted to touch and explore her. I dont think its a difficult question to answer... for me at least.

[robbie09]

I haven't had sex with someone of my own sex however I know that I am sexually attracted to men. I also know from my own sexual experimentation that I would enjoy the physical and sensual aspects of having sex with a man. Therefore I am certain that I would enjoy sex with a man to whom I am sexually attracted and hence consider myself Bi.

The uncertainty for me is how sexually attracted I am to men versus women. This I do not think answer as this point and is a point of uncertainty.

[Beefeater]

Everyone who has ever masturabated has had sex with the same sex....themselves. It starts off in childhood as just something that feels good but as you get older, you start to wonder what it would be like to touch another male or female. Since 90% of the world's population masturbates and the other 10% lie about it, that makes everyone bi.

And why shouldn't everyone be bisexual? After all, we are all made from the DNA, and cells of each sex so we are made from two (bi) sexes.

Those on this ite who know me, know my sexual history. They also know that I'm of the opinion that if you like to perform oral sex on a woman, you are simply giving a guy a BJ by proxy and vice versa. Think about it. If you could turn a vagina inside out, what would you have? you'd have a cock! If you could push your cock back up inside your body, you'd have a vagina.

Think about it.:eek:

[M. Wolfe]

that makes everyone bi.

Not really, preference is about partners, not oneself. This kind of logic could be used as justification for being attracted to members of one's own family. I like girls but I'm not attracted to my cousins - there are psychological forces at work that you're not accounting for.

Science says that people are wired for one gender, the other or both. That's why everyone isn't bi.

[opentoideas1964]

So what we're chewing away at is essentially nature vs. nurture, though that does not encompass the entirety of it.
.
I knew i was bi when I was probably 5 yrs old. I was attracted to boys befor I was attracted to girls. I love them both. Fortunately for me, I have met a Bi married couple who I am attracted to. I am 44 yrs old, and though I explored m-m sex around 21, It was poor, and religion has always dogged me. I only recently tried it again, (last fall) and love it. The biggest problem, is not being promiscuous.

[bityme]

For those of you who haven't had a sexual experience with your own sex (or the opposite sex), how can you be certain that you're bi?

Since most of you have experienced more than one sex, how were you certain (if you were certain that is)?

I've had strait sex several times, I've not had sex with another guy. Sometimes I feel I may have jumped the gun when I told my friends and mum I was bi. At times I feel reasonably certain and others not so much - maybe I should have just gone with 'questioning' until I've "done the deed"

I don't think that you can ever really know until you have "done the deed." Up to that point it is just a fantasy (no problem in having one).

My first wife and I got into swinging in the early 70s, you know, back when they talked about key parties. We eventually discovered we also enjoyed play with same-sex partners (in the context of a 4 some). Back then you didn't think about being bi. The question was "How gay am I?" After a while, the answer came out "Who cares? If it feels good, have fun."

I guess it was the early 80s when discussions about bisexuality started in my social circle. It could have been Time Magazines classification of David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust as the founder of bisexual chic. I never really paid too much attention to labels.

After my first wife passed away, I became more label conscious. When I married again, my second wife was bi and we had been completely open with each other. While we called our marriage open, over 20 years there were probably only a handful of occasions when we played away from each other. We had too much fun playing together with other couples. Have to admit we both liked to tease them, switching back and forth, driving them wild. Wish she were still here, but I lost her in December 2007. More than anything else, I still enjoy driving couples wild.

I think that what I am driving at is that the label is unimportant. Most people still rate themselves of the 1948 Kinsey scale which only talks about degrees of heterosexuality or homosexuality. They tried out ambisexual; didn't catch on. In 1952 the term bi was coined, but it really didn't mean anything to me until 1980.

Back to the subject: Having had experiences with males beginning at age 8 and with females beginning at age 14, I only identified myself as heterosexual until about age 21 when dildo and strap-on play with my wife led to the fantasy of "What would the real thing be like?" That happened at age 22 and there was no turning back. After almost 40 years of regularly playing with both genders, of many different persuasions, I can only say "I enjoy it all." OK, I do have some limits, but not many. :devil: