How far do you think she'll go? (warning . . . a little long)

[hornynsuburb]

About two months ago I told my fiance about my past sexual experiences with men (two different guys, two different times each, the last one about two years ago). I thought for sure she would call it off and that we'd break up. But we didn't, and we're still getting married soon. Things between us are as good as ever, and it's a relief to not hide that anymore.

Our sex has always been good, and lately it's gotten a little kinkier. Sometimes during foreplay she asks me to describe in detail my past encounters with men. She's had me go down on her after cumming inside her, and had me lick my semen off her body after sucking and jacking me off while I tell her about the times I sucked cock and bottomed. Before I revealed my secret to her, we had a small dildo that she used on me anally because I told her I liked the sensation. Since I told her, though, she shopped online with me to buy a dildo harness and strap-on, which she now uses on me (and which I very much enjoy). Also, I've told her about my fantasies of her and I having a threesome with another guy, and during foreplay has me describe to her in detail exactly what she and I and my imaginary third partner would do.

She's told me a couple of times that she's doing these new things with me to satisfy my kinks, so that I won't go looking for it someplace else. I've assured her that although I'm bi, that I enjoyed my past sexual experiences with men, and that I still have fantasies of having sex with men (and she and I having sex with another guy), that I am monogomous. She's also said that she doesn't think she could ever have a threesome with another guy because of the damage it might do to our relationship. And that's perfectly fine with me, because I love her, she's my best friend, and the sex we're now having is very exciting and fulfilling for me. But I wonder if she has ruled out the option of inviting a third to play casually, and here's why. . .

1) She's aroused and enjoys our strap-on play. She likes to see me suck the dildo (which is very realistic looking at her insistence) like I did in the past and like I fantasize about doing, and really gets into the dominant role while pegging me. 2) We recently had a conversation about actually having a threesome, and she said our third could never be someone local; that we'd have to go to a nearby larger city to find someone. And 3) she admitted that my threesome fantasy descriptions turn her on.

If she and I never have a threesome, that would be perfectly fine with me. But I have told her that if she were willing, I'd definitely go through with it. She has a very vanilla sexual history, and she's tried and enjoyed a lot of new things with me that she says she'd never would have considered on her own.

So the reason I've shared all of this is because I think she will eventually agree to and want to have a threesome, but I'm interested in some outside perspectives. Maybe next year, maybe in 10 years. And maybe never, which, like I said is fine.

What do you folks think?

[allbimyself]

I think it's still too early to tell. Just keep doing what you're doing. If she understands that you are willing to have a 3some then, if and when she decides to actually do it, she'll tell you.

Just be grateful that you have such a wonderful, understanding and sexual personal in your life.

[12voltman59]

My suggestion---go very very slowly when it comes to doing something with a third person----I would say--get married first and be as sure as you can that the relationship with your new wife and you are solid and tight-----it seems to me that going beyond the fantasy of having a third at this point would be entering dangerous territory---for now----I would say-- keep the notion of adding a third person to your relationship as a fantasy concept---you guys are a long way from that.

You and she need to focus on your primary relationship of you and her---but if the playing and fantasizing of having a third person spices things up---then all the better---good luck in your coming marriage.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Well good news for you.. You two are talking about it.. Talking is half the battle.
Maybe someday when you feel it would be a proper time. Have a more serious discussion about it and that way you both could air out your individual concerns or ideas on the matter. Always make her concerns a top priority and help her feel secure. Try not to sound pushy. If it all goes as well as it sounds it should. Then one day you two will be lappin up the luxury.

[bityme]

In two months you went from vanilla sex to strap-ons and 3 some fantasy, or is it planning. Sounds tome like you are well on your way to getting it done, especially since she has already suggested someone in another city.

I have to disagree with Voltman, DO NOT GET MARRIED FIRST. You probably will be having that 3 some in the next few months. If the relationship survives it great, if not, it was not meant to be.

If you are not both comfortable in satisfying the sexual needs of each other, it will produce a strain on the relationship. Sooner or later that strain will manifest itself. Trying to get someone to do something they don't want to, resentment because they won't, going behind their back to satisfy your need.

There are enough problems in maintaining a relationship. It's not good to start out a marriage knowing that a need of one of the parties might never be satisfied and thinking that such a situation is perfectly OK.

If she does not want a 3 some, she will also eventually tire of using the strap-on and at least giving you a simulation to placate you. You will go back to the vanilla sex days and crave the return of the kink even more. It may be a generalization, but it's still true that the sex settles down after marriage and the first 6 months are probably the best it will ever be.

[csrakate]

You are so wrong to suggest that this woman will suspend use of a strap on or any other sort of sexual activity just because she chooses not to participate in a threesome. Many couples fantasize and not only do they share such fantasies, many times they are satisfied with just that. To suggest that it is otherwise is very narrow minded, to say the least. Maybe she just prefers to give her sexual attention to her partner....and as long as both parties are satisfied, there is no harm in that. Remember, a fantasy is sometimes better than the reality and unless both parties are fully ready to do so, it can harm a relationship much more than enhance it. Sex does not always diminish during the passage of time in a marriage...many times it grows and gets better as they learn more and more about different ways to pleasure one another. It depends on the couple and it sounds as though this couple is getting off to a good start about sharing their needs and learning to adapt to them. At least they are having an open and honest discussion and sharing their thoughts and the last thing either one of them needs right now is to feel pressure to do something that may or may not suit them.

[12voltman59]

To the OP---I think you and she need to ask yourselves--what is the priority focus of your relationship at this point??

Are you guys committed to each other and getting married??? Or---do you want to add, as soon as possible---third parties to your sex play??

I say that if you are committed to each other and getting married---then that should be your priority--first and foremost--and once you get married---let it settle in upon you that you guys are married----because being married is a "diffferent state of being" than it is to remain unmarried even if you live together.

If you decide that your main priority is to have threesomes---then that is cool--go for it--but I don't think that is a good way to start out a marriage.

While I admit-I have never been married----I came close a few times---things didn't work out for one reason or another----I can say--I was prepared and willing to enter into a state of matrimony---and had come to realize that it is different to be married.

My sis and her husband were together for about 8 years before they actually married and they both said it did change things profoundly in the nature of their relationship----every couple who I have known that started out living together then later marrying have said the same thing--while those changes are not particularly clear initially--they are more subtle but are very powerful.

If you guys get married and you have a good strong committed relationship--and you have worked your way through those "stormy times" that do happen in a marriage---then at some point---you can then, AND ONLY THEN, consider starting to add a thrid party to your sex play--but don't do it before that---otherwise I dare say, with history and the evidence behind me--- there is a high probability you guys most likely will not make it----I don't think that you can sustain over time---a marriage that starts out with you guys playing with third parties------

I know that some will not agree with me--but I really think that human beings are built to have but one prime relationship with one person at a time---I know that I simply cannot deal with having more than one important relationship at a time. It is obvious that couples can add others to their mix--but they do tend to be couples who have been together for a fairly long period of time, are older and more secure in themselves and in their prime relationship---if you look at most of those who "swing" and such--they tend to be older--at least in their mid-30s but usually on into their 40s--the kids are grown for the most part and they are secure in their careers, have accumlated all the "goodies" in life like nice houses, fancy cars, boats, nice furniture and other such things.

These are my views on the matter---you did ask--and I answered----just like with what everyone else says----consider it--but do what you think is best----it is your life afterall---I do bet though---a great deal of what I have said is what some high priced couples therapist would recommend if you hired one to advise you. But then again---they would most likely argue against adding a third party at all at any point in a marriage!!! They'd only agree that if a couple is going to do it--do it later rather than sooner!

[hornynsuburb]

Thanks to all for the input. My first and really only priority is our relationship and making sure the marriage works as best it can. The fantasy foreplay of a threesome for us right now is exciting in and of itself. We both enjoy it. I'll never try to "convince" her to try something like a threesome if she has reservations of any kind. She would have to want it as much as me. And it's pretty far down on the in-the-bedroom priority list. Thanks again for the feedback.

[csrakate]

I think the two of you are off to a very good start to having a truly wonderful life together...I applaud you for your understanding of her and I applaud her for having the desire to keep an open mind. I wish you both the very best!