Best way to tell prospective g/f or b/f you are bi?

[jamie63]

Hi gang!

Heres a quandry i find myself in. As a divorced bi dad with a 5YO son, how do i tell a prospective future g/f that i'm bi? How would i break 'the news' to her? Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!

I have put it on my profile on dating sites that i'm bi, but it'snot like you can just drop it into the conversation. I have thought about asking what their view is on bi people, but don't know how to go around it - and i'm still single!!

It's definately easier for a girl to tell a guy she's bi, than it is for guy to tell a girl.

All comments are welcome!!

jamie63

x x x
:three:

[Darkwing]

I think I'd first find out from her what her thoughts on bisexuality are. Then ease into the converstion that you have those feelings and have acted on them. This is what I have done in the past. Some women have been very acceptant and even interested in finding out just what it means to be a bi. Others, however, have run screaming into the night. Just because you have noted on dating sight profiles that you are bi, doesn't always mean that the prospective women have actually read that far down the page. Or...they have chosen to not see that part (different from just ignoring it)...been there, had it happen. Gotta remember though, that she will need to know. Honesty at the beginning is better than heartache and regret later on. If she doesn't want to be involved...it will hurt a lot less to end it early on. Good luck....hope she's one of the acceptant ones. Surprising how many women say they are open minded...and aren't.
:2cents:

[Darkwing]

PS:
Yes its easier for a girl to tell that she's bi, than it is for a guy. Its getting to be a pretty tired double standard isn't it? Like we aren't allowed to be bi, or something. :2cents:

[innaminka]

I think I'd first find out from her what her thoughts on bisexuality are. Then ease into the converstion that you have those feelings and have acted on them. ............hope she's one of the acceptant ones. Surprising how many women say they are open minded...and aren't.
:2cents:

I would agree completely with Darkwing.
Discover what her feelings are about serious, actual active bi-sexuality are; then you've got a decision to make.
My feelings are that if she is looking at you as the start of a serious relationship, she won't want to share you with anyone.

What's past is past, but be open about how your biness will intrude in your life.
You may have to choose. Be sensitive to her outlook. And to your own future.

[Driver 8]

When I was single, I tried to bring up the topic face-to-face at a time when I could talk privately with the person, so that I could talk to them and (I hope) address any weird ideas they have about bis. Instead of saying "I'm bi" I usually work some story about an ex of the other gender into the conversation, and mention that I date both men and women.

It seems to me that the word "bisexual" is very loaded for people who are straight or lesbian. I don't have any problem whatsoever with the word, but sometimes it's a conversation-stopper.


Yes its easier for a girl to tell that she's bi, than it is for a guy.

:rolleyes: Speaking as a bi woman, I don't think this is nearly as true as bi men imagine.

[nnjbicoupleforplay]

The only way to address this, as with any relationship, is to have an open and honest communication with your prospective g/f or b/f. This should be done as early as possible before the relationship becomes more serious/committed. If not, someone is most likely going to get hurt. To use the old cliche, honesty is the best policy, its funny but it works. It avoids problems down the road, no "hidden surprises", and you won't have to feel repressed later on. We're not saying on the first date you should mention it, unless you know its serious right then and there, but mention it early. If you're not comfortable coming right out and saying it, maybe drop a few hints here and there, such as "isn't that guy/actor on TV hot", or "wow, look at that ass on him", then wait to get a reaction, she might agree or disagree with your comment, but then you'll see where she stands, if she get's offended or repulsed by the fact that your made a sexual remark about another man, you'll know she's not for you. It might surprise you that she is actually accepting of the fact that you have an admiration of men. This could lead to a full discussion about bisexuality and you can admit to who you truly are and how you feel. You might be more compatible with another bisexual. We can only speak of our situation where we both are bisexual, its a natural chemistry between us. We believe that's one of the strongest reasons why we are a couple because we can fully relate to each other. We fully respect people who are not bisexual but have an acceptance to it. We hope one day everyone would accept us for who we are as people instead of rejecting us for our sexual preference. We wish you the best in your search. We're sure you'll find someone soon. Take care.

:female: :male: :bipride:

Have you hugged your bi-friend today??

[Driver 8]

If you're not comfortable coming right out and saying it, maybe drop a few hints here and there, such as "isn't that guy/actor on TV hot", or "wow, look at that ass on him", then wait to get a reaction, she might agree or disagree with your comment, but then you'll see where she stands, if she get's offended or repulsed by the fact that your made a sexual remark about another man, you'll know she's not for you.

Although ... it does seem to me that straight women, and even some bi women, are quick to assume that guys are gay, and rule them out. I have a very straight male friend who unintentionally sends out a lot of gay signals and is always finding out women have ruled him out as a potential partner. (Of course, that also proves that it's possible to clear up that kind of misunderstanding ...)

[tom_uk]

..... i have a crass way to tell women that i can also have relationships with men ...............

during the first few evenings out, in a bar, i bring up the subject of the type of person she likes and she points them out, i point out a few women and then ........ "well he's a cute guy, don't you think? - i could fancy him": then it all either goes swimmingly well or turns to shit - shit more often than not!

meet someone from here then they will know :bigrin:

men, no problem ,they don't give a fuck ........

tom_uk.

[anne27]

As someone who found out their spouse was bi in a less than 'open and honest' manner (guy/guy magazine tucked under his car seat), I would always recommend an upfront conversation as early on as comfortably possible. In my situation, we talked and worked though it and later on, I too realized I was bi, but finding out the hard way is NEVER a good thing.

A casual remark like "Hey, did you know Kurt Cobain was bisexual?" or whatever other celebrity bi guy you can think of and see what kind of reaction you get. Having someone that she can relate to as being bi makes it a little easier, I believe.

Good luck!

[jamie63]

;)

Hi gang!

many thanx for the replies - i know that it's going to be hard to put the 'feelers' out (so to speak), as there are a couple of ladies that i'm very attracted to, and i know for sure that one of them is definately interested as we do flirt & have lots of eye contact & she's asked me questions about my wife - strange that! I've explained to her that i'm a divorced dad LOL!! She just assumed because i didn't have a wedding ring on & and that i'm always with my son, then i must be married!

I'll have to take things slowly, as i wouldn't want to frighten her off - LOL!
As has been said, she may run a mile, or go the other way and say 'tell me more!'

bi for now,

jamie

[glantern954]

Telegram

[Driver 8]

Telegram

*laughs out loud*

[jo69guy]

I ma only in a relationship with a guy at this time. I am pretty open with my bisexuality now though.(except at work)

I agree that broaching the subject first, to see the other person's views on the subject is important. That way, no feelings get hurt. I also believe that you should be honest, so that there are no hurt feelings later....


:2cents:

[nubiwoman]

Even though i met my present partner on here i feel there are still ground rules to work through in bisexual partnerships, such as beliefs around monogamy, threesomes etc... these are issues that wont go away, just like marriage, hiv status, children, contraception etc need to be addressed in straight partnerships as well as bi or gay..

Openness works best for me, i make no secret of my sexuality in social circumstances... and havent experienced much rejection really, maybe a few raised eyebrows and averted glances :rolleyes: but if folk are threatened by something as irrelevevent as how i express my sexuality.. well i'm not sure i want them in my circle of friends anyway...

:2cents: julie xx ps good luck Jamie :bigrin: